by Cole Lepley
Instantly I feel like the biggest dick ever, but I’m pretty sure she’s a fucking hypocrite right now.
I smile. “So, you can sleep with Judah and that’s perfectly fine, but I’m to remain celibate for some reason.”
She stands up to face me and crosses her arms. “First of all, I did not sleep with Judah. I slept next to him, there’s a difference.”
When I roll my eyes, she continues holding up a finger. “Second, you’re the one always preaching about treating girls the way that they should be treated and yet you’re perfectly okay with having a one-night stand with a girl you don’t even know.”
I shrug. “Your brother does it all the time.”
Elliot laughs. “Oh, he’s your hero, eh? You wanna be like Ollie?” She takes a step closer. “How many actual relationships has he been in?”
I pause, trying to think of just one. When it goes too long, she laughs again.
“There isn’t any. He can’t commit to anyone, and that’s okay, but it’s certainly not how I want to live my life anymore.”
I reach for her, but she pulls back. “Elle, I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes that I know she won’t let fall.
“It doesn’t matter. This whole thing was a mistake.” She grabs her bag and heads for the door quickly. I move to stand in front of her.
I place my hands gently on her waist. “Elle, what was a mistake?”
“Being friends with you. I can’t anymore.”
It feels like I just got punched in the balls. “You can’t be serious. We were always friends.”
She takes a step back, out of my arms. “Not anymore. From now on when you see me, you look the other way. Talk to me in class if you have to, but that’s it.”
I lower my voice. “You don’t mean that.”
Her breath hitches in her throat and she hurries toward the door again. Hurting Elliot is something I never wanted to do. Playing games and acting irrational is dangerous. Especially when you might be in love with the person you’re trying to beat. .
13
The Power of Silence
Oliver enters the kitchen with a smirk. “Good morning.” He holds his arms out dramatically before making his way to the fridge.
I shoot him a look. “What are you in such a good mood for?”
He shrugs before taking a large bite of an apple and speaking with his mouth full. “Can’t a person be genuinely happy?” I narrow my eyes at him, and he laughs. “Apparently not.” He makes his way to the table with a handful of questionable breakfast choices. “Did you get your car back from the shop yet?”
“No, it won’t be done until tomorrow. Why?”
“I have to leave early today so if you need a ride, you’ll have to get one with Hunter,” he says causally while browsing the paper.
Goosebumps prickle down my spine when he says his name. “I’d rather fucking walk,” I mutter under my breath.
He lets out a whistle, looking up at me. “Whoa. What’d he do to you?”
My cheeks flush. I can’t believe I said that out loud. “Nothing,” I say quickly. “I’m just feeling off today, I guess.”
Oliver laughs. “That’s funny because he said the same thing. Maybe you two can go be miserable together.”
I pour myself a much needed cup of coffee and ignore his comment. He looks over at me and grins again.
“What?” I ask, slightly irritated.
“Well, we went out Saturday night so he might be feeling a little better now if you know what I mean.” He waggles his eyebrows at me, and I think I may be sick. I know exactly what happened during their guy’s night out. The only problem is—I have no right to be upset about it.
“Oliver, I don’t fucking care. I’ll get a ride with Cameron.”
He shakes his head. “Geez, Elle. You’re so moody lately. I can tell you’re back together with Judah.”
My mouth drops open. “I’m not back with Judah. Who told you that?”
“Um, Judah basically did. He said he was coming home next weekend to take you to that dance when me and Hunter were playing basketball.”
That explains why Hunter went out with Ollie. I guess that means he tagged himself back into the game.
Cameron stands beside my locker shifting around on her feet. Knowing her, it’s because she has something to say that she doesn’t think I will like. It’s nothing new, but I don’t have time for her drama right now. I have more important things to worry about.
“What’s up?” I ask as I dig around for my notebook.
She shakes her head, staring down at the strands of hair she has pulled between her fingers. “Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. Just tell me.”
I hear her sigh. “Well, since you’re not going to Fall Festival with Dylan anymore I was thinking—”
Her voice trails off and I laugh, standing up and closing my locker. “You can go with him, Cam. I don’t care.”
Her eyes widen when they meet mine. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, why would I?”
“Because you two just broke up.”
I laugh again, although none of this is amusing to me. “It’s not a big deal. I don’t even want to really go with Judah, but his impromptu appearance at my party left me with few options.”
Cameron lowers her eyes again, and I’m seriously starting to get a migraine. “Did you tell Judah I was having a party?”
She doesn’t look up at me.
I throw my hands up. “Cam! Why would you do that? You know how he is.”
“I’m sorry, okay.” Her pale green eyes are pleading when she finally looks at me. “He was on the group text I sent. It was too late by the time I realized.”
Honestly, I don’t really believe her. It makes sense that she would want to sabotage me and Dylan after that comment she made before the party. What she doesn’t realize, is that it caused this war between me and Hunter to escalate further. I’m not even sure what we’re fighting about at this point, but I refuse to let him win.
