by Claire Adams
“Hopefully you get a little bit of time to yourself. You most certainly deserve it.” He nodded and let out a sigh. “Well, let me get this bird in the air and get you home. I know everyone will be glad to have you back.”
“Right,” I mumbled as he turned and walked to the front of the plane. Everyone as in no one. I didn’t have too many connections because my business was my best friend, my mistress, my only possession.
That could have changed so easily.
Sickness rolled through my chest, and I ordered a double shot of bourbon. I didn’t stop ordering them until my head rolled to the side, and I passed out. Peace. Finally.
*
There was something about going into my empty, quiet home that set my nerves on edge as I walked into the estate in Devon. William had done as I’d asked and made sure that everyone was gone by the time I arrived.
The place was cleaned recently and smelled fresh, which annoyed me a little bit too. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected exactly, but it wasn’t the smell of cleaner. Maybe Molly’s perfume? Butter and garlic?
I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of wine as the world seemed to crumble around me. Two coffee mugs sat on the side of the stove, both of them washed. It was a cruel reminder that I’d needed them both before she left, but now…I only needed one.
“I’ll only ever need one.” I picked it up and considered smashing the fucker on the ground below me. It wouldn’t do any good. A phone call would. A simple phone call to tell her that I meant no harm, that I truly found myself throat deep in love with her, but no….
I needed to get some rest, and the right answer would show it. It always did. After getting a glass of wine, I retired to my father’s study and found a picture book that he kept hidden in his bottom drawer. My mother had never seen it before, and I wasn’t sure if he knew I had before he passed.
Flipping through it, my eyes burned with tears. Though my mother never knew it, he worshiped the ground she walked on. Picture after picture of me and mum together, loving life, looking happy. Not a damn one of them had my father in it.
He’d never told her that he was madly in love with her until it was too late, and he sure as fuck had never showed her. Making money and taking care of us was his way of screaming from the top of his lungs that we were his everything, but actions with no words are most times misinterpreted.
I should have told Molly what I’d done without having her pull it from me. I looked like a liar and a cheat, neither of which were me, but the damage was done.
Logan was right…I was turning into my old man, and not the best parts of him either.
The saddest part was that I had no idea how to change it, but I knew one thing, I wanted to.
Chapter Thirty
Molly
Sunlight danced across the ceiling. I stared up at it while I half-listened to the birds chatter outside on a tree branch. Distantly, I could hear Peyton moving about downstairs in the kitchen followed by the sound of dishes being clanged about. It had been two days since the blow up with Alfie, and I couldn’t force myself to do shit.
Get up, Molly. Get your ass out of bed. You didn’t even do this over Harry.
I couldn’t get over it though. My phone remained charging on the bedside with no phone calls or text messages. Nothing. That stung the worst more than anything else. Surely, he didn’t expect me to call! He’d be out of his fucking mind if he did. I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Footsteps approached the bedroom door a few minutes later. I tugged the blankets over my head to hide my red and splotchy face from crying all morning right as the door pushed open.
“You have to stop this,” Peyton said, exasperated. “You didn’t even do this over Harry from what you told me.”
“That’s because I expected Harry to be a prick,” I replied, burrowing deeply into the blankets. “I didn’t expect this sort of thing from Alfie.”
The mattress shifted as Peyton took a seat next to me on the bed. “He really didn’t offer any sort of explanation to why he didn’t give you credit?”
“No. Nothing. He didn’t know what to tell me when I asked him.” I poked my head out of the cover. “And the worst part is that it’s been two fucking days, and I’ve heard nothing from him. How does someone that pretends to care about you do that? What an asshole.”
Peyton sighed. “I was afraid that something like this would happen. I mean, Alfie and Harry had been good friends at one point in their lives. There has to be similarities.”
I was proud of her for not sticking me with an ‘I told you so.’ Those were getting old really fast. It’s not as if anyone had a fucking crystal ball and could honestly see the future. There was a good chance the Alfie was going to turn out to be a great guy, but not now. Any hope of fixing things between us was dwindling day by day as he decided that not calling me was better than calling and explaining himself.
“Yeah, but Alfie had beat the shit out of Harry for being an asshole,” I said, defending him, though I hated myself for doing it. “I watched him tell Harry to never come back to his estate.”
“Guys aren’t like us women. They get over things faster than we do.”
I tugged the blanket back over my head. “Maybe. I just can’t believe it though after everything that has happened.”
“I don’t know, sweetie. I wish I had the answers to make you feel better about the situation.” She rubbed my shoulder and leaned down to press her cheek against my arm. “Stop hiding from me. Pull that down. We should get drinks. Seriously.”
I obliged her and found her eyes sparkling in a familiar expression that I knew meant trouble. I started to shake my head at her as a grin spread across her lips. “No, Peyton. I mean it. We aren’t going out to get drinks. I can’t deal with that sort of thing right now.”
“How about coffee over lunch then?” she suggested, but that mischievous sparkle had yet to leave her eyes. “Oh, come on. Who gets into trouble over coffee?”
“No one does,” I replied, eyeing her with suspicion. “I just have a feeling that you have some other hidden motives behind getting me out of this bed.”
