Room to Breathe

by Liz Talley

  Daphne hung up and called Evan. No answer. She glanced at her phone and saw no response to her plea for Ellery to call her.

  Damn it.

  An hour and fifteen minutes later, she roared up the road that led to One Tree Estates, feeling more panicked than ever. She’d been unable to reach Evan, Ellery wasn’t responding to any of her calls, and when she’d called the winery, the person who’d answered could only take a message for Evan to call her. The receptionist had said Gage no longer worked there and she didn’t know who Ellery was.

  Feeling unhinged, Daphne pulled into a reserved spot and shifted into park with a jolt. She palmed her keys and leaped out, scrambling toward the entrance, not caring that she looked a bit mad. She had no makeup on, wore yoga pants, a tunic shirt with a bleach stain on the hem, and running shoes that had seen better days. Her curly auburn hair was likely snarled, and her cheeks held the high pink of a panicked mother.

  “Hello,” she said, bursting into the lobby and turning toward the reception desk.

  The girl behind the desk cheeped in alarm. “Oh, hello.”

  “I’m looking for Evan McCallum, please. Is he here?”

  The teenager behind the desk blinked and stepped back, looking unsettled. “He’s out in the fields at present. I can try to call him.”

  “Do it,” she said, glancing around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her daughter or that surly bartender with his pretty smile and obvious silver tongue. But she saw no one familiar. Then she remembered that Evan had said his nephew lived in the house next to his. His sister’s house.

  “Never mind,” she called to the receptionist as she bolted out the door of the winery and back to her car. Several guests looked at her in alarm as she hurried through the parking lot. She may have been muttering bad words under her breath, or maybe her panicked disposition was enough to make them pause. At that point she didn’t care. Her only thought was to get to Ellery and end the madness her daughter seemed to be determined to conduct.

  She tried to follow the speed limit as she wound down the drive but found herself anxiously pressing the accelerator. Evening approached, and the shadows were long and golden. If she hadn’t been in such a state, she might have appreciated the dying day more, but she was focused on one thing—the most precious person in her life, a child she refused to lose because she’d made one mistake.

  She came to the house Evan had pointed to as being his older sister’s while on their run and turned into the drive. No car sat in the driveway, and the house was dark. It looked as if she were too late.

  “No,” she breathed, killing the engine. “No, no, no.”

  She climbed out and heard someone call her name.

  “Daphne,” Evan called again, striding across his yard, crossing into the yard of the house she’d pulled into.

  “Evan,” she said, closing the car door and moving toward him. “Is Ellery here?”

  “She and Gage left several hours ago,” he said, his expression narrow and concerned.

  Daphne felt as if he’d dealt her a blow. “No. Oh my God, this is unbelievable.”

  “You didn’t know?” he asked, looking taken aback at the thought. “She didn’t tell you?”

  She shook her head as she blinked back the tears gathering in her eyes. Her daughter had essentially run away from all that she had known, willy-nilly, without care, caution, or enough sense to fill a boot. “She’s still not speaking to me. She resigned from being my assistant and told me she would not come to Thanksgiving dinner via email, but she never said anything about your nephew or Seattle.”

  Evan’s eyes widened. He reached for her hand. “Come with me. Let’s sit down and talk.”

  Daphne shook him off. “I don’t want to talk. I want to go after her. This is the stupidest thing she has ever done. Evan, she can’t just up and leave like this. Like she’s punishing me.”

  “I don’t think that’s what it’s about,” he said, his voice quiet.

  “How do you know? You don’t know her,” Daphne cried.

  “Actually, I kind of do. We’ve been exchanging emails with each other for months now. I know a bit more than a stranger would. Come on.” He took her arm again and gave a slight tug. “You’re not going to catch them.”

  Daphne went because he was right. She was hours behind her daughter, and it wasn’t as if she could put an APB out on her grown daughter who wasn’t actually missing . . . except for maybe missing her common sense.

