by Wolf, Alex
He looks away. “Why the fuck do I do business with your firm? Jesus Christ. You’re gonna be fired by tomorrow morning. Now get the hell out of my house.”
I lean down in front of him, so we’re eye-to-eye. “I don’t give a damn about getting fired. You’re not telling me something, and I want to know what it is. I’ll call up Yahoo Finance, CNBC, MarketWatch, Jim Cramer if I have to, and send them all kinds of information they’d be interested in. Yeah, you know what it is. You can sue me all you want. I don’t have anything worth taking. But I can destroy half your wealth in the blink of an eye with one phone call, so don’t sit there and act like an asshole.”
His eyes get huge. “Fucking hell, are you insane?” He looks away, shaking his head. “Should’ve never made a deal with that…” His words trail off as he grinds his teeth.
I pounce at his moment of weakness. “What? Deal?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing. Just mumbling nonsense.”
“Cut the crap, Covington. You don’t mumble nonsense. You know all about Decker having us research you. I know you as well as you know yourself.”
He tenses, his whole body stiff as a board, veins bulging in his neck. He stares for a long time, running calculations through his head, then finally, he relaxes a little and waves an arm out to the couch next to him. “Just fucking sit down before I change my mind.”
My heart comes alive. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a moment like this. Where I went to bat and fought for something, took a risk this huge, and finally had the perseverance pay off. My stomach is still churning because of Rick and the situation, but I finally have a little bit of hope, like maybe things are about to be clearer. At least then I’ll know the truth and can actually make a decision to cut my losses or see this through with Rick. I just want to know what he’s up against.
I walk over and take a seat, but I don’t let up on Covington. Not so much as a smile or a thank you. I don’t want to give him any breathing room, no escape route to get out of this. I take a seat on his couch, back straight, good posture, ready to listen.
Covington sits there for a bit, then finally sighs, and says, “After you chased Rick down at his apartment and damn near broke the man in half—”
“You know about that?”
“Are you going to let me finish? Assume I know everything you know, plus infinitely more, to speed this conversation along.”
I almost want to laugh, but I don’t. I wave an arm forward like carry on.
“Anyway, right before that happened, Rick came to me with a proposition.”
“He-he did?”
Wells nods. “I was as surprised as you are right now.” Wells looks away. “Fuck, you’re making me break a promise. I never betray good people. It’s a code of business. It’s how I get them to trust me. It’s a long-term investment, how you build lifelong relationships without getting fucked over, and even then, it still happens.”
Before I can stop myself, I ask, “Why are you telling me then?”
A silence stretches between us, like his theatrics are off, and he’s calculating again, measuring his responses. “Because I like Rick. Or I at least respected him after he came to me and his story became clearer. I only had bits and pieces from my own research, but enough to leverage Decker with. An asshole move, yes, but it was not without provocation.” His eyes burn into mine when he says it.
I was just doing my job, researching him and reporting to Decker, but I’m sure he doesn’t see it that way.
“But, believe it or not, I like you, even though you’ve barged into my house unannounced in the middle of the night, I know your intentions are pure. And Rick did something for me, so I want to do something for him in return. Because I believe his calculations are severely misguided at the moment, even though they are understandable. He’s in an emotional state, and nothing good comes of that when you’re making choices that affect your livelihood.”
“What did he tell you?”
“Everything he wanted to tell you but couldn’t. And he had a mutually beneficial plan for both of our problems.”
Bile creeps into my throat. “Why couldn’t he tell me whatever it is?”
Wells rolls his eyes. “Use your head, Mary. He was scared. It’s what happens to men when we cling to something we don’t want to lose.”
“I wouldn’t have judged him for anything. I would’ve stuck by him.”
“You don’t even know what it is yet. And I need to preface this by saying he did intend to tell you, very soon, at least that’s what he said to me. Shortly after, something happened, and now, he’s like a dumb chivalrous knight trying to protect you. Like I said, men do ignorant things when they’re emotional.”
I’m tired of his stalling and don’t care about his insults. I don’t need the suspense, or a lecture. I can make up my own mind. “What is it?”
He sighs. “I already told you his real name. He grew up in Detroit, raised by his father. The mother split early to get away from the abuse, and his father hated women after that. He watched his dad use them for sex then throw them out, threaten them, degrade them.” He nods. “Yeah, his father is a fucking piece of work, from everything he told me and from what I’ve seen. Career criminal, con man, but worse than that, abusive, manipulative, used his son, Dominic, for some shady purposes from a very young age. Groomed him to follow in his family footsteps. Dominic didn’t know anything else. Everything he learned, he learned on the street, and I imagine there were some serious social issues when your only companion is a violent, manipulating, woman-hater criminal teaching you about life.” Covington’s eyes flick over to mine, and his eyes soften. “He pretty much broke down in front of me.”
My heart breaks just imagining it, everything he’s been through. Is that why he deflects any serious conversations with humor? Is that why he is the way everyone else says he is? He grew up with nothing but that, and it was his way of pushing anyone away he might’ve developed a meaningful relationship with? No wonder he never wanted to talk about his past. There are so many questions I have, but all I can do is listen because I want to know everything.