I take a breath. “Alright. I don’t care how it happened, it’s done, and there’s nothing we can do about it now.” I throw my bag over my shoulder and turn to walk to class.
She doesn’t follow me, and I’m glad because I’m on my way to sit through forty-five minutes worth of glares from Hunter. Not how I wanted to start my Monday. That’s a lie. I already miss his face so much I can barely stand it.
By the time I walk into the room most of the people are already there. Hunter is standing at the front talking to one of my classmates with a smile on his face. He doesn’t turn to look at me, and it strikes me as odd. He always does.
I don’t realize how long I’m standing here, and not moving, until his voice snaps me back to reality. “Elliot, is there something you need?” The bored tone of his voice makes my stomach flip—and not in a good way.
I look up at his expectant expression and everyone else’s as well. My eyes meet his briefly before I shake my head and walk back to my seat. He remains causal as he walks around his desk to grab a paper, like he didn’t even notice me.
“Okay, I was very pleased by everyone’s essays from last week,” he begins. I watch him walk back to the front of his desk and lean against it. “It seems you’ve all got a good understanding of the important plot points. That will serve you well for the midterm in a couple weeks.”
A series of groans goes around the room, and he laughs. I hate the way his stupid, perfect hair falls into his eyes when he laughs.
He continues speaking but I can’t hear him anymore. It would appear I’m paying attention to every word of his lecture, but I’m just watching him. I watch the way his eyes light up when he gets excited about a certain topic. The way I can still see the outline of his perfectly sculpted biceps when he bends his arm to write something on the board. Most importantly, I watch the way he never looks at me, not even once.
Typically, I’m not the type of girl who sits a
round and cries, but tonight I can’t help it. I’ve been curled up on the couch since practice let out watching sappy chick flicks while spontaneously bursting into tears. My parents are working late as usual, so I don’t need to worry about controlling my sadness from anyone—except for Ollie, but I haven’t seen him either.
I’m in the middle of a particularly emotional outburst when Oliver strolls in out of nowhere. He’s casually dressed in an old T-shirt and jeans, which makes me think he wasn’t out doing anything too important. His face shifts from the typical mildly amused expression he walks through life with, to distressed as soon as he sees me. “Elle? Are you okay?”
He quickens his pace over and takes in the balled-up tissues thrown around. “Jesus, are you having some sort of breakdown?”
I shake my head but don’t answer when another sob threatens to escape.
His expression remains skeptical. He stares down at me until recognition crosses his face. “Oh! Do you like need some chocolate or something? Would that make you feel better?”
I roll my eyes and throw a tissue at him. His face scrunches up in a disgust and he dodges it. “No, that’s not why I’m crying.”
He runs his hand along his jaw for a second and then shifts to anger. “Did Judah do something? Do I need to drive down to Ithaca and break his legs?”
“No, it’s not Judah,” I choke out.
He throws his arms up and then plants then on hips. “I’m running out of ideas, Elle. You’re going to have to help me out here.”
I shift on the couch, drawing my legs in closer to me. “It’s nothing, Ollie. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. I’ve never seen you like this, and it’s freaking me the fuck out.” He bends down closer. “You have to tell me so I can fix it.”
“You can’t fix it,” I say in a whisper.
Oliver scoffs at me. “Elle, did you forget who you’re talking to? I can fix anything.”
I almost smile a little as I shake my head. “Not this.”
He lets out a sigh before grabbing a throw pillow and flopping down on the chair beside me.
I raise an eyebrow and sniff once. “What are you doing?”
“Well, I’m going to sit here and watch this stupid movie with you until you either feel better or decide to talk to me.” He turns to me with a serious expression. “—and you know how much I hate The Notebook so I’m hoping that happens sometime soon.”
I start to laugh, and he smiles. “I’m just kidding, Elle. Take your time. Rachel McAdams is fucking hot.”
As much as I still feel like crying, Ollie always has a weird way of making me feel better. There’s no way I could ever tell him about Hunter. He would probably kill him if he knew that’s why I was so upset. Even though that would be an easy way to end the game, that’s not what I really want.
Being ignored today by Hunter hurt worse than anything up until this point. A part of me thinks he knows that. The only thing worse than not being wanted, is not being thought of at all.
14
Attention
I couldn’t sleep last night. All I could think about was how difficult it was to keep my eyes away from Elliot for an entire class period. If it had lasted even one second longer I would have broken. Even though I never glanced in her direction, I could sense her presence everywhere. It’s always like that when she’s in the room. I felt physically ill when the bell finally rang.
Today is worse. She never came at all. I know for an absolute fact that Elliot is serious about attendance, so it’s a rare occasion when she doesn’t show. Although it may seem like a bad idea, I can’t help but go to Oliver’s office after class. I need to know that she’s okay even if it draws attention to me.
As I’m about to step inside his doorway, a small orange basketball flies at my face. I barely have time to catch it before it lands straight into my nose.
