Eventually, Zane eases back, his fingers weaving gently through my hair. “I’ve missed you so much, Ari. I thought I’d lost you forever.” Then he lowers his head and kisses me. My lips respond as if on autopilot, and I kiss him back, slowly exploring his mouth. And this is different than the time I kissed him in the Clementia compound. This kiss is laced with a history full of kisses and touches, and a wild rush of exhilaration mixes with soothing familiarity. The image of Zane’s heartbroken face as he watched our car disappear that last fateful day on Earth is imprinted on my brain, and my chest tightens with remembered heartache.
I melt into him and deepen the kiss, wanting to erase the mutual pain and suffering of the last few years. Zane’s arms reel me in closer, and if he squeezes any harder, I’m in danger of ceasing to exist. As his tongue feathers against mine, his emotions swirl around me, and the self-inflicted cage on his heart snaps wide open. I experience everything he feels and the force of it brands me deep within my soul.
Our mutual breathing becomes heavier and reality bites. As much as this feels good, feels right, I can’t let this escalate, not until I’ve had adequate time to figure out how I feel and what I want. Forcing myself to withdraw, I ease out of his embrace.
We stand there watching each other, chests heaving, lungs clawing for air. There is so much that needs to be said, and too many things that can’t ever be said. The level of confusion I feel is off the charts. My head is swimming, going in a million different directions. “Talk to me, baby,” he says.
My mouth opens, but no words come. Tears gather in my eyes and he steps toward me. I hold up my hand, cautioning him. “Zane,” I croak. “I love you, but I love him too. And I don’t know what to do. How to fix this. How to ever make it right.” I rest my forehead in my hands and try to quell the tornado gathering momentum inside me.
“I want you back, Ari. And this time I’m giving it my all. We belong together.” He steps closer and his fingers splay wide on my cheeks. “I know you feel that too despite what you told me back in Connecticut. This is our destiny and it was written in the stars that first night we admitted our love for one another.”
I peer into his eyes and his love shines brightly. I remember how amazing it felt to be loved by him and how he was all I ever wanted. But I also feel pain and guilt and remember how those emotions threatened to overpower everything else.
Remembering the good has also resurrected the bad.
“I can’t pretend that I don’t feel those things, because I do. But I feel other things too.” I shift anxiously on my feet. “Dark things,” I whisper. “I deserve every bit of unhappiness. I deserve to be broken and miserable.” My throat pinches and bitter tears well in the corners of my eyes. “What we did, what I forced you to do, it was so wrong,” I rasp. “How can we ever come back from that?”
“No, Ari. What he did was wrong. I was protecting you and you were protecting me. If I hadn’t arrived, God knows how far he would’ve gone. Do you think either of us would be standing here now if we hadn’t acted as we did? Shit,” he says, scrubbing a hand over his jaw. “This is like rewinding the clock. You’ve heard me say these words so many times, Ari. I can’t keep repeating them. You have got to forgive yourself.”
“But that’s the thing, Zane. I don’t know that I can.”
“There you are,” Dad calls out and I turn toward the sound of his voice. His eyes flit between us and linger on me. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
“Yeah. I’m fine,” I lie. He frowns. He’s no fool.
“He knows.”
“What?”
“He knows what happened that morning in the woods.”
My stunned expression discloses my feelings. “You told him?”
“I had to. I couldn’t let you move to Novo shouldering the burden of it all on your own.”
“Oh my God, how did he react?”
Dad coughs loudly and fixes his gaze on me. “I know you two want to spend more time catching up, but I need to steal Zane away. This can’t wait.”
“How long will I be?” Zane asks.
“A couple of hours. Then she’s all yours.”
“I’ll tap you when I’m free and we’ll arrange to meet up then. We need to finish this discussion.” I stare at him through shell-shocked eyes. “Are you going after him?”
“Yes. I can’t leave things like this between us.”
