by Cole Lepley
I narrow my eyes at him, and he laughs. “What did you do, Ollie?”
“Me and you are going to chaperone the prom.” His smile turns smug like he did something good. I kind of feel like punching him.
“And why would I want to do that?”
He shoots me a look. “Come on, you know you want to be there.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “I actually don’t. Seeing Elliot and Judah prance around all night is probably the last thing I want to do.”
He walks over a puts his hand on my shoulder. “If you’re not there you’ll just sit at home thinking about it anyway. You know I’m right.”
An angry sigh escapes my lips. “You’re right.”
Oliver gives me a firm pat on the back. “I never get tired of hearing that.”
I roll my eyes before pouring another cup. Sleeping has been difficult to say the least. I run my hand down my face in frustration. “Two more weeks and this can all be over.”
The look on Oliver’s face strikes me as odd. “What now?”
He shakes his head quickly. “Nothing, man.”
“Seriously, what?”
Oliver’s face shifts into anger. “Are you breaking up with me too? You act like once the school year ends you’re just going to leave and never come back.”
My eyebrows pull in. “I didn’t really think it all the way through yet, but I probably won’t come back.”
He takes another sip of his coffee, eyeing me carefully. “That’s a lot of distance to put between you and someone you don’t want to be with anymore?”
I sigh. “It’s not like that…”
“Then what’s it like?” he growls, cutting me off. He slams his cup down on the counter and takes an aggressive step toward me. “I warned you from the beginning I didn’t want to be involved in something like this and you did it anyway. Now I have to choose sides and guess who I’m going to choose?”
“I’m sorry.”
He laughs. “You’re sorry?” He shakes his head. “That’s not good enough. She may seem strong and confident to you, but she’s not. She worked really hard to make you happy and now you’re just going to throw her away when things get the slightest bit difficult.”
I grit my teeth. “I fucking love her, Ollie. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t.”
His jaw starts to tick as he continues to glare at me. Without another word he turns and grabs his cup before storming out of the break room, slamming the door on his way out.
Sitting in my classroom during my free period is usually a decent time to catch up on my work. I’ve been behind lately and with the end of the semester rapidly approaching I really need to get my shit together.
I hear a small knock at my door, and my heart skips a beat. When I look up at the red-haired traitor that feeling is replaced by anger.
“What can I do for you, Miss Gray?”
“Oh, cut the shit Hunter. You and I both know you’re the furthest thing from professional,” Cameron retorts with a sneer.
I take a deep breath and fold my hands on top of my desk. “You obviously have something to say so would you mind getting to the point? I’m very busy.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m sure you are.” She folds her arms across her chest. “You really look like a fool, you know that?”
My teeth clench as I work to maintain a calm demeanor. Cameron would love for me to freak out and lose my shit. I’m not about to give her the satisfaction. “I don’t know what you are referring to, but unless you have a question about an assignment, I would advise you to go to class.”
She takes a step toward me defiantly. “She’ll never really leave him. You know that don’t you?” Her eyes almost sparkle as she studies my face for a reaction. I’ve never seen someone take so much pleasure in being a spiteful bitch. “I feel sorry for you actually. She does this to everyone. Makes you feel so special, like she really cares, but I know how she really is.”
I shake my head. “Cameron, I really think you should go to class.” My voice is clipped, and I swear I see a hint of a smile on her face.
“It’s okay,” she says causally. “She’s about to get everything she ever wanted. Her and Judah at prom. It’s all she’s talked about since the beginning of the year.”
“You’re lying,” I grit out. At this point, I actually don’t know if she’s lying or not. Her and Elliot aren’t on any kind of speaking terms, so I’m sure she has no idea that we broke up.
She pouts her lips at me. “Oh, I wish I was. They may have somehow convinced you this benefits you, but you really are an idiot if you believe that. Elliot’s the most selfish, vindictive person I’ve ever met.”
I stand up from my desk and lean forward with my palms flat. “I’m not going to ask you again. Go to class, Cameron.”
She smiles again, challenging me. “Or you’ll what? Give me detention?” She takes a step toward the door. “You don’t want to do that. We both know how you wouldn’t want your extracurricular activities to get out, now would we?”
She holds my stare as I glare over at her. Her smile turns wider before she brings her hand up and blows me a kiss. “See you at prom, Mr. Graham.”
I watch her strut out of the door like she owns the place. It took everything inside of me not to put her in her place, but I know that would only make things worse. I decide that I will go to prom. I want to be the one to smile when Elliot takes that bitch down.
For the rest of the day I let her words build up inside of me. By the time I get home, the sight of Judah’s truck parked in the lot next to my building makes my blood boil. He leans against the side of his vehicle with his hands shoved in his pockets. He gives me a nod as I exit my truck and walk toward him.
I hold my hand up when he opens his mouth. “Listen, I’m really not in the mood for this right now. I suggest you leave.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t do that.”
My fist clenches in response at my side. I crack my neck. “I would really, really hate for this to end up like the last time.”
