by Claire Adams
He kissed my head and closed his eyes, letting out a long sigh of contentment. If I had meant anything, he would have said something. I gave him the perfect opening to do so.
I glanced up as his breathing deepened and snuggled in tighter on his side. "Gavin?"
Nothing.
Leaning in, I kissed his chest and pressed my face into the side of his neck, breathing him in and drowning in his warmth.
"I love you," I whispered and closed my eyes, knowing that the money meant nothing without him in my life.
Nothing did.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Gavin
Waking to the sound of someone knocking at the door had me feeling like I was repeating the morning before. I jerked up and half-knocked Maddie of the bed. Reaching for her, I gripped her arm and pulled her back up.
"Sorry." I leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose as she grumbled and snuggled up against me.
"Don't go," she whispered half-asleep. The neediness in her voice had my heart swelling in my chest. She tugged at the covers and rolled away from me, obviously lost in a dream. I could only hope that I was a part of it.
The knock on the door grew more insistent, almost aggravating.
"I'm coming. Shit." I grabbed a pair of jeans and pulled a shirt over my head as I stumbled to the front door. Ron better have a good fucking reason for coming over so early on a Sunday morning.
The church people weren't even up yet.
I jerked the door open and stopped dead in my tracks.
"Gavin," Karen whispered, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "She's not getting up."
"Fuck." I moved past her and ran with all of my might toward my mom's house, plowing into the door as I called out to her. "Mom? Mom. It's me. Come on. Get up."
I walked into her bedroom and stopped. It was freezing, as if death had brought winter with it. "Mom?" I croaked out before moving to her side and sinking down to my knees. Her skin was ice cold, and there was no life left in her.
A sob rose out of me that shook my body. I pressed my face to the mattress beside her hand and cried for my loss. What seemed like only a few minutes later, warm arms wrapped tightly around me.
Maddie. "I'm right here for you." She kissed the side of my face and wiped at my tears as I pressed my face farther into the comforter.
How embarrassing.
"I'm fine." I forced myself back and reached up to wipe away my tears angrily.
She sat back on her heels, her beautiful face stained with tears as well. She kept her eyes locked on me. "It's okay if you're not."
"Well, I am." I stood up and brushed my hand down my face, walking out of the bedroom toward the bathroom. "I'll meet you out front in a second. I just need to wash my face."
I turned to my left and closed the bathroom door behind me, turning on the faucet and sinking down to the toilet as another sob lifted out of me. I knew the moment was coming. I knew mom was going to die. I should have stayed the night before. Why didn't I follow my instincts?
What the fuck was the matter with me?
I spent a while in the bathroom, racing through every emotion known to man, but finally, I pulled myself together enough to stand on shaky knees.
Karen was standing in mother's door when I walked out. Her face was filled with sorry and echoed mine perfect. "I'm so sorry, Gavin."
"We knew it was coming." I ran my hand over my face again. "I guess I need to call the morgue?"
"Already done." She pursed her lips and took in a deep breath. "I took care of that before coming to see you. They should be here any minute. I'll go with you to the funeral home this afternoon if you want me to."
"No." I walked over and pulled the older woman into a warm hug. "Thank you for everything. I know it was your job, but I'm grateful that I had someone to trust with mom while I was gone."
She nodded and moved out of my hold. "It's never easy to let someone go. Not even for me who's had to do it a million times."
"What can I do to help you? Need me to help you get your things together?" I tried to focus on her, which would be much better than focusing on me and my pain.
"No. You go on over to your place, and I'll let you know when the mortician shows up. I think Maddie headed back over there."
"Okay. Thank you again." I nodded, squeezed her shoulder and walked out into the bright sunlight.
Maddie was sitting on my porch and stood the minute I walked up. She pressed her hands to her mouth and let out a soft cry.
"Come here." I walked over and pulled her into my arms, pressing my cheek to the top her head and holding her while she cried.
"We should have been there." She shook in my arms, and her grief comforted me. She cared about my mother. It had been more than obvious. What a waste that it was all for not. It could have been something beautiful. Us. Our relationship. Hell, it was turning that corner whether either of us wanted it to or not.
"Shhh... it's okay." I kissed her head again and moved back. "I don't mean to be brash, but I need some time to myself, okay? I'll call you when things settle down a little."
"Are you sure?" The need in her eyes let me know that she was either the best actress in the whole fucking universe or the girl was falling in love.
"Yeah. Forgive me." I touched her cheek. "I need some time to grieve without worry about you seeing me."
"Gavin." She pleaded with me in her expression, but I couldn’t give in. Not to her. Not right now.
"I'll call you later." I walked in and grabbed her keys from the counter. "Thanks for everything."
She took the keys, leaned in and kissed me and turned, walking to her car with her arms wrapped around herself. It might have been shitty of me, but I needed to get drunk after talking with the mortician.
Liquor would give me a break that nothing else could.
I closed the door and walked to the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. I grabbed a shot glass and set it on the counter beside it and walked back to mom's house.
