by Wolf, Alex
“I know.” It’s all he says, as if he can read every thought in my mind.
“Know what?”
“How much you’ve given me, and how little I’ve given in return.” He turns so we’re eye-to-eye.
I don’t know how he does it, but I think he feels all the turmoil inside me, the same way I feel it in him. I look up, and he’s so vulnerable, so in the moment. He’s attuned to my needs and knows what I want from him, but he’s just afraid to give it. I know it.
I know I made all these bold statements in my head about making him do it, then retracted. He makes me a crazy mess. I had purpose, intent, reasons for everything I did before him, and he’s knocked my world off its axis. But now that I have it, I don’t want to lose it. I want him no matter what, no matter how unsure he makes me of everything, despite how scared I am with every step forward. “I don’t want to force you.”
He hugs me, pulls me close to his chest, and his hand smooths down the back of my hair. I want to just melt into him, forget the rest of the world, any problems, and tell him whatever he needs to hear to keep him holding me forever.
“I know you don’t. I don’t want to make you force it out of me, and I know it’s going to happen soon. It’s all—complicated.”
I don’t respond, and I shouldn’t have to tell him he can trust me. He should know that already. Do I need to reassure him?
His arms tighten around me and I bury my face in his shoulder. I feel a slight tremble in his arms, and he inhales a deep breath, and his body tenses.
He’s so close. He just wants to let go of everything and put it all out there. I can feel it in my core.
He pulls me back, so our eyes are a few inches apart, and I can see it in his eyes. This is the moment. He’s so scared, but he’s finally going to let me see the real him. He’s about to reveal himself to me.
“Mary, I…” He stops his sentence as another couple seemingly materializes out of nowhere and walks right up next to us.
Rick sees them and immediately the armor comes back up. He retreats back into his shell.
I find myself wanting to verbally lash out at the people next to us, even though they have no idea what’s happening. I have to bite my tongue as the heat radiates up my neck and into my face.
That was it. He was right there, about to open up. I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his stare. That was my moment for honesty and they ruined it.
Rick takes me by the hand, glares at the couple, then pulls me toward a trail that runs back around some landscaping. Once we’re there, he starts to lead me behind some trees and bushes, back to a dark, secluded area.
I freeze up. Not sure what happens, but I just go stone-cold and fear rips through me.
Rick stops, like he can gauge every expression on my face without effort. “You okay?”
I nod a little. “I think so, but I just… I just got really scared. I don’t know why.”
His eyes meet mine. “The guy outside church. With the knife.”
I can’t believe he just figured me out before I could. He always seems to know me better than I know myself. I nod. “Yeah, I think so.”
He reaches for my hand, and the second he touches it, the fear is gone, and I feel invincible again. “I’ll always protect you. You’re safe, I promise.”
I don’t even think I make a conscious decision, my feet just start moving with his. My body is on autopilot and would follow this man anywhere. My heart speeds up because we walk out of the light from the main path, and I can barely see him. He maneuvers behind me and his hands wrap around my chest.
Rick inhales a deep breath, then exhales his words against my neck. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know. It scares the shit out of me, but you deserve it. It’s a long conversation that will take hours to unpack. Can we set a time? This week? I know you like schedules and order. I’ll tell Decker I won’t be able to work during those hours, non-negotiable. It’ll be one hundred percent dedicated to everything you want to know about me until you’re satisfied. Is that acceptable?”
I nod, knowing I want to know right now, but I want him to do this on his terms if he’s going to do it voluntarily. “Yes. We need to be at the church on Monday night, so Tuesday evening. Can we do it then?”
His hands slide up my ribs. “Absolutely,” he says right in my ear.
“Rick?”
“Yes?”
“Nothing you tell me is going to make me go anywhere. I want you to know that.”
“Okay.” As soon as he finishes the word, he cups my breasts in his hands.
My eyes widen and my first instinct is to push him away, but I don’t. I’m so turned on my nipples harden against his hands, but hello, we’re in the middle of Grant Park. Anyone could walk up and catch us right now.
“Need you now. Can’t wait.”
Is this really happening?
His hands massage me from behind, and I want him so bad, but I’ve never done anything like this. I’m not saying I haven’t fantasized about it, but it’s one thing on your couch thinking it, and another when you could get arrested and have your mugshot plastered all over the newspapers.
“Rick, I don’t…”
His hand dips down the front of my skirt, and his fingers slide into my panties. I lean back into him as he does it, and my body is on fire right now. How does he know every erogenous zone in my brain, and how to push every button on my body?
When his hand rubs across me, he whispers, “Look how wet you are, Mary.” His index finger circles my clit, and he kisses down my neck.
I can feel his hard length up against my butt, and I rock back into him, wanting more and more friction, despite my brain telling me this is a terrible idea. He’s turning me into a sex addict.
I glance around and I can barely see anything. I’m not even sure I know the way back to the trail. I do my best to stifle any sounds I make, telling myself over and over we’re not in an apartment, but out in the open where sound carries. Rick slides a finger inside me, and his other hand clamps over my mouth. It’s so hot every time he does it.