He eyes me pensively. Then, dipping down, he kisses me passionately. I’m too startled to push him away, or match the intensity of his lips. I imagine, for him, it’s a bit like kissing a wall. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Wait for me.” And I understand the double meaning behind his statement. Dad looks at me funnily and my skin flares instantly.
I’m forcing my feet to move in the direction of our apartment though my natural inclination is to run the opposite way. I don’t know what to say to Cal. I feel ripped apart, split equally down the middle. One half of me craves his arms, the other yearns for Zane. In a funny way, it’s helped me come to terms with Greece. At least there, I’ll have some space to think.
I’m deep in thought, my shoulders hunched over, as I round the corner. I plow into someone and the force of the impact sends both of us tumbling to the ground. Planting my hands to stop the fall, I haul myself back up at the same time she does.
“Are you okay?” Amber asks.
“I’m fine. You?”
“No damage done.” She cracks a smile.
“Sorry, I should’ve been looking where I was going.” I move to walk away.
“Actually, I was hoping to catch you. Could we talk now?” Her timing sucks.
“I don’t see that we’ve anything to talk about.” Especially now that Cal has kicked me to the curb and she has a green light.
“I don’t want to cause any trouble, Ariana. Far from it. Five minutes, that’s all I’m asking.”
She looks like she’s not going to take no for an answer. I might as well get all the awkward conversations out of the way in one day, so I trudge after her.
We take the elevator down to the lowest level and swing a left, sauntering in the opposite direction to Command Center. I haven’t explored much on this side of the ground floor, but Amber says she has found a cool hangout that she wants to show me.
She pushes through a set of steel doors, and I step into a medium-sized clearly man-made garden and draw in a sharp gasp. A half laugh-half cry trickles out of my mouth. I’ve seen all manner of unbelievable things over the course of the last two years, but this renders me speechless. I imagine it’s a lot like stepping through the wardrobe and discovering Narnia.
Tugging off my boots and socks, I walk barefoot on the lush, green grass, my fingers trailing against shrubs and bushes as I walk down the little cobblestone path. Bending over, I inhale the sweet smell of roses and peonies and an assortment of radiant flowers that line the route. I tilt my head to the side as a gentle fluttering sound whispers in my ear. A brightly colored butterfly lands briefly on my shoulder before floating off into the air. The sounds of birds reverberate in the room, and I stand still, eyes fixated on the ceiling. Overhead the sky is the brightest shade of blue, and fluffy clouds comfortable enough to sleep on flit across my vision. I shake my head in bewildered amazement.
“Come, look at this,” Amber says excitedly. We walk down the path and perch on the edge of the little gray stone wall. Peering in, I see my reflection staring back at me in the water, my look a mixture of awe and deep-rooted despair. God, I look terrible. Beside me, Amber’s golden locks tumble forward in remarkable uniformity and her skin appears luminous even in the watery mirror.
My good mood evaporates on the spot.
I dip my fingers in the water, wondering if it’s real or an illusion, and my hand glides through the cool water. Hundreds of small fish float through the pond, their shiny gills magically reflecting the magnetism of the room.
“What is this place?”
“It’s cool, right?” she says. “Wait ‘til you see
this!” She hops up and runs to the back wall, extracting a small squared device from a hidden panel. Sitting back down, she presses a button and instantly the blue sky disappears replaced by a dark navy night sky, a smattering of twinkling stars swirling over the ceiling and sweeping ghostly shadows across the ground. “Now look at this one,” she says, fiddling with the gadget in her hand. This time a bright orange sun appears high in a crystal-clear sky, and I swear I feel hotter under my clothes. Amber flicks another switch and the original blue cloudy skyline returns.
“They built this as a mini-retreat for the workers. Apparently, when they were first constructing this place, back in the 1960s, some of the workers were underground for a year at a time without any break. This was a little piece of home under the sea.”
“They didn’t have that technology back then,” I say, pointing to the digital device in her hand.
