by Claire Adams
“Modeling?” he asked. I nodded. “How’s your promoting going?”
I realized it had been several days since I even bothered checking my social media, which most likely meant I lost more followers than I gained in a month. I hadn’t been interested in promoting since I became involved with Gavin, but I wasn’t exactly sure why.
“I’m focusing my interests elsewhere,” I said as if it was a business meeting. “I’ve been keeping an eye out for auditions.”
“My mom was right,” he said after a moment. “A lot of people would give up at this point.”
“I know,” I said. “But that’s why I won’t give up. I don’t want to be like anyone else.”
He lifted his fork, touched the tip of his lip with it, before setting it back down on the plate and staring at me.
“You’re not like anyone else,” he murmured. For a moment, I assumed he meant it as an insult, he had every right to, but I realized he was genuine. It was a genuine compliment.
I blushed and stuffed a piece of bacon in my mouth. I swallowed it with a long gulp of orange juice and wiped my mouth.
“Thanks,” I said. I felt a warm blush spread over my cheeks, and when Gavin offered a smile and returned to his food, I decided to take a risk.
“Why don’t we go to that ice museum?” I asked. “Like a real date?”
The silence between us stretched until I was certain he didn’t hear me, and I finished the breakfast while mustering up the courage to ask again.
“Listen to me carefully, Maddie,” Gavin said as he stood. “Don’t mistake my hospitality for anything else than it is, and it’s not an invitation for anything more between us.”
“I just thought that this was nice,” I said. “We’re having a good time.”
“A good time would be going on a real date with a woman I wasn’t paying,” he said. “You and I have an arrangement, nothing more.”
I stood from the table as it became obvious he was waiting for me to leave his house. I grabbed my purse from the couch, slipped on a pair of sunglasses, forced a smile onto my face, and nodded. Pain laced my chest, but I ignored it.
“I understand,” I said. “Nothing more, nothing less. Just text me when you need me again, okay?” I meant to text me when we were having another dinner, but we both understood the hidden meaning behind it.
“Don’t expect anything for the rest of the weekend,” he said and left for the second floor of his mansion. I stood quietly in his foyer, alone, nodding to myself and I internally slapped my own reddened cheeks.
I was a fool for ever expecting anything more between us.
I ended up at Ron’s house just a few hours after fleeing from Gavin’s house. Ron had texted me with an offer for lunch, and despite having an enormous amount of money in my account, I had opted to choose the free lunch option. I hadn’t spent more than $20 in the past week, other than bills, and I wasn’t sure if I would ever feel comfortable enough to actually spend the money Gavin sent me. It felt almost like a betrayal, and I wasn’t ready for it.
I walked through Ron’s front door just as he was finishing up lunch. Milo greeted me with a wag of his tail and a slobbery kiss on my face. He was barely seven months old and already nearing a hundred pounds, and I didn’t even have to bend my knees to greet him.
“Hey, Maddie,” Ron said with a nod in my direction. “Glad you had time for lunch.”
“It’s a Friday,” I said, and I scratched behind Milo’s ears. His eyes rolled to the top of his head. “And I’m the most antisocial person I know. I have time for anything.” I sat at the dining table and watched as Ron ran back and forth from the kitchen. Lunch was a club sandwich, and a side of store-bought potato chips, and I had to knock Milo off the table as he attempted to beg for scraps.
“I asked Gavin over for dinner,” Ron said. “But he said he was busy. I thought it might have been with you.”
“We’re not attached at the hip,” I said. “Which I suspect works in your best interest.”
“What do you mean?” He offered a confused smile and gave me a plate. I was still semi-full from breakfast, but I took a few bites from the sandwich. He sat beside me, one arm leaning against the table as his other hand held up a sandwich. Milo’s head forced itself through my elbow, and he attempted to bite at my plate. “Milo, down!” The puppy’s ears folded backward as Ron scolded him.
“Your best friend and cousin dating,” I said. “Isn’t it weird for you?”