The unamused expression on his face only makes me angrier. He pushes off from the side of his truck. “Hunter, I’m not here to fight with you. I want to call a truce.”
I let out a laugh. “A truce? For what exactly?”
He shrugs. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”
“I’m leaving in three weeks. Problem solved.” I step around him and start walking toward my building.
“So, that’s it?” he asks loudly, making me stop in my tracks. “You’re going to leave her after you fought so hard to be together.”
Ollie giving me shit is one thing, taking it from Judah is not going to happen. I grit my teeth before turning around. “Are you kidding me right now?” I keep talking while closing the distance between us. “You’re going to show up at my fucking apartment and tell me what I should be doing?” I narrow my eyes at him. “I suggest you leave before you miss next season too.”
Judah doesn’t budge and cocks his head to me. “Well, this isn’t about you. It’s about her.”
I nod, still pointing my finger at him. “That’s what I’m talking about right there. She is no longer a concern of yours.”
“As much as you hate it, Elliot will always be a concern of mine. I love her too, and regardless of how you feel about it that’s not going to change.”
My nostrils flare at his words. I take unsteady breaths through my nose. “What do you want, Judah?”
His eyebrows pull in. “She loves you, and you’re acting like an asshole.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I think you do. If you’re jealous of the arrangement we had, don’t take it out on her,” he says harshly. “People expect us to be there together. It’s the only way to put these rumors to rest. Don’t you want that?”
I scoff. “Of course I do.”
“Then stop making her feel so bad about it. She’s completely miserable right now and it’s because of you.�
�� His tone is forceful as he throws his arms up.
I take a breath. “Judah, it’s not about that. I didn’t break up with Elliot because I was jealous.”
“Then why?”
“Why do you want to know so badly?” I laugh bitterly. “You should be fucking happy right now. There’s nothing left to stand in your way.”
A sad smile crosses his face. I can see the knot in his throat as he swallows. “I know —but the problem is, she isn’t. She’s miserable, and I can’t take that away for her because I’m not the one she wants.” He runs his hands through his hair. “All I want is for her to be happy. I don’t have a hidden agenda or anything.” He shrugs. “I just love her.” The thickness in his voice almost makes me feel bad for him.
Seeing Judah this way is weird. At one point he was just an arrogant, entitled prick who only cared about himself, but now, he seems different. The sincerity in his words seems genuine for probably the first time in his life.
I take a deep breath. “It’s complicated. I’m not trying to hurt her; I just want her to be happy too.”
Judah laughs. “You know, I thought leaving would make it easier.” He opens the door of his truck before turning back to face me. “The funny thing is, it made it worse. I thought about her more because I wasn’t there to make sure she was okay.” His eyes harden a little. “Someone else was and it killed me. I’ll never know what might have happened if I stayed and that’s the thought keeping me up at night. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone—not even you.”
When he turns to get back in his truck, I get the sudden urge to stop him. “Hey, Judah.”
He turns back to me with an emotionless expression.
“For what it’s worth, I’m grateful for everything you’re doing for her.” I run my hand through my hair. “If it were me, I’m not sure I could. You’re a good dude.”
The corner of his mouth turns up. “I appreciate that.”
Even though it pains me to admit, I know Elliot loves him too. She sees something redeeming in him, so he can’t be all that bad. Even the purest of hearts get tainted sometimes, and I can’t blame him for not being able to let go. That’s something I’m not sure I’ll be able to do myself—but I’m going to try.
43
Fearless
Sitting across the counter from Oliver, I watch as he smears an obscene amount of peanut butter on a piece of bread. My face scrunches up in disgust when he tops it with an equally thick layer of marshmallow fluff.
“That’s gross.”
He takes an extra-large bite and speaks with his mouth full. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. Did you say delicious?”
I roll my eyes. “If I ate like that, I’d have an ass the size of a barn.”
He pats his perfectly toned stomach. “I guess I got the good genes.” He motions between us. “Obviously.”
When I don’t smile, he sighs. “You’re going to have to tell me what happened between you and Hunter. If I don’t have a good enough reason for murder my defense will be shit.” He pats his face this time. “With looks like this, I wouldn’t last long in prison.”
“I can’t argue there.” I continue to mindlessly pull my paper napkin into tiny pieces. “I don’t want to talk to you about Hunter either.”
He shoots me a look, causing a large drop of peanut butter to fall out of his sandwich. He swipes his finger across the counter and places it in his mouth.
“Okay, I’m seriously going to puke.”
He scoffs. “Come on, you know Mom cleans really well.” He takes another bite. “Any way, do you really expect me to believe you want to go to Cornell with Judah?”
He gives a pointed look to the stuffed bear wearing a Cornell sweatshirt I’m holding. I found it when I was cleaning out my closet earlier. Judah bought it for me when he went for his college visit last year. He held out hope I would eventually go with him until the very end.
I shrug. “Why not?”
“You don’t even love him.”
“Of course I do,” I say defensively, sitting up straighter.
He cocks his head to me. “You’re not in love with him.”
