Not that it mattered much. Really, in the pre-EMP world there weren’t many opportunities for a man to sit there and stare into nothing and just think. There was always something to do. Always some task or chore that needed to be done.
And since the EMP, there had barely been a second of downtime. It had seemed like he’d been on the go since the EMP. Not to mention existing in a state of constant anxiety about the very real dangers that waited for them.
Sure, he still had that very palatable worry. But now he was alone and in this intense darkness, with nothing but the thoughts.
Since his mind and body wouldn’t let Jim sleep, the best he could do for rest was to make sure that he was eating and drinking. Fortunately, there was still plenty of food to be found at the pharmacy. Now that he had time to look, he discovered all types of packages that had been overlooked by previous looters. There were packets of beef jerky that had gotten stuck under the shelving units, and smashed up crackers, which were still perfectly fine to eat, scattered near the bathroom and all sorts of other strange places. Of course, he had to feel around for what was what in the darkness.
His body was bloodied and pretty badly beaten up from the encounter with the bikers. But he was still alive. That was the main thing.
He’d gingerly tested all of his limbs and all ten of his fingers, making sure that he could still move them. He was surprised to find that everything more or less still worked. Maybe not exactly the way it had worked before. But worked well enough.
Jim knew he shouldn’t even have been alive. So how could he complain if a finger didn’t feel quite right, or his leg now made a strange noise when he moved it a certain way?
His body would continue to hurt for a long while. Their blood would remain on his clothes, since it wasn’t like he could wash it off.
But what would remain for longer than anything physical were the mental images he had of the fight. The images were so strong that he couldn’t see them ever fading away. Images of blood. Images of faces of anger. Images of that stairwell. Images of just the concrete from that landing that he’d been stuck on, where he’d felt like he was making his last stand.
He was glad, in a way, that it was dark enough so that he couldn’t even see the door that he’d fled into. But, in a way, it didn’t matter, because the image of that door was etched into his mind’s eye. It was almost as if he really could see it already.
The hours were slow to pass as he ate and drank in the darkness and tried to avoid the thoughts and images that were unavoidable. There weren’t many noises in the night. At least not the normal noises one was used to hearing in a suburban or urban area. Jim didn’t hear a single car the whole night, except once, when maybe, off in the distance, there was just the faintest hint of a motor. But he couldn’t be totally sure.
The noises of animals off in the distance, and of insects, seemed to be louder than he’d remembered before the EMP. It was probably just due to the fact that in the pre-EMP society, there’d been so much background noise from unseen machinery that chugged along in the background, keeping the society running. That machinery was all still there, of course, like the HVAC system of the pharmacy, but it just sat there, unused, unpowered, and completely silent.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the night was over. Streaks of sun were starting to appear on the horizon. Jim had stepped outdoors for a breath of fresh air and was leaning against the pharmacy’s exterior wall.
The nearby road looked just as it had the previous day. There were still a few cars in the parking lot of the pharmacy, and if Jim hadn’t known any better, this might have been any normal day, with a couple of the night-shift employees getting about ready to get into their cars and head home.
The nearby buildings looked exactly the same, and Jim knew that they hadn’t looked any differently before the EMP. It was strange looking at them now, in the new light of day, knowing that, in a way, not that much had changed. Those buildings were still there. The sun still rose. The Earth still turned, and still tilted on its axis. The birds still chirped, those that had returned from their migration.
Those buildings across the street looked exactly the same. There was no outward sign of anything catastrophic. There was no evidence of a fire. No tree had fallen on them.
Those buildings no longer received power. And none of the mundane, yet important, electronic things would work.
It was really such a small change. Just a tiny difference from before and after the EMP.
Well, a small change in the broadest sense. But a huge change to human civilization.
The animals, of course, didn’t know the difference. There was a lone squirrel, running across the street. The sight seemed both common and yet strange to Jim at the same time, and he suddenly realized why. If this had been a regular pre-EMP day, that squirrel wouldn’t have lasted a full minute on that road. It either would have had to successfully dodge the rush-hour traffic, or it would have quickly become roadkill.
As the months and years passed from the EMP, and the power didn’t come back on, what would happen to the animal and plant worlds? Certainly there’d be some effect. Jim vaguely remembered seeing pictures of an artist’s interpretation of New York City if the power were shut off. There’d been vines and trees and all sorts of vegetation slowly devouring the buildings, and eventually, if he remembered correctly, the artist had imagined that the entire island would become submerged in water, due to the lack of drainage.
Maybe that interpretation of New York City wasn’t correct. Or maybe it was. Jim didn’t know, and it didn’t matter to him, since he wasn’t in New York City and would never choose to head into a city.
But maybe there was something to the idea in a general way. For instance, just thinking of the amount of roadkill he’d seen over the years on the highways, would the animal populations increase in number now that vehicle traffic would be reduced so greatly?
