by Eden O'Neill
Frankly, it’d been no different than what I’d been doing since holiday break ended. The only difference was, me still living at Rosanna’s did give the appearance that there were still broken pieces in my life. It showed I was still at odds with my father, and if I couldn’t get past that, I definitely wasn’t okay.
I closed my eyes.
Rosanna had been simply overjoyed, of course, when I told her. She’d been home when I got in last night and had been so happy, in fact, that she called my dad right in front of me. He actually asked to speak to me, probably wanting to make sure I wasn’t outside my mind, but since I wasn’t certain of that, I avoided the call completely. I’d retreated to my room instead, packing. A text from my aunt Celeste came in after that. My dad must have called her, and she also wanted to confirm I was going home. After a lifetime of battling each other, they were apparently on the same side, and after I told her I was planning to go back, I suddenly had a ride home. My father’s driver, Hubert, came over to Rosanna’s within the hour.
Next thing I knew, I was home.
The place had felt so foreign when I arrived, empty. My dad gratefully hadn’t gotten in yet, and after getting myself and Hershey settled back in my old bedroom, I pulled sheets over my head. I couldn’t face it all. Not yet.
But then came morning.
It came with the reality of the day, and I had to force myself to move. This was life now, my new reality. I went on with the motions, hurrying quickly. I wanted to avoid my dad, but as soon as I heard movement around the house beneath my floor, I knew that wasn’t happening. Dad had always been an early riser.
Fucking brilliant.
I wouldn’t be able to avoid him today, that I knew. In any case, it was probably good to get the initial confrontation out of the way. I could say hi to him and do my best pretending.
Honk. Honk.
Hearing the short taps of a horn, I pushed back curtains, a Mercedes Benz in the driveway. Inside sat a boy, and when he caught me peering from the second floor, Ramses tossed a hand out the window. He appeared alive and well, grinning at me from behind a windshield. He told me he’d come to pick me up, and we’d go over a few things before classes started.
I gave him a quick wave before edging back in front of the mirror where I’d been. I looked like myself, orange and navy blue academy skirt on and tie nice and tight. I had even ironed my jacket.
But what illusions a mirror could give.
I wasn’t myself anymore. I was different and had to be in order to even step out of this bedroom. Ready enough for it, I reached down to get my book bag.
A wayward traveler fought me back.
Hershey’s big ole butt was trying to climb into the bag like she could still fit inside it, and talk about a girl happy to be home. My chocolate Labrador drifted right off to sleep the moment I placed her and her dog bed in my old bedroom. She hadn’t even wanted to sleep with me like she did at Rosanna’s, this place familiar to her.
I pulled her out, putting her down. “You can’t go with me, even though I want you to.”
She gave me her silly little grin, and after petting her, I started to lift the bag again, but she fought me. Jumping on it, she dove face-first inside, and she didn’t come out empty-mouthed. The tie of a bow between her teeth, she tugged, unraveling it.
“Hershey,” I scolded, and she did give it to me, but I froze at the sight of what the ribbon had been secured to. I had shoved so many things into my bags last night, and my book bag must have gotten some stuff too.
Taking a moment to breathe, I opened the bag to find a present given to me during Christmas break. I believed it to be from my father, the reason I’d instantly thrown it away. Only later did I find out the truth.
It was from my sister.
Well, it wasn’t from her per se, but a friend who said it once belonged to Paige. I ran into my sister’s counselor, Lena, at the Christmas party Ramses’ family threw every year. She told me she sent the present over via my dad, and I panicked because I’d initially thrown it away. I’d ended up rescuing it from the trash that night, but even still, I had yet to open it. I think I hadn’t been ready at the time, and with all I’d found out that night, I knew I hadn’t been.
I sat cross-legged with it now, the package in my hand. Without thought, I ripped it open like a Band-Aid, quick to reduce pain. The floor quickly was covered in wrapping paper, and lifting the lid of a box, I discovered the bounty inside. A journal.
My sister’s journal.
I ran my hand over a moleskin surface, the thing so nice and precious. Lena told me Paige wrote in it when she’d seen her as a freshman.
Breathing, I lifted the cover quick too, fearing I’d lose my nerve. I thought, upon seeing the insides, I might want to cry. These would be my sister’s last words to both me and the world.
So why was I smiling?
Images filled my vision, gorgeous images of cartoons of all things, Japanese anime-like with big eyes and cute expressions.
Eyes…
There were many eyes, and some of them weren’t even on faces. She had a fascination with them apparently, sad eyes, happy eyes, and all of them expression-filled. She had a lot of emotions here, and I realized that’s how she displayed them.
Hershey crawled into my lap, still small enough to do that. Together, we studied these eyes until more honking outside broke me out of the trance.
I closed the notebook, extremely grateful for the gift. Lena, when she’d given the package to me, expressed I should see her sometime, but not just for counseling.
Maybe I will.
It’d be nice to see a friend outside of the crazy of Royal and this town. My sister had other allies, and it wouldn’t hurt to see them as well. Getting myself together, I slid the notebook into my bag. I put Hershey in her kennel, then headed downstairs. The kennel was a new thing for Hershey, but only temporary until Rosanna came in for a shift at my dad’s house. I’d bought the thing before I came over last night so Hershey wouldn’t tear up the house while I was at school. I didn’t need any more potential stress from my father.
