But that wasn’t what was really getting to me. Maybe it rested more on the way Matt made me feel. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be letting myself get too wrapped up in the marriage. We didn’t really have a relationship. In fact, we had openly discussed dating other people and how that would work. We had sex, and it was amazing, but that could be chalked up purely to the intense chemistry and attraction between us.
Then there was the confusion. I didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling, or if he was thinking or feeling anything in particular. So far, he seemed totally content with the arrangement and hadn’t broached the subject of there possibly being more between us. Or that he was totally confident that he didn’t want there to be more between us.
Which brought me right back to the weird, unreadable mix of thoughts and feelings. Finally, after a couple days of dealing with those feelings and finding myself avoiding Matt so they didn’t hit me so hard, I had a sit-down with myself. I forced myself to really think about what I was doing and how the feelings were affecting me.
While it didn’t do a lot of good in terms of understanding everything I was going through, it helped to give me the perspective that we were wandering through uncharted territory at the moment. It wasn’t like there were a ton of self-help books or support groups around for people in sham marriages. That meant I was bound to face some feelings that were hard to figure out and that I would eventually work through them.
That was enough to shake the feelings into the back of my mind so I wasn’t dwelling on them. By the next time we had a day off together, everything was back to normal between us, and that felt good. I was getting coffee first thing in the morning when Matt came in and gave me a big smile. It didn’t bring up any of the strange feelings. It just made me smile back at him and pull another mug out of the cabinet.
“Do you have any plans today?” he asked.
I shook my head and poured coffee into both of the mugs. “Nothing that I know of. Something going on?”
“My mom just called. She’s going to be in town and wanted to know if we could visit for a bit,” he said.
I nodded as I added a splash of my favorite French vanilla creamer into my mug and swirled it around. “That sounds nice.”
“Great. I’ll call her back and let her know. She’ll probably come over here and then we’ll go get something to eat.”
“Sounds good.”
Matt took his coffee and leaned over to kiss me on my cheek before heading out of the kitchen. I blushed as I sipped my coffee. It was always the little things with him.
I finished up my coffee and took a shower, then got dressed. It would be the first time we would see his mother since we got married, so I suddenly had the compulsion to look especially nice. I didn’t know if it was because I wanted to impress her, or if I wanted to make Matt look good because he had a pretty wife. Maybe some would say that was a touch on the shallow side, but feeling pretty never hurt anyone, and neither did a touch of lipstick. If a splash of red on my lips gave me confidence and maybe gave my mother-in-law a warm tug in her heart, I was all for it.
That thought hit me hard. My mother-in-law. I had a mother-in-law.
Matt looked me up and down when I came out of the bathroom in a new dress I got when I went shopping with Hannah and had tucked away in the back of the closet to keep for a special occasion. It nipped in at my waist and skimmed my hips before flaring out into a skirt that made the little girl inside me want to twirl around. Combined with the lipstick and extra swipe of mascara, the effect was giving me a little extra pep in my step.
The look in Matt’s eyes when he saw me was exactly the reaction I was hoping for. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His head dipped down toward mine, but just as our lips were nearing each other, the doorbell rang.
Matt stopped, a rueful smile coming to his lips as his head dropped. I laughed and patted him on the arm.
“You better go get your mother,” I said.
“Do you think if we’re really quiet, she’ll think we aren’t here?” he asked in a whisper.
I laughed again. “I don’t think it works that way when you invite someone over.”
He faked a grimace and walked over to the door. In the seconds before he opened it and his mother came in, I got suddenly nervous. When she found out we got married, she seemed thrilled, but what if that was just her way of getting over the shock and lulling us into complacency? Could this be the moment she stormed in, ready to rip us to pieces because we ran off and did it without her?
I took a moment to think through that last flash of fear. This wasn’t my family. She wasn’t my mother. I had to remind myself that there were people in the world who were actually genuine and didn’t always think about themselves first. Maybe she was just truly happy for us.
When she walked in, she kissed Matt and then turned toward me. I noticed something wrapped in fabric with a thick satin ribbon around it in her arms.
“Can I make everybody some tea?” I asked.
“That sounds good,” Matt said, and I headed for the kitchen.
When I got there, I realized I hadn’t even said hi to her. I hadn’t hugged her or anything. I had just dissed my mother-in-law. This was getting off to a smooth start.
I made the tea and piled it onto a tray with cups, honey, milk, and a plate of cookies I wished I’d baked but had actually just tipped out of a bag. Matt and Mrs. Anderson were sitting in the living room talking when I walked out, and she looked up at me with a warm smile. At least we had gotten over the awkward greeting hurdle.
Setting the tray down on the table, I poured a cup for her first, then one for Matt before making a cup for myself. Augmenting it with plenty of honey, I scooped up several of the gingersnaps and headed for the chair beside the couch.
“No, Chloe, come sit beside me,” Mrs. Anderson said, patting the cushion beside her.
I complied and settled in between her and Matt where he sat in the opposite chair. She took a sip of her tea, then nibbled at one of the cookies.
“I love gingersnaps,” she said.
