The Doctor Who Has No Chance (Soulless Book 11)

by Victoria Quinn

  Dex smiled as he watched them interact.

  I sat on the couch and watched this kid be deeply loved by all these people. He was so lucky and didn’t even know it.

  Cleo sat beside me, enjoying a glass of wine as she watched her family welcome her new grandson. “He looks so much like Dex. Reminds me of Little Deacon and Derek.”

  “Yeah, definitely.”

  She turned to me and placed her hand on my arm. “How are you doing with all of this?”

  She was Dex’s mother, so I shouldn’t tell her the truth, but I also considered her to be a friend, like an aunt. “It’s been a little difficult. It just happened so suddenly, and it’s taken me some time to get used to the whole thing.”

  “Are you used to it now?”

  I shrugged. “I feel like Dex and I have had nothing but roadblocks since we met. We get through the last one…and then I find out he has a son with his ex-wife, whom he was madly in love with. Now, she’ll always be around… It’s not really what I signed up for. Would I ever date a guy who already had kids? Probably not. But with Dex, I love him, so it’s just how it has to be.” I told her the truth, laid it out there, and hoped she wouldn’t hate me.

  She didn’t seem to. She continued to look at me with softness in her gaze, like she understood exactly where I was coming from. “Yeah, it’d be difficult for anyone. It’s really remarkable that you continue to stand by his side despite all of that. It’s obvious that you really care about my son if you’re willing to put up with it.”

  He was my whole world.

  “Before I met Deacon, I would never date a guy that already had kids. It wasn’t the kids themselves that were the problem, but I wanted to start a family with someone from the beginning. Then I met Deacon, met his son Derek, and it just…happened. It didn’t feel like Derek was someone else’s son, but my son too. I loved him like my own, and then it was over.”

  “How did you deal with the ex-wife?”

  “Well, they weren’t in love. It was an unhappy marriage that Dex got trapped into, and his ex-wife was a terrible mother to Derek. The situations aren’t really the same.”

  Because she didn’t have to compete with anyone. She was Deacon’s first love. “Dex told me it will never happen, but I worry he’ll have a change of heart and go back to Catherine. I know how he felt about her, and now that they have a kid…I don’t know… It makes me wonder if I should bow out.”

  Her eyes turned sad.

  “Don’t tell him I said that.”

  “I won’t, honey. But I disagree with your thinking.”

  “I know they would get back together if I weren’t here, and that means I’m the reason Ryan won’t have both his parents.”

  “He will always have both his parents, honey. Family is a broad definition, and it can mean a lot of different things and scenarios. Maybe you’re right, maybe that would happen and be better for Ryan. But what about Dex?”

  I turned to look at her.

  “Dex would be devastated. He would make the relationship work, and maybe in time, old feelings would rekindle, but he’d always feel that regret in his heart…losing the woman he really wanted.”

  I dropped my gaze.

  “Ryan will always have two parents, together or apart, but there’s only one you.” Her hand moved to my shoulder. “You make my son very happy, and you take care of him in a way Catherine never did. I loved her like a daughter at the time, but I didn’t see the selflessness that Emerson has for Derek, or the commitment I have for Deacon. The way you feel about Dex…is special. You love him for his heart, for his goodness, and my son deserves to be loved that way. He doesn’t deserve to go back to a woman who had to lose him to appreciate him, to go back out of some obligation to his son. I want you for my Dex, honey.” She squeezed my arm and gave me a smile. “You.”

  At the end of the night, we left the condo and headed to the sidewalk.

  “Your first debut was quite the success, Little Dude.” Dex wore an apparatus so he could carry Ryan in front of his chest without using his hands. It was a gift from Derek, who said he used it all the time.

  Ryan rested his cheek against Dex’s chest and closed his eyes.

