by Tara Wyatt
BetaTestAccount23: Point taken.
BetaTestAccount23: And I don’t know why we’re confusing. We don’t mean to be.
FreshPrincessOfChelsea: I just don’t understand how he can say one thing and then do the opposite, and then do something else that contradicts what he just did, and then say something else that reinforces the contradictory thing. What am I supposed to do with that?
BetaTestAccount23: Want some honesty?
FreshPrincessOfChelsea: Always.
BetaTestAccount23: I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but I can tell you that no matter how much you think he likes you, if you’re still single, that’s your answer.
FreshPrincessOfChelsea: So if he tells me he wishes he could be with me but keeps pushing me away…
BetaTestAccount23: Sounds complicated, but yeah. I think you have your answer.
FreshPrincessOfChelsea: Okay. Thanks. I’ll mull that over. Any change in your situation?
BetaTestAccount23: No. Still complicated. Sorry.
FreshPrincessOfChelsea: It’s okay. You don’t owe me anything. I’ll see you online later.
9
Willa blew the steam away from the rim of her mug and then set it down on her nightstand. Outside, Manhattan was being drenched by the first big thunderstorm of the season, even though it was only May. Rain pelted against the windows in thick, heavy drops, leaving the lights of the city smeared and blurry. A rumble of thunder quaked through the air, reverberating against the buildings, and she shivered involuntarily. The rain made her think of the night of the home invasion and the ice pellets bouncing off her skin, off the windows of Max’s SUV. The memory of it made her tremble slightly, and she flexed her hands, curling her fingers into fists and then straightening them again, trying to work through the agitation making her feel both too cold and too hot at the same time. At least it wasn’t fear anymore. What had once been terror had slowly faded over the past two months, but she had a feeling that the lingering scar would last for a long time, faint as it was.
Grabbing her laptop from her desk, she slid into bed and pulled her duvet up around herself, making a nest of pillows and blankets. Sufficiently comfortable, she opened her email and clicked on the link to join the Zoom call Kayla had set up. A few seconds later, her laptop’s screen was filled with two of her favorite faces in the world—her best friends, Lauren and Kayla, both of whom had moved to California within the past several months.
Back in the fall, Lauren had moved to Los Angeles to pursue her dream of becoming a professional musician and had signed a record deal with her mentor, with whom she’d been writing and recording songs for the past few months. Her best friend turned boyfriend turned fiancé Theo had followed her to the west coast and was working as a family lawyer there.
Then, two months ago, Kayla’s boyfriend Sebastian had accepted a job in Lake Tahoe working as a snowboarding coach for Team USA. Kayla had gone with him and was still deciding what she wanted to do. She’d lost her job back in Manhattan, but given how miserable she’d been, it hadn’t been much of a loss.
A sudden pang of loneliness hit Willa and she found herself blinking back tears at the sight of her friends.
“Hey!” she said, forcing a cheeriness into her voice that she didn’t really feel. To cover up her emotional reaction to seeing them, she reached for her tea and took a sip. It wasn’t that she wasn’t comfortable sharing with them, she just didn’t want the visit to turn into the poor, lonely Willa show. “It’s so good to see you guys!”
“You too!” said Lauren, whose normally pale, freckled skin had a nicely burnished, SoCal glow to it. “I’m so sorry we haven’t chatted much lately. Things have been a little nuts, with recording and everything and I let my schedule get away from me.”
“How’s the recording going?” asked Kayla, who looked more relaxed than Willa had seen her look…well, ever. Her blond hair fell around her shoulders in loose waves and she looked like she was glowing, even though her face appeared to be makeup free.
But then who needed makeup when you had a Prescott in your bed to give you multiple orgasms every night? Biting her lip, Willa ignored the jealousy threatening to burn a hole through her sternum.
“We’re finished!” said Lauren triumphantly. “We recorded eighteen tracks in total, with the goal of having twelve or thirteen make the final cut.”