“So do I,” I told her. “They’re my favorite. When I was little, everybody around me always wanted chocolate chip, but I wanted the gingersnaps. The spicier, the better. That wasn’t so popular when it came time for sharing desserts at lunch.”
Matt’s mother laughed. “More for you, though.” She set the cup down in front of her and picked up the object she had been carrying when she came in. When it was on her lap, I noticed it wasn’t actually wrapped in fabric, but made of fabric. She rested both hands on it and looked at me with emotion in her eyes. “I brought you something.”
“What is it?” Matt asked.
She put it into my lap, and I untied the ribbon. Unfolding the fabric, I discovered a beautiful quilt.
“I have given every one of my sons and their wives something special when they got married. Each gift has been something their father and I got as wedding gifts when we got married. I saved this one for last. This is the quilt my mother made for us. It was on our bed for many years. Then I started displaying it instead. Now, it’s yours,” she said.
I choked up looking at the quilt. It was so pretty, and the fabric was soft and pliable from the many years of use. I couldn’t believe she was giving it to us. Something like this must have been so incredibly precious to her.
“This is so sweet,” I said. “Thank you so much.”
Matt stood up to hug his mother, and a wave of the weird feelings came back. It felt a little wrong accepting the quilt. It was something extremely special to her, something that reminded her of her beloved husband and the time they spent together. She thought she was giving it to her son as a cherished wedding gift, something for us to pass down to our children. It felt like the biggest deceit so far.
But she looked so happy. I couldn’t take that away from her.
“Are you ready for lunch?” Matt asked. “Or do you want to just eat gingersnaps?”
She laughed
, brushing away a tear from under her eye. I was relieved and glad for Matt. He knew how to seamlessly handle an emotional moment and move on from it.
“Lunch sounds good,” his mother said.
“Chloe?” Matt said.
I nodded. “I’m famished.
“Perfect. Then let’s go,” he said.
We ended up at a little hole-in-the-wall burger place with a banner outside that announced “Portland’s Finest.” It didn’t specify whether the restaurant itself was the finest in Portland, which seemed an overly confident proclamation to say the least, or if they just had the finest burgers in the city. But I was willing to give them a whirl.
“We’re not going to tell Tyler that we came here,” Matt said when we were sitting down at a booth on one side of the restaurant.
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “I heard he has an affinity for burgers.”
“To say the least,” Matt said with a laugh. “But I have to admit he probably does make the best burger in Astoria. Some of the specials he comes up with are pretty amazing.”
“Why hasn’t he given you any of those recipes?” I asked, remembering the dinner he made a couple of weeks back.
“Those he will hold on to until he is lying dead in his grave,” Matt told me. “He’ll let us experiment with anything else, but the burgers are sacred.”
I laughed and noticed Mrs. Anderson smiling at us. We both looked at her for a few seconds.
“Mom?” Matt said.
She straightened up a little like she was startled to have been caught. “I’m sorry. The two of you are just so cute together. It makes me happier than I can possibly tell you to see it. Not too long ago, I felt like my whole world was coming down around me. Dealing with cancer and watching my husband go through it, then surviving but losing him. Seeing how stressed my boys were and how hard they were trying to pull together and make things easier.”
“Of course we did,” Matt said. “We would have done anything for you and Dad.”
“I know you would have,” she said. “And because you did, look how far you all have come. The bar in Astoria is thriving and getting more successful by the day. You were able to open the other location here in Portland, and it’s already making a name for itself. It’s incredible to see what you’ve been able to accomplish together. And I’m so proud of you for all of it.
But what I’m most proud of is the men you’ve become. That all of you are married to the most wonderful women. They all became part of the family, stepping right in to join the fold rather than expecting you to break away. I was so worried about you, Matt. I didn’t think it was going to happen for you. I didn’t think you wanted it to. But look at you now. Look at the amazing wife you found. You finally discovered your other half and the two of you are perfect together.”
Matt reached over and held my hand on top of the table. I turned to look at him, and he smiled, squeezing my hand. I couldn’t think of anything to do but squeeze back. For the rest of her visit, I played my part as well as I could, but the entire time, I felt incredibly guilty about lying to such a sweet, sincere woman. After everything else, I felt like the real weight of the decision we made was weighing down on me.
27
Matt
“So, what’s for dinner, do you know?” Chloe asked as we neared Jordan and Hannah’s house.
“If I know Mom, she likely insisted on making something. Considering that she kind of sprung this on us, I don’t think it’s something she spent all day on, so that takes out lamb, roast chicken, and turkey. Probably her pasta sauce or soup, unless she brought some of the jars with her, which would be on-brand for her. Essentially, I have no idea,” I said. “Just prepare to stuff yourself, whatever it turns out to be.”
“I can handle that,” Chloe said.
Things were good between us, and I was happy for that. Chloe had seemed to settle into the rhythm and routine of playing wife in public, and when we were back at the apartment, it was easy hanging out. It felt like we were getting into a pretty good routine.
Jordan and Hannah seemed excited to have us over. Jordan asked if there was anything we felt like we needed as a wedding gift, and when I told him no, he cackled. I expected that whatever was on his mind would be suitably silly and extravagant. It was possible he planned on giving it to us tonight, though I doubted he would.
