by Jay Hogan
I kept my eyes on the road. “Who was who?”
“The boy crush you joined the Scouts for?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Drake poked me in the ribs. “I want his name, mister.”
The telltale burn on my cheeks said it all. “Oh for fuck’s sake. Lewis Carter.”
Drake fist-pumped the air. “I knew it. And I take it Lewis was eminently droolworthy?”
“His cock was,” I answered truthfully. “The kid himself was sweet, but he had an unfortunate tendency to trip over his feet, tongue, sidewalk—basically anything that got in his way. But his dick? That was a thing of beauty. I earned my stripes on that monster.”
Drake nearly pissed himself laughing. “How old?”
“Sixteen.”
“And I have him to thank for your dick-sucking prowess?”
“You do.” I pulled off the motorway and headed to my brother’s.
“Remind me to send him a thank-you card.”
I chuckled. “I often wonder what happened to him. He was a gun at physics and maths, and I’ve imagined him running some research lab somewhere with a husband who looks like The Rock. He was different that way. For a clumsy nerdy guy, he was weirdly attractive and a fucking tiger in the sack―well, the long grass of the outfield, anyways. We were never a couple, just… convenient for each other, in that awkward way gay teenage boys can be when they’re trying to come to grips with themselves.”
“I thought you said Carmen was your gay guru?”
“Oh she was, believe me. Carmen taught me about pride and friendship and having the courage to be who you are. Carmen was my Gay Theory 101. Drew was never a mentor, but he was the best homework ever.”
“Is that right?” Drake slid his gaze sideways and his fingers over my dick. “And did you pass that class?” He squeezed lightly.
I dropped my hand over his and pressed down. “I fucking aced it.”
Two minutes later I pulled into Thomas and Carolyn’s drive, alongside a chillingly familiar minivan, and my dick instantly deflated and ran for cover. “Oh hell no. They wouldn’t.” A cheery wave and a wicked grin caught my eye from the front porch. “I’m gonna kill that brother of mine.”
Carmen.
Drake
CALEB FROZE in his seat, and when I followed his gaze, I saw a stunning brunette beauty dressed in skinny ripped jeans, black fuck-me stilettos, and a lace crop top. Holy shit. That could only be one person, and Caleb’s horrified reaction confirmed it.
Protective best friends were often bigger hurdles than parents, as I’d quickly found out during the long conversation I’d had with Aaron the previous weekend. Before we’d delved into his own relationship fiasco, I’d been relentlessly drilled about Caleb and why I hadn’t told Aaron anything about him earlier. I wasn’t sure of the answer to that myself other than I hadn’t really expected it to go anywhere.
When he finally climbed down off his high horse, Aaron had become almost too excited for me. He’d never approved of my current hermit lifestyle, though he understood why I’d chosen it, and meeting Caleb, he was all on board for seeing a bit of scrumptious dick in my life. He told me he planned to live vicariously through me while he himself had sworn off men for a while to stick with women. “Men are too fucking complicated,” he said. I was pretty sure women weren’t any better but what the fuck did I know?
Aaron was a great guy, though he did tend to get serious quickly with anyone he liked, and we’d talked a bit about that as well. I had a lot of time for him. He had my back with the whole Crohn’s thing, often coming over to spoil me, and keep me company when I was flaring. I didn’t let many people close in those times, but he was one. I could’ve killed his fucking ex. I’d never liked the guy. But Aaron had. And if his heart was breaking, I was gonna be there.
I’d never met Carmen, but Caleb had told me a lot about her, including the fact that depending on her attire, she was either a she or a he, and woe betide anyone getting it wrong. Nothing, however, came close to capturing the magnetism of the gorgeous creature currently waving and heading our direction. She had a presence like you wouldn’t believe and ate up every bit of attention in the whole goddamn street. I even clocked a neighbour cracking a sneaky peek from behind their curtains. And inside Caleb’s brother’s house, his family could be seen glued to the window, watching our arrival with undisguised glee. Caleb flipped them off, much to their obvious amusement.
