#1 Love

by T Gephart

  Despite the threats my dad made, I didn’t feel he would do anything to physically harm me. Call it instinct—or stupidity—but he didn’t have the guts. No, his punishment would be something else, much more devious and much more hurtful. Like trying to get me disbarred, or ruin Alex’s career. And while I was positive he didn’t have that kind of ammunition, I wasn’t going to underestimate a man who defrauded millions of dollars from thousands of investors and evaded the FBI for so long.

  Without a car—Alex’s BMW probably back at his house—I had taken the bus in, which meant a bus back home. It wasn’t so bad, the ride giving me time to ponder over everything I’d done since high school which could possibly be inflammatory. Fun times.

  So when I finally got home, having walked from the bus stop, I was surprised to see Alex’s car parked out front.

  There was no one inside—and no notes on the windshield either thank God—and I wondered if Roman hadn’t brought it back for me to use until Alex returned. Maybe he put the keys in my mailbox?

  I’d just made it into the courtyard when I saw him.

  Alex.

  He was sitting on the stairs that led up to my apartment, waiting casually, like he hadn’t been on the other side of the country just that morning.

  “You’re back?” I asked, trying to stop my feet from running toward him and hugging the life out of him. While my brain had wanted him to be safe in New York, my heart needed him in L.A. and currently my heart was the one running the show. “Oh my God, I’ve missed you so much.” I gave up fighting it, throwing my arms around him.

  “I missed you too.” He hugged me back, accepting my weight into his strong arms and lifted me off the ground.

  I breathed him in, filling my nostrils with his scent to confirm it was him standing in front of me and not some illusion. But it wasn’t a trick, his warm body pressed against me as I kissed him. His lips met mine as I pulled him closer, not caring about who was watching, overcome by the need to feel him.

  It was while I was kissing him that it occurred to me it was too early for him to be back. His meeting had been set for ten in the morning, which meant he would have hopped on a plane the minute he’d left their office.

  “I thought you were going to spend some time with Eric?” I asked, trying not to sound ungrateful.

  He pulled his mouth away from mine. “Change of plans, want to go up to your apartment and talk?”

  Go up to my apartment and talk did not sound good, especially since he wasn’t due back for at least another day. And why had he been waiting on my stairwell? If I hadn’t come home early, it would have been hours before I got home.

  Shit.

  I could barely get the keys in the door my hands were shaking so hard. I had an idea what he was going to say and I was terrified. I didn’t even know what I wanted him to say, conflicted between thinking it was best if he kept his distance and needing him so much I couldn’t bear it if he left.

  “You’re taking the job?” I closed the door behind us, not being able to take the suspense any more. “You went there and liked it, and you accepted their offer.”

  He didn’t need to say it; I could see from his face I was right. “Maya, I’m sorr—”

  “No, please.” I pulled him closer. “Please don’t apologize to me. This is a good thing; I wanted this for you. Please don’t be sorry for doing the right thing.”

  “Then why does it feel so wrong?” He pulled away, looking at me. “Tell me why I feel like I’m making the biggest mistake of my life?”

  Inside, my heart was breaking, desperate to ask him to reconsider. That I needed him, and I couldn’t stand the idea of him leaving me. And yet, in the same breath, a sigh of relief. He would be safe, far away from whatever drama my dad had planned, and protected from all of it.

  I grabbed the front of his shirt, holding on to him because I knew I’d have to let go soon. “It’s not. I promise you, you’re going to do great things over there. I wanted this for you.”

  “And what about us, Maya? I told you I’m not going to give you up.” He tilted my chin, his thumb tracing my jaw.

  “We’ll work it out.” I shook my head, not sure how exactly. “This is a good thing, Alex. I’m so proud of you.”

  I meant every single one of those words even if it killed me to say them because I knew there was a chance I’d lose him. And even though it would probably be the best thing for him, I wasn’t sure my heart could withstand that kind of trauma a second time.