  Evan’s hand was warm on her elbow. She wished it felt comforting, but she wasn’t sure if she could be comforted at this point. Her heart felt completely broken, and her stomach churned with adrenaline.

  “I’m sorry you didn’t know about Ellery going with Gage,” Evan said, sinking onto a cedar bench that blended perfectly with the landscaping. “That wasn’t very well done of her.”

  “How does she even know him? I guess they met that weekend, but . . . I just don’t understand what has gotten into her lately.”

  “They’ve been a bit more than acquaintances from what I understand and from what I’ve seen over the last twenty-four hours. But you don’t have to worry about Gage. He’s a good guy, more responsible than any other twenty-nine-year-old I know.”

  Daphne crunched through the fallen leaves, trying to grapple with all Evan had revealed. “They were here overnight? Why didn’t you call me? We talked yesterday, and you said nothing about Ellery being here.”

  He held up a hand. “We didn’t talk. We texted, and it was about brining a turkey. I assumed you knew Ellery was going with Gage. Besides, I didn’t know she was here until last night when Gage and Ellery came up to the restaurant. And I called you this morning, but you didn’t answer . . . and I texted you to give me a call when you had a chance.”

  In that he was right. She’d planned on calling him that afternoon once she finished with the last storyboard. Asking for an extension was something that went against every fiber of her being. She didn’t like to sign a contract and then break it, but the last few weeks had been more than stressful, and since her publisher had requested the book tour after she’d signed the contract, she didn’t feel as bad asking for a few more weeks. Still, she’d rededicated herself to setting aside time to work, putting aside her worry so she could do her job. “You did. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound accusatory. I’m just really upset that she would do something so ridiculous, and not tell me that she was doing it.”

  Fresh heartbreak welled inside her. Her daughter had pulled herself so far away that she didn’t want or need Daphne in her life. How had that happened so quickly? Sure, they hadn’t been the same for the last half year, but to leave home and say nothing to either of her parents? It was immature, inconsiderate, and thoroughly selfish. Irritation burgeoned inside her, fighting for a place beside the hurt.

  “It seems extreme, but she’s searching to find herself,” Evan said, his voice soft.

  “Find herself? What a stupid millennial concept . . . and I don’t even know if she’s a millennial, but either way, it’s an excuse for bad behavior. Her father and I have given her a pretty spectacular life, and this is how she treats us? This is how she treats her mother?” Daphne stood up abruptly, the anger taking hold now.

  “Daphne, I don’t think she’s doing this to hurt you. I think she’s trying to be an adult.”

  “An inconsiderate jackass of one,” Daphne said, turning and staring down at Evan. “You’re not defending her, are you? Because it sounds like you are.”

  “I’m not necessarily defending her. I’m trying to get you to see this from her point of view.”

  “Well, I could have done that if she would have bothered to tell me that she was taking off to the West Coast with a stranger. Maybe I could have shown her just how stupid it is to make such a snap decision and leave all her plans and family behind for a whim. She doesn’t have a job, she doesn’t have a plan, she doesn’t—”

  “—need one. She’s twenty-three and will have to figure out how to get a
job, pay her bills, make mistakes, and live her own life on her own terms.”

  Daphne rolled her eyes. “Really? And you know this because . . . ?”

  Evan’s brow furrowed. “That’s what I had to do. I mean, isn’t that what you did?”

  “No,” Daphne said, whirling back toward the horizon, where the sun had begun to sink, streaking the sky like an impressionist painter’s palette. The beauty was incongruous with the ugliness battling inside her. “I didn’t have the opportunity to do any of that because I had a kid and a husband. Making mistakes meant my kid didn’t eat or we didn’t have running water. Living my life on my own terms ceased to exist on that last push when my daughter emerged, screaming her lungs out, from my teenage body. I didn’t get to figure my life out. I was handed a life, and it was handcuffed to me. I didn’t get to ‘find myself.’”

  Evan stared at her for a few seconds. “So this is about you?”

