After breakfast, Mom goes off to sort out Eli’s enrollment in school. I head to Command Center and speak to Malcolm. He puts in a call to the hospital immediately and I’m granted access to visit Gil. Wincing slightly as I hug Malcolm, I try to hide the extent of my pain. The physical pains and aches only add to the severe emotional pain in my head and heart.
When I arrive at the Medical Wing, I intend on visiting Mel first. But I’m immediately whisked into a room and placed on a medi-scan. I alight thirty minutes later, feeling like a new man.
Mel is propped up in bed, watching the official news channel on the screen. It’s good to see the usual government propaganda shoved aside for Saoirse updates, and the comms team has successfully managed to hijack the airwaves for increasing amounts of time. I hope that the messages are getting through to the people and that they are rallying behind our cause.
Mel commands the screen to shut down as I sit down by her bed. “How are you feeling?” I ask, handing her the fruit and chocolate I swiped from the cafeteria.
Beaming at me, she immediately snaps off a square of chocolate and hands it to me. I pop it in my mouth. “I’m fine. Totally fine. Just waiting to be discharged.”
Her arms and face are devoid of any marks, and if anything, her skin glows more luminous than usual. “You’ve been under the medi-scan?”
“Yep,” she says, popping another chunk of chocolate into her mouth. “Feel brand new.”
“Thank God. You gave me a real scare out there.”
Her face drops and she visibly swallows. “I’m sorry. I didn’t stop to think about anything but trying to save those people.”
Stretching across her, I gently clasp her hand. “I know your motives were pure, but you could have been seriously injured, or worse.”
Her face pales at the thought. “Is Gil okay?” She bites down on her lip and I know that look. I’ve seen it on Ari’s face a million times before.
“I’m on my way to see him now. But he will be fine, and what happened to him isn’t your fault.”
“If I hadn’t ran off—”
I place my finger on her lips to stop her. A blush spreads up her neck and I quickly retract my hand. “You don’t know what would’ve happened if things had played out differently. He could have been killed. For all you know, your actions actually saved his life. Trust me, Mel, you don’t want to go down this road. And I know Gil would never allow you to take responsibility for this.”
“I still feel guilty though.”
God, sometimes she is so like Ari it hurts. “Promise me you’ll let that go.” I pin her with a serious look. I’m not going to sit around and watch another inherently good girl beat herself up over things that were pretty much out of her control.
I walk toward Gil’s room with a fair amount of fear in my heart. I’m stepping into the unknown. The door opens with a loud click. Gil lies on his back on the bed, his eyes wide open staring at the ceiling.
“Hey,” I say, walking to the bed.
His head whips around at the sound of my voice, and he tries to drag himself up. I shove an arm under his back and prop him up against the head support.
“Sup, bro?”
“How you doing?” I reply. Hauling a chair over, I sit down.
“I’m cool. Thanks for getting me out of there.”
“You scared the crap out of me, Gil,” I admit, contemplating how close I came to losing my best friend when I’d only gotten him back.
“Totes emote,” he acknowledges, scrubbing a hand over his chin.
“When will they let you out of here?” I inquire.
“Think I’ll be here for another little while.” He grimaces and turns away.
“What’s going on?”
“They don’t think they can fix my legs, man.” He swallows hard, avoiding my gaze.
The implications of what he’s saying knock all the air out of my lungs. “What?” When his eyes meet mine, potent fear lurks behind his gaze. My head bursts with despair and anger.
The door pops open and a familiar brunette walks into the room. Gosh, Lily gets more and more like Ari every day. Almost as tall as her sister, she shares the same piercing blue eyes, though they’re not as stunning as Ari’s peepers. Of course, I’m probably biased.
“Hi, Zane. How’s our patient today?” she asks in a cheery tone.
“Peachy, sweetheart. Just peachy,” Gil says, all hint of sadness gone from his tone. But his blasé demeanor is just that: A mask to hide behind.