“No, I assume that was a later development. It’s awesome though, isn’t it?”
“It’s amazing. It feels so real. Though, it reminds me a bit of Novo,” I say, images of the holographic woods springing to mind.
“What was it like there?” She pierces me with an earnest stare.
“Monstrous.” My one word reply sums it up adequately. Though it’s been almost four months since I stepped foot on Planet Novo, I still shiver as I recall the reality of my life there. Considering everything that’s happened, I don’t like thinking about it. Standing, I walk toward the only tree in the space and sit down against the trunk. Amber follows me quietly. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Cal.”
“What about him?” My fingers walk through the grass.
“I’m not after him if that’s what you think.” She pulls her knees up to her chest.
“Why?” I ask the obvious question.
“Well, he’s totally besotted with you, for starters,” she says, gracing the world with a magnificent smile. My face remains expressionless and her brow creases. “And he broke my heart once already, I’d rather not put myself through it again.”
I expect her to elaborate but she doesn’t. “He’s changed a lot,” she adds, a couple of minutes later. I arch a brow, the question evident in my look. “He loves you.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” I mutter, my eyes downcast now.
“He told me straight out, Ariana. And I’ve never heard Cal talk about any other girl the way he talks about you.” She wraps her arms around her knees and leans back.
I twist slightly and look at her head-on. “He talked to you about me?” I can’t believe the damn nerve of him to criticize me for running to Zane when he has clearly done the exact same thing. And it’s not like him and Amber shared a closeness akin to Zane and mine. Or did they? I don’t have a clue of their past. Nor do I want to know. There’s enough messed-up crap spinning through my head as it is.
“He’s worried about you,” she says.
I snort and shake my head. “Well, he’s a very funny way of showing it.”
“Look,” she says, touching my arm. “I don’t know what is going on, and I don’t want to interfere. But you’ve nothing to fear from me, and I don’t want to be at the center of any disagreement between you two. That’s all I wanted to say.”
I sense she’s telling the truth, but something about this still doesn’t add up. And it’s not that she’s interfering per se, or that she has come in the middle of us, because in the grand scheme of things, she’s been a minor bone of contention. But I’m not telling her that or the fact that Cal and I are apparently no more. Because the thought of helping her run right back into his arms twists my gut into strangled knots.
“I appreciate you saying that, Amber, but we’ve got a lot more stuff going on than that. If anything was to come between us, I doubt it’d be you.”
She stands abruptly, smoothing her hands down her pants. “Very well, Ariana. I’ve said my piece.” Her lips are pulled tight together. Somehow, I appear to have offended her. At any other time, I might apologize for my directness, but I can’t summon the interest or energy in this moment.
She walks back along the path. Stopping at the door, she turns around. “Look after yourself, Ariana.”
Deciding to throw my own pity party, I spend an hour lounging on the grass, messing with the controller and rotating different ceilings until white dots blur my vision. I know I can’t hide down here forever. And wallowing in a pit of self-pity is doing me no favors. I can’t put off the inevitable. I need to face Cal.
Beyond that, I haven’t got a frigging clue what the hell I’m going to do.
Dad is standing in front of our apartment as I make my approach. Crap. What now? He walks toward me with urgency. “What’s up, Dad?”
“You need to leave immediately.” He takes my elbow and twists me around.
“Hang on. Leave?” I wriggle out of his clutch and turn around, blocking him with my body.
“For Greece. There isn’t time to explain. Here,” he says, thrusting a black backpack into my arms. “I packed up your things. Let’s go.” He grips my elbow again and starts to propel me forward.
“Dad, stop. Stop! Please. I haven’t said goodbye to anyone. I need to talk to Cal.” I dart under his arm and run toward our apartment. I open the door and step inside but it’s empty. Damn.
“Ariana, please. There isn’t time for goodbyes. If we don’t leave now, it may be too late. You have to trust me on this.”
