by Thorpe, Elle
I wasn’t so sure but nodded anyway. Silence drew out between Bianca and I, and the lure of sleep pulled me down. Jetlag was a bitch. But I didn’t want to sleep. Bianca would have to go home now that Sadie was back, and I wasn’t at all prepared for it. I wanted her with me, night and day, but I knew that couldn’t happen. I needed to soak in every moment now.
“Riley?” Bianca asked quietly.
“Mmmm?” I answered sleepily.
“What if there’s something wrong with the baby?”
I cracked one eye open. “Ay?”
“I’ve had no prenatal care. I haven’t taken any vitamins or rubbed any cream on my belly, and that book I started reading on the plane? It said I should be able to feel it moving by now.”
“You haven’t felt it move yet?”
She shook her head, looking worried. “What if I’ve hurt it?”
I sat up and pulled her against my chest. “Stop. You haven’t done anything wrong. You didn’t even know.”
“I should have known, though. What kind of woman doesn’t realise they’re pregnant for months? I was just so caught up in my own dramas… God. I’m an awful mother already. This poor kid is doomed.”
I chuckled at her melodramatics. Once an actor… “You are going to be a terrific mother. You know how I know that?” She shook her head, and although she was trying to laugh, I could see real fear in her eyes. Which dried my laughter in my throat. She wasn’t acting at all. She really was terrified she was going to be a terrible mother. “I know because you’re scared. Which means you already love our tiny baby and you want what’s best for it.”
“What if I’m not what’s best for it, though? I have a crazy job that takes up a lot of my time. I’m selfish. I’ve barely even held a baby and I’ve no idea what you do with one twenty-four hours a day. I’ve no maternal instincts, Riley. I’ve never had that ‘oooh a baby’ gene that other women seem to have. I’ve never felt some biological clock ticking.” She listed off all the reasons she’d be no good for this baby on her fingers, then she flopped back on the lounge looking defeated. “I suppose when this baby hates me, at least he or she will have something in common with her big sister.”
I frowned. “Sadie doesn’t hate you, and neither will this baby.”
She let out a long sigh, then she pushed to her feet, holding out her hand to me. “I really hope you’re right. Because I’m entirely out of my depth right now. But it’s time to put my big-girl panties on, because we need to leave for the hospital or we aren’t going to make our appointment on time.”
Bianca went to wait in the car while I knocked on Sadie’s door and told her it was time to leave. Muffled grumbling came from the other side, but then she opened the door and stormed past me. I followed her down the stairs and out of the house and winced as she yanked open the back door on my jeep, climbed in, then slammed it behind her. The whole car rocked, and I took a deep breath and reminded myself that this was difficult for her and that I needed to be patient. But damn, she wasn’t making it easy.
The car ride to the hospital was tense and quiet, and I kept glancing over at the two women who my whole life revolved around. Bianca stared off into space, her hands resting on the swell of her stomach. Sadie bored holes through the window with laser precision focus, refusing to make eye contact with me for the entire drive. One woman terrified, the other angry. Awesome.
Bianca’s manager had organised for us to go right in to see the doctor, bypassing the public waiting room for fear of causing a scene, and we were only there for a few moments before we were sent farther down the hall for the ultrasound technician to do her thing. Sadie found a chair in the corner and slumped in it with her arms crossed over her chest. While Bianca climbed up on the table and laid back, lifting her shirt to reveal her smooth skin.
“Okay,” the ultrasound tech announced. “I’m Bernice.” She sifted through a file then pulled a stool over to Bianca’s side. “I just need to lower your pants a little and tuck this cloth in to protect your clothes. Is that okay?”
Bianca nodded, and I moved to her other side. Her hand immediately found mine, and I squeezed it reassuringly.
“First time seeing your baby, huh?” Bernice said kindly.
Bianca looked so nervous, and I was worried by how pale she’d suddenly gone, so I answered for her. “Yes. First time. We’ve only just found out.”