“Do we get to listen?” asked Willa, taking another sip of her tea. A rumble of thunder echoed outside, the rain splatting against her bedroom window even harder.
“Of course. I’ll send you guys the final files as soon as I have them. I’m so nervous to find out what the record label execs think.” She bit her lip, shaking her head. “I hope it’s good enough.” Then she smiled. “But even if they don’t like it, I’m happy with the songs I recorded. I know I put everything I had into it and that feels good, you know?”
Willa nodded. “I’m proud of you, babe. You worked so hard for your dream and you never gave up, and now look at you! A record deal, a gorgeous fiancé. It’s amazing and I’m so thrilled for you, even if I do miss the crap out of you. And you, Kayla,” she said, her eyes flicking across the screen. “I miss both of you.”
“I miss you guys, too,” said Kayla, who was curled up in a leather armchair, a spectacular view of the snow-capped mountains rising up through the window behind her. “I love it out here and I don’t miss the city nearly as much as I thought I might, but I do really, really miss you guys.”
“You should all come visit,” said Lauren, tilting her head to the side and beginning to weave her long red hair into a braid. “We’re in our new place now, so we’ve got lots of room.”
“I’m in,” said Willa. “I could use a break from the city and I’d love to see you guys.”
“Great! I’ll send an email and we can work on nailing down a date. You should come down too, Kayla. I’ll take you guys to all the cool Hollywood hotspots.”
Kayla nodded. “That sounds amazing. Yes. Let’s figure something out.”
“How are Theo and Sebastian?” Willa forced herself to ask. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to hear about their relationships. It was just that their happiness was a reminder of everything she didn’t have, including the Prescott she was stuck on.
Lauren grinned. “Theo’s good. He’s up for junior partner at his firm, and I think he’ll get it. If he does, we’re going to go to Mexico to celebrate.” Lauren’s cheeks went pink and she cleared her throat. “I know he misses his family though.”
“I think Bastian does, too,” said Kayla. “But he’s been pretty busy with work. He’s really enjoying it. Coaching is definitely his thing.”
“And what about you?” asked Willa. “Have you figured out what you want to do?”
“I have a couple of job interviews next week, both at non-profit organizations. I think I’d like to do something where I feel like I’m actually making a difference, you know? Not just helping millionaires stay millionaires. I’m tired of that.”
“You want to use your powers for good, not evil,” said Lauren and Kayla laughed. “I get that.”
They talked a bit more about Lauren’s album, a concert she’d recently played, celebrities she’d spotted out and about, the organizations where Kayla was interviewing, and how well Sebastian was doing with everything. Willa was happy to hear that he seemed to have his demons under control.
“You guys won’t believe this crazy client Theo had the other week,” said Lauren, eyes flashing with mischief. “She was a woman in her forties, and she hired Theo to handle her divorce proceedings. I showed up at his office to meet him for lunch and she was totally hitting on him. You should’ve seen how adorably flustered he was. It was like he didn’t know what to do.”
“Did you rescue him?” asked Kayla, fingers pressed to her mouth.
“I did. I came in and introduced myself as his fiancée and the woman left pretty quickly. Poor Theo. He felt so guilty, even though he’d clearly done nothing wrong. I could tell
he needed some kind of outlet for it, so I pretended I was a little jealous and we ended up having sex in his office.”
“Um, hello!” said Kayla. “I need details. All the details.”
Lauren blushed and Willa sipped her tea, the liquid curdling in her stomach. It wasn’t like her to feel so jealous, but she knew there were a whole slew of contributing factors. She missed her friends, and she was hung up on the brother of both of their significant others. They’d found what she’d come to realize she not only wanted but craved. That sense of belonging to someone, of being cared for. The hole in her life was more apparent than ever now that both of her closest friends had moved away. The jealousy she felt wasn’t the bitter variety, but more of a soft, tender longing. She wanted what they had, and she knew who she wanted it with.
She also knew she’d be wise to move on, like Mr. 23 had suggested.
