“Tess was completely professional,” he went on. “Her presentation was thorough. No one could have known she was new to the job. I think you would have been very happy with how she represented your company.”
She shifted her body, and now instead of being angled toward me, she faced us both like the base of a triangle. “My company would never have sent an employee in my place to meet with a client as important as SIC.”
“My father did notice your absence,” he admitted.
On that note, I had something to admit too. “He basically commanded that you be at all meetings going forward.”
Scott threw me a he-did-why-didn’t-you-tell-me glance.
I replied with an it-didn’t-come-up-between-orgasms glance.
Kendra took a deep breath. Otherwise, she was as poised as she always was when talking business, a trait so deeply instilled in her that I sometimes imagined she’d look composed even if she were hit by a train. It was weird how she had that professional mode, how she could separate it from her private mode, especially since this currently collected woman was the same person who collapsed in histrionics at the slightest bump in her more casual interactions and ran off on a whim when her heart was the slightest bit broken.
Weirder still was how much I wished she’d give me the dramatic response instead. How I wished for proof that she cared enough about me that my actions affected her too deeply to keep it together.
“The deal’s gone through?” she asked after a beat, still composed. And now a new slight as she angled her body completely toward Scott, as though excluding me from the conversation.
The worst part was that he went along with it. He didn’t even look at me before responding. “It’s in negotiations. Like I said, it’s a good fit. Exactly the kind of partnership we need to distract from other aspects of our image.”
“I didn’t think it was right for me to approach you. Even before.” Her eyes darted to the heavy ring she wore. “Before we got together. Our parents’ relationship and all. I thought it better to let you approach me.”
“I should have, honestly. I don’t know why I didn’t.”
“I suppose we’ll have to work on communication. I hear it’s important in a marriage.”
“I hear that as well.”
As irritated as I was to have been shut out, it was fascinating to watch the two of them interact. Mere acquaintances trying to navigate the prospect of a lifetime together.
That was not what marriage was supposed to be. Impersonal. Detached. A box to check off on a to-do list. It made me feel sad and sorry for both of them for ever thinking this was what they deserved.
But I was still irritated. So I didn’t feel that sorry for them.
And even though I knew Scott didn’t want to talk to her about breaking off their engagement until after he’d talked to his parents, it pissed me off that he was playing along with the idea that their marriage would actually happen.
And another thing that pissed me off? The fact that I only knew it was a sham of a relationship because of Scott and not because of Kendra. Which was a stupid thing to be pissed off about because I was pretty sure even her mother thought it was true love, and why would she tell me when she wouldn’t tell her mother? But I couldn’t help my feelings, and I was pissed nonetheless.
As though my feelings were strong enough to remind Kendra that I was still in the room, she turned her stare back on me. “Just because the partnership worked out doesn’t make the way it came about right in any way.”
The harsh words showed a crack in her veneer, a hint at emotion, and I suddenly remembered that although I was pissed, I was also guilty. “I know, K. It wasn’t right. I deliberately defied you. And I’m sorry.” Except I wasn’t really sorry because if I’d had the chance to do it again, I would have. “I’m sorry that I hurt you, anyway.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, her posture no longer assured. “That’s the right word, Tess. I’m hurt. I’m really hurt.”
I was hurt too. All the times she’d denied me a chance to pitch, all the times she’d said I wasn’t ready. All the times she’d called me a friend and then shut me out.
It probably wasn’t the best time to express that. “I know.”
“I mean, this feels like a pretty deep betrayal. Out of all the people I could have invited to come work for me, I chose you. Not just because I knew the value you’d bring but because we were friends. Because I trusted you. I trusted you to look out for my company.”
“And I did.” It was one thing to let her feel her feelings. It was another to let her turn it into a baseless attack. “I made a move that Conscience Connect should have made. Because it was the right move.”
“That wasn’t your call to make!” Her volume rose sharply, and this was the version of her I’d expected to face. The version I’d wanted.
Before I could respond and turn it into an all-out screaming match, Scott stepped in. “Kendra. You and I, of all people, we know that the tactics it takes to survive in this world are not always the most compassionate.”
She whirled toward him, seemingly ready to lash out.
But then she collected herself. “You’re right. They’re not. But there are always consequences. Survival says compassion isn’t expected from me either.”
“I hope you’re not suggesting that Tess lose her job over this.”
“Hey,” I butted in, not at all interested in letting Scott fight my battles for me. “I don’t need anyone—”
Kendra ignored me. “I hope you’re not suggesting you have a right to give input on how I run my business.”
He smiled. “I couldn’t give a flying fuck about how you run your business. But Tess Turani is the liaison that connected my company with the DRF. She’s done all the work so far. My team and I trust her, and I expect her to be there going forward.”
They held a tense stare between them. I hated how I felt like a child witnessing grown-ups fighting. Small and powerless, with neither my opinion nor my feelings worth considering.
I was used to that from Kendra. Not Scott. I knew he was only trying to protect me and swoon for that, but I didn’t need him to man-in-charge me or on my behalf. I didn’t want that from him. I wanted equal footing with him. With both of them.
