But then the hag had gone and grown soft, had become curious by the mating of mortals and desired that experience herself. By so doing, she’d grown weak and stupid. She’d allowed herself to become slave to a curse that should never have harmed her.
She’d been all-powerful, and then she’d allowed it all to slip away because of him.
Sneering, I looked up at the broad back of the male marching ahead of me and dug my nails in deeper, hissing as droplets of my blood landed with a sizzle at the ground by my feet, causing great pools of water to form and burst forth with life.
I had the power to take it all back, be who I should have always been, take back what was rightly mine—the kingdom of Olympus and even beyond. Too long I’d been denied the reverence and awe of my lessers and the worship of the lowly.
This is not you.
That small and vexingly annoying voice that had haunted my mind since the reawakening spoke to me again.
“Shut up,” I hissed beneath my breath, hating her constant and unwanted interference in my life, loathing her very being.
So few gods knew that the primordials were born of a dual nature and only the strongest side of us would survive. There was not enough space within us to be both. One side had to win, and this time, it would be me.
This time, I would rule victorious. I would do things right. I would…
I frowned as I realized that we were approaching a small village. In the distance, I spotted running horses, but their upper half wasn’t horse, but human. This was a centaur village.
Instantly, I grew curious about the odd beings and enchanted by the perverse strangeness. Horses and mortals had mated to create these… things?
Why were we here? And why did I feel a vague sense of déjà vu, like I’d been here before or had seen it once?
I stopped walking and studied the thatched cottages large enough to accommodate the massive girth of a fully-grown centaur. The village was hustling and bustling with life. Children ran and laughed as they played games of catch. Elderly matrons sat around a fire, working chores together as they chatted. And males clipped and clopped throughout. Some of them were bearing fresh game across their backs, others showing adolescent centaurs the fine art of archery.
Suddenly, a memory burned through me of a centauress with gleaming amber withers and nut-brown hair standing high upon a cliff as she used bow and arrow with such a high-level of mastery that it had seemed almost otherworldly. But when I prodded at that memory further, trying to make sense of what it was I’d seen, it faded away like rolling smoke on a breeze.
Angry and very annoyed that I should feel so empty inside, I glared around, looking for Hades to demand he take us out of this place. I did not like it. Whatever sorcery was here, I would not fall prey to its trap.
But Hades wasn’t with me. In fact, I could barely even distinguish his shadow upon the horizon. I had to jog to catch up to him, and when I did, he walked toward a large body of black water.
My body trembled and my flesh puckered with desperate desire as I imagined taking a dip in its deep waters. But instantly, I sensed a presence in it, something violent and malevolent.
“Why have you brought us here?” I asked, not trusting him.
He knew what I was doing, and yet still he remained, which made him a fool and an idiot. But then he looked at me with his dark, starlit eyes, and I felt heat of a different kind roll through me, felt that other part of me flex and curl and lust. My nipples felt tight, and my legs quivered.
I wanted to rake my claws down his handsome face for it.
He gestured angrily at the pool. “I figured you’d prefer to rest by a body of water for the night.”
I sniffed, forcing a haughty arrogance into my face, but only because I felt very, very confused.
He’d thought of me. Even after what he knew of me, he’d still thought of me. I didn’t tell him thank you, but I did tip my head.
Rolling his eyes, he sat and stared glumly ahead. His hands curled laxly over his raised knees, and a pensive and sullen look touched his darkly handsome features.
I rubbed at my chest where my heart should be, but there was nothing there. There was never anything there.
With a huff, I shed my clothes and turned for the pool. The second my toe touched the waters, I felt the darkness stir, felt it shoot toward the surface. I grinned as I awaited my monster.
I was rearing for a fight, ready for it. Hades had disrupted me so completely that I was like a lit fuse ready to blow and this pathetic creature would soon bear the brunt of my wrath.
When it showed itself, I wasn’t shocked at all to see the gray-skinned creature with clear white eyes break its head through the surface. Its mouth was full of fangs, and gills on its cheeks flexed as it breathed. Thin tentacles swirled around her alien head like hair.
It was a soul siren. Beneath the water, there wasn’t a lovely body but an abomination of flukes and tentacles, scales, and millions of suction cups.
“Ssssooo hungry,” she hissed at me, and I grinned.
“Are you such a bloody fool that you do not recognize your own maker, Sithica,” I whispered, my voice grown as sibilant as hers. I let all the rage, anger, confusion, and fury that burned constantly through me climb to the surface.
Sithica gasped, no longer looking so smug and arrogant. She cried and screamed at me to forgive her, to have mercy. But I snapped my fingers, parting the waters, and commanded her to me.
Helpless to resist the will of her mother, she came, sobbing out streamers of black pearls as fat as my wrist.
A dark and deadly grin stole across my face, and I grasped her neck in my bare hand, squeezing slowly. Her flukes and tentacles twitched, and her gills fluttered as she clawed at my hands.
“Bet no one’s ever treated you thus, have they, soul stealer? How does it feel to hurt? Hmm?” I squeezed just a little harder.
“Thalassa, stop it!” The voice rolled like thunder through the heavens, cracking so violently that the ground beneath us trembled.