Oliver laughs loudly and then stands up from his chair. “Nice catch, man. Where were those reflexes the other day?” He grabs the ball from my hands and motions to the basketball hoop nailed above his door. “I’ve been working on the logistics, but I haven’t got it down yet.”
He bends and moves the small garbage can underneath it over a few inches. He holds up a finger before quickly moving back to his chair and shooting again. This time he sinks the shot and it lands perfectly in the can below. His arms fly up in victory. “Finally! That took me all morning to get right.”
I laugh, retrieving the ball and passing it back to him. “I’m glad your morning was productive.”
He bounces the ball on his desk and smirks. “It’s a hard job, but somebody’s got to do it.”
I grip the back of my neck nervously and then take the seat in front of him. “Is Elliot okay?” I ask the question quickly before I get a chance to change my mind.
His smile fades almost immediately and the sick feeling in my stomach intensifies. “I don’t know, man. She was so upset last night she wouldn’t even talk about it.” He pauses for a moment, appearing to be deep in thought. “I mean, she usually tells me everything. I hate the fact that I can’t help her.”
I struggle to swallow the lump that forms in my throat. I have to keep the conversation going even though I’m positive it’s because of me. “What do you think it is?”
After another moment of contemplation, I see his neck twitch and his expression turns darker. “I don’t know, but I can promise you one thing. If I find out some fucking guy is messing with her…” His voice trails off, and he clenches his fist. “I’ll beat him within an inch of his life—and then I’ll make him fucking apologize for it.”
I nod slowly. “Yeah, man. I’m with you there.” It’s more than a struggle to keep my voice even but somehow, I manage.
By the next day, Elliot’s name is all I hear in the hallway. Rumors about her health have caught like wildfire and everyone speculates about where she’s been. Some of them even started up a collection in her name. After all, how can a kingdom run without its queen?
My personal favorite is that she ran off with Judah and is currently spending the week at Cornell. If I didn’t live twenty feet away from her, I would have drove down there to see for myself.
By noon I’ve talked myself out of faking sick for the rest of the day to go home and see if she’s okay. The sight of her strolling down the hall after lunch period quite literally takes my breath away. By typical Elliot standards, she looks flawless, but her eyes seem somewhat hollow to me. Her smile isn’t as bright as it usually is, and it kills me.
I watch groups of people flock to her and inquire about her absence. She effortlessly brushes it off with a laugh as if all is well. I can’t keep my eyes off of her even though I know I need to walk away. She never glances in my direction even though I’m only about ten feet away from her. I guess I kind of deserve that.
When the warning bell rings, I can’t stop myself from walking over to her when everyone begins to hurry to class. She drapes her bag over her shoulder and turns to face me. “I’m sorry I missed class. I’ll make up whatever assignments I have, okay?”
Her eyes are desolate when she looks up at me. I shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching from her. I want to comfort her and take away every ounce of sadness I caused—but I can’t.
“I don’t care about that Elle and you know it.”
“Then what do you care about?”
I glance around the hall quickly and then back to her. “You,” I whisper fiercely.
She rolls her eyes. “Really? Because I think you made it perfectly clear you don’t.”
“I’m only doing what you asked.”
She laughs bitterly. “You act like this is so easy for you.”
“It’s not fucking easy for me,” I growl almost too loudly. Despite the apprehension I feel about having this conversation here I lean in a little closer, lowering my voice again. “Elliot, you have no idea what I’ve been going through these past few days. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this.”
> Her eyes scan my face for a moment before she responds. “You know, that might actually mean something to me if I believed you.”
If my classroom wasn’t full right now, I’d drag her in and show her how much I really mean it. I can’t get the words out fast enough before she slips past me. “Better get to class, Mr. Graham.”
I take in a breath and count to ten before I slowly make my way to my next class.
Oliver decides he’s in the mood for pizza tonight and convinces me to come to the main house to join him. I know the real reason is because he wants to get the enormous one that is cut into square pieces. He says they taste better that way. I don’t have the heart to tell him otherwise.
“So, my father asked me about finding some seasonal help for the lodge this winter. It seems he lost a lot of the college students from last year,” Oliver says after taking an exceptionally large bite.
“I could ask around,” I suggest and then reach for another slice.
He nods while he continues to chew. “I think Elliot is going to work up there. She said she needs a distraction.” He shakes his head. “Her life is pretty perfect to me, so I don’t know what she’d need to escape from.”
I pause to take a drink from my water so I don’t choke. I know exactly what she wants to escape from. “Maybe I could help out, too. I don’t really have much to do on the weekends, and I should probably do something to show my gratitude for having a roof over my head.”
“Dude, he doesn’t care. I’m basically the only one who ever stayed over there, and it wasn’t for sleeping.” He winks at me, and I cringe. No matter how many times I change the sheets, that thought will always cross my mind.
He shrugs. “Fuck it. I could go up there, too. We could run the lifts and check out the ski bunnies that are only in town for the weekend.”