#1 Love

by T Gephart

  He chuckled, his finger and thumb locking under my chin as he lifted it to catch his gaze. “Oh this was nice, huh?”

  Releasing me, he stepped back, pulled off his socks and left them with his clothes in a pile on the floor. I watched as he picked up the opened box of condoms and turned it over to inspect it. “Eleven left, should be enough for now.”

  With the pack in one hand he reached for me with his other. “Let’s not waste any more time and give you what you want.”

  I followed him into his bedroom where he undressed me. Unlike his own clothes that he’d torn off, he took care unzipping my dress, sliding it off my body as he kissed each new exposed piece of skin. When the dress was finally off, he cupped my breasts, kissing them through the cotton fabric before reaching around and flicking at the clasp. He let the material drop, stepping back and admiring my body as I stood naked for him.

  “I love that you don’t hide yourself from me.” He moved closer, his fingers delicately traveling from the swell of my belly up to my breasts. “You are so fucking beautiful, Maya.”

  I closed my eyes, absorbing the touch for a minute before opening them to find his were flaming.

  “Then take me to bed.”

  Up against the couch had been hard and fast but in his bed he’d been slow and generous. I loved that he didn’t ask me what I wanted, but instead looked for clues, noticing every time I whimpered and giving that part of my body more attention. He was a quick learner, and I was very vocal about giving my appreciation.

  We showered together, got dressed and cooked frozen pizza in his kitchen, the hours slowly ticking away.

  It was late afternoon when he went out to the car to collect something he’d forgotten to bring in. I used the few minutes alone to run to the shopping bag on the floor in his living room and grab the postcards. There would probably only be enough time to hide one, so the colorful picture of the Hollywood sign was stashed underneath the sofa cushions with the rest of the postcards being shoved into my handbag for later. The idea seemed easier when I dreamed it up inside of Walgreens, but having the time and the opportunity when he wasn’t around and still have access to his apartment was proving more difficult than I thought.

  I had just finished hiding the postcards in my purse when Alex walked back in, the folder Roman had given him in his hand.

  Great.

  Maybe I should have distracted him, broken into his car and stolen the stupid file instead. Probably would have been more productive than hiding postcards.

  “You know, I took you with me to Roman’s because I wanted you to know about the job offer. Did you want to help me go through it?” He laid it down on his coffee table.

  I’d have preferred to drink Sriracha straight from the bottle than to read and discuss any of it. And I didn’t even like hot sauce.

  I shook my head and took a breath. Earlier he’d said that he loved that I didn’t hide myself from him. Granted, I was naked at the time and that was what he’d been talking about but I wasn’t going to hide myself now either.

  “I need to recuse myself.” I rested my hand on the file, stopping him from opening it.

  He laughed. “Very funny.”

  “No, I’m being serious, I can’t be a part of this.” I shook my head. “And not because I don’t care or I don’t want the best for you. The truth is, I want the very best for you which means you need an unbiased opinion, which is something I can’t give you.”

  He stopped laughing, moving my hand off the file and lacing his fingers with mine. “Why can’t you give that to me?”

  “Because whether you stay or go, it has to be what you want. Not because of something I said or did.” Or because I beg you not to go, I finished in my head. “Whatever you decide, I promise you I will support you. Two of my close friends live in New York, so if you decide to go, I’ll visit you all the time.” I stopped short of telling him I’d be happy because I knew that would be a lie. Happiness might eventually come, but if he did go, it wouldn’t be what I would be feeling.

  He took my hand and placed it on his heart. “So why don’t you think about coming with me?”

  It wasn’t something I expected him to ask, and hearing it just broke my heart.

  “Alex, I can’t. I just moved here, and unlike you, people aren’t tripping over themselves to offer me jobs. I like where I work, and I like being back close to my family, I can’t just leave.”

  “Apart from not wanting to pick up and move—yet again—I’ve signed a lease, I’ve made a commitment to the firm. Even if I could get out of those contracts legally, I need for my word to mean something.”