  Dex smiled as he cupped his back with his hand. “Little dude is tired after all the excitement.” He lifted his gaze and looked at me, still wearing that smile. “You want to stay over? I mean, you might have a baby wake up in the middle of the night, and we’ll spend the weekend playing with toys and watching cartoons, but…you know… We should be able to squeeze in some alone time.” He waggled his eyebrows.

  I looked down at Ryan, who was already fast asleep against his father’s chest, tired out from all the attention he got for the evening. He had his own room at his grandparents’ house, full of toys and clothes. All he had to do was be born, and he was given the best life ever. I wanted to be a part of that life, be a part of this journey, with him and his father.

  “Baby?”

  I looked at him again. “Yeah…sure.”

  Ryan cried a couple times during the night, and when that happened, Dex immediately turned off the baby monitor so it wouldn’t wake me up and left the bedroom to tend to his son. He never gave a sigh of annoyance as he took care of him.

  But in one instance, Dex left and never came back, and I couldn’t go back to sleep until he was right beside me. I eventually got out of bed and went into Ryan’s bedroom to find Dex in the rocking chair by the crib, gently rocking back and forth as he held Ryan. He looked at me and whispered, “What are you doing in here?”

  I stood near the door and crossed my arms over my chest. “You didn’t come back to bed.”

  He nodded to Ryan. “Because Little Dude here decided it’s morning in the dead of night.”

  “He keeps crying?”

  “Yep. And just when I get him to calm down and back in the crib, he starts crying again.” He looked down at Ryan before he turned to me again. “So, I’m just gonna stay put until this guy is knocked out.”

  “Did you feed him?”

  “He wasn’t into it. His diaper is clean too.”

  I eyed the tall crib with bars that almost reminded me of a prison cell. “Does he sleep with Catherine at home?”

  “Oh…I don’t know.”

  “I bet he does. That’s why he doesn’t like it in here.”

  “Oh…” He stopped rocking and stared down at Ryan. “Is that the problem, Ryan?” He looked at me. “We could give it a try…if that’s okay with you.”

  “Of course.”

  He got to his feet, in just his boxers and nothing else, his strong arms holding his son like he was weightless, his bare chest carved and hard, emitting a special kind of warmth that probably lulled Ryan to sleep.

  It was pretty hot, seeing him like that…holding this really cute baby who was identical to him.

  We went back into the bedroom, and Dex placed Ryan in the center of the bed before he got under the covers. I moved to the opposite side and turned to look at the kid between us, the person who stopped Dex and me from snuggling and falling back asleep. This was exactly what Ryan wanted because he gave a cute yawn before he fell right to sleep.

  Dex watched him for a while before he looked at me. “You were right.”

  “Well, I love to sleep with you, so he probably does too.”

  I spent the weekend with Dex and Ryan, and instead of lounging around the house, we took care of every need Ryan had. He needed to be fed, changed, given a bath, entertained, it went on and on. There were nap times throughout the day, and that was the only time we had some time to ourselves. The apartment was a mess, but we decided to leave it for housekeeping.

  The weekend came and went, and then it was time to return Ryan to his mother.

  I could tell Dex hated that part, because he was noticeably sad as he packed up Ryan’s things. He got him dressed in his bedroom, getting his onesie on and putting on a pair of shoes and a light jacket.

  I watched him from the doorway.

&n
bsp; “Okay, Little Dude…it’s time for you to go back to Mama’s.”

  “Mama?” he asked.

  “Yep.” He gave him a gentle tickle. “But I’ve loved hanging out with you. Hopefully, we can do it again soon.” He kissed him on the forehead and grabbed his bag off the chair. When he turned to face me, his eyes were lifeless, as if he were saying goodbye forever.

  It was heartbreaking.

  We left his apartment and walked to Catherine’s, which was only a few blocks away, and then brought Ryan to the front door.

  I thought I should just step aside, but Dex insisted I belonged there. He never allowed me to be excluded, even though that was probably exactly what she wanted.