“I. Need. You.”
I can practically feel his heart beating faster up against my back. His hand slides out of my skirt, and he yanks it down by the hem, exposing me to the cool night air.
This is happening.
My senses are heightened to an all-time high. I’m operating solely on sound and feeling and it’s so intense, more intense than ever. I hear his zipper, and the sound of him tearing open a wrapper with his teeth. He doesn’t make any kind of movement to pull his pants down, but suddenly I feel his erection sliding back and forth underneath me, and I don’t know if he’s ever been this hard before.
It sends my adrenaline spiking through my bloodstream. Without warning, a large, strong arm wraps around my chest, and he slides the head along my clit, teasing back and forth.
“I need it. Please.” The words come out before I can stop them, and they’re muffled against his palm. I’m operating on autopilot at this point, just along for the ride.
He whispers, “I love when you beg for me to be inside you.”
He adjusts his angle slightly, and then, he eases into me. Every time we’ve had sex, he always starts slow, like he’s afraid to hurt me. It never lasts too long, but he always does it. Last time we had sex, it was fast and hard after the first thirty seconds, but this time feels different.
Something about it. Maybe it’s because I can’t see him, just like with the blindfold. It amplifies my senses exponentially. But this time, it feels more intimate.
He kisses up my neck as his hips surge up, taking me deeper and deeper. A light moan parts my lips, and he reaches up and cups his hand over me again.
Each time he thrusts, his grip tightens on my mouth. “Can’t have someone hearing you when I get you off. And you will always get off when I fuck you. That’s a promise, Mary.” His free hand goes between my legs, and he circles my clit while he slides into me harder and harder.
Wh
y does him talking so dirty drive me so insane? I find myself rocking my hips back into him as he pumps into me. I can already feel the tension building around where we’re joined. It’s almost unbearable. I’m just seconds away.
“So. Close,” I say up against his hand.
He let’s go for a split-second. “What’s that,” he whispers.
I gasp when he pounds into me, just as I’m about to speak. I know he did it on purpose.
I try to regain my composure, even though I’m about to turn into a quivering mess. “So. Close,” I manage to squeak out.
“Good.” His hand claps over my mouth again, and he speeds his hips up, until I can hear the sounds of our skin smacking together.
It’s loud. So loud, but this time, all his inhibitions leave his body. There’s no holding back. We’ve come this far, and we’re going to finish, regardless of who finds us or watches us.
“This pussy is mine.” His hips are a blur, hammering into me from behind.
I groan against his hand and try to bite him because the sensation is so intense, and then I shatter from the inside. I clamp down on him, and every muscle in my body constricts as the orgasm rolls through me in long, undulating waves. It doesn’t stop. One after another, they keep coming, so much that Rick has to wrap an arm around my chest and hold me up as he continues to take me from behind.
Finally, Rick groans and tenses. I’m able to tell when he’s about to finish now, without even seeing him. I can just feel it, the same way he knows with me. He shoves me down on him as he thrusts upward, driving himself as far into me as he can get. He grunts, the same way he always does when he finally comes, and I feel his hard length pulsing inside me.
“Fuck, Mary. So good.”
After a long few seconds, he finally exhales a huge breath, and I’m sure I do the same. I smile. He makes me feel amazing, but I almost think the fact I make him feel the same way is the most enjoyable part of sex with him.
He slips out of me, and I immediately miss the connection as he pulls my panties and skirt back up over my hips. I turn around, breathing heavily, face probably flushed like no other as he tucks himself in his jeans and zips them up. He has the condom in his hand, and it’s definitely filled. He looks around, then jogs over and tosses it into a trash can.
The walk back to my apartment is bliss. I’m floating on the clouds. I don’t know if it was the public sex, the orgasm, or the fact Rick acknowledged something I needed and made a plan to alleviate that need. Probably a combination of all three.
I’m just—happy.
I also wonder what’s about to happen when we get back to my place. Rick walks me to the door, and I already know the look on his face. He’s not coming inside for round two.
Before I can say anything, he says, “Decker needs me to work tonight.”
I try not to frown, even though I’m clearly disappointed. He can’t control his work schedule, and he’d be with me all night in a heartbeat if he could. “Sorry, I’m still getting used to the fact you don’t work eight to five like everyone else.”
His hand comes up and he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’d much rather be with you, trust me.”
I lean into his hand. “It’s okay. You have a job. I love that you take pride in doing it well.”
Rick laughs. “I don’t know if I take pride in it, but yeah, I like being the best. It makes people need you.”
I get up on my toes and kiss him on the lips. “Well, I need you when you’re done.”
He smiles against my mouth. “You got it.”
As always, he waits for me to go inside and shut the door. I look at my little video screen on the Ring monitor, and he stands there until he hears the lock click, not knowing I’m watching him.
I smile, and as usual, an emptiness swarms me when he walks away. I head over to my window and peer out, so I can get a glimpse of him pulling away in his car. It’s cheesy, but I don’t care. This man is very important to me.