“But, Dad …” I tug on my lower lip, stretching it out with my teeth. “I can’t leave things as they are with Cal, with Zane.”
He must see something concerning in my eyes because he stops trying to shove me forward. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he looks me straight in the eye. “I’m not as good at this stuff as your mom was, but I see how troubled you are, sweetheart. You need space away from those boys to find perspective.”
It’s not that I disagree. Rather, the thought of leaving like this kills me. I’ve left Zane believing there’s a real possibility of us getting back together and Cal thinks we are over. If I leave in this manner, he’ll think I don’t care. But Dad is already dragging me along the corridor so I give up fighting it and let him lead me to the Velo station.
Pushing him to the side, I place my hands on his chest. “I need you to give Zane a message.” He nods. “Tell him I’m sorry to leave like this but it’s for the best because I need time alone to figure things out.” I rub my pounding temples, searching for the right way to phrase this. “Ask him not to contact me. Not yet. I’ll reach out to him when I’m ready.”
Dad scoops my hair behind my ears and cups my face gently. “I’ll let him know.” His face pinches tight. “Any message for Cal?”
“I …” my voice peters out. There is so much I want to say to Cal, but it needs to be said face to face. “Tell him I’m sorry,” I say, it being the only truth I can ask Dad to relay on my behalf. I hope he understands the wealth of emotion behind that one simple statement. How sorry I am for all the harsh words, for toying with his feelings, for constantly shutting him out, and for caving to my inherent need for Zane. Most of all, for not being the girl he thinks I am.
“Sweetheart,” Dad says, pulling my attention back to him. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” He swipes his thumb under my eye.
I shrug and step back, not wanting to get into it with him.
If only he knew how much there is to feel sorry about.
Eyes the color of rich caramel greet me as soon as I step into the Velo carriage. “Saved you a seat,” Taylor says, patting the chair next to him.
I scan the empty carriage and pin him with a look. “That’s so thoughtful of you. Thanks.”
“That I am. And awesome. Don’t forget that part.” He winks and my lips tug up at the corner. In one way, Dr. Taylor Jennings is the perfect travel companion. It’s difficult to be serious when you’re in his company and that sounds like the ideal medicine to cure my specific ailments.
Dad confirms he is traveli
ng with us to the Velo exit point in southern Italy. His contact will meet us there, along with a solider escort, and they will guide us the remainder of the way to Greece.
As the announcer communicates our imminent departure, I steady my nerves, steel my mind, and lock away my fragile heart in preparation for the journey ahead.
PART II - ZANE
CHAPTER 8
I rap just once on Ari’s door, even though I feel like body slamming the wall, dashing in, and yanking her out of his arms. I’ve been trying to reach out to her for the last couple of hours, but she keeps blocking me, and I don’t understand why.
I touch my fingers to my lips. She kissed me like she used to when we were madly in love and consumed in one another. I thought seeing all my hopes and dreams spring to life would be the end of the matter. But I’m still plagued with doubts. His hold on her is strong, and despite what he said to her earlier, I don’t think he’ll let her go that easily.
If it’s a fight he wants, he’ll get it.
Having a foot in and out of this life for a few weeks has done wonders for my resolve. Most people don’t get a second chance at life. By some miracle, I have and I don’t intend on wasting it. Nothing means more to me than her. And this time I’m pulling out all the stops to win her back. I know she’s conflicted over her feelings for both of us. But I also know that she loves me, and now she remembers what it was like to be in my arms. I’ll just have to keep reminding her of that.
The door slides open, and Cal stands in the doorframe, arms stretched overhead. “What do you want?” he says, through gritted teeth.
I peer around him into the empty space. “Where is she?”
“You’ve lost her already?” He flings a scathing look at me.
“Don’t play games. I haven’t been able to contact her for hours. Do you know where she is or not?” I work hard to keep my expression neutral. I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he irritates me.
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