Even as the old knight said it, Edward could feel wave after wave of humiliation roll over him. “It was, indeed, the end of it,” he said. “I must tell my father how I have shamed the entire family by letting Daniel get the better of me.”
“It could not be helped, lad. The way you fell made it impossible for you to get your hands up once Daniel pounced.”
That didn’t make Edward feel any better. It only made him feel worse. “That would not have happened to my father or brothers.”
“Had they fell the way you did, it is quite possible it would have.”
“I appreciate that you are trying to make me feel better about this, but it is no use. I failed miserably and there is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise.”
Deinwald had been a knight for many years. He’d seen men come and he’d seen them go. He even had two sons of his own, and a few grandsons, all of them as driven to perfection as all knights were, including him. He knew how men thought and he could see the utter humiliation in Edward’s face.
He wondered if he could convince him that there was no shame in what had happened.
“Scott and Troy would have had a difficult time,” he finally said. “It is possible they would not have allowed Daniel to get the better of them, but it is equally possible they would have. Atty is far too big for Daniel to have gotten the upper hand on him, but that is Atty. No one gets the upper hand on that beast. James would have gone down swinging his big fists, and possibly kicking, because you know that is how he fights. It is like watching a child spin a top. James fights furiously, with all of his limbs going at once in all directions, and that makes him difficult to best, but if he’d been hit in the head the way you were, I am sure he would have faltered greatly. And Thomas… he is talented but he fights too emotionally. He would have had his arse handed to him like you did.”
Edward turned his head slightly to look at him. “Thank you for that astonishing assessment of my brothers and their skills.”
“I thought you should know.”
“I do know. That was sarcastic gratitude.”
Deinwald tried to hide his smile at the irritated answer. “Ungrateful whelp,” he muttered. “I was leading up to a point on all of this, but if you do not want to hear it, I will not waste my breath.”
“You had better tell me, else you will tell my father how I wasted your time.”
Deinwald couldn’t help the smirk at that point. “Since you have begged me, I will tell you,” he said. “What I was going to say is that you may not train as a knight does, and you may not have fought a serious battle in years, but you have more talent for that sort of thing than any of your brothers. The skills they have are something they have worked on for many years, finely tuned, but when you were newly knighted, you already had that grace and power. We all saw it. You have a gift, Edward, in so many things. I would not worry that Daniel bested you. He was lucky and that is all. Had he not blindsided you with that first blow, he could not have beat you.”
Edward wasn’t expecting to hear that, not from Deinwald. The man was so critical and harsh in all things that to hear praise from his lips seemed unnatural. It made him feel better, but it also made him feel so much worse. Apparently, he was a de Wolfe who hadn’t lived up to his knightly potential. A de Wolfe who chose to go into diplomacy because he felt strongly that he should make his contribution that way, but if what Deinwald said was true, then he had wasted some kind of great knightly talent to go into the diplomatic service.
God, that made him feel terrible.
“Did my father tell you that?” he asked after a moment. “That I have some great knightly potential?”
Deinwald nodded. “He did not have to, however. As I said, we all saw it.”
“So he thinks I have squandered my God-given talent?”
Deinwald shook his head. “Stop putting words in my mouth, Eddie. Your father thinks no such thing. He is very proud of you.”
Not after this, Edward thought grimly. Not only had he been beaten by Daniel, but now he was finding out that his father and his friends saw some kind of superior talent in him that he had never developed.
He was a disappointment all the way around.
And a disappointment to himself as well. How on earth could he make a good husband for Cassiopeia? He had failed at fighting, he’d humiliated himself in front of her… surely she was rethinking everything she’d thought of him. Edward, the boy she used to torment, wasn’t the man she thought he’d become. He was a great diplomat, aye… but that was all. It wasn’t anything a woman would be proud over.
He was pretty sure he knew what she thought of him now.
He saw no point in remaining at Northwood now.
“I appreciate your attempts to comfort me, Deinwald,” he finally said. “I never knew you had it in you.”
Deinwald’s blue eyes glimmered. “I am deeper than you know, young Edward. Now, do you think you could take some broth? I can have some sent from the kitchen.”
Edward shook his head as much as he was able. “Nay,” he said. “I… I just want to sleep now, alone if you do not mind. If I need anything, I will send for someone. You need not sit here and hover over me like a mother hen.”
Deinwald nodded, already rising to his feet. “I am happy to oblige you,” he said. “I have better things to do than sit with a man who does not need or want my help.”
Edward held up a hand to him. “You have been most helpful, but I think I just need to sleep alone,” he said, extending his hand to Deinwald and squeezing the man’s fingers. “But I am grateful for your concern. I do appreciate it. Where is Daniel, by the way?”
Deinwald’s expression hardened as he let go of Edward’s hand. “In the knights’ quarters, the last I heard,” he said. “When we carried you in here, he followed us, begging for your forgiveness. It seems the man was swamped with some momentary madness that only subsided when he realized how badly he’d beaten you.”
Edward eyed him. “Is Uncle Paris allowing him to remain?”