I already knew he was terrified of introducing me to Carmen, so I determined then and there he’d have nothing to worry about. I wasn’t scared of some drag queen prima donna with a membership to Mensa, nuh-uh, not me. I could only hope that sounded more believable out in the light of day than it did in my head. Fuck me. The evening had just taken a turn into the circus lane and suddenly what was on the menu seemed the least of my concerns.
“Batten down the hatches,” Caleb warned as he pushed the car door open. “And I apologise ahead of time for… well, for every goddamn thing that’s about to happen.”
I laughed him off. “Come on, she can’t be all that bad.”
He turned and stared. “So innocent.”
A niggling cramp snaked its way across my gut, accompanied by a flutter of nerves, and I resisted the urge to remind Caleb how many times I’d said this dinner was a mistake. Instead I ignored the gurgling twinge, deciding the best defence was a good offence. The dinner could only stress me if I let it, and no rock-star drag queen was gonna ruin my first impression on Caleb’s family, which of course included Carmen herself. Fuck. My. Life. Golden rule number one—never let them see the fear in your eyes. Game on.
I threw my own door open and headed straight for Carmen, beating Caleb to the punch. “Wow, you must be the gorgeous Carmen.” I extended my hand. “Drake Park.” If she was surprised, Carmen did a good job of hiding it bar the wicked knowing smirk that slid over her burgundy lips.
“Charmed.” Her hand glided to mine, that’s the only fitting description.
I lifted the back of it to my lips and pressed a soft kiss in place. “A pleasure to meet you. Caleb’s description didn’t do you justice. You’re stunning.”
Yeah, I was laying it on thick, but I haven’t met a single drag queen who didn’t turn into a puddle of lipstick-coloured jelly at a bit of over-the-top flattery. If you thought the world of modelling was competitive, that shit didn’t hold a candle to the world of drag queens. They breathed flattery like fucking oxygen.
Carmen’s eyelashes fluttered coyly, but her gaze was 100 percent amused predator, letting me know she knew exactly what I was doing. “Well aren’t you the enchanting one, then?” She left her hand in mine, leaving me to decide what the fuck to do with it from there. Dropping it seemed less than polite, so I opted for a gentle squeeze before handing it off to Caleb. Thank God he fielded the pass and pulled her in for an all-out bear hug, going so far as to lift her off her feet. A braver man than me.
Carmen allowed the indignity with undisguised affection, patting Caleb’s back and murmuring in his ear. I missed what she said but couldn’t miss the pink of Caleb’s cheeks in response.
“Behave,” he warned her when he pulled away.
She bit her lip and looked my way. “He’s adorable, Cal. I wouldn’t harm a hair on his precious head. You know me.”
Cal?
“Exactly,” he replied. “I know you only too well.”
A chuckle came from somewhere behind, and when Carmen stepped aside, I was greeted by the highly amused countenance of a rather nondescript, short, balding man in his early forties with killer grey eyes.
He came right up to me and winked. “Pete Simons.” He shook my hand. “Carmen’s husband or keeper, depending on her mood. Daniel was outvoted appearance-wise tonight.”
The tenderness in the look they shared had me catching my breath, and when Carmen bent over to take Pete’s lips in a soft kiss, the man nearly melted on the concrete path at her feet. About as mismatched physically as i
t was possible to get, that they loved each other deeply was left in no doubt.
“I’ll be anything you want me to be, you know that,” she said softly.
He lifted a hand to her cheek. “I love every part of you, sweetheart. I don’t need to choose.” They stared at each other in silence.
I cleared my throat. “Does anyone else feel they need a smoke after that?”
Carmen gave a delighted snort, and Caleb wrapped his arm around me.
“Well, I for one am glad Carmen put in an appearance tonight,” I spoke honestly. “I’ve been wanting to meet you for a while.”
Caleb snorted. “Oh, you’re good.”
I glared at him.
Carmen stepped in and muscled Caleb out of the way. “I find it easier if you just ignore him,” she said, looping her arm through mine and steering me toward the front door. “I can just tell you and I are going to be the best of friends.”