Jim didn’t know the numbers or the statistics, but if he were to hazard a guess, he’d go with the animal populations increasing dramatically. Maybe not just because of the lack of traffic and roadkill. Surely there were other factors as well. It didn’t mean that humans were bad that they’d been killing the animals. No, nothing like that. It was just the facts of life. One species had to sometimes move aside for another. And now that the human population was apparently about to dwindle dramatically, the animal population would swell.
Jim saw it as a good thing, in a way. More animals meant more food. He was already thinking ahead to hunting, and to making traps. Squirrels, he imagined, were already plentiful enough, and they’d be hopefully easy enough to trap. Maybe they weren’t the most delicious animal to eat, but what did he care? A squirrel to him now meant food. It meant protein. It meant life.
Of course, he was getting way ahead of himself. He didn’t know, after all, that the whole country was affected. It could be that it was just New York State and Pennsylvania. Maybe not even the whole state. Of course, in that case, as he’d thought many times before, why hadn’t anyone come to help? Why hadn’t the National Guard or the military been dispatched?
In the pit of his stomach, he knew the truth. It was because the whole country was affected. Probably the whole world, or else aid would certainly have been sent in some form or another. There would have been some sign that civilization still chugged along. Some message. Something. Anything.
The sun was rising slowly but steadily in the sky.
Jim’s mind began to drift towards possibilities again. Even though day was finally upon him, his thoughts were becoming once again very dark.
What if the others never came back? What if he never found them again?
Would he have the strength to continue on his own?
Of course, he’d have the physical strength. He’d have the stamina. He probably even had the ability and the mental wherewithal to continue to survive on his own. For some strange reason, he seemed to have what it took to continue in a world that had turned towards chaos.
It wasn’t necessarily any one thing, one belief, or one ability, but a combination of many factors, and perhaps an overall attitude that made him this way.
Not that this apparent advantage guaranteed his survival. Not in the least bit. But it did improve his chances. If he were on his own, maybe he could make it a few more years if he was lucky. Or maybe even longer than that. Who knew? Maybe the world would get less dangerous as more and more people died off. Or maybe it wouldn’t. Anyone could say anything with certainty and conviction, but it didn’t mean that they’re right, and in many situations, there was simply no way to know the outcome of events unless you were actually there watching them unfold before you.
So maybe he’d survive if he was on his own. Maybe.
He’d knew he’d have to find some more courage. Not the type of courage that helped men dive into battle. Not the type of courage that a bullfighter needed. No, it was something else. Something that men didn’t like to talk about. Something that was subtler, and in many ways, more powerful.
Was it a fear of being alone? Not really. No, it wasn’t quite that. But maybe it had something to do with that.
It was just that without his wife, without anyone at all, Jim would be facing what was the greatest fear of many. It was one thing to say that being alone was fine. But it was another to feel that visceral dread as the pit of your stomach grew and seemed to completely overwhelm you.
It sounded ridiculous, this fear of being alone. But it wasn’t. It had taken many men before him. Strong men too.
But deep down, Jim supposed that he knew he wasn’t someone who would cave.
For whatever reason, no matter what happened, and no matter what emotions and fears he felt, Jim knew that he would press on. He didn’t know why, but he just knew that he was the type of person who could never give up.
Jim was walking slowly across the pharmacy parking lot.
The sun was a little higher now. The day wasn’t cloudy as so many days had been before. In fact, the day had all the appearances of presenting a crystal blue spring sky, full of sun. Before the EMP, it would have really been a celebrated day in Rochester, assuming the weather was the same up there. The parks would have been packed, with hardly a parking space in the lots, and there would have been games of pickup softball on the fields, and people biking, jogging up and down the streets.
The sun felt good on Jim’s face. Warm and pleasant. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt the sun. It’d been a long winter in Rochester that year. Long and cold.
Despite its warmth, the sunlight didn’t penetrate his fears, his dark doubts about his present and future.
His wife and the others hadn’t shown up yet.
And he was starting to doubt that they ever would.
Jim made his way off the parking lot pavement, across the sidewalk, and right into the middle of the road. He walked right to the center of it, right to the double yellow line, and stood there, gazing off towards the south, imagining that that’s where the others must have driven to.
He had initially wondered if maybe they hadn’t just left him for dead. And he’d entertained the possibility that they would have just continued south without him. Meaning that he could head down that way himself and eventually meet them.
But he knew they never would have left him. He’d known Aly and Rob for too long for them to do that to him. And even Jessica, who he’d only really just met, would have never left him for dead.
No. They would have never left him without actually seeing his body. They’d have wanted proof. They’d have wanted to see his corpse.
His mind was churning. Going over thoughts again and again. He felt like his thoughts were stuck in some sort of a rut, as if he were thinking the same things time and time again.