“When he was older, his dad involved him in a jewelry heist. It was big money for them, relatively speaking. Seven figures. You know how abusive people are. They gaslight, they manipulate. His father would praise him sometimes, make promises, partially keep them, then shame Dominic if he questioned anything. Threaten to cut ties. Threaten to turn himself in or kill himself and leave Dominic fatherless with nobody. Did these things when he was still a child. It was fucking toxic, and I’ve seen some shit in my life, trust me. Anyway… they got caught, by some fluke, Dominic didn’t know exactly how. But he was supposed to be looking out, and a security guard was there who wasn’t scheduled to be, after they’d done their homework and cased the place for months. Dominic watched them put his father in custody, and he thought his dad would want him to get away, so he ran and escaped.”
“Wow.” This is all crazy. How did he hold onto all this and not tell me? Why couldn’t he even tell me his name?
Because you would run a background check on his real name. Don’t act like you never looked into the name Rick Lawrence. You’re a freaking paralegal.
I can’t get over the fact that every time he smiled at me, did something nice for me, volunteered at the church, up there in his brain, all of this was constantly circling the waters, plaguing him. He smiled through all of it. A lot of things start to click into place. Little things that didn’t add up to much on their own but now fit a large overall arc to his story.
“Instead of protecting him like a good father would…”
There’s more? Unbelievable.
“His father told the police everything. Told them he wasn’t alone, that his son had escaped. Told them where they could find him. Where he hung out. He wanted Dominic in prison with him, suffering alongside him, for whatever sick reason. Dominic told me he learned all this from an associate of theirs and he fled town. Moved to Chicago. He and his fat
her had connections to various people who provided services, and he changed his identity. Switched up his appearance a little. Decided he had to be someone completely new and leave everything else in the past. He looked at it as a new beginning. He could be whatever he wanted. His skills were limited to being a hustler, a criminal. A PI was the logical decision.”
I stare down at the floor, partially relieved, partially deflated. “I wish he would’ve told me.”
“You have to look at this overall, beyond you.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means if you look at the story as a whole, and boil down everything about Rick or Dominic or whatever, you can discern the answers to why he’s behaving the way he is, why he’s making the choices he is. I’m not saying they’re correct, but they’re for the right reasons.”
My head is such a jumbled mess right now, so many thoughts and emotions, I just want him to stop speaking in riddles and tell me what he thinks. “Just say what you’re saying, please. I’m exhausted with all this.”
“I told you he was arrested with his father again, right?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“And he came to me before that and told me all this.”
“I get that.”
“He wants to put his past to bed. His father found him and wanted him to break in and steal from me, information that he would get a lot of money for. Rick agreed to help his father, then came to me and told me everything they had planned, and set it up to have him busted this time. He told me he would only do it if I made sure he was arrested with his father. He wants to go back and pay for the crime he’s been running from and deal with all the legal issues from that, so he can be himself again. If he had told you everything, then tried to move on with you and ignore his past, it’d put you at risk too. You’d be just as guilty as him, especially in your profession, knowing he’s a criminal. He’s trying to protect you and get his life back at the same time. That’s why he’s pushing you away and trying to sever everything. Why do you think he went off on Decker and severed all his ties to the firm too?”
I cup a hand over my mouth the second he explains it all. I know Wells thinks Rick is doing all this to better his life, and I’m sure that’s part of it, but if he hadn’t met me, he’d be doing the same things he always did. He’d still be hiding in plain sight, being the same person he was pretending to be. “So they wouldn’t knowingly be employing an unlicensed PI.” I nod as I say it.
I don’t want to make it about me, but I know it is. I told him he was a good man, and to do the right thing.
That’s what he did.
I wish this didn’t hurt so much. I wish I could take away his childhood and give him the one he deserved. I can’t just sit by while he ruins his life, though.
I have to fight for him, protect him, the way he’s trying to protect me.
Dominic Romano
You don’t really know how long time can stretch until you’ve been in jail for a few hours. Nothing but a couple hard walls and voices echoing off concrete. Nothing but time for your mind to contemplate in minute detail everything you’ve ever done in your life.
It was so surreal when they booked me and said my real name out loud. I hadn’t heard it in so long. Reality slapped me right back in the face, fifteen years of work, progress, up in smoke instantly. In some ways, I think reverting to my old self is helping with the Mary situation. It makes it easier to compartmentalize that problem. She was Rick’s, not mine.
It sounds ridiculous, but how else am I supposed to live with myself after crushing her? I’m just trying to do what’s right. Maybe one day I can turn things around for Dominic and things can work out. But I have to protect her and fix myself. I want to. It’s the only way I can be worthy of her. It’s the only way I can look anyone in the eye going forward.
A guard beats on the holding cell door. They haven’t moved me in with the rest of the people in jail yet.
“Romano, this way.”
There’s a hum, and the bolt retracts. I stand up.
The guard takes a step back. “Try anything and I’ll put the cuffs back on, got it?”
