For being a smart guy, I’d fucked up my life pretty badly.
Quite the accomplishment.
After my conversation with Sicily, she left the research facility and went elsewhere. She clearly needed space from me—and I thought space was good for both of us. She didn’t even bring me lunch, but my mini fridge always had snacks that I could scarf down. But it was still a huge change in my life when she wasn’t there, not because she didn’t bring me food, but because I didn’t get to talk to her over lunch.
I looked forward to it every day.
I spent the next few days going through the motions, a little numb, just doing my job and then going home as soon as possible. Instead of replaying and reanalyzing my conversation with Catherine a million times, all I could think about was Sicily.
She was a woman who didn’t deserve to shed a single tear.
I lifted weights a lot, watched TV, and then did paperwork on my couch. My family gave me some space like they knew I needed it, and I spent a lot of time in solitude. When Derek asked me to get a drink, I couldn’t say no, because I was tired of being cooped up in my apartment. Sicily hadn’t talked much at the office, like there was an invisible barrier between us.
Derek must have had a hard day because he ordered a scotch and skipped the beer. “Just a lot of bureaucratic bullshit. The government says I can’t test my rockets here, so I have to transport them down to Florida. It’s so fucking stupid.”
“Why would they do that?”
He gave a shrug. “Maybe because they know I build better rockets than NASA and they don’t fucking like it.” He relaxed back into his chair and brought the glass to his lips. “Whatever. I got bigger shit to worry about.”
“Like?”
“Lizzie.”
“Everything alright?”
“Everything’s fine. She’s just graduating soon.”
“You’ve got a couple months.”
“Yeah, but I feel like she just started her senior year. Look how quickly that passed.”
“You’ll visit her at Harvard, man.”
“Until she gets her own life, her own friends, boyfriends, parties…and then she’s not going to want to spend time with me anymore.” He tilted the glass left and right, watching the amber booze streak back and forth.
“Derek, I think you’re worrying about nothing. I missed Mom and Dad all the time, even when I was in medical school and residency. The second I was able to live wherever I wanted, where did I choose?”
He gave a shrug.
“Don’t worry about it, man. Yeah, there will probably be a couple years when she’s getting wasted and making out with frat guys at parties—”
He gave me a murderous stare.
“What?” I asked innocently. “You know it’s going to happen, and there’s nothing wrong with that happening.”
He dropped his gaze slightly, like he knew I was right, that if Lizzie were a boy, he would be encouraging his son to mingle with all the pretty girls he liked. Just because Lizzie was a girl didn’t mean it should be different. She was about to live the best years of her life.
Derek took a drink. “So…Catherine is officially behind you now?”
It was only a matter of time before he confronted me about it. “I guess.”
He gave a slight nod, as if in approval. “I admit I was surprised…but also relieved. What’s happening with Sicily?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” he repeated.
“She’s seeing someone.” I looked down at my beer, my heart falling into my stomach when I pictured Zach’s possessive touch on her waist.
“So? Go for it.”
“Already did.”
His eyes filled with surprise then adopted a cloak of disappointment. “I didn’t know…”
“Yeah.” I drank my beer then wished I’d ordered a scotch too.
“Did she say why? Is it because of that guy?”
“No. It’s because of me.”
Derek waited for me to elaborate, his eyebrows furrowed.
“I told her I didn’t take Catherine back because of her, that I chose her. And that was not the right thing to say.”
“Why?”
“Because I already crushed her once, and she wants to be like Mom and Emerson…with men who love them so deeply, and I can’t give that to her. She’s totally right. She deserves someone who doesn’t still love someone else.”
Derek stayed quiet.
I didn’t even consider going back to Catherine, because if I did, there would be no chance to have Sicily, and she was the one I really wanted.
“I don’t agree with anything you said. Well, I don’t agree with anything she said.”
“Meaning?”
“One, Emerson and I didn’t just meet and then fall in love and everything was good. I was pretty much a dick the entire time. It was only when I lost her that I had this epiphany about my life, and then I was ready to get my shit together. I love Emerson more than life itself, would die for her in a heartbeat, but it wasn’t always like that. Love like that takes time. And then Dad and Mom had their problems too. I’m not exactly sure what they were, but they’ve both mentioned things to me about having their issues they had to overcome to be what they are now. So, Sicily’s focusing on the happily ever after but not everything that leads to that, which is only a small part of the journey.”
“Yeah, but you weren’t stuck between two women, though. Not really the same thing.”
“You aren’t stuck between two women either.”
I gave him a blank stare. “Uh, do you not remember the last year…?”
“You picked Sicily. Period. And I get she doesn’t want there to be a choice, but you loved Catherine with everything you had, were destroyed when she left you. And when you had the opportunity to get her back, you still chose Sicily. I think that’s an incredible declaration of love. She needs to change her perspective.”
I shifted my gaze down to the bottle between my fingertips. “I didn’t think about it like that.”