Hissing, I twirled, still gripping tight to Sithica as I stared at the massive pillar of man glaring hotly down at me. His eyes were no longer blue-black and full of starlight, but burning with blue flame.
My soul stirred, fluttering with long forgotten memories. That other soul within me flooded my body with emotions I did not want, like desire and primal, decadent need. That made me angry enough to want to kill.
I grinned, squeezing the creatures neck just a little harder. Sithica’s hold grew weaker. I had to destroy that thing inside of me, that creature that made me so terribly weak.
“Why should I, Death? Hmm? I would be doing this world a favor by destroying her. She’s a monster, you see. She’s killed hundreds already and will kill hundreds more. Why should she live?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Sounds familiar.”
I stilled, feeling as if he’d just sucker punched me. “I’m nothing like this thing.”
“That thing is a creature. It lives, it breathes, and if it is cruel, then it is for the Fates to hand down justice, not you. You are her mother. Teach her. Show her how to be. But if you do this thing, then you are no better than she.”
His words landed upon me like physical blows, making my throat squeeze tight and my soul tremble within me. But it wasn’t anger that made me shake so it was the ridiculous thought that he should hate me that caused me to snap.
“You already don’t think I’m better than her!” I screamed, trembling violently. “You’ve ignored me all day. You think I’m no better than a monster. You said so yourself!”
His eyes widened and his jaw went slack for only half a second, as though he hadn’t expected my words. If I was being honest, I had no idea why the very notion of him despising me should hurt this way, but dammit, it did.
His nostrils flared. “Then prove me wrong, female! Prove to me that there is something in you worth saving. Or do you only think of yourself, Thalassa? Is that who you are now? Is that really who you wi
sh to be?”
I laughed, but was mortified to feel tears sliding down my cheeks. “You know nothing of me. Nothing! Do not preach to me of—”
“You were alone, always. Set apart and adrift. Lost. Scared. You hid your pain behind rage. Drowning hundreds, even thousands. But always inside of you, there was a sliver of soul that wanted more. Longed for more.”
I went cold all over, because if I hadn’t known better I’d have thought he was describing the me of today. But I knew he was actually describing the me of yesteryear. The one he desperately wanted back. His love for her beat as tangible as the silky caress of fingertips running upon my flesh.
He thought me a monster. No different than the one I held in my hands. It was not me he wanted, and it was ridiculous that I cared. I did not care. I did not. And yet for some unknown reason I found myself loosening my grip on Sithica’s neck, who’d now gone slack in my hold, her head lolling to the side. But she wasn’t dead, and I hadn’t lied. She was a terror in these parts. The centaur village wouldn’t miss her. Nothing would. She was as alone as I was.
With a disgusted snarl, I tossed the creature down, and the waters rolled back into place, cradling her unconscious form as she sank down to the deep bottom where I’d spelled the waters to forever become her prison. She would never again terrorize the children of the village. Not that I should care of such things. And yet…
He stared at me, his face implacable. Unreadable.
“I didn’t do that for you,” I whispered, voice cracking.
He shook his head, but he didn’t say anything. Just stared at me, looking at me like he knew me. Knew the very real absolute truth of me. I had to get away from that look, from that burning knowledge. I felt too naked and exposed, raw. Like an open nerve, all he would have to do now would be to breathe on me and I would shatter, I just knew it.
Closing my eyes, I became water. I became the breadth and movement of life. As I settled into the waves, I screamed. Screamed and screamed and screamed.
Hades
* * *
I heard her all through the night, the sound so full of pain, unbelievable and raw. It ripped me apart.
I stared at her depths, wishing I could reach her. Wishing I could hold her.
I’d thought she would kill the creature. She was right. The thing was cruel and demented. It did not belong in the waters that the centaurs were forced to fish. But killing it hadn’t been the way. Killing it would have pulled Thalassa further toward the darkness that craved her power.
I’d not thought my words would do anything to her, never expected her to do the unexpected and dump the soul siren back into the waters.
“Oh, Calypso,” I whispered, voice cracking with not only my pain but the sensation of hers too. Our hearts were bonded, joined, and her pain was mine. I felt myself drowning in it.
She’d released the monster.
She’d done it.
And not for herself. It had been for me. It had all been for me. She’d accused me of believing those terrible things about her, and she’d been absolutely right because just as I felt her, she surely felt me.
Rubbing at my stomach, I felt the steady beating of two powerful hearts that now beat as one. She was always in me. Dark or no, my female was always in me, and she needed me now more than ever, whether she knew it or not. And it was so bloody hard because I wasn’t the man she’d once known either. Seeing her this way was tearing me apart, but she was mine, and she always would be. So I reached with my other hand toward the water and just barely grazed my fingers over it.
I felt her quiver, felt her turmoil crawling through me, and her screams grew softer, quieter, until they ceased completely.
And then I felt her sobbing, felt her crying out in the stillness of her deep waters. She did not climb out of that pool for the rest of the night, but my touch seemed to ease her torment. So I remained that way for the rest of the evening.