An older gentleman in a dark suit with slicked-back gray hair showed up half an hour later and helped walk me through my next steps. His voice was soft, his eyes kind.
"Do you have any other family that can help you through this, son?" He reached out and touched my arm, glancing down. "A wife?"
"No." I pulled off the ring and put it in my pocket. "But I'm fine. Just do what you need to do and tell me where I need to be and when."
"Of course. We'll get everything set up and let you know when the funeral will be. We'll put the ads in the paper and invite your family and friends for you."
I extended my hand, my mind locked on the bottle of liquor waiting for me back at the house. "Thank you, Sir. I appreciate you."
"Of course. And if you need—"
"I won't." I turned and walked back to the house, stumbling into the kitchen and leaving the front door open as I sat down and poured my first shot. I lifted it and closed my eyes as pain ripped through the center of my chest.
My mom had been the center of my world since my father died. There was rarely a day that had gone by that I hadn't spent beside her. What the fuck was I going to do with myself now?
"To you. The only one who believed in me." I shot the drink back and nearly choked at the sound of Ron's voice.
"She wasn't the only one." He smiled, closed the door and walked in. "You got another glass for an old friend? I lost someone I loved today."
Tears filled my eyes, and I stood up and grabbed another glass. "Then we'll share our pain and drink until we can't stand."
I poured him a glass as a tear streaked down his cheek. "I'm here for you, brother. I'm not going anywhere."
"How did you know?" I hit my glass against his and sank down into my chair.
"Your wife called me. She was worried and wanted someone with you. She thought I might be the guy for the job."
"I love that girl," I whispered and closed my eyes. "Momma loved her, too."
"Good. She might just love you just as
well." He hit his glass against mine one more time and threw the liquor back, growling. "Another."
Maddie knew exactly what I needed. The fact that she wasn't selfish enough to force herself on me and stay spoke volumes. She wasn't the woman that asked for half a million dollars to pretend to love someone.
She used to be, but she wasn't anymore.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Maddie
It had been two days since I left Gavin, and all I could think about was him. Was he okay? When was the funeral? Why hadn't he called?
Because our contract was over.
I hated myself so much for the decisions I'd made in the past, namely regarding him, and yet... if I hadn't have stepped up to make the arrangement, the last few weeks wouldn't have happened.
Whether it hurt or not, my life was better because of him having been in it. His strong arms and rough hands, deep voice and a big heart. Everything about him left me aching for more.
If I closed my eyes, I was taken back to our wedding, but this time it was real. He loved me and wanted forever to be ours. We'd fix up that old house behind us for my parents when they got old, spend lazy Sunday's on the boat together and make a couple of babies.
Nothing sounded better. Not even a career of being rich and famous. I couldn't remember when my obsession with acting and modeling wasn’t at the forefront in my life. I had a sick realization that every decision I'd made over the last few years was directly related to how it would serve my acting career, how many followers it would get me.
Bile rose in my chest at the thought. What the fuck was the matter with me?
I picked up the phone and tried to call Gavin again, the rings going on forever before it picked up to voice mail. I closed my eyes and sunk down into a chair at my kitchen table, letting the sound of his voice wash over me.
"I miss you," I whispered and hung up before the phone beeped for me to leave a message. He wasn't answering, and honestly, I couldn't blame him. If anyone reminded him of his mother, it was me.
Us getting married for her. Us going to dinner with her. Us giving her hope that Gavin would be loved and taken care of long after she was gone. And now the fact that it was a lie was festering deep inside of me.
"I gotta get the fuck out of here." I stood up and walked down the hall, tearing off my tank top and slipping out of my sleeping pants. I changed into jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. After pulling my hair into a ponytail, I walked out to my piece of shit car and got in.
It wouldn't start the first few times I tried, and I knew I was going to have to use some of the money that Gavin gave me to get something new. Otherwise, I would end up stranded on the side of the road somewhere.
"He didn't give you anything. He paid you. Or really, you stole it by feeding off a weakness he had for his mother." I pulled the rearview mirror down and scowled at myself. "Sick. You're so sick. You know that?"
I turned the mirror back into its place and slammed my hands against the wheel as I screamed over and over again. Tears ran down my face, and my heart felt like it might burst open. I had to give the money back. No matter how fair the deal ended up being or how well I'd played my part.
I'd figure out another way to get out to California and to help my parents. Where acting and modeling weren't so important anymore, they were literally the only thing I had in my future. Without the hope of being with Gavin, everything suddenly looked bleak.
I drove out to Ron's place and parked the car, sitting there for a few minutes. The hope that Gavin was there lit my chest on fire, and I got out, and half jogged to the front door.
Ron opened it after I knocked a few times, a sleepy look on his face. "Hey, Maddie. How are you?"
"Ron? Who's that?" a feminine voice called out from behind him.
"My cousin. Go back to sleep, baby. I'll be in there in a few minutes." He gave me a sheepish look and walked out onto the patio after closing the door. A scratching sound at the door behind us had him standing to let Milo out.
I sat down on the edge of one of the chairs on his porch and pressed my face into my hands. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you."
