“Look.” He held up his hand to silence me. “Catherine has no excuse for what she did. But let’s not throw the bitch word around like that. She’s the mother of my son now, you know?”
I was instantly annoyed that he defended her. “Is your son here?”
“Baby, come on…”
I shook my head slightly.
“Yes, I was pissed off and I may have called her that myself, but I also realized it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that she lied. It doesn’t matter that she took away special moments I’ll never get to have. We have a son together. It’s time to move forward and be parents. Period.”
I realized he’d had some time to process this, but I didn’t. I was reacting to it in real time. “I just can’t believe she did that.”
“Yes. Unacceptable.”
“How do you even know if he’s really yours?”
He fished his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “I’m getting a paternity test to be a hundred percent certain, but he is. Look at him.” He tapped the screen with his finger, and the picture appeared because it was his screensaver.
A beautiful little boy with a face identical to his sat there.
Yeah, that baby was totally his. “What’s his name?”
“Ryan Allen Hamilton.” He set the phone on the coffee table then rubbed his palms together, growing quiet.
The man I loved was a single father now. Now he had to share his son with his ex-wife, so she would never be out of our lives. Or maybe he didn’t want to be a single father. Maybe…maybe this changed things. “Are you…going to go back to her?”
He turned to look at me, his eyebrows raised. “No.”
“Are you sure? I mean, you have a kid together—”
“It’s not the Victorian era where I have to marry a woman I’ve knocked up, Sicily. I’ll still be a great father, and we can still be partners in raising him, but we don’t need to be romantic partners to do that.”
His words didn’t chase away the fear in my heart. In fact, it continued to grow.
He must have seen it in my eyes because he said, “I love you, Sicily. You’re the woman I want to be with.”
Maybe he felt that way now, but the more time he spent with his son—and by extension, Catherine—that might change. His feelings could slowly sway, just the way they slowly swayed for me.
“Baby.” His eyebrows furrowed even more, like he was physically pained.
“I just…I don’t know. It changes everything, you know.”
“It doesn’t.”
“Have you met him?”
“No. Tomorrow. Why?”
“Seeing him and seeing her…might change your mind.”
“It won’t.” He reached out his hand to touch mine, to grab it tightly. “I know I hurt you before, but I’m not going anywhere. My devotion is to you and my son. That’s it. Not Catherine. I’m happier with you than I ever was with her.” His gaze continued to burn into mine, forcing his passion into my skin. “Baby, come on…please don’t doubt my love for you.” His hand slid into my hair, and he brought me close to kiss my forehead. “I’m not doing my job right if I ever give you any doubt. If a man ever makes his woman feel insecure, then he’s not a man. That’s what my father has always told me.”
“It’s not you, Dex. I just… A kid changes everything, changes your whole life.”
He pulled away so he could look at me again. “I know it does. But it’s not going to change that. It’s not going to change us.” He tucked my hair back before he slid his fingers down my cheek and to my jawline. He moved his arm around my waist and shifted his body closer to mine, his chin resting on my head.
“How do you feel about all this?”
He rubbed my back. “Happy.”
“You are?” I asked in surprise.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I think the reasons are obvious…”
He pulled away slightly so he could look at me. “It’s not like Catherine and I hooked up sometime after we were divorced and then I knocked her up. We were happy at the time, husband and wife. Ryan was made with love…not to sound cheesy. Having a family was what we wanted more than anything at the time, and it happened. I’m nothing but grateful, even if the circumstances aren’t ideal.”
He was a good man to react this way, when anyone else would find it to be nothing but an inconvenience to their new life. It made me love him more. But it also sowed a deep doubt in my chest, because every time he looked at Ryan, he’d see the woman he once loved, once committed his life to, and maybe he would start to feel differently. I tried to tell myself that wasn’t true, but in the back of my mind, it was there…simmering.
He was scheduled at the Kline Clinic the next day, so he canceled the entire day and we went shopping. Instead of spending the day together having lunch or even taking a trip, we were getting baby supplies.
Dex and I hadn’t been together long, either time, and both times Catherine had popped up and got in the way. If she hadn’t been pregnant with Ryan when they were married, I would assume she did it on purpose.
We spent the entire day getting everything he needed, from a portable car seat, a crib, clothes, formula, the whole works. I’d hoped Dex would be the man I married, and I imagined we would have a couple kids and do this together sometime in the future. But now, I was getting supplies for a baby he had with someone else, and this was how we were enjoying the honeymoon phase of our relationship.
Kinda sucked.
I told Dex I could take care of everything myself while he worked, but he insisted that he wanted to be included in the process, especially since he’d missed everything up until this point. It took several trips carrying everything back and forth, and then we set it all up in a spare bedroom. There was still a queen-size bed and dresser inside, so I’d have to get everything removed so Ryan could have his own room.
Dex was able to put the crib together without even looking at the instruction manual, setting it up against the wall next to the changing station.
“Have you told your family yet?”
“No. Haven’t had time.”
“What do you think they’ll say?”
