No I haven’t kept up, Sulli.
I’ve fallen really far behind. It hurts to think that it’s taken me this long to see her. To really see her.
But I know it’s good I didn’t before.
It couldn’t be too early.
I just hope I’m not too late.
Reaching a cluster of trees with moss-covered bark, we both slow to a stop. Fog rolls in, morning light bathing us.
Her ponytail is loose. And she’s barely broken a sweat while my chest rises and falls trying to catch breath. But I can’t blame that completely on the run.
“Not too slow, Kits. You might be able to outpace me next time.” She slugs my arm.
I drink in her strong features.
Her breath hitches.
Inhaling, I say, “I’d only stand a chance if I tie your ankles together.” Brushing a hand through my thick, black hair, the strands just fall back into my eyes. My pulse thumps harder.
She touches her lips. “What’s that look?” She shakes her head, drops her fingers. “I’ve never seen you look at me like that.”
I take a step forward. “Frankly, I should warn you—I’m not a good guy, Sulli.”
She frowns. “In what fucking way?”
I let out a short, brittle laugh. “Oh let me count the ways, string bean.”
“Is one the nickname you’ve recently given me?” She crosses her arms. “Because it fucking sucks and only an asshole would call me a lanky vegetable. One thing I’m not and one thing I hate.”
I smile. “We can add that to the list.”
“How long is the list?”
“Well, I’d probably be getting a lump of coal from Santa if I believed in the big guy.”
“Kits,” she says impatiently.
Stop flirting, Nine.
Okay.
“Seriously,” I continue, “I’m not good. I hate when you brush me off, but I brushed you off for a while because your ex told me to stop flirting with you—remember that?”
“How could I not,” she mumbles hotly.
I nod. “I’m a hypocrite, an asshole, a dick—I’m the bad guy. I don’t deserve your attention, but I’m going to fight for it. You need to know that now, okay?”
“Why does it matter now?” Sulli breathes harder, stepping nearer until we’re an inch apart. I stare down at her, only a couple inches taller. “It’s not like I’m getting with the bad boy. The bad boy doesn’t like the hairy Sasquatch—”
I clasp her waist with two hands and walk her backwards. The abruptness steals her words. Our eyes are locked in thirst and history, years we’ve spent together—the sweetness that she knows from me. What I’ve known from her.
The heat is on the other side.
When her back hits the tree trunk, my fingers slide up her strong jaw. I lean in, and she eases back, wide-eyed in surprise.
I stay still. Assessing her headspace. My pulse races. I still hold her cheek, and our breath sounds like heavy panting in the woods.
She eyes my lips.
I eye hers.
And then Sulli leans in.
I draw forward in a flash, bringing her mouth to mine. I kiss Sullivan. I kiss her like she’s rainwater and I’m savoring every drop in the desert. Achingly slow.
Our bodies shift closer. The crunch of leaves beneath our soles is a faraway noise in my head. Each passing second with my mouth against hers lights up my core. Tasting every breath, my tongue parts her lips, and her hips bow into me.
One beat later, her hand dives to my crotch. Sulli squeezes my throbbing cock. Not to get me off.
Feels more like she’s testing how hard I am.
My erection is painful beneath my shorts. Fuck, my body thrums to push into her. To have her pressed even harder against this damn tree. With one hand, I clasp both her wrists and pull her arms high above her head. Pinning them while we kiss.
An aroused noise leaves her lips and enters mine.
Suddenly, she jerks away.
I let go.
Her hands fall.
My pulse flat lines at the sheer dread in her face.
“No, no, no, no.” Her hands are on her thighs, bent over. She’s looking back at the motel.
“Hey, talk to me, Sul.” I can’t fucking breathe. “Was it me pinning your arms above your head? I won’t do that—”
“I liked that—I really, really liked that.”
I run my fingers through my hair. “I should’ve asked to kiss you.”
“I should’ve said hold on or…something. Fuck.” Sulli buries her face in her hands. “I knew you were going to kiss me. I wanted you to kiss me. This is all fucked up.”
“What’s fucked up about it?” My face twists. “Sulli?”
She has a haunted look.
“Sulli?!” I’m freaking out. That I did something wrong. That someone hurt her in the past. Did her ex abuse her? Is she okay?
My mind is racing in a thousand panicked directions.
“I can explain.” She holds out a hand. “But I can’t explain without Banks.”
“What?” My face screws up more.
“We need to go to Banks. Right now.”
I don’t get it. I don’t need to get it. I just want answers.
So I listen to Sulli, and we don’t walk back to the motel.
We run like we’re playing The Floor is Lava. Our feet are on fire. So is my head, my heart, my body—I’m burning alive.
15
SULLIVAN MEADOWS
What in the fuck?
How did I go from having zero bodyguards—pals, buddies, whatever-the-fuck—who like me to suddenly two who kissed me? My mind can’t wrap around the fact that not too long ago, I firmly believed Banks and Akara would rather kiss an anteater than kiss me.
My experience with guys, dating, kissing—the works—is microscopic. I have one ex to compare all guys to. I’m not sure I’m equipped to handle kissing two men in less than 24-hours. Guilt pried my lips off Akara pretty fast. Was I cheating on Banks?