But equal footing wasn’t what I got.
“Of course,” Kendra said sweetly, my fate decided by others and out of my hands. Temporarily, anyway. “Tess and I will revisit the status of her employment when the deal is done.”
“Looking forward to it.” My smile didn’t look nearly as authentic as hers. A fault of my breeding, I was sure.
“Meanwhile.” She turned to Scott. “You drove here, didn’t you? Sweetheart.”
If he was surprised by the endearment, he didn’t show it. “Yes.”
“Good. Tess has a ticket for the train a little later. I was going to go back with her, but better that I drive with you instead. You can catch me up on the negotiations on the ride.”
At least he had the decency to flinch when he said, “Uh, sure.”
“I guess I’d better go pack my bag,” I said, storming out before I unleashed my growing fury. Who I was most angry with, I wasn’t even sure. Kendra for acting like a hard-ass? Scott for standing up for me when I didn’t need it and failing to do so when he should have? Myself for caring about both of them way more than I should?
One thing was sure anyway—Scott had been right not to tell her about our relationship. Mainly because her callous behavior today had convinced me I was stupid for caring about her feelings when she so clearly didn’t care about anyone but herself.
But also because, with my current attitude toward her fiancé, I wasn’t sure he and I would have a relationship much longer to even tell her about.
Six
Scott
I watched Tessa as she stomped out of the room, cursing myself for having obviously fucked up. Should I have told Kendra I wouldn’t drive her? Or insisted I take Tess as well?
H
onestly, after the scene that had just occurred, I thought she might be relieved not to have to travel back with her boss. Suggesting to trap them in a car together for an hour didn’t seem like the most pleasant choice for anyone.
It had been Tess I was thinking about. No one else.
But keeping silent hadn’t proven that to her, and who knew when I’d get a chance to talk to her?
Fuck. I wanted to run after her now. Could I?
Thankfully, Kendra saved me from making an impulsive decision. “Wait. Tess?” She jogged after her employee.
I followed after. Like hell was I going to miss this.
She caught up with Tess at the bottom of the stairs. “That was petty of me. I’m sorry. I’ll ride back with you. What time is it? I probably don’t have time to get cleaned up first.”
“You can both drive to the city with me.” Since I couldn’t read Tess’s mind to know what she would have preferred, I had to make the decision on my own. And I wanted Tess with me. Preferably without the woman wearing my (mother’s) engagement ring, but that wasn’t really an option.
Tess looked from Kendra to me, her expression softer than it had been but still fairly hard. “Fine. When do you want to leave?”
Considering I was still wearing last night’s clothes… “I need to shower first.”
“Me too,” Kendra said, gesturing to her running outfit.
“Then I’ll use the shower in the room my parents slept in.” No way was anyone going to have a chance to think that she and I were showering together. No way was I going to let Kendra think she was giving that impression.
She pursed her lips, clearly disapproving. Which I understood. I probably came off as an ass in her eyes. As far as she knew, we were getting married. We were engaged. We were supposed to be acting like we had a real relationship, rather than one orchestrated for social gains. My parents had laid out that expectation for both of us when we put the whole plan into motion.
Kendra was only trying to fulfill her obligation.
But the deal was off now, whether she knew it or not, and my only obligation was to my heart. And my heart wanted Tess.
How the fuck that flowery inclination came about, I couldn’t begin to guess. Maybe this was what they meant when they said pussywhipped. If so, I was pussywhipped pretty damn good.
If Kendra had to suffer a bit in the meantime, it was what it was.
Realizing that it would be worse to make a fuss about my behavior in front of Tess, she yielded. “I’ll ask the staff to move your suitcase.”
“I’ll take care of it myself.” Without further hesitation, I walked around them and headed up the stairs. The faster we were cleaned up, the faster we could leave, the faster we could get to the part where I dropped Kendra off and it was just me and Tess.
I was already counting down the minutes.
Less than an hour later, we were on the road. Kendra, of course, took the front seat. There was no way around that, really, not without declaring something about me and Tess, and for the sake of managing a fallout that could hurt my girlfriend, that wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.
Girlfriend.
I’d never thought I’d use that label sincerely. It had slipped out over the years in various moments, when it was more kind to use that description for the woman on my arm than to explain she was just who I was banging that night. Once or twice maybe I’d used it in the bedroom, or I’d allowed it to be used, when the term had found its way into dirty talk or role-play. I’d never actually assigned it to one person. Never thought I’d get a rush when I did.
Yet here I was, practically smiling as Kendra programmed her home address into the dashboard GPS because my girlfriend was sitting in the backseat.
“My address is already in here,” Kendra said, a question in her tone.
Oh, fuck. I’d had my driver take Tess and Teyana there the night of the opera. I rarely drove myself in the city, and there were often addresses programmed in that I didn’t recognize, so it hadn’t occurred to me.
Tess had been pretty tight-lipped since agreeing to the car ride, but I caught her eye in the rearview mirror. Without words, I knew exactly what she was thinking from her expression. If you’d just told Kendra like I’d wanted...