On the edge of my vision, I saw Sadie roll her eyes but I ignored her. Too distracted by Sadie’s snarkiness and Bianca’s nerves, I realised I hadn’t even given myself a moment to feel anything. But shit. I was about to see my unborn baby for the first time. And then I suddenly realised why Bianca was so pale.
Bernice squirted some gel onto Bianca’s belly, and B closed her eyes as a wand was pressed on top. Immediately, a steady thumping sound filled the room, and there, on a fuzzy black screen, appeared the outline of a tiny baby. The blood drained from my face. Holy shit. It was real. It was really real. You didn’t need to be a professional to make out anything. There was a fully formed baby in Bianca’s belly. And it was mine. It was ours.
My gaze met Bianca’s and held it, the sound of our baby’s heart beat echoing between us.
“Everything looks perfect for how far along you are,” Bernice said cheerfully. She moved the wand around and peered at the screen, stopping only to tap some numbers into the keyboard.
A grin split my face, and I leant forward to kiss Bianca on the top of her head. “See?” I whispered in her ear. “He’s perfect. Just like his mother.”
Bianca blinked back the moisture in her eyes and tilted her chin up to kiss me. And all I could think was how much I loved her, and how much I loved the baby we’d created together already. It couldn’t have been a more perfect moment.
“It’s not even cute,” Sadie said brattily from the corner. “It looks like an alien. Its head is huge. Good luck pushing that out.”
I sighed. Well, it was almost a perfect moment. Now that we knew the baby was healthy, the next step was getting his big sister on board.
38
Bianca
3 months later
I had never realised how slow a single week could be until I was pregnant. Unemployed, and pregnant anyway. I couldn’t go back to Ocean Bay, not with a noticeable baby bump that couldn’t be written into my character on the show. Tangie had arranged extended leave for me, and I was due to go back to work when the baby was three months. But right now, still five weeks away from my due date, going back to work seemed a lifetime away. I was stuck in some sort of limbo. I didn’t like to leave my apartment much. The press followed me every time I did, yelling questions about where Jerome was and why I was hanging out with my ex. In the past, I’d had a somewhat friendly relationship with the paparazzi, but now they scared me. I was terrified they’d all crush me for the chance at a photo of my bump. This baby’s life seemed infinitely more precious than my own. Risks I’d taken when it was just me seemed reckless and unimaginable now that I had someone else to think about
I picked up my phone, dialling Jerome’s number, and waited impatiently for him to answer. I’d taken to doing that at least once a week.
“Hey,” he said sleepily.
I looked at the clock, realising that with the time difference, it was likely the middle of the night there and I’d woken him up. Tough luck. He still owed me.
“Just checking to make sure you haven’t started any new rumours.”
“I haven’t said a word beyond no comment. I swear. You don’t have to keep reminding me.”
The press still all thought Jerome was the father, and since he was in LA and I was here, they were constantly sniffing around for some sort of story. They’d been relentless. Jerome and I had both agreed to not comment at all on the status of our relationship and the fact the world thought he was my baby daddy. Neither of us would give the press anything. Me protecting Riley and Sadie. Him protecting the newfound fame he’d found, even if it was for all the wrong reasons. But at least he�
�d kept his big mouth shut. And beyond that, I didn’t care what he did.
“Good.”
He mumbled something about trust, which was laughable, but I ignored him and hung up.
I wandered aimlessly around my living room, straightening photo frames that were already straight and then flipping through a parenting magazine I’d read cover to cover. I threw it down on the coffee table, frustrated, and rubbed my lower back. It had been aching all day and just made me even more irritated than normal.
Things were still frosty between Sadie and I. To the point that I’d stopped going over there. Most days, Riley dropped in at my place on his way home from work, but he could never stay long. He didn’t like to leave Sadie alone at night. Tangie was still cranky at me for screwing up the whole gig in LA, and though my friends all dropped by from time to time, it was lonely being at home by myself so much, with nothing but a baby bump for company.