There was no sign of anyone. No vehicles, except the stopped and parked ones.
There were no sounds except for the animals.
The sun was starting to get in his eyes a little as he peered down the road, seeing nothing, so he turned around.
Peering down the road, it almost looked as if there were small figures in the distance, way down the road, past the very slight rise as the road passed over a small hill.
But it couldn’t have been anyone. He must have just been exhausted. His mind, after all, seemed to be running and running, never slowing down, always apparently looking for an opportunity to torment him. And now it was actually playing tricks on him.
It seemed as if the figures were walking towards him, and it seemed as if there were three of them.
But it couldn’t be.
He needed to get some rest. Maybe now that it was daylight, his mind would let his body sleep. He’d find somewhere to hide himself and sleep through the day. Maybe he’d leave a note for the others, just in case they returned.
But that seemed too depressing. The idea of waking up at nightfall, again alone, faced with the prospect of setting off in search of his wife’s and friends’ corpses.
For some reason, he didn’t move to leave. He just kept standing there. And the figures stayed there too. They didn’t leave. They just kept getting closer.
Soon, Jim had to admit that he probably wasn’t imagining the figures. They were real, and they were humans. And there were three of them.
But it seemed too good to be true.
Could it really be that Aly, Rob, and Jessica were just going to come strolling up the road to meet him?
No. There was no way.
It just couldn’t be true.
What were the other possibilities? There were plenty of them. They could be three strangers. Three bloodthirsty maniacs who’d simply shoot him on sight.
Or it could all be one big hallucination. One giant, demented vision, just some concoction of his overly exhausted brain.
How long had it been since he’d slept, anyway?
21
Rob
“It’s him! It’s Jim!”
“Aly, hold on.”
Rob tried to grab her, but she was already running towards the figure standing in the middle of the street.
“I sure hope that’s him,” said Jessica, speaking in the weary voice that they were all using.
Rob was beyond tired. But that was starting to be his normal state, and it felt normal to feel like this.
He’d been awake for so long that his short-term memory was completely shot.
Well, not completely. He still remembered being completely amazed that he and Aly had simply stumbled upon Jessica. They’d been walking along, fearing for their lives almost every second, and they’d seen a lone figure walking.
It could have ended much differently. In fact, the three of them were lucky that no shots had been exchanged. Both groups had been on high alert and ready to fire.
The other details were hazier, filtering in and out of his mind.
What mattered the most to Rob was the present. And right now Aly was potentially putting herself at danger by running up to a stranger who stood in the middle of the road.
“He is about as tall as Jim,” muttered Jessica.
“Yeah. But so are a lot of guys.”
“I guess we’ll just have to see what happens.”
There was no stopping Aly. She was running towards that figure on the road like there was no tomorrow.
And maybe there wasn’t.
Up ahead, Aly’s figure was looking smaller the farther away she got.
“No shots fired yet. So far so good. Maybe it is Jim.”
“Let’s hope so.”
“Wouldn’t that be something? The four of us all alive, after all that?”
“Let’s just hope the luck continues.”
“Luck doesn’t have anything to do with it.”
“I don’t know about that,” muttered Rob.
Up ahead, Aly was embracing the figure there. They were hugging. Kissing.
“Looks like that’s our man after all,” said Jessica. “Unless Aly’s decided to go polyamorous on us.”
�
�Poly-what?”
“Some kind of New Age trend. Don’t ask.”
Rob just grumbled vaguely to himself, and he and Jessica kept on trudging along the road towards Aly and Jim.
Rob should have felt elated that Jim, his oldest friend, was still alive. And he was. Mentally, he was beyond happy that Jim was there, presumably more or less safe and sound.
But emotionally? Rob didn’t feel anything at all. He was too tired. He’d been through too much. A couple glances in Jessica’s direction told him that she was feeling the same way.
They’d barely talked about what had happened to them when they’d been separated. It should have been one of the first things they discussed, but instead they’d just started talking about getting to Jim and planning for this or that.
Maybe they’d talk about it all sometime in the future, around some campfire at night when they were all well-fed and more or less well-rested, when there wasn’t constant danger on the horizon. But when wouldn’t there be the threat of constant danger?
Rob just didn’t know.
Rob and Jessica were simply too tired to rush up to where Jim was, so instead they just walked at their normal pace. They’d get there eventually, and it didn’t seem like anyone else was around.
When they got closer to Jim, they could see that he wasn’t in good shape.
“Shit,” said Jessica, under her breath. “He doesn’t look good.”
It was true. Jim was leaning heavily on Aly, and she wasn’t exactly in good shape either. Jim’s clothes looked like they had been soaked in blood. A lot of blood. There were more tears and cuts in his clothes than before. His hair was matted with blood on one side of his head.
Final Dread: A Post-Apocalyptic EMP Survival Thriller (Surviving Book 3) Page 14