“I closed the door after the client left and I asked him who his cock belonged to,” said Lauren, her face practically crimson.
Kayla let out a hoot of laughter. “Oh, I bet he loved that.”
“Considering I was riding him less than five minutes later, I think it’s safe to say he did.”
“That’s really hot,” said Willa, feeling obligated to contribute to the conversation, even though her mind was now squarely on Max. She let her mind wander, just for a minute, imagining walking into his office, closing the door behind her and telling him she was his. He’d kiss her, pulling her onto his lap and their hands would become frantic until her skirt was around her waist, her panties shoved aside and his thick cock buried deep inside her, finally soothing the ache in her core.
“…had a handprint for days,” Kayla was saying, jerking Willa back to the present moment. “I’ve always been a little self-conscious about my big butt, but not anymore. Not when I see how much Bastian loves it.”
“Have you guys ever…” Lauren trailed off, wiggling her eyebrows.
It was Kayla’s turn to blush. “Yes, and I’m freaking addicted. He’s unleashed a monster. Not that he’s complaining.”
They laughed and then Lauren turned the conversation back to Willa. “Willa, honey, you’ve been kind of quiet. Everything okay?”
She felt her friend’s question like a tug in her chest and she took a sip of her tea and then shook her head slowly. “Yeah, I’m…I don’t know. I mean, I’m okay in that I’m healthy and work is fine and everything is fine.”
“But?” prompted Kayla, her brows furrowed.
“But…” She knew then that she couldn’t keep it in anymore. She’d never told them about what had happened the night of the invasion, partly because they’d been so wrapped up in their own lives, and partly because she was embarrassed at the way Max had rejected her. “There’s something I need to tell you guys.”
“Okay,” said Lauren, tossing her messy braid over her shoulder. “Whatever it is, you know you can talk to us.”
Willa nodded and curled her fingers around her cooling mug. Thunder boomed outside, rain drenching the city. “So it’s no secret that I’ve had a thing for Max for a while,” she said, her heart hammering in her throat, something akin to adrenaline charging through her. Maybe because telling someone, saying it all out loud would make it real.
“Definitely not a secret,” said Kayla, but there was no judgement in her tone. Only warmth and concern.
“Um. So. The night of the invasion…Max and I slept together.”
Lauren’s eyes went wide and Kayla frowned.
“I don’t get the impression that this is good news,” said Kayla. “What did that asshole do?”
Willa smiled, a real, genuine smile at Kayla’s mama bear instincts.
“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” asked Lauren. “Tell us what happened.”
And so she did. She told them about the incredible sex she’d had with Max, how she’d sensed that he’d been holding something back that night, telling her that he’d thought about her that way before, that she was beautiful, and how he’d turned cold the next morning, practically kicking her out.
She sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Things are so awkward between us now, and have been for two months. I tried to talk to him the other day at work when we were alone in my office and he told me that he wants me but he can’t be with me, and that he wishes things were different. I know he’s not in a relationship, so I don’t understand what he means, and I know he’s never going to tell me.” She bit her lip, gazing at the rain-streaked window. “I’m halfway in love with a man who would rather pretend that I don’t exist. I wish I knew how to stop wanting him, because he doesn’t want me.”
Willa’s eyes burned and tears streaked down her cheeks. She set her tea down on her nightstand and grabbed a tissue, wiping inelegantly at her face.
“Oh, honey,” said Lauren, her voice full of sympathy. “I wish I were there right now so I could give you a big hug.”
“And I wish I were there so I could find something to beat Max over the head with,” said Kayla, her voice full of fire.
“Thanks, guys. I appreciate that.”
“Do you wish you’d never slept with him?” asked Lauren.
