by Claire Adams
“You wonder why we never go to Phoenix to have Thanksgiving dinner with mom and dad?” I asked.
“Quit changing the subject. Something happened with Jason, didn’t it?” she asked.
“He just broke up with me, that’s all.”
“How did he break up with you?” she asked.
“In the middle of a restaurant full of people.”
“Asshole, strike one. What did he say to you?” she asked.
“He told me it wasn’t like him to keep around a woman for too long.”
“Asshole, strike two. Why did he break up with you?” she asked.
“Because I told him I loved him, and he didn’t love me back,” I said lightly.
I could feel my sister staring at me while I gazed out the window. I twirled my fingers up into the massive sweater I’d thrown on this morning, and I could tell my hair was collecting grease in it. I had thrown it up into a bun, but the roots of my hair were shining. That was a definite signal of something very serious to my sister.
“You did what?” she asked breathlessly.
“I had a stupid, inept moment where I blurted out something I shouldn’t have, and now, he’s gone,” I said.
“No, no, no. Back the fuck up. What did you say you told him?” she asked.
“You heard me.”
“Say it, Luce,” she said.
“Don’t call me that.”
“You’re not reverting, so get that shit outta your head. You told him you loved him, and he dumped you in a restaurant full of people? After fucking getting attached to his daughter?” she asked.
“Do you think that’s what put him off? I mean, we had a great deal in common. Loved the outdoors, and we went hunting and fishing a bunch of times. Jenna would always come over, sometimes even without him, and we’d just play around and hang out. I mean, all that’s good stuff, right?” I asked.
“Sis, this is not you, all right? So, don’t go around trying to convince yourself it is. This is all Jason’s fault, and I know exactly what we should do,” she said.
“What should we do?” I asked.
“We key his car,” she said.
I looked over at her like her head was on fire. What the hell did she mean, we should key his car? Was she fucking nuts?
“Excuse me?”
“Yep. We’ll key his car. Write ‘coward’ right into that pretty little truck of his. Then, we can throw eggs at his house. We can get some needles and put some fucking paint all up in there and redecorate the front of his fucking house. He wouldn’t know what hit him,” she said.
“We’re not doing anything like that, Bri,” I said. “I’m not doing anything that’s gonna upset Jenna. She’s an innocent party in all this, and I’m not gonna let her get hurt because you’re angry and I’m heartbroken.”
I felt my sister scoot along the couch before she rested her hand on mine. My heart ached. I missed Jason with a fury, and it had only been a few days. What could I have possibly done to have pushed him away like I did? I just didn’t understand it. He didn’t have to say it back, and I would’ve taken it back.
“I should’ve kept my fucking mouth shut,” I said, murmuring.
“Whoa. Strong words for my Lucy goose. Sis, it’s obvious those rumors were true.”
“Yeah.”
“Whoa. You didn’t fight that. What gives?” she asked.
“He said that in the restaurant. That the reason he didn’t keep women around for long was how he got his nickname. And I might have yelled at him for it,” I said.
“Oh, you’ve been holding out on me. What did you say to him?”
“I told him his bedpost was probably a standing toothpick that held the wood shavings of all the pussy he’s manipulated into his bed.”
I looked over at Bri who was slack-jawed and stunned. She blinked at me before a grin pulled at the corner of her lips, so I decided to put the topping on the cake. Just for her.
“Then, I threw my glass of iced tea at him and broke the glass at his feet,” I said.
“Holy shit, sis! You went full-on gangster on his ass. How the hell could you not have told me this sooner? Why didn’t you call the moment it happened?” she asked.
“Sorry. I was just processing, I guess. I was supposed to spend Thanksgiving with them, you know. Jenna must be so confused. And really pissed at me.”
“Lucy, you can’t blame yourself for what happened. You saw the best in him, like you do every person, and he took advantage of that. That’s on him,” she said. “Please, I’m begging you. You’ve come a long way. Don’t let him take that from you, Luce.”
I cringed at the nickname, but I didn’t correct her. She was right. I had come quite a long way since I’d opened myself up to Jason, and while it was the biggest mistake of my life, that didn’t mean it didn’t have its positive sides.
“And don’t blame yourself. This is all on him and his inability to be a decent human being,” she said.
“So, what do I do? Where do I go from here? Bri, he’s my fucking neighbor.”
“Still with the strong words, huh? Well, you do what any woman would do. You get closure,” she said.
“How do I do that when he won’t even return my calls?” I asked.
“You’ve called him?” she asked, groaning. “Luce. Come on. You live beside the man. Knock on his door every hour on the hour until someone opens it up.”
“Wait, seriously?” I asked.
“You want a man like Jason to talk? You grab him by the balls and don’t let go until he talks,” she said. “Then you key his car.”
“If I talk to him, will you promise me you won’t key his car?” I asked.
“Can I still egg his house?”
“No,” I said.
“Chuck eggs at him on the street?”
“No,” I said.
“Shank his tires?”
“No, Bri,” I said.
“Fine. You confront him, I’ll lay off the vandalism. But he still deserves it.”
“Love you, too, sis.”