Ron perched his lips and took a few bites before responding.
“As long as you’re both happy,” he said.
I frowned. Were we happy? Of course, the entire point of our arrangement was to convince others that we were, and maybe for a moment I had felt like we were happy, but after the end of our breakfast, I wasn’t entirely sure.
“What was he like?” I asked instead. “Growing up.”
Ron thought for a moment. “Cautious,” he said. “Gavin was careful about everything. It took him a week just to do a two-page essay because he second-guessed every word. Actually, thinking back to it, I think the only time he ever just did something for the hell of it was when he wrote.”
“And you read his stories?” I asked. Ron had given me a few of his stories when we were both younger, but I couldn’t remember if Ron had been interested in any of them.
“No.” He shook his head. “I mean, I think I read one once, but we were in middle school, and the most important thing to me was impressing Mrs. Lawsworth,” he said. “Why?”
“I remember them,” I said. “Not the teacher that you promised you were going to marry. I remember Gavin’s stories. You gave me a few to read.”
Ron blinked. “I did?” His head looked at the ceiling. “Oh, I guess you’re right. I was a little asshole back then. I’d give them to you and make you tell me the important parts so I could pretend that I read them. It’s a miracle Gavin bought it.”
“I don’t think he did.” I laughed. “I just think he’s too good of a person to call you out on your bullshit.”
“You’re probably right.” We both finished our lunch and sat at the dining table with Milo’s tail wagging at our feet. His body was long enough to lie beneath both of our seats. “A good kid. That’s what he was like when he was young. Simple enough, but it describes him perfectly. A good kid.”
“Your foil,” I said. Ron frowned as he looked at me. “I mean, your opposite. Like, while you were in detention, he was probably volunteering at some animal shelter.”
Ron nodded. “Well, not at an animal shelter, at least. Gavin’s never felt comfortable in them, but I know what you mean.”
I pushed my plate to the center of the table. “Ron?” I asked, not sure how to phrase my question. “Has Gavin ever been serious with any other women?”
Ron opened and closed his mouth several times before answering. “You guys haven’t had this conversation?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Not really. I think we both have been avoiding it. I mean, I remember you talking about a few women of his, but I don’t even think there’s been a single woman in his life.” I considered how close he was about himself. Maybe he was the type to keep his intimate relationships a secret.
Milo’s head perched on my lap, and I looked down as his giant puppy eyes stared at me.
“There was one,” Ron said. “A woman, in his life. He wanted to marry her, and we all felt the same way. They were together for three years until his mom was first diagnosed.”
“And then she dumped him,” I said, remembering the story. Ron had called me one night to complain about the awful woman, and share his concern over Gavin’s sudden increase in his whiskey intake. “Do you think he’s afraid of commitment because of her?”
Ron shifted in his seat. “To be honest, Maddie? I think having a woman break up with you because your mother was diagnosed with cancer would be enough for anyone to develop commitment issues,” he said. “Why? Is something going on with you two?”
I wasn
’t sure if Gavin would kill me for talking to Ron about our relationship. He was my cousin, sure, but he was also Gavin’s best friend. Ron didn’t know about our relationship, and I wanted to keep it that way. Still, there was some sort of relief in talking to him about Gavin.
“There’s nothing wrong,” I said. “We both decided to take things slow, for everyone’s sake.”
“Good,” Ron said with a whistle. “It was bad enough having to deal with both of your broken hearts within the same year. I don’t think I could handle both of them at the same time.”
I remembered that I was dumped by an asshole the same year Gavin’s girlfriend had dumped him, resulting in a poor Ron dealing with both of our problems. I never thought that he would deal with us together. I wondered what our eventual story would be after we decided to end things together. I assumed it would be a mutual decision, but someone would still take the blame in Ron’s eyes.
“I just feel like I’m really starting to like him,” I said. Our lunch was finished, and Ron began clearing the table. I checked my phone and saw that Martin had asked for a meeting later on in the day. I started getting my stuff together as I spoke. “I’m a little surprised, to be honest. I didn’t think I would like him so much.”