“Hmm. I don’t know why,” I said with as much nonchalance as I could muster.
Another glance at Tess, who gave me a disdainful look before jumping in to my rescue. “After that meeting ran late last week, you had your driver take me home afterward since it was raining. I was housesitting for Kendra.”
“Ah,” Kendra said.
“Ah,” I said at the same time, as though it were new information.
“Mm,” Tess rumbled in the backseat.
I didn’t know how my father did it, balancing his marriage with his affairs. I wasn’t even really cheating, and I’d already had it with the subterfuge.
A fifty-seven-minute drive ahead of us, and I was sure it would be the longest ride of my life.
Fortunately, the first half hour went by pretty smoothly. There wasn’t a lot to report about the current negotiations with the Dysautonomia Relief Foundation, but Kendra wanted to know every detail of how the process had gone so far. Her pettiness from earlier made another appearance as she refused to address any of her questions to Tess, though it was clear that most of what she wanted to hear about was what exactly Tess had presented. It was annoying and obvious and maybe even a bit understandable, considering that Tess had legitimately undermined her, but I hated that spiteful shit.
Tess handled it admirably, only jumping in when I directed the questions to her, which I did as often as I could, and managed not to get defensive whenever Kendra made a critical remark, which she seemed to do as often as she could.
When she finally announced that the deal seemed to be pretty solid, the knot in my shoulders loosened, and I felt like I could take a real breath for the first time since we’d set out. Not because I’d been worried for myself, but because I knew how much Tess wanted her approval, even though she hadn’t said as much. Why else had she stuck at the job after so long being overlooked? And didn’t everyone want the regard of authority figures? I sure seemed to.
I could feel Tess’s ease as well, like a soft breeze from the backseat. It was probably the closest to praise she was going to get, and she absorbed it like the air freshener soaking up bad fumes.
We’d hit the city by then, and traffic was as it always was in NYC, but even that didn’t seem so daunting with the tension relieved. Glancing in the rearview, Tess had propped the seat pillow against the window and closed her eyes, the last two nights of activity seemingly catching up to her.
Kendra, however, had just gotten back from a three-week spa trip and had the energy to prove it with her inability to let more than a minute go in silence. Her first few attempts at conversation went nowhere when I didn’t return her serves.
“How has work been besides the DRF deal?”
“Fine.”
“Is your mother still hosting the Thanksgiving Feed America meal?”
“I’m sure she is.”
“Is that new legislation going to affect your production this year?”
“I’m sure Dad will find his way around it.”
Then she threw me a curve. “I suppose we should set a date?”
“Set a date for what?” I said before thinking it through.
“For our wedding, you silly.”
My gaze flicked back to the mirror. Tess’s eyes were opened, a frown bending her lips down.
“Uh, I don’t really have a preference,” I said, hoping that would put an end to it.
“I know you’ll need to look at your calendar, and I’ll need to look at mine. We’ll need at least six months to put together something proper. A year would be better. Preferably even two. Do you have a seasonal preference?”
“Not really.”
“I’ve always been fond of winter weddings. Fall too. Summer is just so done, though the weather is defini
tely better. We could always do something in Florida instead, at your grandfather’s estate.”
I honked my horn at the car in front of me when he didn’t cruise through the yellow light, mostly because it felt good. I wanted to do it again. In answer to everything Kendra said. Do you—honk! Should we—honk, honk, honk.
Getting pulled over wasn’t on my to-do list, though. It would only prolong the agony.
“You know,” I said, not even sure where I was going after I’d started. “This is probably a conversation best saved for later. Tess doesn’t want to listen to all this wedding planning stuff.” Yeah, that was good. “Not fair to bore her to death.”
I tried to meet her eyes in the mirror, but she was staring out the side window, the features of her profile drawn tight.
“Actually, I bet she’d love it. She used to always want to play Let’s Plan Our Weddings when we were in school.” Kendra shifted in her seat so she could look back at Tess directly. “Remember how you were sure you were going to marry that Jason kid? The guy who worked at the pizza counter just off campus?”
Tess kept her eyes glued out the passenger window. “Mmhmm.”
A stab of irrational jealousy pierced through me. Who the fuck was Jason?
“And then it was the quarterback,” Kendra went on. “That was a move up, in my book. Jason was always so greasy.”
I found another reason to honk the horn.
“After that it was—”
I cut her off. “I really don’t need to hear Tess’s list of prior boyfriends.” Not if we expected to get to our destination without me running someone off the road. “Professional boundaries and all.”
Kendra swiveled back to face the front. “You always said you wanted something small,” she said, and for a second I wasn’t sure if she was still talking to Tess or if she was now making up a conversation we’d never had. “A bridal party that could fit around one table, you said.”
“Affordable that way,” Tess said, and I had one of those reckoning moments where I remembered that, despite all the bullshit I had to endure with the Sebastian name, I never had to worry about the cost of things.
Man in Love Page 6