I nod. “What’s going on?”
He doesn’t respond. I’ve noticed these guys aren’t much for answering my questions, at least not the ones they find irrelevant to their day. I’m sure they’re used to dealing with assholes nonstop, so I don’t take it personally. He leads me down the corridor and around a corner. As soon as we walk up, I know what this is, and I want no part of it. It’s a place to talk to visitors, and I already know who it’s going to be, even if she found me faster than I expected.
Goddamn it, Covington, you liar.
The guard stays behind me, lightly shoving me toward the cubicles with a wall of plexiglass. “Walk. What’s wrong with you?”
The second I see her face, the recognition in her eyes, then see her stare move to my wrinkled orange jumpsuit, the look of pity… I can’t take it.
I stop in my tracks. “I don’t want to do this. Do I have to do this?”
“Hell no, makes my job easier.” He grabs me by the arm to turn me around.
“No! Please!” Mary comes up out of her seat, her hands on the glass, voice muffled. She beats her hand on the window a couple times.
I shouldn’t look back, but I do. It hurts so goddamn bad, I don’t know if I can take it. I have to cut this off. She’ll come back every day, I know she will. I can’t have that. Maybe a small part of me wants to hold onto her for a few more seconds, just to really torture myself. So I can see her face just once more. Not remember the way she looked when she was in love with me, but the way she’ll look at me now.
“Just give me a second.”
The guard nods and releases my arm.
I walk over and Mary has the phone up to her ear, and her face morphs into a smile as I walk over, like she’s won me over.
It makes what I have to do even worse. I hate this. It’s fucking agonizing seeing her still clinging to the idea of “us” right now. There can’t be an “us.” It’s not possible. I won’t put her through that.
I pick up the phone, grinding my teeth, and growl, “Go. Away.”
Tears flood her eyes as soon as I say it, but she shakes her head. “I know everything. I don’t care. I want you. I don’t care what your name is or what you’ve done, we can go through it together, Dominic. Just let me help you.”
I wince the second she says my name, and I shake my head. I have to get her out of here, cut her loose. Why does she make me keep doing this? Doesn’t she know I want nothing more than for this to all go away, for us to be together? I’d do anything. But this is real life. I have to be an adult, not live in a fantasy. I’ve been doing that shit for fifteen years, knowing this was waiting for me.
Get her out of here before you destroy her. Just cut it off.
This is going to hurt her right now, but it’s for the better, long term. She can’t be with a criminal, a felon who’s locked up in prison.
I look at the ground, doing everything I can to stay focused on what I have to do. Slowly, I bring my eyes up to meet hers and it’s even worse than I anticipated.
She has hope on her face, and I have to grind my heel into it to make it go away.
My whole body shakes and I can’t control it, but I manage to stare into her tearful eyes and say, “I never want to see you again.” I stand up and walk to the guard. I can’t look back. It’ll break me, seeing what I just did to her. I shouldn’t have turned around the first time.
Once we’re around the corner, I can’t breathe. “C-can I have a second?” I ask the guard, panting uncontrollably.
He nods. “You okay?”
I nod back, but I can’t stop hyperventilating. Tears run down my cheeks and I don’t give a shit who sees it. I can’t believe I just did that, but what else could I do? She needs to forget about me. Why can’t she get that through her head? I’m a nobody. I’m not good for anyone. I’m fucking broken, and all I’m going to do is break
her too.
It was stupid to think I could be with her to begin with. I knew better. She’s good and I’m not. This was destined to happen.
It’s just like my dad said, this is who I’ll always be, no matter how hard I try to escape it.
We are who we are.
Mary Patrick
I’m pretty sure the events of the last few days have changed me as a person. I don’t even know who I am right now. Love makes us do some really crazy things. It’s turning me into someone I almost don’t recognize, but I don’t care. I’m not going to let Rick throw his life away.
Yes, he crushed me when I tried to see him at the jail, but I understood it, and it didn’t hurt me nearly as bad as it did in the street, when I was wandering around clueless. He’s going to realize soon enough I’ll fight for him because that’s what you do for people you care about. I don’t care about his past, or how messed up he thinks he is. The sky is falling for him right now, and he’s confused and hurt and trying to shield me from all that.
Proverbs tells us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” The verse hit me as soon as I left the jail, and I have to make Rick see that. Make him see better days are ahead, if he’ll just trust us. If the roles were reversed, there’s absolutely no possible scenario where he would quit fighting for me. He would tear down walls and burn cities for me. I know it in my heart, and I know he feels the same way about me that I feel about him.
No, I’m not going to sit by idly and let him rot in that cell, thinking he did something wrong. I rise up from my cubicle, knowing good and well what I’m about to do will get me fired, especially after everything I’ve already done. I don’t care.
I trust myself. I trust God. I trust Rick; trust that he’s a good man who wants to be free from his past. He deserves that, even if he doesn’t want to be with me when it’s all said and done. I don’t care. He needs, for once in his life, to have an advocate, someone who fights for him instead of using him for their own gain.