  “No, this is about my daughter being a complete ass and running from her problems.”

  “Or maybe she’s doing what you’re doing—starting over with a blank slate. That’s what you told me on our date. You said that you were done playing by everyone else’s rules. You were claiming your own life. So perhaps Ellery is doing what you’re doing. She’s trying to find a new life for herself. When you do that, you can make missteps. You admitted to making one with a younger guy, right? But that’s what happens when you decide to live your life on your terms.”

  Boom. Mic drop.

  Daphne didn’t want Evan’s words to make sense. He was supposed to side with her. He was supposed to be outraged for her. “Okay, so if Poppy did what Ellery did, you wouldn’t be upset?”

  “Sure. I want Poppy to make good choices, but I know she won’t sometimes. My job is to prepare her for the road ahead. Not pave it for her. You have said over and over that you’ve given Ellery so much and she owes you. Does that mean she owes you the gift of managing her life? Of fixing it for her?”

  Daphne watched as the sun set, lighting a path for her daughter. “No, not necessarily.”

  “Hey,” he said, reaching for her hand and threading his fingers through hers. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t be upset. It’s justifiable to feel the way you do, and if I were in the same situation, I’d be upset my child didn’t tell me about her plans. I’m not saying you can’t own that you’re hurt and frightened for your daughter.”

  Daphne sank back onto the bench. This time the tears fell, and she didn’t bother to try and stop them. “If I hadn’t done something so stupid, she would have come to me. I could have helped her figure things out. Her fiancé turned out to be gay, her engagement a sham, and her ego probably pancaked, and because I screwed up with Clay, she doesn’t trust me or—”

  “Daphne, you can’t persecute yourself because you were less than perfect. Everyone messes up. Everyone makes bad decisions. You’re holding yourself to a crazy standard.”

  “Of what? Being a decent person . . . a mother doesn’t allow her baser needs and insecurities to put her in a situation that brings about this.”

  “Daph, this didn’t happen because you slept with someone, no matter how old he is. This is about the decision Ellery made, one you’re going to have to live with because she’s an adult now.”

  Daphne sniffled. A partial sob may have escaped. “But this is horrible. She won’t acknowledge me other than sending me a stupid resignation letter. It’s almost intolerable, and I don’t know what to do to make it better.”

  “Ellery loves you. I know that much through corresponding with her. She’ll come around, but you have to let her go. You have to not push . . . or fix . . . or force something. I learned this with my wife. Sometimes you can do nothing but love that person, and even that won’t be enough.”

  His arm came around her and pulled her to him. She allowed herself to fall against his solidness. Evan was warm and smelled like fresh laundry. “I’m not good at doing nothing, Evan.”

  “I understand. It’s harder to do nothing than to do something, sometimes. We’re parents, so our first inclination is to protect and repair. But Ellery is safe. Gage will see to that. I trust him implicitly. As to repairing Ellery, that’s up to her. Let go of the wheel and see what happens.”

  She tucked herself deeper into his side, wiping the tears still spilling down her cheeks. Deep down inside she knew Evan was right. It wasn’t her job to fix Ellery, but the thought of sitting back and watching her wreck her life was almost too much to think about.

  But what if her daughter didn’t wreck her life?

  What if Ellery was doing something that Daphne had waited almost too late to do in life?

  Taking a chance. Rolling the dice. Jumping in with both feet.

  Evan kissed the side of her head, and this time comfort stole over her. For the past few weeks, she and Evan had texted and talked a few times on the phone. He’d told her he would give her space, but their communications held promise for something more. Sitting here, lower than she’d been since Rex had filed for divorce, having someone to lean on, to give her necessary truth and to hold her with a sweetness she’d forgotten she needed, told her all she needed to know about her future with Evan.

  Sure, that was putting the cart before the horse, but she was willing to put herself out there. Maybe that was the thing she had to do. Stop thinking, stop trying to control every aspect of her world, and let life come to her.