  My family name wasn’t the best in the business and I knew that. I needed to be doing it better, more efficient, more precise than the next person, and personal integrity wasn’t something I was willing to throw away. And even if I did lose my mind and forget all those things, and blindly follow him to the other side of the country, I’d always wonder why he asked. Whether it was because he felt the things I was starting to feel for him, or if he was just scared to lose me. It would be like marrying me just because I was pregnant, and I would never be anyone’s shotgun bride.

  “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” He visibly deflated. “So you want me not to talk about it?”

  Yes, I wanted to say. Tell him to bury it away, for us to deal with later when I’d had more time with him. “That can be your decision too.”

  “Then we won’t.” He picked up the file from the coffee table, walked over to a bureau and shoved it in a drawer. “Poof, it’s gone.”

  If only it were that easy.

  “Anything else you want to recuse yourself from?” he asked, leaning up against the couch.

  I shook my head. “Nope, that’s it.”

  “Good, now let’s go back to your place and pack a bag. I want you to spend the night with me and would rather spend the extra time in bed with you in the morning than drive back to your apartment.”

  That was a plan I could definitely get on board with.

  “I concur.”

  “HOW WAS THE REST OF your weekend?”

  I had barely made it in the door when Stefan’s question flew across the room. It was early, with most of the junior associates not in yet, but they didn’t have to impress the partners as much as the new kids on the block.

  “Great, you?” I looked around, the third member of our three amigos missing in action. “Where’s Mike?”

  “Was called into a meeting. You happen to see Alex?” He handed me a coffee from his tray of takeaways, mine light on the sugar and cream, just the way I liked it.

  I took a sip, the caffeine-y goodness making me feel more alert as I shot him a glare. “He picked me up Saturday afternoon when we finished, you know I saw him.”

  “Okay, Okay.” He raised his hands. “I was just trying to be polite but if you don’t want to do the dance, then we won’t.” He straightened his tie and grinned. “So did you talk about me?”

  “You know you sound kind of pathetic, right? Do you want me to pass Alex a note and see if he wants to go to prom? You guys would make such a cute couple.” I hid my grin behind my coffee cup.

  “If it gets me a date with Astrid, I’ll even buy the corsage.” Stefan leaned back in his chair. “I’m secure enough in my own manhood.”

  The thought of Alex dressed in a tuxedo was mouthwatering. I had left, never getting the opportunity to see him all ready for prom. I didn’t even know who he would have taken, or if we would have gone together just for the hell of it. I never did go at my new school, preferring to stay at home and study than be around a bunch of people who I didn’t know and/or like.

  “I did tell Alex about your request, and he said he’ll mention it.” I took a seat down at the vacant desk beside him and plugged in my computer.

  He fist pumped, clearly pleased at the news. “So when we going to do this? The weekend? Friday night?”

  “I said he’d mention it to her, I didn’t say it was a done deal,” I
countered, not sure when Alex was planning on having the conversation with Astrid. We’d spent almost all our time together and I’d almost forgotten about it entirely. Maybe he did too.

  “Make it happen, Zaveri.” He gave me a pointed look. “I know you have the power.”

  I rolled my eyes as I scoffed. “I’m not a superhero, Stefan. I can’t will something into existence.” Because lord knows if I did have that power I’d be using it for my own purposes. “I’ll remind him but after that, you agree to drop it.”

  He clapped his hands, rubbing them together. “I have every faith.”

  “Guess who gets to tag along this week in court?” Mike puffed out his chest strutting into the room like a peacock, the guess not needed as he sat down beside me.

  I gave him a playful shove. “What happened to not breaking up the band? You were concerned when I mentioned getting to sit in on a meeting and you’re going to court?”

  “And he thought we should be worried about you.” Stefan tsked, pointing to Mike. “A traitor to his own pact.”

  “Our bond remains intact.” His fingers traced a cross over the left side of his chest. “And it’s only to observe.”

  While we were pretending to be worried, both Stefan and I were happy for him. To be asked to observe was a big deal, especially given it was only our second week, we were all doing awesome in finding our feet so fast.