  And yet . . . I had asked for it, pushed him to go because I loved him so much that I’d rather destroy my own happiness than risk his. That was how I knew this was not some childhood infatuation, that it wasn’t a crush. And that of all the times I’d thought I’d been in love with a Larsson, there was only one I’d willingly cut out my own heart for.

  It was hard to stop the tears, the events of the last twenty-four hours flooding me as I wiped my eyes with the pads of my fingers. “Oh my God, I’m being ridiculous.” I tried to laugh, hoping he wouldn’t see how devastated I was. “They’re happy tears, and we should celebrate.”

  He kissed my wet cheeks. “Yeah, not sure if I believe you, and what are you doing home so early? And why the hell didn’t you take my car? I left you the keys.”

  So many questions and I wasn’t sure which one to answer first. “Well.” What did I tell him? There was no way I could reveal the truth, especially when I had no idea when he’d be leaving. Not to mention I didn’t want to guilt him to stay. “I had a headache this morning and didn’t think I should drive, and because I couldn’t concentrate, they decided to send me home early. Lucky for me, because here you are.” I hugged him tight. “And lucky for you too or you’d have been sitting on those steps for hours.”

  “Yeah, I tried to sweet talk Prim into letting me into your apartment but she wasn’t biting. She did offer to let me wait in hers until you got home.” He shot me a wicked smile. “I politely declined.”

  I smiled, a little sad to have missed the indecent proposal. “Well, I’m glad you waited.”

  “So headache, huh?” He scrunched up his nose, probably hoping for sex.

  And as much as I wanted to get lost in the sensations that only he could give me, and forget everything for a while, I just didn’t have it in me. I wanted to hold him, to commit every single part of his body to memory so I’d never forget it.

  “Yeah, but you can lay down with me.” I kicked off my shoes and hoped he wouldn’t be too disappointed.

  He leaned down and kissed me again. “Sounds like an amazing idea.”

  At some point, I fell asleep.

  I was still in my work clothes, my arms and legs tangled around Alex as his hand smoothed my hair.

  “Hey, feeling better?” Alex asked as I lifted my head to look at him.

  I nodded, even though I didn’t. “Yeah, still a dull ache, but I’ll be okay.”

  “So you still up for celebrating?”

  Oh, yeah.

  That.

  Hiding the fact my father had tried to extort a couple of million—which I didn’t have—out of me, threatened not only my life but the people that I loved, and I was questioned by the FBI was a tall order. But to go out, pretend to be happy and supportive that the greatest love I’d ever had was moving to another city was going to be next to impossible.

  “Suuurrrre,” I answered cautiously. “What did you have in mind?”

  His raised brow told me he didn’t buy it. “You don’t sound so convinced.”

  “No, no. We’ll celebrate. Just let me shower and get changed.” I shuffled off the bed, determined to get my shit together.

  “You might want to give Stefan a call, he’s called like three times.” He picked up my phone that was sitting on the nightstand. “I contemplated answering it but figured if it was important, I’d be required to wake you up. As long as I didn’t know context, I had plausible deniability.” A wicked grin spread across his lip. “Plus, if it was an actual emergency, I’d assume
he’d come knock on the door or send someone over.”

  “You are so smart.” I breathed a sigh of relief he hadn’t answered. There was no way to be sure Stefan wouldn’t talk, probably assuming I’d have told my boyfriend.

  I picked up the phone and called, hoping and praying I was going to be able to communicate with single non-descriptive words that wouldn’t raise suspicion.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I tried to sound cheery as he answered the phone.

  “What’s up? What the hell, Maya? I’ve been trying to call you for an hour. Mike said you left work early.” The frustration and concern vibrated in his voice.

  “Yeah, I had a headache. Fell asleep.” I lifted my hand to my head, rubbing my temples. It might have started as fiction, but I wasn’t going to need to fake it much longer.

  “We need to meet up with Roman, I think I found something.”

  “Is it integral to the case?” I was careful to keep my words measured, not arouse suspicion.