“Perhaps,” Peyton said, grinning. “Come on. Just get up and get in the shower. I refuse to let you wallow in your misery while you’re a guest in my house.”
She tugged on the blankets pointedly when I remained motionless. Letting her tug them away with a sigh, I sat up to glare at her. “Okay, fine. Just no funny business, Peyton. I’m serious. Just coffee.”
“Nothing else,” Peyton vowed by holding up a few fingers as if that meant a damn thing to me. “Now, get it up and put on something that makes you feel cute. The world is a better place to play when you feel like a million dollars.”
“Get out, and I’ll get up.” I turned my back to her and waited until I heard the door click shut. I resisted the urge to check my phone, knowing good and damn well that Alfie hadn’t called. I had the thing on an outside setting so that I could hear it ring or buzz from a mile away.
“Stop thinking about him.” I got up and huffed, knowing that there was no way in hell I was going to get him out of my mind for a while. I’d fallen in love with Harry’s best friend, and karma was kicking me in the crotch. Hell, maybe I deserved it. It sure as fuck felt like it.
“Stop thinking, and let’s go. I’m pulling muffins out of the oven. Come get yours while it’s hot. You know you like it that way,” Peyton mumbled through the crack of the door.
“So, you want me in the shower or in the kitchen?”
“I’ll take you any way I can get you, baby.” She laughed after using a deep, creepy male voice. I couldn’t help but laugh too.
“Forget the shower. I’ll be at the table in the minute.” I threw on a sundress and some sandals, pulled my hair into a high ponytail, and grabbed my sunglasses for protection against anyone seeing my red eyes. “I sure as hell hope that it’s sunny today.”
*
“So? Are you feeling at least a little bit better?” Peyton ha
nded me a chocolate from her side of the table. We’d shared a sandwich and soup at my favorite bistro and were getting ready to find something else to do. I voted on going home to sleep for the next week, but she wasn’t putting up with any of my shit.
“Actually, yeah. Thank you for lunch. That was really good.” I took the chocolate and popped it in my mouth as I let my eyes scan the bistro. It seemed like everyone was with someone. It had to be my imagination, or someone upstairs was playing a very cruel joke on me. “What’s next? Nap?”
“Nope.” Peyton stood and lifted her thin arms toward the air before bending over to the right and then the left. She yawned, and I pointed at her.
“Ha! You are tired. Come on; it’s late afternoon. Let’s go back to your place and take a nap. We’ll get up, make some dinner together and watch sappy chick flick movies.”
“I would, but I know you…you’ll sleep from now through the rest of the night, and if by some off chance I do drag your ass out of bed, you’ll cry a river during the movies. I’m not interested in watching you suffer. I already want to kill Harry and slaughter Alfie. Let’s not send me spiraling off the deep end, hm?” She gave me a crazed look.
I stood and laughed before pulling her into a hug. “Thanks for being my best friend. Maybe you’re right.”
“I’m usually right, but there’s no telling you that.” She moved toward the front door. “Let’s go walk around the mall until we get sick of it and then grab a drink at that new bar beside the house.”
“No bars. No drinks. Liquor isn’t going to help me, seriously. It’s going to force me into a deep depression that isn’t fair to you or me.” I walked behind her and pushed the door open further. “I honestly just wish I could stop thinking about him. He was perfect for me, and I thought that we were going to be together. It just seems so insanely fucked up that we’re not. Like everything I’d kinda constructed in my head over the last few weeks is a lie. It’s a bunch of bullshit nothingness.”
“That’s how love is sometimes though, right? You expect it to go one way, and it does a sharp left turn and leaves you fumbling around like an idiot in the dark.” She turned toward me as we stopped by the car. “It’s a risk, and it’s messy as hell. That’s probably why a lot of people either don’t get married, or do and then get divorced.”
“I guess.” I got into the car and leaned back, closing my eyes. It was nice to have a friend that cared, but fuck I wanted to go home and dive back into my sheets. Sleep was the only safe place for me where I didn’t have to feel such a deep level of hopelessness.
“All right. Enough of this depressing shit. Mall?”
“No. The bar sounds good. Maybe a drink will chill me out a little.” I tugged at the seatbelt as she lit up in the seat next to me.
“There’s my girl. Let’s take a few shots and dance on the tables together.” She lifted her hand in a high-five. I popped her palm with the back of my hand and turned to look out the window.
“No dancing on the tables. Just make sure I don’t go home with anyone else. I don’t need another strike on my karma card, okay?” I closed my eyes and missed whatever she mumbled. It sounded like something meant to cheer me up, but she was wasting her breath. The only thing that might drag me out of the muck I was in was a call from Alfie. Even if we didn’t get back together, I still wanted to believe that I meant enough for him to call and check on me.
“We’re here.” Peyton rubbed my leg, waking me up.
I was surprised I’d fallen asleep. “Wow. I’m so sorry.” I rubbed my eyes as I got out of the car. There was no mascara to smear seeing that I didn’t put any makeup on. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, and if I were being honest, I was trying to repel people for the night. Not that I got hit on too often at all, but just in case.
“We can go home if you want.” Peyton walked to the front of the car, and I met her there. “Seriously. I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable situation.”