Closing my eyes, I remembered the moments that had once been ours—the words of devotion and affection, the stolen, quiet moments of lovemaking where we’d bare our hearts, minds, and souls to one another. And as I remembered, I felt her prodding at those memories, sifting through them. I could have closed them off to her, could have cast her adrift and not shown her.
But I opened up even more, gave her all those memories and the emotions that went with them.
“I only ever loved you, Calypso. It was only ever you.”
The waters grew calm, and a gentle breeze fluttered over my face, feeling like a caress and a question.
A question I had no answer for.
Thalassa
* * *
How was he doing this?
How was he reaching me in my waters?
How did he feel me even here in the deep?
But it was him. I knew it with every fiber of my being. It was him. It was dark and mysterious, powerful, and it called to the beating epicenter of me.
Though I did not wish it to.
Though I fought it.
I felt him move all the way through me, and the pain began to recede bit by bit, little by little.
Then I heard his words.
I only ever loved you, Calypso. Only ever you.
I shuddered. That small part of me that fought me constantly was growing bigger, wider, and stretched through me. That part of me longed for what he had to give, longed for what he spoke of.
He was our only and truest love. You must remember.
I shuddered to hear her words pound through my head like a gavel, so strong were they. I wanted to fight her as I’d always done, but I was so bloody tired. I was too weak.
Everything he’d said to me tonight had been true. I was alone, but I’d wanted it that way.
Hadn’t I?
Didn’t I?
Did I?
I closed off my consciousness to him and pulled away, no longer feeling his thoughts or emotions as I sunk deep into the pit of the pool and my own yawning loneliness.
I did not want this.
I did not want it.
Not again.
Never again.
I cried.
9
Hades
At some point, she separated from me, drifting off, and I no longer felt her. I didn’t know what that meant, but I still sensed the fierce and aching loneliness that had plagued Calypso before she’d met me.
She’d told me all her stories, told me of her early days back when the world had been nothing but her and her sisters—Air, Earth, Fire, and her.
Apollo and his chariot with flaming horses streaked across the sky, casting Nyx back into the darkness of her home. I sat exactly where I’d been, watching the world breathe to life with color all around me. I frowned, noting that the pool was no longer black, but gleamed as deep waters should. As I watched, the waters began to roll, receding back and then she finally stepped forward.
Her eyes were shaded with purple, and her hair lay limp on her shoulder. She was flesh and blood today and wore a dress of white that slit up both her legs. On her feet, she wore Roman-style sandals that wrapped up to her knees, and on both her biceps, she wore twin bands of hammered-gold sea snakes.
She looked human, but undeniably beautiful.
“Thalassa?” I gritted out, feeling worn out and bone-deep exhausted, but more concerned about her well-being.
She would not meet my eyes.
Last night had been hell on me, and it looked as if she’d fared no better. Different as she was now, and as little as I actually knew her, she and I were not meant to be enemies. Neither one of us could survive the loss of the other. It was a truth I knew with absolute certainty and one I suspected she was beginning to understand.
“I imprisoned the siren,” she said slowly and so very softly, looking so small and fragile from the way she stared down at her feet.
I frowned.
But then she snapped her head up and glowered at me, bristling. “I did not kill her as you must no doubt imagine.”
&nb
sp; Our connection was still strained. Whatever she’d done last night, she’d pulled away almost completely. So I shook my head.
“I did not think that, goddess.”
She snorted and glanced to the side, but again she shook. I saw the pain. It was still there, still beating inside of her. I felt it like a hot blade through my soul and rubbed at my empty chest.
Turning toward me, she shook her head. “I am not lonely. Just so you know, I do not need friends.”
“Nor do I, elemental.” I only need you.
She blinked, and I wasn’t sure if she’d heard me or if somehow, our bond was still strong enough that she’d felt me.
She was still looking at me, shaking hard as she rubbed at her arms with her hands. It was true. As much as I liked Aphrodite, the truth was that I did not need friends. But once upon a time, I had needed her. And she’d needed me, too, because I hadn’t just been her friend. I’d been her everything, and she’d been mine.
“I was wrong to judge you as I have. I know that now.” I said it softly but with a hint of gruffness behind it. I’d been a perfect ass with her, and I was ashamed.
She shook her head, and though her back was partially toward me, I saw her rub at her eyes with her knuckles. My soul squeezed because, though she’d tried to sever our connection, she hadn't been successful at it. She might have quieted the noise, but only for so long.
Our hearts were bound, but more than that, so were our souls, a fact I’d finally understood last night. Thalassa was darkness, but somewhere inside of that shell, Calypso still lived and still fought. For just a split second, I’d seen her last night. In fact, I’d seen her many times before.
When she’d revived her siren on the cliffs of Never after killing it in front of Rumple. The way she’d cared for the child as she had. Though her harmful actions had been wrong, she’d remedied them.
How, at times, I felt the presence of my beloved burn within her, felt her conflict and her torment. All of that spoke of a woman fighting to hang on and remember. Calypso had warned me that her mind would not be reset, that she’d not remember or feel as she once had, but that wasn’t entirely true. She did feel. She felt so much that it was literally destroying her sanity.
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