At least I could feel him moving now. We didn’t actually know it was a boy, we’d chosen not to find out, but Riley seemed certain, so I went along with it. It was easier than saying “he or she” every time. The ultrasound had showed the baby’s placenta was on the front of my uterus, which was why I hadn’t been able to feel him move, but now that he was so big, it was impossible not to. I smiled, thinking about the first time he’d kicked Riley. The look of pure delight on his face had filled my heart with so much joy, and I longed for the day I’d see our baby in his arms.
But then I realised that seeing him in Riley’s arms meant I’d actually be a mother. And I still wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with that. Every time I thought about it, I immediately pushed the idea from my head.
A knock at the door startled me, and I waddled over to open it and let Riley in. He kissed me, smelling of sunshine and sweat and wood, having come straight from work. He bent to kiss my bump, just the same as he always did. But then he pulled back and frowned.
“Are you okay?”
I opened my mouth to insist I was fine but then I closed it. Was I okay? Honestly?
“No.” I shook my head slowly, realising I really wasn’t fine at all. “I mean, I am. The baby is good and everything. I think he’s been turning somersaults today. I just…” I threw up my hands. “Riley, we have five weeks to go, and this baby hasn’t even got a bedroom. I’ve got no bassinet!”
I paced the length of the living room before something dawned on me and horror turned my blood to ice. “Riley, he’s going to have to sleep in a cardboard box! Or a drawer like it’s the nineteen-twenties. And then the paps will get a shot of him asleep in a washing basket or something. The magazines will pay a fortune for that, and then Department of Child Services will be on my doorstep, taking him away from me!”
I rubbed my belly protectively as Riley laughed.
“Why are you laughing?” I wailed.
Riley sobered immediately. “Oh, shit. You were being serious?”
“Yes!”
He was still chuckling when he held his arms out to me, and I stepped into his embrace grudgingly. My annoyance softened as his arms circled me, and I rested my head on his chest.
“You’ve been cooped up in this apartment too long.”
“I know.”
“I’m going to ask you something. Again. And this time I’d really like you to say yes.”
I buried my face in his chest. I knew what he was going to ask. Because he’d asked me twice in the past few months since we’d gotten back together.
“I love you, B. Marry me. This baby is coming so soon. Marry me and move in with me. I don’t like you over here, by yourself, stressing out over the paparazzi while I’m wandering around my big house, wishing you were there. I’m not going to stop asking until you agree. So you may as well just agree now.”
He smiled down at me, and it was so boyishly charming that I almost said yes. Almost. But just like the other times he’d asked, I hesitated. And he sighed.
“Okay, okay. It’s another no. You’re lucky my self-esteem is pretty high, because all these knock backs would seriously wound a lesser man.”
I giggled and pulled his mouth down to meet mine. “I love you. I’m just not ready to get married…but…”
Riley raised one, hopeful eyebrow. “But? There’s never been a but before.”
I considered what I was about to ask. I’d been holding out on moving in with him, even though I knew it was the logical next step. I wanted to. So badly. Sleeping apart from him was torture. I wanted to do all that pregnant, couple stuff. I wanted to wake him at three a.m. and tell him to go get me ice cream with hot sauce and pickles. Not that I actually craved those things. Gross. I just wanted the opportunity.
But I’d been trying to give Sadie as much time as possible to come around. I’d really hoped we would have been able to form some sort of friendship, or at least a tolerance for each other by now, but it really hadn’t happened. If ever I was over there, Sadie disappeared to a friend’s house or into the depths of her bedroom. She’d iced me out at every opportunity. But whether Sadie was on board or not, I was running out of time. I didn’t want to be here alone anymore. I didn’t want to be bringing this baby home to a house that wasn’t a family home, the way Riley’s home was. I wanted this baby to have full-time access to his father. And Riley deserved that, too. The chance to the be the parent of a newborn. The chance Eliza had robbed him of. I didn’t want to do the same. “I would like to move in with you. If you’ll have me, of course.”