My feet touched the stairs, and as I descended, I thought better of grabbing a quick breakfast. Dad probably wouldn’t have anything anyway I could possibly eat since I was vegan. It’d been a “thing” before, so I rerouted to leave.
“December?”
My heart in my throat, my hand froze on the knob to the house. I turned to find my dad coming into the foyer from the living room.
And he didn’t look like himself. Truth be told, I hadn’t seen him since before Christmas, but he hadn’t looked like this. Hair, dark like mine, was disheveled, and he had a darkness under his eyes like he hadn’t slept properly in a while. His cheeks had even hallowed a little.
Had he been eating?
He was dressed for a day at work, sans the jacket, but he didn’t look like he should work. He looked like he should sleep.
Not allowing myself to care, my hand left the doorknob, and I forced myself to look at him head on if only for appearances. I’d been told in the past we could have been clones. Well, except for the whole gender thing. My hair was obviously longer, but we had the same long noses and fair features. Though, my cheeks were fuller at the present.
What happened to him?
Something happened, but whatever the case, I didn’t care. I stopped caring about a lot of things. Especially the guy who hadn’t given a shit about me or my sister. He told me that with everything he did, better to throw money at us than actually care for us growing up. I adjusted my book bag. “When did you get in?”
Basically making conversation, I waited for it.
Dad eased his hands into his pockets. “Late last night. I was away on business.”
Always working, better at making money than being anything else, a parent amongst that list.
Nodding, I glanced at the door upon another honk, and Dad did too.
“Who’s that?” he asked as I turned the doorknob.
Lig
ht spilled into the house.
“Ramses Mallick,” I said, waiting for his opinion about that. He seemed to always have that. “Mayor Mallick’s kid? We’re friends, been hanging out.”
Dad acknowledged that, his head bobbing once. “That’s good. That’s nice that… well, that you’re hanging out with him.”
Not Royal Prinze’s biggest fan after all, and with what I assumed about him working with Royal’s dad, that didn’t surprise me. I wanted to ask him about that, but at the present, I definitely didn’t care enough.
Instead, I grabbed my coat off the coat rack, then pushed myself out the door.
“Happy to have you back,” Dad said, giving me pause. When I faced him, he smiled a little. “And have a good day at school.”
He said that my first day of school, things so different now. We’d gone from no trust, to a little trust, to this.
I guess it was what it was.
Eleven
December
Ramses kept the engine running of his Benz after he parked at school, the ultra-sleek ride I was finally taking notice of now that I wasn’t killing it. It definitely stood the hell out and even in this parking lot with the wave of Audis, Beamers, and Range Rovers. He also drove a Mercedes when we lived in Arizona, but as I too had been inside that one, I noticed this one was slightly different, nicer even. Noticing me playing with all the various dials and knickknacks, Ramses chuckled.
“A gift from my pap,” he said, doing a weird Southern accent with it. He really was himself again. Dressed to the nines, he had himself pressed and polished, his orange and navy uniform tie, dare I say, making him look very handsome behind his black wool coat. And did I mention he put some product in his hair? He actually managed to tame those normally wild curls of his. I decided to mess with them, and he grabbed my hands.
“A gift from your pap, huh?” I jostled, leaving him alone when he whined like a baby about all the time he took on his hair. He really had, and it did look good.
He flipped out his lapels. “Yes, and he’s very proud of the son who finally got on board with his legacy.” He put a hand on the dash. “A peace offering.”
Well, it was a hell of one. That was for sure. With this thing, I could pay a full four years of college easily. I smoothed my hand over the chrome finish for a second, and only stopped when I realized Ramses was watching me. He sat in silence, thoughts behind his eyes, and reality hit. All jokes should probably be gone right about now. He wanted to meet for a reason this morning, his first day not only back but as an official member of Court. Today would mean something.
“So what’s the plan?” I asked, ready for it. I mean, I moved back home after all, didn’t I?
“This morning go okay?” he questioned, asking about it. He grabbed his book bag from behind the seat, sliding mine over too since it was back there. “Nothing crazy with your dad?”
It maybe could have been if I allowed him to get his hooks in. I shrugged. “He’s fine. We’ll be fine.”
He nodded, almost looking a little relieved by that, and maybe he was. I didn’t let on about the issues my father and I had, but it wasn’t a mystery. Ramses was probably happy the transition hadn’t been as bad as it could have been for me.
He chewed the inside of his cheek. “Well, that’s good. As far as the plan, let’s meet at my car after school. Put to use those Windsor House keys? We can keep things casual, but we should probably start making some appearances. The more people we interact with, the more we can determine who we can get information out of it.”
This was a good idea but would be different from the few times I’d been to the house. The first couple I’d been dragged and definitely not by my own terms, and the last I’d been so angry. I was angry now, but at least this time, I had some control. I would be going there with my own objectives.
And this time, I wouldn’t be intimidated.