I eyed her sideways to see if she was joking, but her expression seemed sincere. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I might just have won round one, though I was convinced there were battles to come. Still, the fact I hadn’t made a complete idiot out of myself in the first five minutes went some way toward settling the gurgle in my gut. That was until Caleb laughed somewhat hysterically at something Pete said, and then I wondered if we’d all simply fallen down Carmen’s rabbit hole instead.
Inside we were greeted warmly by Caleb’s family while the man himself dragged his brother into the kitchen to no doubt give him a piece of his mind. In that regard our families seemed similar. We gave the other a hard time and loved on them later. So far, so good. I blew out a sigh. For all that Caleb said he’d been out of touch with them, no one seemed pissed at him or standoffish, which boded well.
A plume of red curls suddenly appeared at my navel, bouncing excitedly. I crouched to get eye to eye with the wee girl they belonged to.
“You must be Lexi.” The six-year-old girl hit a ten on the cuteness scale with huge green eyes staring from under a long auburn fringe.
“Lexi dexi, Dad calls me,” she said in an earnest voice. “Except if I’ve been really naughty. Then he calls me Lexi Camille Ashton, that’s my full name.”
“Oh.” I laughed. “My mum and dad do the same to me. That’s when I know to hide.”
She frowned. “But you’re too big to be told off.”
I nodded seriously. “You’d think, wouldn’t you? But parents don’t always see it that way.”
She considered that for a minute. “That sucks.”
I laughed. “I couldn’t agree more.”
She pulled at my shirt. “I’ve already had my dinner,” she said with a solemn expression. “Mum says that’s ’cause I’m important. Uncle Caleb said he was gonna tuck me up and read me a story. You can come if you like.”
“Let’s leave Drake to get to know everyone this time, little bee.” Caleb sidled close and slid an arm around my waist. “Maybe next time he can read to you.”
Next time. I liked the sound of that.
Lexi pondered the idea, then launched herself at Caleb with a gleeful shout. He barely got him arm from around me in time to catch her.
“Come on, Uncle Caleb. Let’s go choose a story.”
Watching him catch her and swing her around in the air did flippy things to my heart. I’d never even imagined having my own family down the track. Now? I still wasn’t sure, but for the first time, I found myself considering it.
He left with a wink and I watched him carry his niece down the hall, feeling oddly content.
“Nice to meet you, son.” Caleb’s father slipped alongside and offered his hand.
I shook it firmly. “Mr Ashton.”
“Call me John.”
John was a bear of a man who would’ve been in high demand at Christmas, dressed in a red suit. He was apparently a successful quantity surveyor, but studying him now, he wouldn’t look out of place with an axe in his hand and wearing a checked wool shirt. Tall, heavily muscled, and sporting a decent salt-and-pepper beard, Caleb’s father carried his son in his dancing eyes and warm voice.
“I hope we don’t scare you off, after tonight,” he said.
I laughed. “No fear of that. Though I think Caleb was surprised to see Carmen.”
John gave a belly roll of a laugh. “Yeah. That was kind of….”
“Mean?” I suggested wryly.
He eyed me sideways. “All of that. Call it payback from his brother for all the times the boy was a no-show. Thomas might look like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, but he has a long memory. Besides—” He glanced her direction. “—Carmen’s a cracker, right?”
She turned at her name and gave Caleb’s dad a dazzling smile with an added kissy face for good measure. He returned the latter and chuckled fondly.
“You two clearly get on,” I commented.
John continued to watch Carmen thoughtfully. “We do. It wasn’t always easy, though, don’t get me wrong. When Daniel first turned up as Carmen, you could’ve wiped me off the floor. Look at her. She’s pretty convincing, right? And if she’d just said ‘I’m a woman from now on so deal with it’, I would’ve probably handled it better. But she didn’t. Some days she came as Carmen, other days Daniel, and what’s more, she wasn’t about to hide her light under any barrel and keep it all behind closed doors. I’m not proud of it, but I tried to get Caleb to call it quits with her.”