I hugged her on the couch and sighed heavily into the crook of her neck. My sister was right. I needed answers, and I had absolutely none of them, and after I’d opened up my mind, body, and heart to him, it was the least he could give me in return. There was only part of me that believed he had actually gotten bored, and I still refused to believe that a man with a daughter could still act as incompetent and arrogant as he did.
In the back of my mind, my rational thought was screaming that something else was wrong.
“He gave no signs before dumping me, Bri,” I said breathlessly.
“I know,” she said, rubbing my back.
“None. It was only a couple days before that that I’d told him I loved him after we fooled around in his room, and he smiled at me. I mean, crinkly eyes and all,” I said, sniffling.
“I know, sis,” she said, pulling me closer.
“He fucked up, and I deserve the reason as to why,” I said.
“That’s the spirit.”
“I’m gonna go tonight.”
“What?” she asked.
“I’m gonna go tonight. I’ve got the balls right now, and if I sleep on it, I won’t. Even if the real answer hurts more than the one he gave me, I deserve that fucking answer,” I said.
“And again with the harsh words. He really got under your skin, didn’t he?” she asked.
“He wiggled his way into my heart, and I don’t take that lightly.”
“Then promise me one thing,” she said. “Promise me you’ll call after it's all said and done. I’ll come over if you need me to, and we can sit and cry together or whatever.”
“Just be sure to leave your eggs here,” I said. “I’m gonna go get my stuff. By the time I get there, Jenna will already be in bed, and I can confront him without upsetting her.”
“He really doesn’t know what he lost, Luce, and he’ll never find another woman who cares half as much as you do about his daughter,” she said.
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“I love you, Bri,” I said.
“I love you, too. Call me after it’s all said and done.”
I grabbed my shit and headed for my car before I could talk myself out of the entire idea.
Chapter Thirty
Jason
The whiskey burned going down while I listened to the comforting sounds of Jenna sleeping. I was slumped outside her door, choking back tears while I soaked up each and every moment with her. I never knew how comforting the sound of her lightly snoring was, and I brought my hand to my eye before I downed the rest of my glass.
She deserved so much better than all life had thrown at her, and I wanted to make sure I could set her up with a beautiful life if things turned for the worst.
I got up to go put my glass in the sink, and I heard a knock at the door. I looked over at the clock and realized it was almost ten, and I figured Megan was probably back with more food. I wondered if she would kick back up with her flirtatious advances, especially since I’d blurted out the fact that I’d broken up with Lucy. She was probably coming over with more food in something that hiked her tits to her face, and a part of me didn’t wanna open the door.
I didn’t wanna welcome Megan “Big Tits” McGee into my home with pity food.
But the knock on the door rang out again, and I knew it would wake Jenna if I didn’t answer the door.
I sighed, putting the glass in the sink before I reached for the door to open it. At first, I thought my third glass of whiskey had done me in, because the beautiful golden hair that was Lucy’s was wafting in the wind on my porch. I blinked a few times, drawing in the sweet scent of her perfume I swore I smelled. But, when I opened my eyes, she was still standing there.
I hadn’t even been looking her way since the breakup. Making sure Jenna didn’t dart that way was hard enough, but not looking over myself was almost impossible. I didn’t want to admit that she still had a life she was leading, a life that now didn’t include making memories with me. After being doused in iced tea, it had taken me a second to pick up the glass at my feet. A shard had worked its way underneath my pants that night at the restaurant, but by the time I looked up, she was gone.
I’d run outside after her, the thunder and lightning clashing around me, but she had been nowhere to be found.
And it made me sick to my stomach every single time I looked over at her house.
“We need to talk, and you’re gonna give me that courtesy,” she said.
I looked at her for a split second and saw the determined fire behind her eyes. She was very serious about talking tonight, which meant her sister probably had something to do with it, but I honestly couldn't blame her. Lucy was the smartest woman I’d ever come across, and I knew, eventually, she would see through the ruse I had played.
I had been hoping it would’ve been after the weekend.
“Jenna’s asleep,” I said.
“Then we’ll talk on the porch. I was hoping I’d catch her asleep anyway,” she said.
I loved how this woman cared about my daughter. No other woman on this planet that I’d ever been with would’ve cared half as much as she did for Jenna, and it made my chest tighten in guilt.
“I don’t owe you anything,” I said as I sat down.
“Do you wanna be a decent role model for your daughter?” she asked.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“Do you want to be a decent role model for your daughter?”
“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”
“If a man came into her life and treated you the way you just treated me, then she walked home in the rain in thirty-degree weather, would you be upset or would you tell her to shrug it off?” she asked.
Holy shit, Lucy had walked home in the rain that night.
“You wanna be a decent man and not lie to your daughter when you tell her you are one, then you owe me some fucking answers,” she said.
“Fine,” I said, nodding. “What do you wanna know?”
“I wanna know why you broke up with me,” she said.
“Because I don’t stay with women that long. Especially women who catch feelings,” I said.
“Now, I want to know the real reason. The reason you wouldn’t feed to the public.”
“Because I was bored with you, and I wanted something new. Like Megan, or something.”