“Love is overrated. What does it mean anyway? Two people go out of their way to constantly declare their undying devotion to one another while in the end all they manage to accomplish is destroying each other.”
Oliver shoves the rest of his sandwich into his mouth. “You’re preaching to the choir sister.”
“I don’t want to be sad anymore. Judah doesn’t make me sad.”
Oliver’s face softens, and he mirrors my position. “That’s because you don’t care what he does. If you did, he would make you sad too.”
“I applied to Cornell before he left. I guess I thought I would end up there anyway. My relationship with Judah defined me in a way. Without him, I’m not sure who I am.”
Oliver laughs. “That relationship didn’t define you. You like how it felt to be his girlfriend. It’s comfortable for you.”
I cross my arms, suddenly angry. “What are you trying to do?”
He sighs, dusting his hands off on a towel. “Elliot, don’t you think it’s kind of strange both of you are going out your way to be as far away from each other as possible?”
I shake my head, and he rolls his eyes.
“You can fool a lot of people, but you can’t fool me. Running away from this won’t bring it to an end. It will just make both of you regret what you could have had.”
I stand up from my stool and set the bear in my place. “It was never my choice.” I shrug. “I’m just giving him what he wants.”
He mutters something under his breath when I turn to walk away causing me to turn back to him. I arch an eyebrow. “What did you say?”
Ollie sighs and then walks over and slides the barstool out next to mine. He takes a seat, and motions to the one in front of him. “Sit down.”
My initial reaction is to say no, but the expression on his face is strange. He looks—well, he looks serious. I begrudgingly comply and take the seat in front of him.
His chest rises as he takes a deep breath and then rests his hands on his knees. “Elle, I’m going to tell you something that might be a little shocking.”
My stomach tenses. “What?”
He takes another dramatic breath and blows it out. “I’m not perfect.”
I stare at him silently. Is he for real right now? When I don’t respond, he keeps going.
“I know you probably need a moment to process that, but it’s true.”
I can’t help but laugh, covering my mouth with my hand. “You’re joking.” I move to stand, and he grabs my arm, causing me to look down at him and narrow my eyes. “Ollie, I don’t have time for this.”
“Just sit,” he says, his eyes pleading. “I’m actually being serious, and I want you to hear me out on this.”
Color me skeptical, but I do as he asks. I retake my seat across from him and fold my arms. “Go on then.”
His hazel eyes appear distant for a moment, not focusing on anything in particular. When he looks back to me, the sincerity in them strikes me hard. “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of.” He laughs once. “Maybe that will be hard for you to believe because I act like I don’t give a shit.”
He swallows and for the first time he appears to struggle to find the words to say. Internally, I start to panic. Ollie is never at a loss for words.
I sit still as he takes a long, faltering breath. “I know what the weight of those words feels like. When you tell a girl, ‘I love you’—that’s it, it’s end game. If you’re promising a girl your heart now belongs to her, you better make damn sure you can protect it.” He clenches his fist and the conviction pours out of him in a way I never imagined he could be capable of. “You want to give her everything. You want to shield her from anything that could possibly harm her even if it means yourself.”
My breath hitches in my throat at the rawness in his voice. This is a rare look for him, and I’m suddenly nervous
for what he’ll say next.
He leans back a little. “Any guy who says those words and doesn’t feel that way isn’t worth a shit.” His jaw ticks. “You hear me, Elle.”
I jump a little at the change in his tone of voice and then nod.
“That’s not the guy you end up with. You want the one who would literally stop the Earth for you if that’s what you needed.” His throat bobs. “That’s a fucking scary thing.”
Now I’m confused. My eyebrows pull in. “Ollie, did you love someone?”
He runs his hand back and forth across the hair on his jawline, clearly contemplating his answer. If you have to think about it, then the answer is no.
Another moment passes before he laughs under his breath. He leans forward again to rest his elbows on his knees. “I don’t talk about this. Not with Hunter, not with anyone.” He lowers his head into hands and takes another breath. His shoulders tense and then he picks his head up and stares straight into my eyes. “That’s not because I didn’t want to, it’s because I’ve never spoken those words out loud. I fucking can’t.”
The tightness in my chest doubles hearing the anguish in his voice. “What happened?” I whisper.
“I can’t tell you everything, but I feel like I need to tell you something. You need to know that these feelings that you have…” his voice trails off, and he clutches his chest with one hand, “…are normal. It’s okay if you’re afraid.”
He’s right. I’m terrified what I had with Hunter was too perfect. That it was too special to ever feel it with anyone else again. That’s what scares me.
“I’ve never said those words to anyone. That doesn’t mean I didn’t feel that way, but I knew I couldn’t handle the gravity of what they meant.” He takes a shaky breath. “I stood in front of the girl who owned every ounce of my soul and I couldn’t say it back.”
He gets quiet, and his eyes lose focus again, and then they close. “I knew I wouldn’t be enough for her. I couldn’t make those promises knowing I couldn’t give her what she needed.”