Deinwald shrugged. “Daniel is distraught, so Paris hasn’t made any move to remove him. Whatever is going on with Daniel… he is in turmoil. I have never seen him like this.”
Edward simply nodded, watching Deinwald as the old knight quit the chamber, shutting the door behind him quietly. Edward lay there for a few moments, pondering his conversation with Deinwald and thinking on his immediate future, or lack thereof.
He had to make a decision.
He thought it best not to put Cassiopeia in a position of having to face him, of having to tell him that she was ashamed of what she’d witnessed. Of course, she wouldn’t say it in those words, but he didn’t want her to have to suffer through the awkwardness of having to deal with it.
Edward’s business was talking, but he knew there were some instances where words weren’t necessary. Perhaps they were even more hurtful than a weapon. Seeing Cassiopeia’s disappointment in her face, and hearing words of shame coming out of her mouth, would cut him more than any dagger ever could. He felt so incredibly disappointed and so incredibly miserable at what had happened, and it had nothing to do with his swollen eye, aching head, and loose teeth.
He would slip away, quietly, so Cassiopeia wouldn’t have to look at him.
So he wouldn’t have to face her.
With great effort, he sat up from the bed, his head throbbing and the ground beneath his feet unsteady. He knew what he had to do and the sooner he did it, the better for them all. With great care and great caution, he made his way out of the keep of Northwood, knowing it as well as he did, and headed for the stables where his fat horse was happily munching on its morning meal.
Edward didn’t even look around for his possessions. He’d only brought a few necessary things with him when he’d come, so most of it was at Castle Questing, anyway. Therefore, when he departed Northwood in the pre-dawn hour on a cold, misty morning, it was with only his horse and the clothes on his back.
He turned his bac
k on Northwood Castle and swore he’d never return again.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It was a cold morning, just after sunrise, as Paris made his way towards the knights’ quarters. Through the mist that had settled in the vast outer bailey, he could see a figure emerging from the single-storied, stone building. Curious, Paris didn’t recognize the figure until they were a few feet away, and then he realized it was someone he was surprised to see.
It was Adam.
“My lord?” he said, curiously. “What finds you out here this time of the morning?”
Adam smiled weakly. Since his health wasn’t too terribly good these days, insomnia plagued him and he was often up most of the night, sleeping in the mornings once his body had reached a state of exhaustion. Therefore, Paris’ surprise wasn’t unwarranted. It was quite unusual to see him out and about this time of the day.
“I realize it is unnatural for you to see me awake at this hour, but rest assured, it was necessary,” Adam said, coming to a halt and pulling his heavy cloak tightly around his body. “To be perfectly honest, I could not sleep. Worse than usual. Last night was very disturbing to me, Paris. I came to see de Motte.”
Paris suspected that was the case. “And what does young de Motte have to say for himself this morning?”
Adam puffed out his cheeks as if trying to find the right words to describe what was on his mind. “You realize this is a very delicate situation.”
“I know.”
“Deauxville Mount is a valuable ally and has been for many years.”
“I realize that, Adam,” Paris said in a rare breach of etiquette, but when they were in private, he often called the earl by his first name because he had known the man well before he became a celebrated earl. “I have known that from the start. When he asked to speak to Cassie, to potentially court her, I was aware of that delicate balance but I saw no harm in it. I have known Daniel since he came to serve at Deauxville Mount and he always seemed like a well-turned-out young knight. I had no reason to believe he suffered from impulsive behavior. The first time I saw evidence of that was last night.”
Adam nodded; he knew all of that and it was a sorrowful thing. “He says you ordered him to return to Deauxville Mount.”
Paris nodded reluctantly. “I told him to leave last night, before he and Edward had their battle. I told him I did not want him pursuing my daughter after the behavior he displayed.”
Adam sighed heavily. “As a man with three daughters of my own, I understand that,” he said. “I would have told him the same thing. But the truth of the matter is that he is Deauxville Mount’s captain and he cannot be treated like any other suitor. If we ever need support, it will be Daniel at the head of the army. We cannot take the chance that he might refuse to heed our summons because of bad blood.”
Paris eyed him. “Wereford would never allow that to happen.”
Adam shook his head in disagreement. “Wereford is not always at Deauxville Mount,” he pointed out. “It is a secondary holding in his earldom. Daniel could easily refuse a summons from us and then tell Wereford he simply never received it. After the erratic behavior I saw yesterday, I would not disbelieve anything the man did. Do you get my meaning?”
Paris did. He scratched his head unhappily. “I do,” he said. “You mean to tell me that I cannot forcibly remove him from Northwood.”
“Nay, you cannot.”
“I still do not want him pursuing my daughter.”
“And I do not blame you, but do not send him home just yet. Let things settle a little. Let time pass so that when you do send him away, it does not appear as if it is retaliation for what he did to Edward. Does that make sense?”
“It does.”
Adam reached out, patting Paris on the arm. “Good,” he said. Then, he started to move past him. “Now, I believe I shall go back to bed and try to sleep. As for you… go in and see Daniel. Let him throw himself at your feet and beg your forgiveness. Let us get all of this out of the way so we can move past these unpleasantries and try to heal the damage done.”