Lily chatters away, oblivious to the tension in the room, busying herself attending to Gil. Excitedly explaining about her medical studies, she has a dreamy look in her eyes. She helps out in the Medical Wing for a couple of hours every day as part of her training.
Before she leaves, I take a gentle ribbing over the fact that I haven’t seen her or Deacon in ages, and I feel huge guilt. I have been avoiding them, along with anything that reminds me of, or keeps me connected to, Ari. But that’s not fair. I was a big part of their family before Ari and I even hooked up as a couple, and I considered Lily and Deacon as much my siblings as Eli is. Grabbing her into a hug, I promise to make time to visit. I suspect Mom will be spending a lot of her time with them anyway, so it’s inevitable in any event.
As soon as she closes the door, the somber mood reappears. “Isn’t there anything they can do?” I ask, shuffling over to the bed.
“Apparently, there are some things that even the medi-scan can’t overcome. My spine was damaged in the explosion, and I’m paralyzed from the waist down.” He stares numbly ahead, emotions impossible to gauge. I try to smother my fear, but Gil knows me too well. “Yeah, this blows, right?”
“Damn, Gil …that’s … I don’t know what to say,” I admit, as I lose the ability to form a coherent sentence.
“Nothing much that can be said, bro. At least I gave my man-bits a good workout while I could.” Trust Gil to find humor in a situation like this. But he forgets that I know him every bit as well as he knows me. If he’s cracking jokes, it’s because he can’t face reality yet.
“Bro, if you were trying to get one over on me, there were easier ways. But hell yeah, your broken legs totally trump my broken heart.”
He snorts and I laugh and then we can’t stop, and we howl with laughter until my stomach aches. Hopping up, I grab him in a bear hug. “It’s going to be all right.” His mask drops for a fleeting second, and I catch a glimpse of the terror he’s trying to keep at bay.
“I’m fucking shitting myself, bro,” he admits.
“We’ll face it together, like we’ve always done.”
Gil slumps back, his hand swiping away tears. It kills me to see him like this, and once again, I find myself seething at the world we live in, a world that increasingly seems like it’s abandoning us.
Random thoughts float through my mind as I make my way to the IT room. Ben updates me the minute I arrive. He still hasn’t been able to locate Micha, and the concrete confirmation that she’s still at large terrifies me. On a positive note, my team has made a significant breakthrough on the project, and we are inching much closer to our end goal.
I promptly update the Inner Council at our five p.m. meeting. “That’s excellent news, Zane. Well done,” Calista says, beaming at me, only just short of punching the air.
“Credit to the team,” I reply. “I’ll pass it on.”
Malcolm updates the Council on the influx of Novo sympathizers. It appears that without the threat of the kill switch hanging over them, more and more of his previous colleagues are joining our ranks. President Calavero’s blatant threats and near daily executions are having the opposite effect. Instead of scaring them off, it’s strengthening their resolve. They’re defecting to our cause in droves. While some of them have fled Novo, others remain there as hidden informants. They’ll prove valuable allies when the time comes to swoop on the Planet.
“The latest government attacks have targeted camps of civilian refugees, and they wiped out the warehouse i
n Ohio. They are getting bolder,” Calista says, the strain evident in her voice.
“Or they’re deranged,” Malcolm interjects. “That seems like a knee-jerk reaction to me.”
“Perhaps,” Calista says. “What progress have you made on accessing the monitoring drones and military schedules?” she asks me.
“We are making inroads. I expect to have access to the monitoring drone program within the next forty-eight hours. What is your instruction?”
“Can you destroy them?” Her pupils narrow to pinpricks.
“I can activate their self-destroy trigger.”
“Fine,” she says, walking past me. “That’s your directive.”
Over the course of the next week, life settles into a regular pattern. Mom has secured a job as a teacher, and she also helps out with after-school supervision. Breakfast and dinner are a family and friends affair, and I draw comfort from the normalcy of my new daily routine.
