by Liz Talley
“Why did you feel guilty?”
Because I screwed her ex-boyfriend and then watched her current fiancé do to her what you’d done to me our entire life—disappoint and then make her feel like it was her fault.
She shrugged. “I guess because she’s not happy.”
Daphne felt the movement behind her before Ellery spoke. “For your information, Mother, I don’t need your fucking sympathy, and I don’t need your stupid made-up job, either.”
“Ellery.” Daphne turned to find their outraged daughter behind her. Ellery looked beautiful in a pair of skinny jeans, a slouchy sweater, and UGGs. She also looked pissed, with tears glistening in her eyes. “Honey, Dad and I were having a private conversation.”
“Oh, it’s real private.” Ellery glanced around, her eyes glittering with rage. “You want me to be an adult, but you still treat me like a child. Like this whole divorce thing. What broke you and Dad up isn’t some big, dark secret. You wanted a different life. You wanted fame and fortune . . . and nothing from your old life. Oh, and don’t think I don’t know about your trip to Chicago, the one where you slept with someone else. See, Dad told me everything because he knows I’m a fucking adult and can handle it.”
Ellery might as well have taken the sledgehammer Daphne almost jokingly requested from the waitress and slammed it into her. Slept with someone else? “What are you talking about? Rex, what’s she talking about?”
Her ex-husband looked like a dog caught eating the Christmas goose. “Uh, now, Elle. I said I thought . . . uh . . . I never said that it was for sure—”
“You told our daughter that I slept with a guy in Chicago? Who did you think I slept with? My agent? Paul is nearly seventy years old. Why would you tell her something like that?” But even as Daphne said it, she knew. Rex had been angry that Daphne hadn’t fallen in line when he’d come groveling back. He also didn’t want to be the bad guy and have their daughter think the end of the marriage was because he’d walked away first.
“I never said specifically that you physically cheated. It was more like emotional cheating. You gave your heart to your career, which was as much a betrayal as if you had given your physical self to someone else.” Rex seemed to be addressing his orange-juice glass.
“What kind of psychobabble bullshit have you been peddling to people? I can’t believe you, Rex. First you accuse me of emotional abandonment because I dared to pursue something other than getting stains out of your T-shirts, then you tell our daughter that I cheated on you? Oh, and let’s not mention that you asked me for a loan because you decided to go to Belize instead of paying your taxes. Have you lost your damned mind?” Daphne knew people were looking at them, but she didn’t care.
Ellery no longer looked pissed. Instead she looked like someone had slapped her. “Mom, I didn’t know . . . I thought . . .”
Daphne stood, shoving her barely touched plate back, her chair banging into the table behind her. “What did you think? That I cheated on your father? That’s what you think of me? That I’m an adulterer who went to Chicago to get sexed up? Really, Ellery? Really?” Daphne could feel tears slipping down her cheeks. She always cried when she was mad, a bad side effect of her emotions running rampant.
“Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I mean, all of a sudden you were so busy with your new career, and it was like you were a different person, someone I didn’t even know. You wouldn’t talk to me about the divorce. It affected me, too, you know. I lost my family.”
She stared at her daughter, realizing she, too, was making this about her. The apple didn’t fall far from Rex’s tree. “You didn’t lose your family. It just changed.”
“But it’s like you want to erase everything from before. I mean, you’re selling our house. You’re signing up for online dating. You’re just a different person now,” Ellery said, her hands open in a plea.
“I am not a different person. I’m the person I always was. You”—she pointed at Rex—“and you”—she pointed at Ellery—“never saw me as anything other than someone to fix things for you. But I’m more than that.”
Daphne angrily swiped at her face and looked for her purse. Where was her damned purse? She finally saw it under Rex’s foot. She must have kicked it toward him at some point, so she crouched down to grab it, slapping his leg so he moved. When she rose, she slammed her head against the bottom of the table, making something on the table above spill and blinding pain rip through her. “Shit.”