“They’ll be happy, of course. They got another grandkid.” He turned to me. “Now we’ve got three cute-ass babies in the family. Move over, Little Deacon and Cam. We’ve got another hotshot.” He opened the drawer and placed the diapers inside. “Ooh, I wonder if they’ll be best friends.”
I forced a smile. “I’m sure they will.”
He shut the door and opened another box. After he ripped it open, he glanced at me, his stare becoming observant. “Baby, everything okay?”
I forced a smile. “Yeah. Everything’s great.”
He stilled and continued to stare, his eyes shifting back and forth as he looked into mine. “I guess I never asked you how you feel about this whole thing. I just assumed…” He straightened and pivoted his body so he could look at me head on.
Was I a terrible person for not being ecstatically happy about this like he was? Was I a terrible person for actually…being a little disappointed? I just got Dex, and I felt like I had to share him, not with Ryan, but with Catherine. “It’s just…I’m still processing it. I actually thought Catherine was sick or something, and then I find out there’s a kid. Like a whole other person…who looks like you.”
He rested one arm on top of the changing station as he regarded me.
“I feel like we haven’t even had a chance to be together, and then this happens. You told Catherine you wanted to marry me and have babies with me, and now you have a baby with her. I just…imagined that if I went shopping for baby stuff, it would be for my baby, not your baby…you know.”
He gave a slight nod, but his eyes were a little sad. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about it that way. That was insensitive of me.”
“It’s okay.” I gave a big sigh, feeling the pain amplify in my lungs with every breath.
“If I were dating any o
ther woman, I wouldn’t expect her to go shopping with me and take care of my kid. I would keep it separate, because the kid isn’t her responsibility. I guess I just assumed you would be happy too.”
“Happy that my boyfriend is having a kid with his ex-wife?” I asked incredulously.
He dropped his gaze.
“How would you feel if I found out I was pregnant with Vince’s kid?”
He didn’t look at me.
“I think you would leave.”
“I wouldn’t leave.” He looked at me again. “But yeah, I get your point.”
I stared at him, feeling like a terrible person for saying all of that, but I didn’t want to take it back either. “I love kids. I think they’re adorable. I love hanging out with your nephews. I want kids of my own. It’s just…hard.”
He turned his head and stared at the changing table for a while. “I’m in love with you, I’m happy with you, and I want this relationship to continue. But I can’t apologize for having Ryan or wish things had been different. I love him, and I haven’t even met him, and yeah, I love him more than I’ll ever love anyone. I know this is shitty because it’s not the two of us having a family together and living happily ever after…but I’ll never regret having him.”
“You misunderstand me, Dex. That’s not what I’m implying.”
“I know,” he said quickly. “I know this is especially hard because of the way I felt about Catherine in the past, and the very reason I didn’t want to be with you was because of my feelings for her, but that’s over. We can move forward, the three of us, and someday, we can have more kids and be a blended family. I know it’s rough right now, but it’ll get better. Derek has a different mom, but my mom became his mom. She loved him liked she had been pregnant with him for nine months. That maternal love is there. It’s amazing what women can do. And I know you’ll feel that way about Ryan. Think about it—Ryan gets two moms instead of one. That’s pretty awesome.”
I gave a slight nod.
Dex moved into me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest, his chin resting on my head. His large hand spanned across my entire back, and his smell enveloped me, masked me in a comfortable blanket of his scent, affection, and love. “We’ll get through this, alright?”
I squeezed him back. “Okay.”
“I love you.”
I closed my eyes and melted into him, like chocolate chips on a hot pan. “I love you too.”
Dex insisted I tag along, because I was family now. We went to his parents’ condo, and they sat together at the dining table, eating dinner and enjoying a glass of wine. Deacon’s laptop was beside him, but it was closed, like he gave his wife all his attention during dinnertime.
Deacon smiled when he saw us approach. “You guys hungry? There’re leftovers.”
“I’m good.” Dex turned to me. “Baby?” He pulled out my chair for me.
“No, I’m okay.” I’d had no appetite at all since Dex told me the news.
Cleo was across from me, and she gave me that motherly smile. “How are you, honey?”
“Good,” I answered. “Just busy…you know.” The love of my life had a kid with his ex-wife who would do anything to get him back. No big deal.
Deacon kept eating and exchanged a few words with Dex about work, a language only they understood because they were doctors.
Dex released a loud sigh as he rubbed the back of his neck. “So, I’ve got some news. It’s pretty insane, so…you’re in for a wild ride.”
Both of them immediately looked at me, like we might be engaged or something.
Dex continued to rub the back of his neck. “You kinda have another grandkid.”
“Oh my god.” Cleo cupped her mouth and looked at me. “You’re pregnant?”
Deacon gave a clap of his hand. “That’s great news.”
I was fucking mortified, and I was pissed at Dex for wording it that way. It hurt even more that his parents were so supportive and happy, completely genuine, like they had accepted me into their lives without reservation…and I wasn’t having Dex’s kid.
“Whoa, whoa.” Dex raised both of his hands to calm them. “Sorry, that’s not what I meant.”
I looked down at the table so I wouldn’t cry. I knew I shouldn’t have come. This wasn’t about me. This wasn’t my kid.