"You're never a bother." He rubbed my back as Milo came over and snuggled up against my legs. "Look at that. The old boy can tell you're upset. Gotta love dogs." He chuckled and snorted.
I reached down to pet the dog and glanced over at my cousin. "How is Gavin? He's not answering his phone, and I'm going crazy thinking about him."
"He's doing okay." He shrugged. "You know he spent every day with his mom. He has since his father died."
"I know." I leaned back and scratched the dog's ears as he laid his head in my lap. "They had a great relationship. I know he's crushed."
"You know, it's just weird. It's like, you think you're ready because you know it's coming, but when it shows up... it just fucks you up to high heaven." Ron ran his hand over his five o'clock shadow and sighed. "I wish there were something we could do for him, but there's not. He's gotta work through this."
"I need to tell you something." Guilt welled up inside of me. That and a mixture of worry. I didn't want Ron to think that Gavin and I were really married and here I was, sitting with Ron and not helping my husband. "About Gavin and me."
He lifted his hand. "Don't worry about it. I already know."
"You do?" I sat up a little. "Did Gavin tell you?"
"No. I've been friends with the guy my whole life. I knew he and you worked up your scheme to help his momma think he was going to be taken care of. There's something about it that's sweet. I'm just surprised that you were willing to do that. I know how much your career means." He smirked. "You can't tell me that being married helps you much. Hell, I would think it more like jacks you up."
"I did it for money." I let out a long sigh. Relief raced through me, though the disappointment on his face stung a little.
"Wait. What? I didn't know that part." He tilted his head to the side, studying me as if I were the sweet little girl he knew all of our lives.
"I know." I shook my head and glanced out across the yard. "I knew he needed help, so I offered to play his fake fiancée."
"How much?" He cleared his throat.
"Half a million dollars." I glanced over at him as he paled.
"Holy shit. Why in the world would you do that? You weren't raised to be that kind of woman." He stood up and put both hands on his hips. "I sure as hell hope he was smart enough to not pay that."
"He paid it." I turned back and looked up at my cousin. "I know you're upset with me, but I didn't know what else to do. Mom and Dad are so deep in debt that the government is going to show up any minute and take them and their unpaid for shit. And my career is falling apart all around me. I was desperate."
"Why didn't you come to me, Maddie? We've always been close."
"I should have." I stood up. "I hated keeping all of it from you." I reached out and patted his chest. "I love you. Forgive me."
"It's not me you need forgiveness from, sweetheart." He reached out and pulled me into a hug, a much warmer one than I deserved.
"The worst part is that I fell in love with him. I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much my whole-body hurts."
He nodded and moved back. "Well, his mother's funeral is tomorrow. Go and show your support. Give the money back and tell him, Maddie. That will mean more than anything else will right now."
"Giving back the money?" I wrapped my arms around myself.
"No. Being honest about your feelings. Love heals everything."
"How would you know?" I nodded toward the house and smiled.
"Saw it in a movie once." He laughed, and I joined me.
Everything would be okay. I could make it that way, and if not, I'd know that I at least tried.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Gavin
"I can't do this," I whispered as I laid on my back in the bed. The room smelled like Maddie. The sheets, the blankets, fucking everything. Losing her on top of having to bury Mom did ex
actly what I thought it would do. It broke me.
And yet, I needed it to all end. Somehow I was going to have to pull myself together and start a new chapter of my life.
Maddie reminded me too much of mom's happiness. And besides, she'd gotten what she wanted. I dug down deep to find the anger I had over her scheming me a few weeks back. If I could hold onto that, I would be okay.
Anger was far better than devastation.
I got up and walked into the closet, rummaging through my clothes in search of a pair of black slacks and a black shirt. I found what I was looking for and tossed it on the bed before moving over to the sliding glass door in my bedroom.
Light flooded into the room as I pulled the blinds back. It felt good to let the warmth of it race over me.
I could get through the day. I had to. My mother deserved a proper burial next to my dad at the old church cemetery. And she would get that.
Memories of my father's funeral raced through my mind as I turned and got dressed. Longing filled the center of my chest, but I swallowed it back down. How easy would it be to pretend that Maddie cared about it and let her back in?
I'd been ignoring her since Sunday, which I hated to do, but what was the point? Really?
A knock at the door had me frustrated all of a sudden. Who the hell was bothering me on the morning I had to bury my mother? Ron. It had to be my best friend. Chances were that he was coming by to pick me up.
He was good like that.
I buttoned my shirt as I walked to the door, my slacks already on, but my feet bare.
Maddie stood on the other side of the door, her black dress fitted, but conservative. "Hey," she said softly. Her long hair was around her shoulders and blew about at the wind picked up.
I loved everything about her but wasn't sure what to trust anymore. She was a skilled actress and could become whatever was expected of her to become. And she could do it at the drop of a hat.
"Hey. Come on in. I gotta finish getting ready. Mom's funeral is this morning." I walked back to the bedroom.
"I know. Ron told me." She followed me, and I couldn't ignore the hurt in her voice.