  “Of course it is. I’ve already called Roman, and I’m almost at his office. Do you still have Alex’s car?”

  I paced around the room, keeping my face as impassive as I could when I answered. “That would be a negative. I’m afraid I don’t have access to that any more since the original attorney is back and has taken over. Sorry.”

  “Alex is back?” Stefan sucked in a surprised breath.

  “Yes.”

  “Is he with you right now?”

  “Sure is.”

  “And you haven’t told him?”

  Even one-sided, the phone call sounded like I was setting up a drug deal. I knew I couldn’t push it any longer.

  “Look, we can discuss that at the sit down. I can probably meet you and the client in the next thirty minutes or so depending on traffic.” I continued to pace, deliberately not making eye contact with Alex.

  “Okay, whatever.” Stefan made it clear that he wasn’t going to argue over the phone but it probably was going to be discussed. “Just get to Roman’s as soon as you can. See you.”

  I turned to see Alex was sitting on the edge of the bed, having listened to the whole thing. He pouted in disappointment. “You need to go back to work?”

  “I’m sorry, it’s an important meeting that I can’t miss. But it shouldn’t take long.” I grimaced, tucking my shirt back into my skirt and smoothing out my hair.

  “It’s fine. I’m just disappointed we didn’t get more time. I’ll live.” His puppy dog eyes conveyed just how disappointed he was. “Why don’t I drop you off at the office and then you can let me know when you’re done. I wanted to stop by Roman’s and give him the good news too.”

  “No,” I almost screamed out, shaking my head as panic bubbled inside of me. Not only could he not drive me to “work”—my destination somewhere else—but he couldn’t go visit his brother either. It was like the universe was trying to force my hand to either double down on the lies or come clean once and for all.

  “No what? You don’t want a ride?” He looked at me confused, wondering why the hell I’d be turning him down. It wasn’t like he hadn’t driven me to work every single day since I started.

  “No, I meant you just got here and you must be tired from the flight.” I grabbed his hands, trying to sound less crazy and more concerned for his wellbeing. “The last thing you would want to do is sit in afternoon traffic, there is no way I could ask you to do that.”

  He shook off my concern and lifted himself off the bed. “You’re not asking, I’m offering. And you said your meeting is important. Not sure how you’re going to get there in thirty minutes if you need to wait for a cab or an Uber.”

  All excellent points, especially since I hadn’t considered my method of transportation, or the time constraints.

  “Besides, I told you I’m going to go see Roman. I’ll be sitting in traffic either way.” He slid on his shoes and pulled his keys out of his pocket.

  “Maybe call your mom first and tell Roman later.”

  Words of a desperate woman, and not very good ones either.

  “Why? Is there some reason you don’t want me to go see my own brother? What aren’t you telling me?” His hands were on my arms, his looming body inches away, and those eyes that I couldn’t lie to were looking right into mine.

  “Because that’s where my meeting is.” I couldn’t have stopped myself if I tried, my hands automatically grabbing the front of his shirt.

  He narrowed his eyes. “Your meeting is with Roman? Why?”

  “Because he’s my attorney.”

  He blinked in surprise, his brow scrunching in confusion. “What?”

  Keeping it from him was no longer an option, and with the clock ticking I was going to have to talk fast and get to Roman’s. “Can we talk in the car? I really do need to go.”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  He watched me grab my shoes, my phone and my bag and followed me out, jogging down the stairs to his car parked in front.

  I’d barely gotten inside, and he’d already started the ignition, pulling away from the curb and heading onto the main road.

  “Okay, now tell me everything.” His knuckles white as they gripped the steering wheel.

  I tried to be clinical, telling him the details like I was briefing him for a case. No emotions, only facts as I laid out what happened after I left the sports bar with Stefan. His jaw tightened the further into the story we got, grinding those perfect teeth so much I was probably going to be receiving hate mail from his dentist. He didn’t ask a single question, listening as he drove until we’d reached the front of Roman’s building. Unfortunately the parking gods were not in his favor, his virgin sacrifice expired, with no spots available.