  Catherine opened the door and immediately enveloped Ryan, on the verge of tears. “My baby…I missed you so much.” She took him from Dex and brought him close, squeezing him tight, short of an emotional breakdown. “I’ve never been away from you this long.” She swayed him from side to side, holding him close. Then she looked at Dex. “How was he?”

  “Perfect.” Dex watched them together, sadness in his eyes. “Kept us up all night on Friday, but once we figured out he wanted to sleep with us, it was smooth sailing.”

  Catherine’s eyes immediately flicked to me with a jolt of anger, like it made her uncomfortable that I’d slept next to her son. She looked at Dex again like it never happened. “He’s a pretty easy baby.”

  Dex set the bag on the couch. “Well, let me know when I can have him again.”

  “I will.” Catherine came closer to him so Dex could say goodbye.

  “I’ll see you soon, Little Dude.” He squeezed his hand and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Love you.”

  The look Catherine gave him said it all, that this was exactly what she wanted, for the three of them to be a family, to do this every single day, to be with the man she’d made this beautiful baby with.

  And I was the reason that hadn’t happened. It made me feel like shit.

  “On Thursday, I have this big meeting, and my mom is having a procedure done and the nanny is taking her since I can’t,” Catherine said. “Could you watch him for a couple hours?”

  “Uh…” Dex stared at Ryan as he tried to process her request. “I’m seeing patients that day in the office. But yeah, I can make that work. Just drop him off, and he’ll be my little helper for the day.”

  “Okay, great,” she said. “Say bye to Daddy.”

  Ryan waved, his pudgy fingers jerking open and closed.

  He inhaled a deep sigh as he walked away, his shoulders drooping, his entire visage different. It was the same look he wore when he lost a patient on the table, like he wouldn’t be able to get over it for a very long time.

  My hand went to his arm, but he didn’t respond, like he didn’t even feel me.

  In a trance, he continued to walk, his eyes on the floor…and his heart left behind in that apartment.

  Dex was down for a couple days.

  He worked like usual, and at the end of the day, we would go to his place and have our regular routine. We would cook, watch TV, make love, and do it all over again the next day. And while he seemed happy doing those things, there was this permanent coat of sadness to him now.

  On Thursday morning, I went into his office with his morning coffee and oat bowl.

  He was preparing for his first patient and didn’t seem to care about the food.

  “You want to talk about it?”

  He looked up at the question. Our eyes met for a long time before he understood my meaning. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a downer. I’m happy. I really am. It’s just gonna take some time to get used to.”

  “Really? Because you seem pretty miserable, Dex.”

  He dropped his look, as if ashamed. “I’m not miserable. It’s just hard to love someone this much and not be able to see or talk to them whenever I feel like it. It’ll take some time before Catherine and I get used to a more even schedule. And for now, I don’t want to push her too much because just losing him for the weekend broke her heart, which I totally understand. I have to be patient and know we’ll get there eventually.”

  “How would an even schedule work? You can’t watch a baby when you’re doing surgery or teaching your residents.”

  He shrugged. “I can take him to research.”

  “And bring him in the lab?” I asked incredulously.

  “I can always pick him up after work.”

  “That’s going to be a lot for him, to come and go every day, and Catherine isn’t going to want to give him away every weekend.” There was no good solution to this, not from where I stood.

  “Then…I’ll terminate my position at the Kline Clinic, and we’ll rearrange my schedule so I can have him for several days consecutively. We’ll figure it out. Besides, that gives us the weekends, so that’s nice.”

  “Yeah.”

  He turned to his coffee and took a drink. “I’ll be ready in a couple minutes, so you can have Andrea get the first patient started.”

  I nodded. “Sure thing.”

  It was shortly after lunch when Catherine stepped out of the elevator and approached the desk, holding Ryan in her arms with his bag over her shoulder. She was in a pencil skirt and blouse, ready for a meeting, and she didn’t look like she’d ever had a baby at all.

  Dex had been poking his head out all day, waiting for Ryan to arrive, and he’d just returned to his office when the elevator doors opened.