We pulled into Jordan and Hannah’s new place, and I marveled at how perfectly “them” it was. A cute city house in a nice neighborhood, but still easily accessible to the bar and everywhere else nearby, it was exactly what they wanted. When we got to the door, I knocked, and Hannah answered enthusiastically, bringing us inside and greeting Mom on the way.
“Oh, my baby,” she said as she pulled me into a hug. “And my new baby,” she said, pulling in Chloe. Chloe smiled wide and embraced her on her other side, making a sandwich out of my tiny mother. “You have no idea how happy I am right now.”
“I’m glad, Mom,” I said, “I thought you’d be mad about us going to the Justice of the Peace without you.”
“Nonsense,” she said, waving it away. “It was what fit the two of you, and that’s all that mattered. Hannah let my video call in to see the vows, so I wasn’t left totally out.”
“It was amazing how fast it was,” Jordan said as he came in from the kitchen, giving me a hug and then hugging Chloe. “If I had known…”
“No, you wouldn’t,” Hannah said, cutting him off.
“No, you’re right, I wouldn’t,” Jordan said, grinning. He pressed a kiss to Hannah’s lips and went back into the kitchen, throwing his dishtowel over his shoulder.
“So, is Jordan cooking tonight?” I asked, somewhat hesitantly.
“Oh gosh, no,” Mom said. “He’s just helping me out with the dishes. He’s such a good boy.”
“Ahh,” I said.
“He’s also made us a couple of cocktails,” Hannah said.
“Ooh, fun,” Chloe said. “I never get to drink the special stuff he sends out of the bar. I’d love to try one or two of them.”
“We can certainly do that,” Jordan called from the kitchen. “You name a drink, and I’ll whip it up. I do all my experiments here anyway.” He poked his head out of the kitchen and pointed to the bar in the dining room. “At my lab.”
“You finally did it,” I said. “You went from living at the bar to having the bar living with you.”
Jordan laughed, and Mom beckoned us to join her in the living room. As we headed that way, Chloe’s hand slipped inside mine, and I felt a tingle. It was different from the way she was playing the wife. Different than the little kisses or cuddles. Those all had a veneer of play to them. We were acting. But her slipping her hand in mine felt so natural I almost didn’t notice it. It was just something she did.
I had to shake that thought off. No matter how much my brain might want to see signs, she was just pretending. She had made that clear. I had made that clear. There were rules.
“So, I was thinking,” Mom said, starting a thought that usually ended in some plan. “My ladies and I usually do a big trip somewhere each month, but Tessa has been ill recently, and Rosetta is just plum tired of going on trips, so I got to thinking. What if we did a girls’ trip? Me and my daughters-in-law? Now, I know you are still very much in the honeymoon stage, but I thought it would be a wonderful chance for us to get away and get to know each other.”
“Wow,” Chloe said, “that sounds amazing.”
She was smiling, and it seemed genuine, even though I knew it had to be terrifying. Here was this woman she was pretending to be the daughter-in-law of inviting her to a vacation with three other women she barely knew and her cousin. At least she would have her cousin, but not even she knew it wasn’t a real marriage. It was a ton of pressure, and I wouldn’t have blamed her for saying she didn’t want to go or coming up with an excuse.
“We would likely go up to Vancouver. It’s gorgeous up there, and there’s a cabin that we were going to rent that is absolutely splendid. What do
you say?” Mom asked.
“I think it sounds great,” Chloe said. “When should I pack?”
Dinner was amazing, and I had been dead wrong. Mom had apparently planned on inviting us since the day before and had started her Astoria-famous lamb recipe that night. We stuffed ourselves silly, and Jordan made Chloe several of the regular cocktails which she seemed to enjoy greatly. Chloe and Hannah sat next to Mom most of the night, laughing and enjoying each other’s company so well that I was able to just fall into the story of our marriage.
As we got into the car, Chloe was a little tipsy, and she flipped on the radio to blast music until we got home. I laughed at how silly she had been, but I was just so blown away by her. She literally could not have played her part any better. It was so good that even I was fooled sometimes, and every time she slipped her hand in mine, I felt an urge to kiss her.
I had mostly refrained, but it had been close. There were a few times where she caught me and leaned in for the kiss anyway. Each time it happened, my lips tingled for a few minutes, and I would lose track of time.
I opened the door to our apartment, and she walked in ahead of me, tossing her bag on the counter and heading for her room. It seemed like her demeanor had suddenly shifted, and I wanted to see if I could keep the good mood going. I didn’t know what changed, but if I could fix it, I would.
“Hey,” I said, next to her door. “I just wanted you to know you were great tonight. I’m proud of you. You were fantastic. I think we make a great team.”
There was silence on the other side of her door for a moment, and when it opened, Chloe’s eyes were watery and her makeup was running. She brushed by me into the living room where she crashed on the couch, pulling a pillow up to her chest and softly sobbing.
I was completely flabbergasted. I had no idea what to do with that. She was just so happy and silly in the car, and then we got home and now this? It didn’t make sense. What about what I said was so upsetting?
The Marriage Contract Page 15