Riley looked stunned for a moment, then let out a whoop that the paps on the street outside probably heard. He picked me up and hugged me so tight I let out a gasp as the baby pressed down on my bladder and I fought not to pee myself.
“Too tight!” I yelped.
He immediately let me go. “Oh shit, sorry, sorry! I just got over excited. You’re serious? You’re going to move in?” His eyes were as wide as a kid on Christmas morning, and I realised for the hundredth time how lucky I was that this man had waited ten whole years for me. He could have gone off and married someone else, but he hadn’t. And here he was, patiently waiting on me again. I loved him with every inch of my being.
“You know what?” Riley asked, scanning the room for god only knew what. “Don’t answer that. You’re moving in. No taking it back.” He stormed into my bedroom. I followed slowly, because I really did need to pee now. There was so much pressure in my lower belly I felt like I was going to explode.
When I reached the bedroom, Riley had my suitcase open and was throwing clothes into it haphazardly. He yanked open a drawer and dumped out my entire underwear collection.
“Riley!”
He waved his hand. “Nope, not listening. You’re coming home with me. And you’re coming home with me tonight.”
He went back to emptying out my wardrobe, and I grinned as he worked. I was going home with him. Home, to be a family.
39
Riley
I had most of Bianca’s clothes packed when she sat on the edge of the bed.
“I want this Riley, I really do. But before we move me into your house, what are we going to do about Sadie?”
For a brief moment, I cherished the way she said ‘we’. Not, what are you going to do about your daughter. She was thinking of us as a team, and I loved that. But she had a point. I sat beside her and sighed. “I don’t know. We could ship her off to military school?”
Bianca rolled her eyes. “You don’t mean that.”
I nodded. She was right. I’d never even for a minute consider sending Sadie away. Not after fighting for access for her entire life. I loved that girl more than life itself, even if her behaviour lately had been less than admirable. “She’ll get used to it,” I said eventually, not really all that sure if my words were true. Sadie was fighting back against all things Bianca and baby pretty loudly.
“What if she threatens to move back in with her mother?”
“It won’t come to that. But even if it does, that has to be her decision. You’re the woman I
love, and you’re carrying my child. Living over here, alone... It’s not good for you or the baby. You need to move in. I want you to move in.”
She fingered the edge of the bedspread. “I know. We need to not royally fuck it up this time, though. Not like when we told her about the baby.”
“Agreed. You keep packing. I’ll go home, talk to Sadie, and come back and pick you up in a few hours.”
She squeezed my hand. “Come back soon, okay?” She ran her soft lips against mine. “I can’t wait to sleep in our bed tonight. And to be your live-in girlfriend.”
I wrinkled my nose. Live-in girlfriend. It wasn’t even close to a good enough title for the way I felt about Bianca. I wanted her to be my wife. I hadn’t looked at anyone else for almost my entire adulthood. She was it for me. I didn’t know why she was holding back, when I knew I was it for her, too. But I’d give her the time she needed. I’d keep asking, until that one day where she’d say yes.
I leant in and kissed her neck. “I’m going to make my live-in girlfriend come so hard tonight she sees stars,” I promised.
“Is that some sort of signing bonus?” she asked with a sexy smile.
“It’s an everyday bonus. Get used to it.” I stood and gave her a mock salute, loving the way her gaze had suddenly turned hot.
“One hour. I’ll be back. Be ready, or I may have to throw you down on the back seat of the car for old times’ sake.”
She laughed and shooed me out the door. I went. Grudgingly. I was dreading this talk with Sadie, but at least there was a reward waiting on the other side. And Sadie had had plenty of time to get used to the idea. She was a mature, young woman. She’d see sense, and everyone would be happy.
Especially me. I’d be surrounded by the two women I loved and the little bundle about to make his entrance into the world.