  He slammed his hand in frustration against the steering wheel before turning to me. “Are you okay? Physically, did the police or anyone else hurt you?”

  I shook my head, glad that the bruises on my wrists weren’t obvious and he hadn’t had an opportunity to see them. “No, I’m fine.”

  His eyes moved from me, impatiently scanning the road. “You weren’t going to tell me, were you?”

  He was right. If there had been a way for him never to have found out, I would have taken it.

  “I—” I stalled out.

  “Ever?” He probed further, knowing me well enough to know the answer before I said it. “Were you going to let me get on that plane and not tell me at all?” His eyes shot to mine. “Jesus, Maya. You had no intention of telling me at all. What was your plan? Let us drift apart or break up with me before I left?”

  Honestly, I had no clue. I just knew I had more baggage than I was willing to saddle him with.

  “Alex, I didn’t want you to change your mind. You already almost gave up the opportunity for me once; I couldn’t be the reason you did it again.”

  His lips tightened. “Did you ever think maybe I should have some say? Make my own choice? Or that maybe—here’s a novel idea—I’d had a right to know that the woman I love was fucking threatened?”

  “Please don’t be angry.” I watched cars zipping by us, flipping us off as we obscured traffic. “I know you think I should have told you, but I swear I had good intentions.”

  “Fuck good intentions,” he yelled, the first time he’d ever raised his voice in anger. “I don’t want your fucking good intentions, Maya. I’m going to be fucking miles away and good intentions aren’t going to cut it. You can’t even be honest with me when I’m right here, what the hell is going to happen when I’m on the other side of the country?”

  “I didn’t lie to you, Alex,” I yelled back.

  “Don’t.” He held up a finger and warned. “I went to law school too, know every fucking work around there is. So don’t try and tell me that because you didn’t say the words, it’s a fucking technicality.”

  A car horn blared from behind us, reminding us that we were sitting in the middle of the street.

  “Go.” He reached across and popped open my door. “I’ll park and be up there in a minu
te.”

  “Okay.” I grabbed my bag, stepping out of the car and holding the door open as I looked inside. “And for what it’s worth I wasn’t trying to find a work around, I was trying to spare you. He threatened you too, Alex, and maybe it was all bullshit. Maybe his words were nothing like the empty promises he made to me, my brothers and my mom. But I wasn’t going to take that chance. I will not take that chance. So if you want to be mad, be mad, but don’t ever think for a second it was because I didn’t love you or that you wouldn’t have done the same thing for me.”

  I didn’t give him a chance to respond, closing the door—both metaphorically and physically—as I turned my back and walked into Roman’s office building.

  My heels echoed off the marble, striding through the foyer feeling pissed off, and hurt, and all kinds of confused. I had no idea what my face looked like, my cheeks flushed hot and my eyes probably wild, so much so that the security guard actually looked afraid of me as he checked my ID.

  It was the first time I was visiting a rival firm in L.A. and I didn’t even get to enjoy it, pressing the button on the elevator and rolling my hands into fists as we climbed.

  God, I hoped Stefan had found something decent. And even if he didn’t, I was going to dedicate every free second I had to finding Glenn Zaveri and making his life such a hell on earth that he begged to die.

  I may not have started the fight, but since he’d brought it to my doorstep, it was time to end it.

  Most of the people from Moss, Byrne & Carter had already left but a kind assistant directed me to where I’d find Roman and his swanky glass corner office most lawyers only dreamt about. Stefan was already there, as was Mike who gave me a look of apology as I walked in.

  “Sorry, Maya. I overheard Leah tell the partners, and when Stefan called looking for you . . . well I want in on this.”

  Even though my heart was being held together by duct tape, it was warmed that so many people who had no vested interest in helping me were ready to roll up their sleeves.

  “Thank you.” I did my best not to cry and walked over to where they were. There would be a time and place for me to worry about what was going to happen between Alex and me, and it wasn’t then.