It was hard leaving my family apartment to room with Gil, but I can’t leave him to fend for himself. He sinks further and further into depression with every passing day. I expend considerable energy cheering him up and supporting him when the pain of it all becomes too much. Days become more bearable, but the usual thoughts drain me at night, affecting my ability to sleep.
I’ve had no more contact from Ari, and I solder my mental shields, building a thick, impenetrable wall around my head. Applying the same technique to my heart is less successful, though, I’ve reached an important decision. Ironically, Gil’s predicament has forced me to face facts. Life is for living and I’m going to cherish it.
Embracing the situation, I understand that I need to let Ari go. It doesn’t mean that she disappears from my thoughts, or that I stop caring about her, but I accept that she’s no longer mine to obsess over.
It’s late, and I’m working alone in the IT project room when my computer unexpectedly dies and everything blackens. What the hell? My fingers hover over the keypad as a grainy image appears on the screen. Apprehension mounts as the image becomes clearer.
“Mr. Anders,” President Calavero greets me. “I’m glad to have caught you. I have a proposal to present to you.” He’s pulling no punches.
Folding over my arms, I glare at the screen. “There is nothing you can say that I’d possibly want to hear.”
“I beg to differ.” A smug smile appears on his lips. I’m frantically trying to decipher how his team has managed to send this transmission, and how they knew I would be at my desk at this hour. My sense of unease is profound.
“Let’s hear it then.”
“You know,” he says, tapping a long finger against his nose, “I do believe my sister is unhinged.” A tiny kernel of fear starts to creep up my spine. I sit up straighter in my chair. “She knows what your girlfriend did to her son, and I don’t think she’s going to let it go. I’d hate to see any harm come to Ariana.”
The threat hangs unspoken in the air.
“What’s your proposal?”
“I can exert the necessary level of control on Micha and call her off Ariana, provided you switch sides. Return to us here on Novo and I’ll appoint you as Head of our IT Unit. I’ll provide whatever resources you need to continue your work.” He waggles his eyebrows.
“And if I don’t agree?”
“I have no other incentive to keep Micha on a leash,” he says, squinting at the screen. “I do believe she intends to kill the girl.”
“Why would I trust anything that comes out of your mouth?”
“I have no reason to be untruthful, nor any other reason for offering you a lifeline, except that I believe you are very talented and I hate to see good talent wasted.” He picks at an imaginary thread on his jacket sleeve. “We will win this war, Zane. There’s no question about it. Saoirse’s feeble attempts at rebellion are just that. So the question is actually whether you want to live or die? You have forty-eight hours to decide. I’ll leave you to think about it.”
The feed dies and the President fades out instantly. My screen springs back to life.
Pressing my fingers to my temples, I attempt to calm my breathing and steady my heart. One of these days, I’m definitely going to give myself a coronary. Given the intel that Malcolm has already gathered, I know that the President speaks the truth when it comes to Micha’s plans for Ari. That she is unhinged I have no trouble believing either. But what I do have difficulty swallowing is the notion that he can control Micha if I agree to his terms.
How could I trust that he would stay true to his word even if I were prepared to make the biggest sacrifice of all to protect her? And if what he says about the government’s ability to win this war is the truth, then isn’t the end outcome the same anyway? So why would I take the chance?
But if I turn him down and Micha gets to Ari, I will never be able to forgive myself.
Switching off the lights, I walk back to my apartment feeling as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
Thoughts of Ari and the President’s proposal are never far from my mind the next day. My brain is a whirlwind of confusion, and I’m going round and round in circles. I don’t know what the hell to do, and I’m terrified of confiding in anyone. The President never said to keep it confidential, though I’m sure it’s implied. I’m scared of speaking out in case word somehow gets through to him. Weary now of the extent of the government’s reach, I’m not altogether assured of the security of my surroundings. Thoughts of secret spies add to my burgeoning sense of unease.