As he heads down the sidewalk, though, another man approaches him. It’s hard to tell what he looks like, but something happens. Something isn’t right about it. It just feels—wrong.
I initially thought maybe it was just a homeless person, or someone asking for directions.
Out of nowhere, Rick points a finger in the guy’s face, and it looks like they’re both heated.
What in the world? They stand there, bowed up in each other’s faces, yelling words I can’t hear.
Finally, Rick shakes his head, slumps his shoulders in defeat, and they both walk off together.
I’d love to say I’m surprised, but I’m not. Rick has the weirdest life. I just hope he’s not in any trouble. Maybe it’s someone he gets information from. Maybe it’s someone he testified against. I don’t know. His life is so different from mine.
I look at my phone. I should at least send a text message. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, and if he was in trouble, or in danger, he’d tell me. I finally send one off.
Me: Goodnight, I had a great time with you tonight.
Finally, I get myself ready for bed, and lay down. I should be so tired, especially after that little treat in the park.
I can’t sleep, though. As if I didn’t have enough worries with Rick, now, this happens.
Who was that man?
Rick Lawrence
I haven’t had alcohol in six months and I immediately down a shot of whiskey. I’m in a daze. My life was already nuts, but fuck. Why am I even here? Entertaining this shit?
“What do you want?” I glare at the man next to me.
“Good to see you too.”
I scoff and shake my head, trying to tamp down pure, unadulterated rage. I should’ve known something would happen. That he would show up. Actually, I did know it was going to happen, instinctively. I think maybe that’s why I’m keeping it together as well as I am. Just knew it.
Not to mention, life was too good. I was too happy. If he wants forgiveness, he’s barking up the wrong fucking tree. That ship sailed when I was eighteen. “Cut the shit. You want something. What is it?”
“Maybe I want to catch up. See how my only son is doing.”
His sarcasm does not go unnoticed. He wants something, and I want out of here. “Ahh, a nice big family reunion?” I shoot him another glare and try not to see myself in him, but it’s impossible to miss the resemblance. The past fifteen years have taken a huge toll. I have no doubt they have. Prison will do that to you. “Should’ve thought about that before all the shit you put me through.”
“What I put you through?” The lines on his face become more pronounced. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Do I look like I’m fucking joking?” I stand up and stare down at him.
He points a finger up at me. “You ran away and left me there, like a coward. I thought I raised you better than that.”
“You taught me to steal by the time I could walk, and you groomed me to be a criminal. You used me. Spare me the noble father bullshit. You got what you had coming.”
He moves to get up in my face.
I reach out and grip him by the side of his neck, digging my fingers into his trapezius muscles. He winces in pain.
“Get up and I’ll fucking drop you.”
He swipes my hand away. “Such a temper. Never could keep your cool.”
“Don’t act like you know me. You’re the only person in the world who can piss me off to the point of violence.”
He glances around the room. It looks casual, but I know exactly what he’s doing. It’s the same thing I automatically do any time I walk into a building. Looking for exits, scanning surroundings, knowing the environment.
Once he’s satisfied nobody is interested in our little family spat, he gestures back toward my barstool. “Sit down. Nobody is being violent.”
I glare right at him and have a seat. The worst part is, I should walk away. I should get as far away from this man as possible, but there’s something pulling at me too. It’s because
he’s my dad. It’s because even though he showed me what a shitty person he was, basically abandoning me, he always showed me just enough love to keep me chasing after him, looking up to him, yearning for approval and a healthy relationship. I spent my whole childhood wanting that, and he still knows how to use it against me.
“How the hell did you get out anyway? Last I heard you had a life sentence.”
“Oh, is that what you heard, Rick?”
I wince when he says my name.
He takes a sip of whiskey. “Paroled.”
“When?”
“Six months ago.”
“Just now coming to see your only son you care so much about?” I sigh.
He grins. “You’re hard to find. I was slightly impressed.”
That might be the nicest compliment he’s ever given me in my life, but I know what he’s doing. There’s nothing about this man’s psychology I don’t understand now, after fifteen years of playing everything over and over in my mind, trying to make sense of him.
Finally, I try to look at him as sincerely as I can. “What do you want? No bullshit.”
“Let’s not pretend we both don’t know the answer to that question. You’re a smart kid. Figure it out.”
I shake my head. “You’ll never fucking learn, will you? Six months on parole. Can’t even go a year with your nose clean.”
“I am what I am, son. At least I can admit it to myself.”
“Well, fuck off. There’s no way in hell I’ll ever do whatever it is you think I’m going to do.”
He leans back with a satisfied smile. “On the contrary. Let’s pretend you don’t think I’m a dumbass for two minutes. Because you know I’m not, even if that’s what you want to tell yourself to help you hate me.”
“I’m serious. I don’t want to fucking know about it.”
“Wells Covington is a client at your firm.”
My eyes widen a little, even when I try not to let them.
“Yeah, I know all about it. I got caught up on your little biography.”
“Following me around like a stalker? Typical.”
“Please, where do you think you learned it? I know about Mary too, you two sure love your walks in the park.” He laughs.