  “How did you get so smart?” she asked.

  “I make wine. There is nothing certain, nothing I can control except the label,” he said, a little bit of disgust tingeing the acceptance that his career had taught him.

  “I like your label,” she said, allowing herself to completely relax against him and enjoying the feel of his arms around her.

  “Gage designed it. You know, if you think about it, Ellery’s like a good wine. She just needs room to breathe. Pop the cork, Mama, and give it time.” She could hear the smile in his voice, and that made her feel like perhaps things weren’t so bad.

  “You should write wine-ology,” Daphne said.

  “I’ll leave the writing to you,” he said, dropping another kiss atop her head.

  For a few minutes they sat there, snuggled on the bench as the day turned into evening, surrendering the rays of the sun to the soft gray of dusk. As the light faded, a chill permeated her tunic and made her shiver. Her heart still hurt, but his words had found their mark. Ellery needed room . . . to make mistakes . . . to try new things . . . to breathe.

  “Come inside. I’ll build a fire and pour some wine. Poppy’s over at Marin’s, playing with her youngest, so we will have a bit of peace,” he said.

  “I should get back,” she said, pushing herself upright.

  “Why?”

  “Well, I burst in here like a madwoman. I’m sure you have things to do,” she said, now feeling a bit embarrassed about her panicked storming of the winery. It wasn’t like Evan had been sitting around with nothing to do but talk a crazy mother out of an all-out manhunt for her grown daughter. She’d interrupted his evening.

  “I do. With you.”

  She turned to him. “That might be the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time.”

  “You’re not hanging around the right people,” Evan said, rising and holding out a hand. “I know things in your life are feeling uncomfortable right now, but I’m really glad to see you, Daphne.”

  She took his hand. “It’s odd, but after feeling like my world was falling apart, I’m glad to see you, too.”

  Her toes did a small curling thing when he gave her a crooked smile. Then he brushed his lips softly against hers. “And that’s the nicest thing I’ve heard in a long time.”

  Evan pulled her toward his house, and she went with him, her heart not completely healed, but her fear quieted. “Thank you, Evan.”

  He squeezed her hand and turned to look at her. “We’ve had a little breathing room ourselves. I think I’m ready for that first sip. You?”

>   “I’ve been holding on to my glass for a while now.”

  “I’d say let me fill it, but that sounds a little weird,” he said with a sparkle in his eye.

  “I’m down with wine-uendos,” she joked.

  His laughter surrounded her with the warmth she’d been looking for. “Dating a wordsmith is going to be fun, I see.”

  “Hey, I just make up stuff for a living.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Four months later . . .

  Ellery pulled the rental car into the driveway of the house where she had spent her childhood. The house looked different with its fresh paint, new landscaping, and updated shutters, but even so, it still looked like home.

  A sharp pang struck her as she shut the engine off and looked at the tree she used to climb. She’d carved her initials on the branch right above the small platform she’d built, her base for a tree house that never materialized. Not too far away was the old well that she was never supposed to get close to, but, of course, the warning made it all the more seductive. She’d thought she would throw pennies down the well, making her wishes for a pink bike, a kiss from Hayden Harvey, and a training bra come true. But the old well had ended up being dank and weird smelling. She’d slid a penny under the concrete lid and never heard it plink below.

  Here her childhood sat, ripe with memory but not with regret.

  No, her regrets were more recent.

  Ellery picked up the cake pan, climbed out, and walked around to the kitchen door, which no longer had a bang-and-slam screen door, but instead a pretty french door with a striped awning above. Her mother’s car sat in the carport, which had also been given its own makeover. Ellery climbed the steps, expecting Jonas’s bark. The dog didn’t come skidding to the door. Instead she caught her mother’s figure walking past.

  Daphne moved toward the door, her eyes widening only slightly. For a moment the two of them stood, each on a side of an unfamiliar door, both perhaps wondering at the metaphor.

  Finally, her mother opened the door. “Ellery.”