“Aye, my lord.”
“How is Edward, by the way?”
“Still unconscious, the last I saw of him.”
Adam grunted unhappily. “God, do not let that boy be irrevocably injured.”
“I have said the same prayer.”
Adam simply nodded his head and began to walk towards the keep, the slow gait of a man with much on his mind. Paris watched him go before returning his attention to the knights’ quarters ahead of him.
He had a knight to see.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Caladora had told her.
Paris happened to be coming into the keep as a misty morning cleared a little, leaving puffy clouds against a solid blue sky. As he entered, he passed the seldom-used guard room just inside the entry. What he saw inside was his daughter, sitting near the window that faced over the inner bailey, pale-faced and red-eyed.
He knew her mother had told her that Edward was gone.
Evidently having departed Northwood Castle in the early morning hours when everyone thought he was still unconscious, it wasn’t until at least three hours later that they’d discovered his absence. According to Deinwald, who had been the last to see him, Edward had asked to be left alone to sleep, but that was apparently a deception. A subsequent discussion with the stable master had discovered that Edward had left Northwood before sunrise and no one had been the wiser. Not even Paris, who had been in the bailey around the same time Edward had departed.
Paris’ first reaction was to send someone after him, but after he thought about the situation, he refrained. Edward had left for his own reasons, whatever they were, and Paris knew he wouldn’t have left without saying a word unless he felt it necessary. It would probably do more harm than good should Paris go running after him.
Therefore, he didn’t.
But his departure had left them all in sad confusion. No one had any answers as to why he’d left or if he was even coming back. Cassiopeia had to be told about it, as she had awoken after a very few hours of sleep, ready to tend the man, only to be told by her mother than he had left Northwood Castle.
Now, Paris found Cassiopeia sitting in the guard chamber, the last place Cassiopeia and Edward had shared any time alone together. With a heavy sigh, he headed into the room.
Cassiopeia saw the movement from the corner of her eye, glancing up to see her father entering. He had such a look of sympathy on his face that all of the emotion she’d been trying to keep on an even keel all morning was suddenly spilling out all over the place.
The dam had burst.
“Well?” she demanded. “Did you send someone to Castle Questing, Papa? Is Edward all right?”
Paris sat down next to her, on a stone bench that stretched the length of the windows. “I did not send anyone after him, sweetheart,” he said with surprising gentleness. “Edward left for a reason. It would not do well to chase after him because the man needs time to himself, evidently. When he is ready to send word to us, he will.”
Tears welled up in Cassiopeia’s eyes and she lowered her head, looking at her lap. “But why?” she whispered tightly. “Why did he leave without saying farewell? Why did he leave at all? I do not understand any of this.”
Paris wasn’t sure he should tell her. He’d just come from a very long talk with Deinwald and both men had come to the conclusion that Edward was ashamed of losing the fight. Things he’d said to Deinwald had led them to this conclusion, so it was really the only answer they could come up with. The pressure of the de Wolfe honor, and perhaps losing it, had been too much for Edward to take. Therefore, he was careful in choosing his words.
“I believe Edward has some wounds to tend to,” he said. “Not the obvious wounds from the beating, but more… emotional wounds.”
Cassiopeia wiped at her eyes, looking up at him in puzzlement. “What emotional wounds?”
“He was severely beaten in front of the woman he would like to court.
Don’t you think that would be humiliating?”
She frowned. “It was not his fault,” she said angrily. “It was Daniel’s fault. He cheated! Where is he, anyway?”
“In the knights’ quarters. He has not slept, Cassie. I saw him a while ago and it seems that he is very remorseful for what he’s done.”
Now, her sorrow was turning to rage. “And he should be,” she hissed. “He had no reason to attack Edward and when he did, he beat him mercilessly. I hate Daniel. I want him to go away and never return. I never wanted him here to begin with!”
She was on her feet now, pacing across the floor, wringing her hands. Paris watched her closely, seeing the raw emotion in his daughter. The young girl he’d sent away to foster years ago had been a bit wild, a bit uncontrollable, but the woman he’d received back had been mannerly and refined. The emotion she was exhibiting now looked like the young girl he used to know, the spitfire, all of it brought about by a young man she used to hate, a young man who now occupied all of her thoughts in a most positive way.
Times had changed, indeed.
“I know,” he said after a moment. “That was my decision. Had Daniel not become so enraged because he believed we were using him as some kind of pawn, I suppose none of this would have happened. But he was correct – I did use him. I wanted to use him as competition to make Edward work harder to court you. If there is no competition, men often become complacent. That is why Daniel is here.”
Cassiopeia came to a halt, looking at him curiously. “You said I needed to come to know Daniel to ensure I made the right decision about which suitor to choose.”
Paris lowered his gaze, a bit sheepishly. “That was true,” he said. “But it was truer that I wanted Daniel’s presence to drive Edward to you, like a competitor going for the prize.”
Cassiopeia stared at him. “Oh… Papa,” she said in disbelief. “You felt that Edward would only want to court me if he knew someone else wanted to, also?”
BlackWolfe Page 22