Both of his parents looked at him, bewildered.
“I said you have a grandkid, as in, he’s already born. Sicily is not—” He shook his head. “I did not mean for you to make that assumption. Sorry, I guess I should have said that better.”
Deacon’s dark eyes burned into his face, angry. “You’re a heart surgeon, Dex. You’re not an idiot.”
Dex sighed. “Anyway…Catherine and I have a child together.”
His mother still wore the same look of confusion. She hadn’t even blinked in over a minute. “I’m sorry…what?”
Deacon was silent, still looking pissed.
“Yeah…” Dex cleared his throat. “We were trying shortly before we got divorced. I guess she got pregnant without knowing it, we went our separate ways, she realized she was pregnant, gave birth without telling me…and now he’s eight months old. I have a picture.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket.
His parents were not happy like he assumed they would be. Deacon looked like a volcano that had just switched from dormant to active. “Let me get this shit straight. Catherine gives birth to your son…and decides to tell you now? As in, eight months after he’s born?”
Cleo shook her head. “Wow, that’s just…”
“Un-fucking-acceptable.” Deacon slammed his palm onto the table. “Who the fuck does that bitch think she is?”
Whoa.
“Deacon.” Cleo hissed at him and grabbed him by the arm.
I actually liked Deacon more now.
“Seriously.” He pushed Cleo’s hand off his arm. “How can she possibly justify this behavior? How can she not tell the father that she’s having a baby? So, we missed the delivery, buying him clothes, holding him…because she just didn’t feel obligated to inform you?” He clenched his jaw and shook his head. “Is she insane? Is she even fit to care for a child?”
“Dad…” Dex tried to de-escalate the situation by keeping his voice low. “Look, I know it’s a lot. But she kinda lost her mind in her grief, and we all do things we aren’t proud of when we grieve. Look at me, working for Mom and abandoning my patients for a year—”
“Don’t fucking defend her,” Deacon snapped. “I’m sick of you making excuses for her.”
Amen.
“I’m not,” Dex snapped back. “But all my anger for her evaporated when I realized we have a son together. His name is Ryan. He’s happy, smart, and insanely cute. It just doesn’t matter. Yes, I was pissed when she told me, but then I realized…it doesn’t matter. We are parents now. We need to work together, respect each other, and do the best we can to be parents to this kid. I’m not gonna hate my baby mama. What kind of example is that to Ryan?”
Deacon was so pissed that he couldn’t speak. He looked away from his son and out the window, livid.
Cleo took over. “Honey, that’s a really mature way to look at it. You’re absolutely right. There’s nothing we can do about the past. It’s happened. It’s done. All we can do is move forward, and your anger toward Catherine is irrelevant because all that matters is the son you’re both responsible for.” Like always, she smoothed things over with a nice gloss. “I think your father is just surprised—”
“No, I’m pissed off.” Deacon turned back to him. “The first five years of a child’s life are so important for development, and we missed almost a full year—”
“Deacon.” Cleo stared at him down. “Nothing we can do about it. Let it go.”
Deacon turned to her, giving her a look of wrath.
She held his stare without backing down.
Deacon eventually caved and gave a sigh of defeat.
Cleo turned back to Dex. “I don’t mean to soun
d insensitive, but are you certain he’s yours?”
“We’re doing a paternity test,” Dex said. “But I’m sure.” He opened the picture and set his phone on the table between them.
Deacon leaned forward to look at it.
Cleo just stared, her eyes wide, examining the picture in silence.
Slowly, both of them softened right before our eyes, the anger fading away, the resentment gone, and there was nothing left but pure love for their grandson. Cleo looked at Deacon, and they shared a look, a deep, long look.
Dex took the phone back. “Told you he was crazy-cute.”
Cleo leaned into Deacon and hugged him, her arms moving around his neck. “We have another grandbaby…”
He turned his face into her temple and kissed her, his arm over hers. “And he’s beautiful.”
“He’s got my eyes…” She cried a little bit in his arms.
He kissed her again. “Yeah, he does.”
Dex watched them, his eyes growing emotional.
It was sweet to watch them shift from angry people to blissfully happy…all because of a photo.
Cleo pulled away from her husband and looked at her son. “When do we get to see him?”
“I’m meeting him for the first time in…an hour.” He tapped his screen to see the time. “But I get him this weekend, so…”
Cleo turned to Deacon. “Oh my god, we have to go shopping.”
“We’ve got to make him a room,” Deacon said. They talked back and forth, preparing for their new grandchild whenever he came to visit.
I started to feel like I didn’t belong, like I wasn’t a part of this family anymore, like I was an outsider.
“How are you feeling about all this?” Cleo asked Dex. “That must have been really sudden.”
Dex shrugged. “It took me like thirty minutes to process the shock, the anger, but once it was over…I was just happy. I’ve always wanted to be a father, and I know this isn’t how I imagined having a family, but it’s still great news. I haven’t even met the kid and I love him, you know? I guess that’s why this is easier than I thought it would be.”
The Doctor Who Has No Chance (Soulless Book 11) Page 16