“I honestly didn’t think you two would ever end up like this,” Ron said from the kitchen. “I think it surprised all of us.”
“A lot of surprises,” I said. “I’m falling for him, Ron. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
I stood in the doorway, my purse clutched in my arms as Ron cleaned his house. He glanced at me and smiled.
“Just be honest,” he said. “With yourself, and with Gavin. No one can get hurt if you’re honest.”
I nodded. “Yeah, you’re right,” I said and opened the front door. “I’ll see you later, thanks for lunch.” I kneeled and said goodbye to Milo.
Ron exchanged a goodbye and closed the door behind me. I walked to my car with his words still in my head.
Just be honest. It seemed I was lying to everyone except myself. And the hardest realization of all was that I wasn’t lying when I said I was falling for him. In fact, it might have been the first time I hadn’t lied when talking to someone else about Gavin.
Be honest? I shook my head as I started my car. There was no way I could ever be honest with Gavin, not when he was constantly making it clear that there wasn’t anything going on between the both of us.
I was falling for Gavin, I realized. And that was going to make things much more complicated than necessary.
Chapter Twenty-One
Gavin
The weekend flew by quickly, with nights spent at the bar beside Ron and afternoons by Mom’s side. I didn’t want her to spend a single day alone, despite her constant assurance that she was fine, and it seemed that Karen felt the same way. There was always someone within a foot of Mom, waiting for her to fall or to choke on pudding or throw a shake at the wall as she grew angry and tired. Karen wanted her comfortable, and I wanted her healthy, and it was obvious that Mom was annoyed at our constant presence.
I woke at my normal time the following Monday with no plans in particular other than visiting Mom. I briefly wondered if she would give me a disappointed stare and slam the door in my face, or if she even had the energy for it. We spent Saturday afternoon discussing my writing over lunch, and she convinced me to write a short story. It would be a detective caper with a happy ending, and I wanted to finish it within the next month at the latest.
I mulled over the plot as I stepped into my gym and spent an hour lifting weights in between cardio. I had the entire first half finished by the time I was done, and I used a voice recording app on my voice to detail the book as I hopped into the shower and washed off the sweat. Mom would like the idea; I was sure of that at least.
I clothed myself and walked toward the kitchen with the intent of making a protein shake before leaving for Mom’s house. Something caught my eye on the couch, and I walked in front of it.
The gray blanket that I had covered Maddie’s sleeping body still remained on the couch, and I gently picked it up and folded it in my arms. I sniffed it, expecting it to smell like her hair, but it didn’t smell any differently than the rest of my house. I was disappointed for some reason and shoved back into the storage that I removed it from. Of course, it wouldn’t smell like her.
I grabbed a notebook full of story ideas and walked over to Moms. The volume on the TV was loud, and I had to cover my ears as I looked for the remote to turn it off.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were here,” Mom said as she left the bathroom. I peeked around the corner to find Karen standing in the kitchen wiping the inside of the microwave.
“You wouldn’t hear the apocalypse with that volume,” I said and hugged her. “Is it really necessary to listen to Days of Our Lives with the volume all the way up?”
“You know my hearing is shit,” she said. We both took a seat on the couch. “And before you say anything, no, I am not going to get a hearing aide.”
I surveyed Mom. Her cheeks were thinner, bags beneath her eyes, and what was left of her hair was in some sort of greased clump on the top of her head. She swayed slightly as we both took a seat on the couch, and I realized that she was gripping the edge of her seat with weak fingers.
“You might like a hearing aide,” I said. She had stopped wearing her thin-framed glasses days ago, saying they were too uncomfortable to bother with. The past week she developed a sudden need to just be comfortable.
“You and I both know I would hate it,” she said. “Now, are you going to show me what’s in that notebook?”
I glanced at the paper notebook tucked away in my arm.
“If you’re not feeling okay,” I started, but she shook her head.