It’s not like we solidified anything.
But it felt shitty.
Really shitty.
Because I still really, really, really fucking like Banks, and I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt Akara.
What the hell is even happening?
Two guys.
Two kisses.
I am not Elena Gilbert. I’m not emotionally prepared for a love triangle. And oh fuck, I can’t believe I’m thinking about The Vampire Diaries right now.
I totally blame this on my mom and Aunt Willow. One rainy summer at the lake house, they sat my sister, some cousins, and me in front of the TV and demanded we binge-watch all seven seasons.
Was I invested in Elena’s complicated love triangle with Stefan and Damon? Yeah. We all were. There were teams and sides, and the lake house was split for weeks. All I could think is that it’d fucking suck balls to be in love with two people and have to choose one.
Good news is that I’m not in love with Akara or Banks.
I just really like them. And it was just a kiss.
From both of them.
My feet pump harder, Akara not too far behind me as I sprint back to the motel with all my might and drive. Leaves and branches whip at my face until my shoes hit pavement of the parking lot.
Already outside, Banks is tossing sleeping bags into the back of Booger. When he turns around and sees me, he reaches down for the radio clipped to his pants. But the cord is wrapped around the battery pack. As he unwinds it swiftly, urgently, his eyes ping to me in concern.
I stop to a breathless halt in front of him. Hands on my knees, I heave for air. I’ve never been this out-of-breath from a morning run.
Banks steps in front of me protectively and shields my whole body in a snap-second. “What’s wrong?” He’s in full bodyguard stance. Stoic, alert, and this is so far from a security problem.
It’s just a me problem.
A love life problem.
A friendship problem
.
I try to form words but I just breathe heavier, not able to catch air into my lungs.
He fits his earpiece into his ear and bends down to me. “Sulli?”
“I…” I trail off as Kits comes into view.
Skidding to a stop beside us, Akara has the same hands-on-knees posture. Hair hangs in his eyes in a casual, cool way like he’s pretending to expel air for a 90s-style, skateboard photoshoot. He really has no fucking right to look that sexy being so out of breath.
Banks glances between us with mounting worry. He packs on the I’m-going-to-take-care-of-you attitude that draws me in. He really has no fucking right to look that sexy being concerned.
I like them both.
This wouldn’t even be such a bad problem to have if I were someone like Jane. She’d multitask like a boss bitch, all in pastels and sequined heels while being surrounded by a hundred fucking cats.
Banks zeroes in on Akara. “Please tell me you two knucklefucks just made a stupid bet and raced over here.” His vigilant, unblinking gaze sweeps the woods past our shoulders. He must think we’re running from someone.
Dead-fucking-honest, we were just running to him.
Akara straightens up in a bigger breath. “Sul.” His voice is pleading for answers.
I rise more too, a hand on my cramping hip. “We should all clear the air.” My lungs feel tight. “Um, starting with…” I motion to Banks, then back to myself. Signaling us.
Is there even an us?
Is it too presumptuous to say it?
Maybe, because I can’t spit out the words.
Banks nods slowly in realization. More clear understanding. Our kiss. We meant to tell Akara last night, and Banks is probably connecting those dots.
Not that he can connect the dot that reads: Akara & Sulli just kissed in the woods!
Yeah, that fucking dot is off the page. No line can possibly be drawn to it.
“You want to tell him first?” Banks asks me.
“Tell me what?” Akara snaps at Banks.
Fuck, this is bad. Hand outstretched to Akara, I cut in fast, “Last night, Banks and I kissed.” I look to Banks. “And this morning, while we were out for a run—”
“I kissed her,” Akara tells Banks, his voice as taut as a stretched resistance band.
Banks goes rigid.
Akara’s muscles are already flexed.
Both guys—both friends—are just looking at each other. I can’t tell if they’re staring each other down, if their shock is riding the edge of a fuck you glare.
The tension is so thick, it’d be easier to breathe underwater.
And then there’s the silence.
Pure utter fucking silence.
Flashbacks of the funhouse suddenly bombard me, and I really didn’t think anything could be more devastatingly awkward than that.
“Say something,” I insist, almost panicked. “One of you. Please.”
Akara flinches and makes a move to the green Jeep. “We should get on the road. We have a long ride left to Montana.”
My stomach nosedives. This can’t be the Funhouse 2.0 where we just bury everything underground for ten days before we even speak about it.
“Kits—” I start to demand a conversation.
His eyes find mine quickly. “We can talk on the way.” He must see my fear because he adds strongly, “I promise we will.”
Banks shuts the trunk. “Fine by me.” His voice is stilted and strained. “Everything’s already loaded up and squared away. We’re good to go.” With two long strides, he’s already in the driver’s seat.
Akara barely blinks as he opens the passenger-side door.
They’re sitting next to each other.
I don’t know what to make of that. I don’t know what to make of anything. Part of me would love to just call my mom. Ask her for a pep-talk and maybe how to handle this strange situation. But I can’t exactly confess that I kissed my bodyguards without figuring out what this is.
It could just end right here.
At this motel.