  I stared at her from my desk. “Hey, Catherine.”

  When she looked at me, there was a subtle glare, like she couldn’t be professional when it came to me. But she cleared her throat and pushed through it. “Hey, Sicily. How are you?”

  “Good. You?”

  All she gave was a nod.

  I rose to my feet and looked at Ryan. “Hey, Little Dude.” I gave him a big smile and my warmth.

  Ryan waved.

  Catherine didn’t crack a smile.

  “I’ll let Dex know you’re here—”

  “Actually, hold on.” She came closer to the desk, still carrying her son, and she lowered her voice so no one else could hear. “Look, I don’t want you to misinterpret what I’m about to say to you, but…we’re a family.”

  It was like a punch to the gut.

  “I know I messed up with Dex. I have no defense against that. But we’ve been together for a long time, and what we had was the real deal. There’s no doubt in my mind that Dex would give me another chance if…you know. You have no idea how hard that was to let my son leave for a weekend, and I’m sure you’ve noticed how much it hurts Dex when he has to drop him off. Then it’s holidays and birthday parties… Please don’t do this to us. Maybe you deserve Dex more than I do, and I’m sure you really love him and you’re a great person who wouldn’t have messed up the way I did, but…please don’t rip my family apart. Please…just think about it.”

  Twenty-Two

  Dex

  Ryan was my second-in-command.

  When I saw patients throughout the day, he was sometimes tucked inside his carrying pouch, grabbing the papers that I held up to my face, eyeing the family on the couch across from me, sometimes laughing, and then other times, he was on the floor, playing with his toys and crawling all over the place.

  Thankfully, the patients thought he was adorable…because he was.

  After the end of the day, Catherine picked him up, and it was like getting my heart shattered all over again. I kissed him goodbye and then grabbed my stuff to leave when Dad texted me. Just left the office. Want to get a beer?

  I don’t know. Remember what happened last time we did that…

  He sent me an emoji of the middle finger.

  Wow, I didn’t know he even knew what those were. Sure. I’ll meet you in fifteen. I slid my phone into my pocket as I walked out with Sicily. “Dad wants to get a beer. You want to come along?”

  “No, it’s okay,” Sicily said. “You go ahead. I’ve got work to do anyway.” She stood in the eleva
tor and stared at the floor, her eyes a little bit lifeless.

  I studied her for a bit. “Everything alright?”

  “Yeah, just tired.” She turned to me, gave me a forced smile, and then turned away again.

  We said goodbye before I headed in the opposite direction, and then a few minutes later, Dad and I were seated at the bar, a different bar than last time…just in case. Dad told me about his day at the office. “I have this research physician who just started last month. He’s…insanely bright.”

  “Like, brighter than you?”

  He chuckled. “Might be. He’s making up a lot of ground in a very short period of time.”

  “Is he your age?”

  “No. He’s closer to your age. He just got his PhD from Cambridge.”

  “The guy English?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s cool.”

  “Yes. It’s very rare for me to have any special affinity for a colleague, but I guess he reminds me of you and Derek, so I’ve become a bit invested. I think he’ll accomplish a lot of great things in his lifetime.”

  “Then it’s a good thing you hired him.”

  “I don’t expect him to stick around. People like that always end up doing their own thing because they’re too brilliant to work for someone else. I take no offense. In fact, I’d think less of him if he didn’t.” He drank from his beer, relaxed, in a very peaceful place. Catherine’s betrayal didn’t seem fresh in his mind. He wasn’t thinking about the bar fight with Mason. He was just…chill. “How are things with you?”

  “Pretty great, for the most part.”

  “And the less part?”

  “Well, I have to leave next week, so that sucks.”

  “You live for that.”

  “But now I have a son. I feel weird leaving him.”

  “It’s just a couple weeks, Dex. It’ll fly by so quickly.”

  “I hope so…”

  “And things between you and Catherine are good? I know it can get complicated.”