Mel accosts me on my way back from the gym that night, spewing vitriol like there’s no tomorrow. “Jeez, calm down,” I say, planting my hands on her shoulders.
“I’m sick of them wrapping me up in cotton wool,” she seethes.
I stop in front of the elevator and press the button. When the doors glide open, I pull her in with me. “What are you doing?” she asks.
“Let’s go to the observation deck. Help you cool off.” I try to quash my grin but one look at her gnarly features destroys my resolve in a split second.
“Knock that grin off your face or I’ll do it for you,” Mel grits outs, her bad mood sullying her normal good nature.
We plonk down on the ground in front of the window, and I listen while Mel vents. Her dad won’t let her become part of a new team assigned to train raw recruits above ground. The compound here is nearing maximum capacity, so the huge droves of new recruits are being housed in warehouses and temporary military camps in various states. A couple of new units have been created to work as mobile training units. There’s a genuine buzz around the place recently. Now that the monitoring drones are out of action, attacks are fewer on the ground as the government has to adjust to life without their vital eyes and ears. Our numbers are swelling by the day and this feels real, like we can win this. Except the President isn’t worried and his blatantly confident tone last night has definitely unraveled me. Deep concern cloaks my body like a second skin.
“Are you even listening to me?” Mel says, bringing me back to her.
“I am. You’re mad. You are sick of being treated like a kid. You want a piece of the action,” I summarize quickly.
“Don’t make fun of me.” Her lips purse and she fidgets with the collar of her shirt.
“Hey,” I say, reaching out to brush a stray hair off her face. “I’m not being flippant. I understand your frustration.”
“You do?” She tilts her head to the side, her fingers trailing over her bottom lip.
My eyes follow the line of her fingers as if in a trance. Snapping out of it, I jerk my head up. “Of course, I do. I have been listening to you.” We chat most every day, so understanding her motivations and her drivers isn’t difficult for me at all. We’ve had plenty of in-depth discussions. Mel wants to stand up and be counted, to make a difference. What she’s doing here is not fulfilling that need, and she’s practically bursting out of her skin with frustration.
I can totally empathize. It’s how I used to feel when the change f
irst happened and I was forced to work in Ceut and forgo my desire for my IT career. Trying to contain my pent-up frustration was a daily struggle for me. So I get her. “I’ve been in your shoes,” I explain, reaching out subconsciously and removing her finger from her mouth. “That was how I felt when I couldn’t indulge my passion for IT.”
She moves impressively fast. Launching herself forward, she places her lips against mine and kisses me. Though her caress is hesitant, it’s soft and sweet, and her lips move naturally against mine. I respond without thinking, sliding her into my lap and welding my mouth to hers. We continue to kiss, and I don’t feel anything but her until she moves her mouth to the side, kissing me in the sensitive spot just under my ear. Yearning for Ari swamps me with the familiar gesture and I push Mel away. Pressing my knuckles against my forehead, I squeeze my eyes shut. What the hell have I done?
“What did I do wrong?” Mel stammers.
My eyes flicker open at the quiver in her voice. She’s confused and upset. I’ve hurt her feelings. You’re a freaking idiot, I chastise myself. This is exactly why I can’t let anything start with anyone else. Although I’ve accepted the fact that my future isn’t with Ari, I can’t stop loving her overnight. And if I still love her, then how can I let any other woman into my life? I can’t. Because that isn’t fair. And Mel is a sweet girl. She deserves better than this.
“That shouldn’t have happened,” I say. Her lip wobbles and I’m horrified. “I don’t mean that it wasn’t enjoyable,” I admit, trying to lessen the next blow. “But I can’t start anything with you, Mel. I’m not ready to move on yet and honestly? I don’t know that I ever will be. She’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Her lip wobbles precariously, and I cringe at my blatant inability to defuse the situation.
“You really should have thought of that before you kissed me like I was the only girl on Earth!” she yells, her hurt swiftly transforming into anger. It’s okay though, I deserve it. In some ways, it’s easier to deal with.
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