They could walk away and realize their friendship is worth more than a future with me. Which—I wouldn’t even blame them for. Solid friendships are hard to come by, so they should probably hold each other tight.
Who’s going to hold me?
But I don’t want to be the reason Akara and Banks fight.
Still, I picture my future where I’m back to the beginning again. No more kisses or make-out sessions or anything else.
The thought sinks my spirits.
With one big breath, I open the door and climb into the backseat.
16
AKARA KITSUWON
The Jeep rumbles to life as Banks starts the ignition, and my head is split open with the realization that Banks and Sulli kissed—and I should’ve known.
It was right there.
Right damn-fucking there!
I knew something was up with Banks last night. I should’ve pressed him harder and earlier, but screw it—I’m happy I didn’t. Because who knows if I would’ve kissed Sulli this morning if I knew about them, and I’m glad I was blissfully unaware so I had the chance.
I adjust the seat straighter. The Jeep is hot, even though it’s a relatively chilly morning. Silence is cooking the three of us, and I know I have to break it first.
“So you two are together?” I ask, then turn slightly to lock eyes with Sulli in the backseat. She’s snapping her buckle and lifting her legs to her chest. I ask her, “That’s why you pulled away from me?”
Banks glances fast at the rearview mirror. “You pulled away from him?” he asks Sulli.
“Yeah, I did,” she admits, a hand to her temple like she’s witnessing a slow-moving car crash. And to me, she says, “It didn’t feel right to keep kissing after I’d kissed Banks.”
Conflicting emotions crawl all over me.
It feels like hundreds of ants scurrying across my skin. Sulli is a good person. With the knowledge she had, I’m glad she shortened our kiss. Because I wouldn’t want to hurt Banks either.
The actual kiss they shared…I swallow a rock. Shit, I hate that they kissed. Jealousy piles high, bitterness slipping in the back of my throat.
I only have myself to blame.
If I wasn’t in such denial about my feelings, I could’ve had all last year with Sulli.
I run a hand through my hair and mess with the broken air vents in agitation. “When did you two kiss?” Last night. Sulli already said last night. But I guess I just want extra confirmation.
“Last night,” Banks says, driving out of the parking lot. “When you were on the phone.” The Jeep rocks as we roll onto pavement.
Confirmed: this was recent.
Recent enough that they haven’t been secretly dating.
Sulli grips her knees. “We meant to tell you right after. But everyone showed up, then I fell asleep. It turned into a big mess, and I’m really sorry, Kits.”
I wince with the shake of my head. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Sul.”
“Friends don’t keep friends in the dark,” Sulli proclaims. “We kept you in the fucking dark.”
For less than 24-hours.
Real pricks would let this shit fester into something irreparable, but they came clean faster than most would or could. These two are too good to me. Better than I am to them at times, and I’m starting to rethink whether I even deserve their wholesome friendship.
I really am a dick because I want it anyway. And I’d end anyone who crosses them.
They’re my wholesome, good-hearted friends who curse like sailors.
I’ll always protect her and him.
Him.
Where is his head at? Because this isn’t anything we’ve been through. Not apart and definitely not together.
“Akara?” Sulli says, and I realize I haven’t responded to her statement.
I turn back to her. “I’ve kept you in the dark for way longer when your ex told me to stop flirting with you. So how ab
out we just call each other even?”
She tries to smile, but some type of sadness washes over her face, downturns her lips and lowers her gaze.
I want to crawl back there and just hug Sulli. Kiss her again. But I glance at Banks. He’s eyeing me in his peripheral.
Lovely.
Just lovely.
I can’t help but glare. Frustrated at this love-triangle situation. Couldn’t I be here with anyone but Banks? I’d have no problem slashing through them to get to her.
Which probably says more about me, I know. I can be cutthroat.
Banks catches my hot gaze. “I am sorry, too, Akara.”
I clench my jaw, turning my glare to the road. “For which part?”
He laughs lowly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. But I’m not sorry that I kissed her.”
“Well, I’m not sorry I kissed her,” I snap back.
We side-eye each other for an entire minute.
Sulli scoots up to the edge of the seat. Closer to the middle console and us. Our eyes dart down to her, and the air tenses and heats all over again.
Fuck.
I turn A/C knobs.
She leans forward, even closer between our seats. “Please don’t ruin your friendship over a couple of kisses. It’s totally not fucking worth it.”
“You’re worth it,” Banks tells her, then to me, “No offense.”
“None taken. You just beat me to the phrase.” I lock eyes with Sulli. “I was going to say that first.”
“But he didn’t,” Banks adds.
I grind my back teeth, my jaw twitching. Fuck you, Banks. I want to flip him off. I want to fucking hate him, but there is no real hatred in my heart for Banks Moretti. Even taking shots at each other, they’re like water balloons, not bullets.
Sulli is having trouble containing a smile.
I give her a look.
She touches her heart. “My ego is sufficiently inflated, big thanks to you both.”
“But mainly big thanks to me,” I tease.
Sulli elbows my arm, but in seconds, her smile is gone. “I just want to be upfront. No secrets. No lies or untold shitty things. And you should know, Kits, that my kiss with Banks was longer and sort of an almost-naked kiss.”
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