“And I don’t think you still love Catherine the way you think you do.”
I looked at him again.
“I think you really just needed closure, answers to your questions, and validation that your marriage wasn’t a lie. I think when you got that, you got a piece of yourself back.”
“I don’t know… Watching her cry made me feel like shit.”
“Loving someone and caring about them isn’t the same thing as being in love with someone. I don’t think you’re in love with Catherine. I think you’re in love with Sicily. Because if that weren’t true, you would have taken Catherine home, and that would have been the end of it.”
I studied my brother, looking at him with new eyes. “When did you become so emotionally aware?”
He shrugged. “Being a father and a husband will do that to you…along with a string of regrets.”
I drank my beer and let my gaze shift to the window, seeing the lack of frost since winter was almost concluded. Soon, there would be flowers in the park, humidity in the air, and sunshine. It was time to turn over a new leaf.
“Whoever this guy is, he’s got nothing on you. Get your woman back.”
“He’s actually Zach Beaufort.”
“As in, Zach that lives in the Trinity Building?”
I nodded.
“He’s still got nothing on you, Dex.”
“He’s a billionaire. I’ll never be a billionaire.”
“Sicily doesn’t care about that, so that doesn’t matter.”
No…she didn’t care about that.
“There’s nothing that guy can do to earn her heart, so you have time to make this right.”
I sat at my desk at the office, going over lab work for the patient I would see after lunch.
Sicily walked inside, wearing a floral dress that was cinched around her narrow waist and heels. It was a warm day, springtime in its infancy, and she’d already adapted her wardrobe for the occasion. My lu
nch was on a tray, and she bent over slightly, some of her hair falling forward, her necklace bouncing slightly, and set it down.
It’d been nearly two weeks since our awkward conversation, and things had started to feel more normal again. There would always be this weirdness between us now, but at least it wasn’t so potent.
“This new bakery just opened a block over. Thought you’d like to try it.”
“Thanks.” I eyed the plate and saw the vegetarian sandwich and the salad, along with a bag of baked chips. I lifted my gaze and looked at her, a little mesmerized by how bright her eyes looked that afternoon with the sun coming in through the window behind me. I hadn’t tried to talk to her again because I thought it was good to have some space, to let the dust settle first. “Everything looks great.”
She dropped her gaze, like my look was too much. “So, we have a patient coming in later today who’s on the transplant list. I thought I should give you a heads-up…they’re hoping they can put you on call to do it.”
I snapped out of my thoughts of the two of us and grabbed the schedule she placed on my desk every morning. The list of the patients was there, but I usually focused on the first half before lunch, and then the second half afterward.
“Hope that’s okay.”
“Um…” I pulled the patient’s name and got their files open on my computer. “I haven’t done a transplant in a long time.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Dex.”
“It’s a lot more complicated than that…” I scrolled through the imaging on the screen.
“I’m not belittling the task. I’m just completely confident in you.” She turned away from the desk and headed to the door.
I shifted my gaze away from the screen and watched her leave my office, swaying those beautiful hips, carrying herself with the kind of poise royals used on a daily basis. I couldn’t believe I’d had that naked body in my bed…and I let her go.
“The risks for a transplant are high. There’s nothing I can personally do, as a surgeon, to reduce those risks, because it all comes down to the compatibility of your body with the organ donor.” I tried my best to ease the anxiety of my patients because a calm mind was essential for recovery, but when it came to something of this magnitude, there was nothing I could really say. “But I can tell you that I’m the best, and that I’ll do my best because I always do my best.”
The patient was in his late forties, suffering from an unusual heart condition that couldn’t be treated. Unless he had a transplant, his heart would give out within a year. With the support of his wife and two daughters, he sat there and gave a nod.
“I also can’t guarantee that I’ll be the one to do the surgery. My name can be first on the list, but if I’m already in surgery or it’s the middle of the night and I’m scheduled the next morning for another surgery, my obligation has to be to my scheduled patients. If it’s any other time, I can cancel my obligations or come in on a weekend. So, it’s just about timing.” The second I said that phrase, I thought of Sicily, and I noticed her fingers pause on the keyboard at the same time.
We said our goodbyes, and then they left.
They were the last appointment of the day, so I got to relax back into the couch, my knees wide apart, my arms crossed over my chest. I closed my eyes for a moment, just letting my mind float in the ether for a bit.
Sicily’s footsteps were audible, becoming louder the closer she came to me. “How does a meatball sub sound?”
Without opening my eyes, I grinned.
She chuckled. “Coming right up.” She knew it was my favorite, and she usually grabbed it for me when I’d had a particularly hard day. It was thoughtful, like everything else she did.
She came back as quickly as she’d left. “Your father is here. Should I let him in?”
My eyes immediately snapped open. “Sure. Grab him a vegan sandwich while you’re at it.”
“Already one step ahead of you.” She walked into the lobby, and they exchanged a few pleasantries before Dad came through the open door of my office. He shut the door behind himself then approached the couch.