“Really?” Based on what I’d just witnessed, I was genuinely shocked.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “Not because I didn’t like the kid. Daniel was a blast from day one, and man, that kid has some smarts in that gorgeous head, but looking the way he did as Carmen? Well, in high school that kind of shit comes with a whole lot of trouble brewing, as I’m sure you’re aware. Trouble I worried Caleb would get caught up in. Daniel never appeared as Carmen at school as such, but everyone knew and most had seen her at some stage. Whangarei’s a small place.”
I tried to picture it. It had been hard enough being a slightly built, fem, gay boy in high school, let alone a budding drag queen.
“But Carmen chose the right kid to befriend. Caleb was having none of my bullshit. He called me a homophobic redneck and set about educating me. Hah! That from my fourteen-year-old. Got me down off my high horse pretty quick, and the next time Carmen appeared, she and I talked it out. Even at fourteen she was an old soul. We’ve gotten on ever since, and looking back, I couldn’t have wished for a better friend for my boy. She had his back so many times at school I lost count.”
My appreciation for Caleb’s best friend soared.
John continued. “You might have thought that she needed him to help protect her, but it was really the other way around. And after a bit, word got around and kids knew that you tested Carmen slash Daniel at your peril. Daniel only took names. Carmen dished out the revenge. Never physical, mind you. But that woman has seventy million different ways to humiliate a person just in the tip of her little finger.”
I snorted. “That I believe.”
“Hey, you.” Caleb appeared and planted a kiss on my cheek.
John excused himself and headed over to Carmen and Pete.
Caleb nudged me gently with his elbow. “Carolyn says dinner’s about ready, and she wants you to survey the options.”
I flashed him a panicked look and my cheeks burned, olive skin or no. Caleb wrapped an arm around my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry. She just wants to be sure. No one gives a shit.” He grinned. “And hopefully neither will you.”
I elbowed him sharply in the ribs to cover up my laugh. “You’re an idiot, you know that, right?”
“You’re just jealous of my wit.”
“Yeah, that.”
Chapter Thirteen
Caleb
THE EVENING had gone better than I’d expected, thank God. Especially after my brother had seen fit to invite my best friend without telling me. I guess I’d deserved it, and thankfully Carmen had behaved herself… suspicio
usly well, now I thought about it. Aside from the part where she offered to blow Dad in exchange for the last two roast potatoes, of course. Drake had promptly lost a forkful of peas to the table at that.
Pete had calmly said Carmen would do no such thing and to please pass the gravy. Dad had laughed his socks off and said she’d need a fair bit of practice with that mouth of hers to even manage half of his tackle. Mum had promptly kissed Dad soundly for the sideways compliment, and Carmen had replied that it was just as well she was taken, or she’d be obliged to take that sucker bet and prove him wrong.
Everyone had laughed, even Drake, once he recovered. He even managed the remainder of his peas without incident. No small victory, under the circumstances. And at least Carmen hadn’t gone too hard on him. Her shit list was a place no one wanted to find themselves, ever.
The first time I’d introduced her to Connor, he of the pilot mantle and infrequent NZ layovers, she’d damn near skinned the man alive with an interrogation about his romantic history, a boy in every port kind of thing, and how did he hope to maintain a serious relationship while working long-distance hauls.
I’d cringed so hard I nearly slid under the next table’s eggs Benedict while Connor managed an impressive shade of scarlet and stammered his way to the bathroom. And that’s when I knew Carmen had been spot-on. Connor was likely as trustworthy as a mild-mannered snake. Not that it mattered.
As it turned out I became rather fond of that snake, and his indiscretions meant nothing to me because Carmen had been right again. Connor was little more than a warm body in a bed, that and great sex. In fact, his cheating ways kind of made him a safe bet. I didn’t want him full-time and the feeling was clearly mutual. No one was gonna get hurt.
The same couldn’t be said about the Drake-sized octopus I’d had sitting next to me on the drive home. With his hand shoved between my thighs, under my shirt, and down the front of my unzipped jeans, he teased me mercilessly, which made handling the old Mustang problematic at times, but we’d gotten there, there being my place as it was closer. Any longer and I’d likely have offloaded in my briefs.