I was hoping mentioning her name would get her off my back. Another drink to the face or a slap to the cheek, and this would be all over. But she wasn’t buying any of the rose-smelling shit I was selling, and she kept on.
This woman was smarter than I’d ever given her credit for, and my dick throbbed with missing her, wanting her even while her face turned red with anger.
“Let’s try this one last time before I sic my very angry sister on your truck,” she said.
“Wait, what?” I asked.
“My sister wants to key your truck, and right now, with the way you’re blatantly lying, I’m about to unleash her on you. Now, talk to me like I’m a human being and tell me why the hell you broke up with me,” she said.
“And I told you. Not my fault if you can’t accept it.”
“I know you’re not going out with Megan because she’s still prowling this neighborhood like a thirsty cow. And I know you’re not dating anyone else because, if you were, this town would be talking about you. But, instead, they’re talking about poor little Lucy getting her heart broken after her husband dying. And I get to listen to that for the next month until you stick your dick in someone else, and they have something more to talk about. You owe me this, Jason. And I’m not leaving until you give it to me,” she said.
“I. Got. Bored,” I said.
“Were you scared of how close we were getting? Yeah, sure, I told you I loved you. Whatever. Widows make mistakes all the time. But I saw the way you smiled at me when you said it. That was two days before you broke up with me, and I know a genuine smile when I see one.”
“Is that what it was?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“A mistake. Did you tell me you loved me by mistake?” I asked.
“Seriously?” she asked breathlessly. “That’s what you pulled from that?”
“It’s important. Was it a mistake?” I asked.
I knew I was playing this unfair, but the idea of her saying those words by mistake hit me straight in my gut. My heart had sung out when those words had dripped from her lips, and the rest of the time I had spent plowing my cock into her body was spent thinking of all the ways I’d say it back. Taking her out to dinner or flying her over the ocean. Cooking her an expensive meal or taking all of us on a weekend trip somewhere nice.
“No. It wasn’t a mistake,” she said.
I saw tears brew as quickly as they fell, and I could’ve sworn my whiskey was trying to climb back up my throat. She was torn up about everything that happened, and God only knows what could’ve happened to her on that main drag in the pouring rain that she walked home in. I couldn’t believe I’d put this beautiful woman through all this turmoil, and the reason I did so started to no longer validate all I’d put her through.
I had tried to save her from the hurt of loving another man with cancer, and instead, I had crumbled her and made her question every single judgment call she’d made with me.
Including when she had told me she loved me.
Holy shit, I have cancer.
“Lucy, I—”
I reached for her hand, but she ripped it back. I could tell she was talking herself out of this entire thing. That she was taking my answers, digesting them, and allowing the lies to sink in. I panicked inside, watching her struggle the way she was, and then she got up from her chair.
She was going to leave, and I didn’t want her to.
“Lucy, stop.”
I grabbed her wrist and halted her movements, and she whipped her tear-stained face over to mine. My heart was hammering in my chest, and my mind was swirling at a thousand miles a mill
isecond, and before I could make a calculated move, my lips did for me what I should’ve done myself in that restaurant.
“I have cancer,” I said.
The look on her face morphed from hurt to anger, and the word vomit that spewed from my lips took both of us by storm.
“I was having some arm pain. My boss forced me to go to the doctor, and they did x-rays and tests and all that shit. I’m supposed to go back in Monday for more evaluation and possible surgery to remove the shit on my arm that’s causing all this. I haven’t even told Jenna or anything because I’m still trying to figure things out. I don’t have a will or anyone in my family to watch her if something happens to me, and I was just trying to spare you, Lucy. Just... just spare you.”
I stood up with her wrist in my hand. I held her eyes, willing her to stay on the porch so we could talk. Now that it was out in the open, I wanted to talk with her about it. I wanted to tell her how petrified I was and how I didn’t know what was going to happen. I wanted to ask her to stay with Jenna Monday until I could get home and help me figure out where to go from there. I wanted her to help me cope with this until we figured out if I was going to live through all of it.
Live long enough to tell her how much I loved her.
The sting across my cheek accompanied a cracking slap, and when I came to, Lucy was panting on the porch. Her body was stumbling backward into the railing, and I could feel the welt of her slap rising on my cheek. Why the fuck did she just hit me? I’d admitted everything to her, and I get a hearty slap in the face for it?
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she asked breathlessly.
“Lucy, I—”
“You don’t make those kinds of decisions for a person!” she exclaimed. “You don’t get to make some woman fall in love with you, spew her entire life to you, and then cherry-pick what you tell her.”
“I know, Lucy.”
“Do you not think I’m any stronger than that? You think that, somehow, David dying of cancer made me weak about it? I have a wealth of knowledge you need, and you tossed it out into the cold, pouring rain.”
“Wait. What?” I asked.
“I want to stand by you and help you fight this, Jason. Just like I did with David. I want to hold your hand through treatment and fucking try to figure out what the hell do to with Jenna. You don’t get to make the types of decisions for me you just made. Understand that now, Jason. But I want to help you fight this. I would’ve, had you told me in the restaurant, and I still do now. Because I love you. Don’t you get that?”