“I’m fine. Tell me about your stories and ideas, Gavin. The only reason I woke up today was to hear them.” She settled against the couch’s cushions and patted the spot beside her.
“Okay,” I murmured, not wanting to dwell too much on her words. I scooted next to her and opened the notebook. “So, it’s a detective story.”
“I know, I picked it,” she said. I smiled.
“About a man traveling home to his brother’s funeral,” I said. “But when he gets there, he gets a letter from his brother telling him that he’s still alive, and the man has to follow three clues to find his brother.”
“What about the funeral?” she asked. “Doesn’t the man see his brother’s body?”
I shook my head. “It’s closed casket, gun to the head,” I said.
“And the end?” she asked. “Does he find him?”
I watched as she poured through my notes before taking them away from her.
“I guess you’ll just have to read it and find out,” I said. Mom’s smile dimmed. “I already started on the first chapter. It won’t take me long, I promise.”
Her frail hand wrapped around my wrist, and I nearly gasped. It was cold as if she were already a corpse, and so light that I could barely feel any strength behind it.
“I’m getting worse, Gavin,” she said. “I can’t walk, can barely stand, and I can’t eat anything. The light hurts, and the dark gives me a headache.”
“We’ll go see Dr. Lemonis tomorrow,” I said. “He’ll get you some medicine.”
“No, Gavin,” she sighed. “I’m not getting better. It’s weird, I never thought I’d say this, but I can feel my life shortening. I don’t have much longer.”
“You had six months,” I said. “It hasn’t even been half of that yet.”
“The doctor was being kind; he said that was the most I had,” she said with a sad smile. “But maybe I will make it the rest of the six months.”
“What do you want?” I asked. “Do you want to go anywhere? Have anything delivered?” I moved to face her. “Anything, Mom.”
She closed her eyes and nodded before looking at me.
“I really like Maddie,” she said. I frowned, not understanding what Maddie had to
do with anything.
“Me too,” I said.
“I’ll get to the point; do you think she’s the one?” she asked. I opened my mouth and closed it. I hadn’t even thought of Maddie since I arrived, but I should have known Mom would eventually get to this topic. I wanted to see her happy at least.
“You’ll be at the wedding,” I said. “You’ll be in a gown of your choosing, and you’ll see Maddie in the most beautiful white wedding dress.”
“You can’t plan a wedding in six months,” Mom said. “You can barely plan one in a year.”
I saw her words as a challenge. “I’ll ask her tomorrow night,” I said. “I’ll ask her to marry me, we’ve already talked about it enough, and if she says yes, we’ll have the wedding this weekend.”
“You’ll plan a wedding for this weekend?” Mom raised an eyebrow. “Gavin, do you have any idea how impossible that is?”
I grinned. “Nothing is impossible, Mom.”
She nodded, and then a smile spread across her face, one that I hadn’t seen in years. “Ask her,” she said. “Ask her, and then come straight here so we can start planning.”
There was a spark of light in the back of her dull eyes, just a small flame that was beginning to burn brightly as Mom thought more and more about the wedding. It’s a look I hadn’t seen since my father passed, and at that moment I knew I would do whatever I had to in order to get Maddie to marry me. Well, fake marry.
“It’s time for your bath,” Karen said from the hallway. Mom groaned.
“You can’t leave me to my happiness for another few minutes?” she asked, but Karen shook her head. I smiled, knowing that Karen was set in her routine.
“Take your bath,” I said. “I have some planning to do.”
“Don’t forget to write that book,” Mom reminded me.
“You’re giving me a lot of things to plan,” I said and shook my head. “I’ll come see you before dinner tomorrow.”
“Don’t bother,” she said. “Call me the next morning and tell me everything.”
We said our goodbyes and I returned home. I closed the door behind me, wondering if I just put my foot in my mouth. Propose to Maddie already? I wasn’t worried that she’d say no, this was a part of our agreement, but even she would be surprised at the abruptness.