  The day progressed as usual. Files, research, demands from senior ranking staff, but it was useful in keeping my mind off other things.

  I also got to sit in Leah’s meeting for the Clayton merger, and even managed to contribute to the meeting. Well, it was more passing Leah notes, letting her take all the glory as she brokered with opposing counsel, but it was awesome to see my work in action in front of me.

  It was the end of the day before I knew it, my phone buzzing with a message that Alex was still in a meeting but would meet me in about half an hour.

  “You heading out?” Stefan slid on his satchel and Mike grabbed his laptop bag.

  “Alex is running late, I’m just going to hang out here for a bit.” I put my bag back on the desk and sat back down.

  Mike tipped his chin to the door. “I can give you a ride if you don’t want to wait. I don’t mind.”

  “Thanks, but I don’t mind waiting.” I smiled. “I probably should use the time to talk to my family, I’m in a group text and I’m already in double digits of unread messages.”

  Stefan winced. “Ouch. My olds need to be called once a week or I catch grief.”

  Mike snorted. “Consider yourselves both lucky. My dad has the police commissioner on speed dial. I don’t check in every three to four days, I’ll have a BOLO put out on my ass.”

  After commiserating on the reluctance of Mike’s parents to let go of their boy, they left me in the office. I was far from alone, lights on in offices down the hall as lawyers pushed the envelope of the work-life balance in order to get ahead.

  Maya—I got to sit in on my first negotiations today. I’m still super pumped. And yes, I’m doing great. No need to panic.

  Jordon—Congrats Sis.

  Vanessa—Yay, Maya! You should go out and celebrate.

  Jordon—On a Monday night? :-o

  Natalie—Well done, Maya. I agree with Vanessa, celebrate.

  Jordon—Are you all illiterate? It’s a MONDAY night.

  Vanessa—She isn’t an old man like you are, baby, she can go out on a school night and still be okay.

  Ben—Ooooohhh burn, J-Dawg. From your own wife too. ;-)

  Jordon—. . .

  Mom—Oh sweetheart, that’s fantastic. I’m so proud of you.

  Maya—Don’t get too excited people, it was one meeting and it wasn’t even in a courtroom.

  Mom—Not the point. Every step moves you forward, and look at how far you’ve come.

  Ben—I bet she is crying. :-P

  Jordon—100%

  Mom—I am allowed to cry!

  After a little more back and forth, we ended the conversation and I suddenly got a little choked up. For all their crazy, I really did love my family. I was glad I could call or message without calculating the time difference, or get on a plane and be next to them in two hours. While I knew I could never go back to living in Carson City, I didn’t think I could go back to the East coast either.

  When I got down to the lobby, Alex was there waiting. His hair was ruffled, his tie slightly askew but so heartbreakingly beautiful that I ran into his arms and gave him a kiss.

  “Ooooooh kissing me in full view of security cameras,” he taunted as the smile spread across his face. “Someone’s living dangerously.”

  “I don’t care if people at work find out, I’m more worried about our families.”

  I was positive that my dating life was of zero interest to most of the people I worked with. And as long as I didn’t take Alex into a boardroom and screw him on the table, there would be more interest in whether granola or protein bars were in the kitchenette than any boyfriend of mine. Except for maybe Mike and Stefan, who would probably at this point be unsurprised.

  “Good, because I hate keeping my hands off you.” He pulled me closer, giving me a soft kiss on the forehead before leading me outside.

  His deal with the devil had obviously expired, his BMW not parked out front like it usually was. We walked hand in hand on the sidewalk, looking like lovesick teenagers as we stopped after a few steps to kiss. Honestly I didn’t care how tragic it looked, I was happy.

  We drove first to my apartment to pick up some more clothes and then back to his place where we planned to spend the night. The law clinic had been canceled for the night since Don was sick so we had our evening free.