Willa paused to think for a moment. “No. As much as the aftermath has sucked, I wouldn’t wish that night away.” She sighed. “On top of everything, I’ve kind of been chatting with this guy through the Blind Date app, and I really like him—I mean, we have a 98% compatibility rating, so no surprise there—but he basically told me that he’s not really looking for a relationship because he’s hung up on someone else, so…I don’t know. Everything’s just really confusing right now. What I want seems so far out of reach, and I just feel stuck.” She sucked in a breath and shook her head. “I’ve never understood what it’s like to, like, actually pine for someone, but I get it now. I’m basically a Jane Austen character at this point.”
“I’m sorry, Willa. That really sucks,” said Lauren, her lips pursed. “I have to say, I don’t really know Max that well, even though Theo and I have been friends for so long. He’s really closed off and seems to keep everyone at arm’s length.” She paused, biting her lip. “I do know that something happened about eight years ago. Something really bad, but I have no idea what. Theo and I were still in college then and it just doesn’t get talked about, whatever it was. But there’s definitely some trauma there. I wish I knew more.”
“It’s okay,” said Willa, crumpling the damp tissue in her hand. “It’s really no one’s business if he doesn’t talk about it.” Of course, she wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything. What had happened to him? What had caused him to be in so much pain, to close himself off from the world? She swallowed around the painful lump in her throat, fresh tears threatening to fall, not for herself, but for Max and whatever horrible thing he’d endured. She knew Lauren was trying to explain why he was the way he was, but it only made her want him that much more. She wanted to give him her comfort, her care in whatever form it took. The idea of him carrying around pain, hurting all the time both made sense and felt like a devastation.
“I know, but it might explain why he’s so emotionally unavailable. I doubt very much he’s dealt in any kind of healthy way with whatever it was that happened. Because it doesn’t sound like it’s you—it’s whatever he’s got going on. That’s cold comfort, I know.”
She picked up her tea again, taking a sip. “The guy I’ve been talking to online said that if he was really into me, I wouldn’t be single. That it’s pretty straightforward.”
Both Kayla and Lauren let out a little laugh. “Unless you’re talking about a Prescott,” said Kayla dryly. “Lauren and Theo weren’t straightforward. Sebastian and I weren’t straightforward.”
Willa closed her eyes and blew out a breath. “What am I supposed to do?”
“If Max doesn’t want to be with you, he’s a fucking idiot,” said Kayla. “And I don’t care what’s in his past. You’re the absolute best, Willa, and if he can’t see that, you deserve someone who does.”<
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“Maybe you should talk to a few more people on the dating app,” Lauren suggested gently. “Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, it might distract you from all of this, at least until the path forward is a little clearer.”
“And using technology should definitely make you feel like less of a Jane Austen character,” said Kayla with a little smile. “I hate seeing you so down like this. God, next time I talk to Max, I’m gonna—”
“No!” Willa practically shouted, sloshing tea over the rim of her mug and onto the sleeve of her shirt. “Please don’t. I know you mean well, but please just leave it alone. Promise me you won’t say anything about this to anyone with the last name Prescott. Both of you.”
Lauren and Kayla both held their pinky fingers up to their cameras. “Promise,” they said in unison, and relief trickled through Willa. She was already embarrassed enough at being rejected by Max not once, but twice. She didn’t think she’d survive meddling, no matter how well intentioned.
“As long as you promise to keep us posted on everything. I get why you didn’t say anything, but you don’t need to shoulder it alone,” said Lauren.
“Okay. I promise.”
She felt a little bit better after talking to her friends. The problem wasn’t solved—she was pretty sure it wasn’t actually solvable—but she did feel a bit lighter for actually talking about it with someone. She still felt slightly embarrassed, but it was worth it for the relief that came with sharing what had been eating her from the inside out for two whole months now.
But underneath that was a persistent current of sadness. The writing was on the wall. She and Max were never, ever going to happen, and she needed to let it all go.
They talked a little while longer, and after they disconnected, she set her computer aside and picked up her phone from her nightstand.
FreshPrincessOfChelsea: You know how they say when you have a goal you want to achieve, you should tell someone? Because it gives you accountability?