I could tell something was wrong with just one look at him. I straightened on the couch and ran my fingers through my short hair.
He was in his blue scrubs, veins on display along his arms, his neck, and the muscle that was visible around the loose collar of his top. He leaned back, his knees apart, and looked out the window for a while.
“Everything alright?”
He hadn’t shaved for a couple days, so his dark shadow was a thin layer of hair along his jawline. It made his dark eyes stand out even more, along with the thick, black hair on his head. He still had a youthful look because of his fitness, but he hadn’t lost much hair either, and he didn’t seem like someone who would resort to hair growth products, so it must just be genetic…or diet.
“Uh, Dad?”
He turned back to me.
“Have a bad day at the hospital?” Maybe he’d lost someone, and he just needed to talk about it with someone who understood. He was strong and resilient, but he was still human, and sometimes he just needed to vent.
“No.” He shifted his gaze to me, one arm over the back of the couch while his other hand rubbed the scruff on his face. “Your mother tells me we’re having dinner on Saturday.”
Ooh, now I knew what was on his mind. “Yeah.”
He continued to stare me down, looking at me like I was someone to interrogate, not his flesh and blood. “You’ve met him?”
My dad was the strong and silent type, never talked about my other siblings to me, like we were all totally separate from one another. If Daisy did something wrong, he never came to me and expected me to tattle. We all had our unique relationships, and he never shared those secrets with the others. So, the fact that he was cornering me like this to talk about Daisy was not like him at all. It was one thing to share family news so we could all be a united front, but this was totally out of the ordinary. “Yeah, a couple times.”
“What do you think?”
Oh wow, he was really putting me on the spot, huh?
His eyes burned into mine, waiting for a response.
Fuck, what was I supposed to say? I didn’t want to lie, but I also didn’t want to share my true thoughts because that wasn’t fair to Mason. He deserved the opportunity to give the best impression he could, not be muddled down by someone else’s opinion. “He’s cool.”
“He’s cool? That’s all you have to say?”
“Dad, I just think you’re being a little unfair right now.”
“In what way?”
“Did you ever ask Derek what Mom thought of Sicily?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, bad example. When you met Catherine, you didn’t grill anyone about who she was. You’re only doing it because Daisy is a woman.” I wanted to help my dad, because I had the exact same reaction he did, and I knew it was wrong. It was totally sexist and inappropriate. “She’s the smartest person we know, so we need to let her make her own decisions.”
“Did you just give me parenting advice?” he asked incredulously.
“I’m just…trying to help you.”
He looked out the window for a while before he gave a slight shake of his head. “You’re right. I’m treating Daisy differently than I treat you and your brother. But it’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because…” He never found the answer.
“It’s because she’s a woman, Dad.”
“That’s not why.” He turned back to me. “It’s…” He shook his head again, clearly unable to find the answer.
“Dad, I’ve been through this myself. I get it. It’s hard.”
It was like he hadn’t heard what I said. “She’s…my little girl.” He closed his eyes and released a sigh. “I want the perfect man for her. I want someone who will treat her right. I want someone who really deserves her. I never want to watch her go through what you went through, what Derek went through…because I think it might kill me. It�
�s not because she’s a woman. It’s because she’s my little girl.”
“And your favorite.”
He shook his head. “She’s not—”
“Dad, Derek and I already know, and we don’t care. She’s kinda my favorite too.”
Dad stared at me for a while and stopped resisting. “She’s a grown woman, closer to thirty than twenty, and I’ve never concerned myself with her personal life, never asked her when she planned to settle down, have kids, never asked her a single sexist question…because she’s smart, successful, independent, doesn’t need a man unless she wants one. So, this is the man she wants. That scares me a little bit.”
“Yeah, me too.”
He was quiet for a really long time, just staring out the window. “Are you going to tell me what you think of him?”
“My opinion doesn’t matter, Dad. And honestly…neither does yours.”
He turned back to me.
“If your mom told you not to be with Mom, would you have listened?”
Just the mention of her made his eyes pulse with love. “Never.”
“If this is the guy she wants to be with, we need to be supportive. In reality, you’re never going to like whatever guy she brings home anyway, because no one will ever be good enough for her.”
“You’re going to be a good father, Dex. You know more than I do…and I have three kids.”
“Uh, not really. I already went through this whole thing with Daisy, and she put me in my place, like she always does. At least I was able to give you a heads-up, so you don’t make the same mistakes.”
He studied. “So, you didn’t like him.”
“No, I wouldn’t say that. I just… I’ll never like anyone.”
Six
Sicily
Every Saturday, we worked half a day.
We opened an hour later than usual so we could sleep in a bit, and we were done at lunchtime. Andrea wasn’t scheduled, so Dex did all that stuff on his own, getting their vitals and doing the testing that was necessary, without complaint.
The Doctor Who Has No Chance (Soulless Book 11) Page 5