  It was nice having a whole house to ourselves and not having to haul a basket of laundry up and down stairs to use the washer and dryer. Something I happened to mention when I emerged from my bedroom with not only an overnight bag, but a hamper full of my dirty clothes too.

  Alex dropped me off at his house so I could get started on my laundry while he went out and picked up some groceries for dinner. Both of us were tired of eating out and him leaving gave me the perfect opportunity to hide the rest of my postcards. If I had known domestic chores would have gotten him out of the house so quickly, I would have asked to wash my dirty underwear yesterday. Clearly, my first hidden postcard was still undiscovered and I liked being able to finish the job.

  One by one, I took pictures of Santa Monica Pier, The Farmer’s Market, Grauman’s Chinese Theatre and Disneyland and hid them in random places. Nowhere glaringly obvious but he wasn’t going to need a compass and treasure map either. I was done by the time he got back, my clothes already in the dryer while I poured us a glass of the Napa Valley white he’d stolen from his mother’s on my behalf.

  He lowered the bags of food to the floor and leaned against the jamb looking at me in his kitchen, barefooted and wearing one of his T-shirts. “Well, well. Nice choice of outfit.” His eyes rolled over my bare legs.

  “It’s laundry day.” I handed him a glass of wine. “Figured I’d just wash everything.”

  His hand traveled up my thigh, stopping when it got to my ass, his brow raising in surprise. “I really hope this isn’t how you do laundry at your apartment.”

  “Of course I do. I’m trying to give Prim a heart attack,” I mocked, laying my head on his chest.

  “Poor Prim, being terrorized by the likes of you.” He squeezed my butt. “We should probably start dinner before you’re a hazard to anyone’s health.”

  He kissed the top of my head and then took a sip of his wine, using one hand to carry the groceries over to the counter.

  I looked at the ingredients with interest as he pulled them out as there was no cohesion between them. He had ground beef and chicken breasts, taco seasoning and a jar of pasta sauce. It was like he’d randomly thrown some things into a cart with no real plan. “What are we making?”

  “Tonight, my famous baked Mac N Cheese.” He pulled
out some elbow macaroni and two different kinds of cheeses out of his mystery bag. “I assumed we’d want to eat for the rest of the week so I got enough groceries so I didn’t have to keep going to the store.”

  My. Heart.

  I tried not to get too excited and read more into what was happening. He was just trying to be efficient. And he had to eat whether I was there or not. But I’d be lying if I weren’t delighted that he’d factored me into his shopping expedition, punctuated by a loaf of cinnamon bread, which I absolutely loved and knew he couldn’t stand.

  “You bought me cinnamon bread.” I hugged the plastic wrapped loaf, holding it close to my chest.

  He stopped unpacking groceries, his eyes on the bread. “I will never understand how you can eat that stuff but I know you used to love it. I’m assuming you didn’t come to your senses.”

  “You would be right, Mister.” I poked out my tongue. “And thank you.”

  He chuckled a “you’re welcome” while I helped him put everything away. Then I watched as he started making dinner, boiling the macaroni while mixing up a rue of milk and flour in a saucepan.

  It was mesmerizing to watch, his hands working competently in the kitchen as he continued without the use of a recipe.

  “I thought the only thing you knew how to make was scrambled eggs?” I pointed to the fancy baking dish he was loading the cheesy macaroni into. “Now you’re making non-packet Mac N Cheese in Le Creuset.”

  “The lady in the Crate and Barrel said it was the best. Can’t say I disagree.” He put his expensive stoneware into the oven.

  No Target for him, oh no.

  He flicked me playfully with a tea towel. “And when most of the local takeout places recognized who I was by the sound of my voice, I knew it was time to learn to cook.”

  “Yeah, I feel your pain. By the end of college I had mastered making a three-course meal on a camping stove. Necessity is the mother of invention,” I exclaimed proudly.

  “Three-course meal? That’s a big graduation from the chocolate brownies I remember.”

  I loved that even though we knew so much about each other, we were still learning new things. Not just filling in the gap between the years we’d been absent, but how we’d changed as people too.