“I’m good.” I slid my arm into hers and walked into the bar. A few guys looked our way, but for the most part, it was pretty chill.
A waitress hustled us over to a table, which was odd. I was used to going up to the bar top and ordering what I wanted. Seemed they did things a little different there.
“All right. Let’s just have a few drinks and then head back to the house. I’ll just have a beer to make sure I can still drive.” Peyton reached across the table and took my hand. “And just so you know…I think you’re far too good for any of these English pricks you keep trying to go out with.”
“Yeah?” I paused as the waiter walked up. He was a cute guy about our age in a tight t-shirt and jeans that hung low on his hips. Tattoos lined his arms, and if I wasn’t wallowing in self-pity, I might have found him attractive.
“What are you beautiful girls having tonight?”
Peyton giggled. “You?”
I rolled my eyes and turned to him. “Three shots of tequila and a beer to wash it down.”
“Need salt and limes?” His eyes moved across my face, and his tone darkened just a little. The sound of his voice should have caused my tummy to tighten, but he did nothing for me.
“Yep.” I turned back to Peyton. “You?”
“A beer.” She kept her eyes on the guy who said something else and left. She gave me a look. “He was totally flirting with you.”
“So, what. I’m done with men until I get over Alfie, and even then…I’m pretty sure I’m going to focus on my career and not my love life. They both need an overhaul, and one depends on me and the other depends on someone else. I’m done chancing things. I’ll stick to the career.”
“And you’ll end up lonely.” She lifted her eyebrow and gave me a concerned look.
“No, I won’t. I have you.” I winked and leaned back in my seat, biding my time until I could crawl back into the bed she offered me and cry myself to sleep.
Things would get better, but not just yet.
Chapter Thirty-One
A week later
Alfie
The morning light glinted through the trees just outside my estate as I stood there, feeling quite numb. I flicked my sunglasses down while I waited for my driver to pull up to hide the fact that I felt like shit. Too much whiskey. Drinking used to be the guaranteed way to take my mind off my problems, but not anymore. I could seem to chase away the continual thoughts about Molly, no matter what I did.
Six days. Six bloody days since either one of us had talked to one another. My phone remained quiet no matter where I went in the city to keep myself busy. I didn’t expect Molly to call either. She wasn’t the type of woman to cling to someone desperately, but I knew she wanted to call. She wanted me to call, but I couldn’t find it in me to do it.
It was for the better. It had to be. I would soon become my father, and she would be lost in a lonely life like my mother was. It was simply for her own good that she moved on. Our love affair was incredible, but short lived.
The car pulled up to the house, and the driver got out, a warm smile on his face. “Morning, sir. How are you this morning?”
“I’ve been better.” I got into the car, my voice deadpan. My phone buzzed in my briefcase, and I checked it, noting that it was Sicily, my secretary. As much as I didn’t want to talk to anyone, she was good about not bothering me unless there was an emergency or something important.
“This is Alfie.” I turned to look out the window as a pain ran through my chest. Albert was outside of his pub, painting the sign that hung to the left of the door. Seeing him had me thinking about my night with Molly when she was in Devon.
Fuck. Is everything going to have me thinking of her?
I felt like an idiot school boy, lost in the heartbreaks of love, and yet we’d never been more than quick friends and lovers for a night. It was a lie I was hoping that I might eventually swallow.
“Hi, sir. It’s Sicily. I’m sorry to bother you, but you were due in the conference room about five minutes ago. I was just making sure
you were all right.”
I glanced down at my watch and then to my phone, not answering her. “Buggar!” I let out a long sigh and put the phone to my ear. “I set my watch wrong this morning. I’d taken it with me to the States and haven’t worn this one since then. Please let them know that I’m on my way and do give my sincerest apologies. I’ll make it up to them.”
“No need for all of that, sir. I was just worried. I’ll go down there now and let them know. Please do be safe.” She sounded far too jolly for my mood.
“Thank you, Sicily.” I dropped the call and leaned up, patting the back of the driver’s seat. “I need you to step on it this morning. I’m late for a meeting.”
“Of course, sir.” He nodded and pressed the gas to the floor.
Leaning back, I let my thoughts race through all of the possible turns my life might have taken if Molly had I had somehow ended up together. It was silly and trite, but fuck if I didn’t want the possibility to at least still exist.
“We’re here, sir.” The car jerked to a halt, and I realized I’d gotten lost in my daydreams somewhere along the way.
“Thank you.” I got out and jogged to the front of the building as the wind blew around me. Some part of me wanted to pause and simply enjoy it. No time for anything, especially the simple things in life.
I walked in and made my way to the elevator, checking out my phone the entire way up to my floor just to ensure I didn’t have to speak to anyone.
Sicily met me in my office as I walked in and dropped my stuff. “What can I do for you?”
“Nothing. Thanks for updating the staff.” I grabbed my notebook and walked around her. “Make sure you block out a little bit of time after this meeting so that I can get my thoughts together in peace.”
“Of course, sir, and bravo!” She moved up beside me, a smile on her face.
“What’s that for?” I paused just outside of the conference room and turned to look at her.