Seriously, each and every time I’d allowed the likes of Royal Prinze and crew to get into my head. I’d allowed Royal to get in my head, but this time I was in charge.
“Okay,” I said, more confidence in my voice than I probably had. It was time to start the show and be the boss I knew I could be. I had to be for my sister, her drawings in my bag for strength. I’d take her with me today and everywhere I could, a reminder of what I was doing and who I was fighting for. I’d share her story. I’d get revenge, and I’d do it any way I knew how.
Ramses was doing that thing again, staring at me, and when I asked him about it, he mussed his own curls. He spun those long fingers in his hair and everything.
“There’s something else too,” he said, doing more of that cheek-chewing thing. “And it’s completely optional, but I think it’ll be our best chance at going at this undetected. Actually, it’ll make us completely invisible if we do it right.”
He was holding his bag, almost rocking with it.
He played with his hair again. “Again, let me emphasize this is optional—”
“Dear God, what is it, Arizona?” Though this was his name for me, I called him that too. That was our thing, a shared place we had between us. It connected us in ways in those early days I didn’t think either of us would anticipate. It linked us much like these moments now. This kid and I had a shared trauma because of this town, this boy and I.
That very boy finally got his shit together and opened his bag, reaching in to bring out something I’d seen before. It was that red box I’d picked up from the jewelry store, the one with the missing key.
It seemed Ramses had the key all along when he pulled out his wallet. It’d been inside there, falling into his palm when he shook the wallet a little. The thing was so tiny, and he handed it out to me.
“I had the jewelers restore it,” he said, clearing his throat a little. “The box was my grandmother’s.”
My eyes widening, I took the key when he guided his palm toward me. He wanted me to take it, and I did.
He passed the box second. “Again, this is optional. Just go along with me for a second here.”
If this kid wouldn’t shut up for a second and let me see what this all was about. I nudged him before putting the key inside the pretty box. Opening it up, I propped the lid open, and I did have to sit back against the seat.
The piece was beautiful, a silver necklace with a circle shape. It was also familiar, and staring at it, my lips parted.
“May I?” came before me, Ramses when he slid the gorgeous necklace out of the box. He held it up. “Do you know what this is?”
I did know what it was, resentful of it each and every time a certain redhead flashed it in my face. She did so as a trophy, bragging about what it was and what it meant. This was a Court-kept necklace, and every girl who wore one of those was “Court kept.” The necklaces meant they belonged to the member of Court who’d given it to her, a symbol of ownership and property.
Ramses let it dangle. “This… well, this means something. To those people, I mean.” He paused, throwing his head in the direction of the school. “It also makes whoever wears it invisible.”
Because they’d be just another body around here, another girl fawning over the Court boys. I pushed hair behind my ear. “You want me to wear that?” He nodded, and I swallowed. “You want me to be your girlfriend?”
“Fake girlfriend actually,” he said, his cheeks suddenly very red. Ramses was usually pretty confident with things, but apparently not today. Without warning, he returned the thing to the box. “I’m sorry. This was a stupid idea and so out of line to ask—”
But it wasn’t, and I showed him that when I got his wrist, the box with the necklace between us. Grabbing him made him stop, and when he did, I sat back. I cleared my hair from my neck. “You gonna make me put it on myself?”
His eyes widened. “You wanna do that? I mean.” More throat clearing. “You wanna be my girlfriend?”
“Fake girlfriend, yeah.” I nodded. “I think it’s a great idea.” Actually, it was beyond brilliant. He was right, this necklace wo
uld make me invisible. I’d be just another dopey girl to these people, and him taking me into Windsor House under this guise wouldn’t raise any questions at all. I’d be his, and I guess he’d be mine.
Ramses swallowed. “You’re sure? This would require a lot of acting.”
Probably not as much as he thought, and I waited, nodding toward the necklace in the box. He didn’t wait this time, taking it out, and when he came forward, I looked away, so this all wouldn’t be so awkward for him.
Ramses Mallick surprisingly smelled really nice, familiar like the comforts of home. He felt safe, and that’s something I didn’t get a lot. I liked him there in that space. I liked his safety, truly.
He panned, facing me. “So we should probably have some terms, like is hand-holding okay?”
Definitely, and I showed him that when I took his hand. He laughed, that deep chuckle he did.
“Kissing?” he asked, bouncing those thick, brown eyebrows. He immediately shook his head with it, and I knew he was joking, but maybe I wasn’t.
I swear to God, he looked like a deer in headlights when I not only rose up in my seat but grabbed his lapels.
“No sex,” I said, then pressed my mouth against his. I started the kiss as a joke, my lips smiling against his, but eventually the expression fell. His mouth was too warm, that feeling of familiarity, that home. It reminded me of someone else, but the opposite. It wasn’t scary or threatening. It didn’t scare me, the feelings that came behind it.
It was over when Ramses bunched fingers in my hair, his hand the same on my back. He had easily a full fist of my coat, and I had somehow made it onto his lap. I had no idea if he’d pulled me or if I’d slid over myself.
Long fingers looped around my dark strands. “No sex,” he promised, then returned me to my side of the car. He turned the car off after that, and when he came around to my side and let me out, I knew today’s show was about to begin.