“You okay?” Rex asked, scooting his chair back.
“What do you think?” Daphne hissed, rising and pushing past Ellery. “And so you know, I’m selling the house because I don’t want to live by myself in a house that holds all my memories, memories that are gone now. I just wanted a blank slate.” She thumped her chest, knowing her eyes were blazing even as tears continued to course. “I deserve a blank slate.”
Then with everyone in the restaurant watching, Daphne spun on her heel and tried to make a dignified exit. Except Clay stood in her way.
“Hey, you need some help here, Daph?” Clay asked, looking concerned.
Something about the tenderness in his eyes almost undid her. She nearly collapsed into his arms. Because at least someone was on her side. Hell, she was tired of being so alone, shouldering everything by herself. “Thank you, Clay, but not now. I can’t deal right now.”
Daphne shoved past him, digging for her keycard. She needed sanctuary, somewhere to process what had happened in the last ten minutes. Rex’s news about the business, Ellery’s revelation about what she thought about her mother, her biggest mistake appearing in Texas like a bad penny. It was all too much.
Thankfully, she didn’t meet anyone on her dash to her room.
The morning that had started so well had just become a dumpster fire.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Daphne,
Hope it’s okay that I call you that now. I feel silly calling you Dee Dee or Miss O’Hara. I really enjoyed jogging with you this morning. Felt nice to have someone at my side. When I learned you liked to run, I kept thinking about how it would be to have you beside me. Looking forward to our chat tonight. I hope you’re not feeling awkward anymore and know that I have been enjoying getting to know you as a real person and not merely on the computer. I believed it when I said we have a bond that transcends distance or connection speed. I hope you feel that way, too.
Until tonight,
Evan
When Ellery had checked her email on the way to the bed and breakfast that morning to get Josh some coffee, she’d been panicked at the thought that her mother had figured out she’d been indulging in a relationship with Evan. That panic had wrestled with irritation. Evan had gone for a run with her mother and hadn’t clued in to the fact that the woman running beside him was nothing like the one he’d shared such intimate thoughts with? How obtuse could a man be? And how come her mother hadn’t figured it out yet? The woman could smell the one puff of a cigarette she’d smoked when she was fifteen but not this?
Then again, Ellery had bigger fish to fry than Evan McCallum, namely at this moment dealing with her father and the apparent lies he’d told her last summer. She looked down at where Rex still sat at the breakfast table, looking like a fox with feathers in his mouth.
“Daddy,” she said, her voice full of disappointment.
His shoulders seemed to sink even lower before he took a deep breath. “Come on, pumpkin. Everything’s okay. Your mom is just overreacting as usual.”
“She’s justified, Daddy.”
Rex turned to everyone who had been staring at the spectacle that had unfolded and pressed his hands against the air. “It’s okay, folks. Just a simple misunderstanding. Sorry to interrupt your breakfast.”
Ellery stared at him. He had lied to her. He’d purposefully allowed her to think her mother was a philanderer who had traded her husband and her boring life for the high life. Or as high as life could be as a children’s author who dressed like a southern matron. Her mother m
ay have chased fame and fortune, but she hadn’t cheated on her father. Mom hadn’t walked away. Dad had. So why had her father led her to believe everything was her mother’s fault?
Around her she could feel people returning their attention to their eggs.
Thank God.
“Just sit down,” her father said, indicating the chair her mother had shoved into a small table that held menus and extra silverware.
“I don’t want to sit down.”
“Please, sugar. We’ve already made quite a scene, so maybe we should try a calm conversation without the drama,” Rex said.
Her father didn’t look like his normal self. Usually he exuded energetic confidence and vitality, but this morning he looked older and more tired than she’d ever seen him. His summer tan had faded, and the crow’s-feet were more pronounced. She hadn’t noticed before that moment. “Fine.”
“Look, I know you’re pissed, but I didn’t mean to mislead you about your mother. Not exactly.”
Ellery narrowed her eyes at him.
“Okay, fine. I was mad at her.” Rex turned his hands over onto the table in a plea. “You have to understand that when she first started this whole book thing, I was happy for her. I always thought she needed something more than tending to us. But then she was always gone, always on deadline, always distracted. Then there were the huge paychecks and all the people lining up for her autograph. She felt different, not like the Daphne I had always known. I didn’t tell you, but this past spring, I went to see her and asked if we could try again. She told me no.”
She’d throbbed with anger, then outrage, and now felt something akin to pity for the man who hadn’t been able to accept and support the woman in his life being more than a doormat. She was nearly certain the pity had edged in because she herself had felt those same things toward her mother—jealousy, hurt, incredulity. “I get it, Dad. Mama fell into something she never imagined—a career she loves. Did you think she would give all that up to be the person you wanted her to be again? I understand the way you feel, but you should have been proud of her and not threatened.”
Even as Ellery said those words, she knew she was guilty of the same thing. She’d spent years resenting her mother. How many times had she been snide when Daphne couldn’t make a luncheon or given her mother the silent treatment when Daphne forgot to mail chocolate chip cookies before exams? How many times over the past months had she been angry that her mother had happened into a successful career without even trying, while Ellery’s own carefully constructed plan had netted her nothing but folding socks at Selber’s? How often had she stifled irritation at people asking about her mother rather than asking about her?
Yeah, Ellery had been a shit to her mother . . . as much as her father had. Which meant Ellery had character flaws. Serious ones. She was ashamed of herself for being so envious of her own mother, especially now that she knew the truth.
Her behavior brought a fresh sheen of tears to her eyes.
Her father rolled his eyes. “I’m not threatened by your mother’s success.”
But the way her father said it made it obvious he was. Ellery had never thought about her father being jealous of her mother’s unexpected fortune. When he’d talked to her over the summer about why their marriage had failed, his slant had made her mother seem in the wrong. He’d been the victim. Ellery had fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. For some reason it was easy to believe her mother wanted more than what she had. Daphne had spent her life at the ironing board, in the kitchen, wiping preschooler faces, and reorganizing the pantry. When that editor had called, it had been like her mother had woken up and seen what life could be. She’d been Dorothy over the rainbow, and her world was suddenly vibrant and unfamiliar.
Of course, when Ellery’s father had first suggested Daphne had slept with some exec from a publishing house, Ellery hadn’t believed his insinuation. Her mother was . . . her mom. Daphne may have wanted more than the lemons life had handed her, but she wasn’t making martinis and swilling them while crooking her finger at random dudes. Ellery knew this for certain.
She’d even said as much to Josh an hour after her father had implied her mother had been unfaithful, and it was her fiancé who had allowed doubt to shadow her opinion.
“Well, you don’t always know people, right? We see what we want to see. We have expectations for the people in our lives, and if they step outside that, we’re unwilling to distort that version of them. So we ignore what is in front of us. Did your father confront her?” he’d asked as they stood outside the rental house in Seaside, Florida.
“I don’t know. Dad just said it like he was ticking off all the reasons things went bad for them, and that little bomb was one of them. It was weird,” Ellery had said, clutching the balcony of their beach house, the sea breeze tangling her hair as the waves crashed onto the beach. “Should I ask her?”
“Will she tell you the truth?”
“I don’t know. Probably not.” Ellery had turned to Josh, so glad that he was there for her. His solid shoulders and warm embrace ready to shelter her. She moved into those arms and closed her eyes at the pleasure of his closeness. “She has changed. Highlights, better wardrobe, and she holds herself differently. Maybe everything went to her head a bit. Her life has been small until recently, and you’re right, sometimes people do what you don’t expect. Maybe she wanted more than what she had.”
Josh kissed her head. “Maybe she did.”
But now sitting at that table across from her father—a man who had lied and made Ellery doubt so much of her mother—she wondered if she’d believed the untruth because she was discontent with her own life.
Ever since her stumble out of the gate, she’d been pasting on a smile, pretending everything in her life was gravy when in fact she hated the life she lived. She’d convinced herself there was nothing wrong with taking a year off, being a supportive girlfriend, and making lemonade and all that bullshit. So maybe it wasn’t her mother who wanted more.
It was Ellery.
“Elle?” her father said, jarring her from her disturbing thoughts.
“Oh, sorry. All I’m saying is maybe you didn’t want to be threatened by Mom’s success, but you were,” Ellery said, watching the syrup drip from her mother’s abandoned pancakes. They looked really good. Ellery picked up a clean fork and stabbed a bite. “Thing is, Dad, I understand because the crazy success surprised me, too. And you’re right—everything changed. Still, the more I think about it, the more I realize we were unfair to Mom. Something wonderful happened to her, and instead of celebrating it with her—I mean truly celebrating it, not just the clink of the champagne glass—we resented how it inconvenienced us.”
“That’s not true. Once you’re in a marriage, you’ll understand what I mean. You have to balance things. Before her career, your mom and I were fine. And then we weren’t.”
Easy for her father to say. He’d owned the balance of power in that relationship. Her mother had owned the power of Spray ’n Wash. And really, Ellery had no business analyzing anyone’s relationship. Last night she’d kissed another man after finding gay porn on her fiancé’s computer. If anyone was “unbalanced,” it was the gal picking apart her mother’s now-cold pancakes. “Daddy, I’m not saying how you felt wasn’t valid. I’m just saying I may have been a jerk over the past year or so. You and Mom getting a divorce wasn’t something I ever expected, and I didn’t handle it well. I pretended to, but I didn’t.”
She set the fork down.
Rex looked at her. “So how long were you standing there? I mean, you overheard your mother talking about some things.”
Ellery nodded. “I heard her essentially talk about what a spoiled little bitch I am.”
“You aren’t.” Her father always defended her, something that comforted. But it was also a bit like wearing shoes that pinched her feet. She had to own her flaws, not have them smoothed over by her father. Or anyone else.
“Eh, I can be.” Ellery shrugged, holding on t
o the truth with one hand while she pinched her nose with the other. Being honest with herself wasn’t pleasant. “I also heard you say something about her paying my rent.”
He swallowed. “Look, baby, I’m having some cash-flow problems. The divorce and some other stuff have made it harder to pay the bills lately, but I don’t want you to worry.”
Ellery felt something panicky gnaw at her. She’d relied on her father too much. It wasn’t like she didn’t know this, but it had been easier letting him pay for her life than taking ownership of her own poor decisions. Of course, she wasn’t sure if she could afford her share of the bills and pay off the credit cards. She had three now, one her father didn’t know about and that she had been paying on her own. “It’s fine. I need to start paying my own bills. I mean, it will be challenging, but I have two jobs and have to do better at managing my money.”
Her father lifted his eyebrows. “Really?”
Ellery shrugged, pushing aside the fear that clogged her throat. God, everything was so screwed up, and now she had to truly grow up. Bills, relationships, and a future that felt uncertain. “I have to start living on my own.”
Rex nodded. “I guess it’s official—you’re a big girl.”
“Ha.” Ellery pushed her chair back. She needed to find her mother and apologize for thinking the worst of her. Why hadn’t she asked her mother about Chicago? She wasn’t sure. Maybe because she liked the anger she felt toward her mother . . . even enjoyed that her mother didn’t know why Ellery was so distant. Daphne was the kind of person who was good at everything—she never left something undone, never half-assed, never screwed up. Ellery had found perverse comfort in the thought her mother wasn’t so damned good after all. Somehow it made Ellery more of an equal, as if the blemish on Daphne’s morality counteracted Ellery’s own failure. That thought was fucked up, but Ellery knew it was true. “This big girl has to go apologize to her mother for believing the absolute worst of her.”