“I just wanted to let you know we heard from Matt,” she said.
There was nothing in her voice to indicate what kind of emotion I should be feeling in that moment. My heart started thudding in my chest, and I felt shaky.
“You did?” I asked. “Where is he? What’s going on?”
“All I can tell you is that he’s okay,” she said.
“What do you mean that’s all you can tell me?”
I felt a bit of anger growing inside me. I didn’t like being jerked around like this. And worse than that, I was still worried.
“It’s what I know,” Hannah said. “He called and told Jordan he knew we were checking around about him. His mother got in touch with him and told him we were worried, and everyone was looking for him. So, he called Jordan to say he was okay. He didn’t tell us where he was or what he was doing. Just that he was okay.”
“Not when he’s coming back? Or even if he’s coming back?” I asked. “Is he leaving me? Was he not trying to actually talk things through with me when he tried to find me at home yesterday?”
“Why would he be trying to find you?” Hannah asked.
“To end our marriage,” I said.
I didn’t put a voice to the rest of that thought. Sure, Matt’s and my marriage was fake in the beginning. But that wasn’t how it felt anymore. With everything that happened between us and how much we’d grown and learned, I thought everything was real now. Was I the only one who felt that way? Was Matt just putting all the pieces into place so he could end the marriage now and not have to deal with any of it?
Another couple of hours passed. After that call, I couldn’t get myself to fall asleep again, but I wasn’t feeling sick, so I got up and did some laundry. There wasn’t much to do, but it was something to keep my hands and mind occupied. I created more for myself by changing the beds, then decided to take advantage of the morning sickness medication working well to get a couple of easy meals made to have over the next couple of days.
If I was still living here.
A pot of soup was simmering on the stove when my phone rang again. I assumed it was Hannah and answered without looking at the screen.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey, Chloe,” Matt said, nearly making me drop the phone. “I just want you to know I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Matt? What’s going on? Where are you?” I asked, emotion tightening in my throat and making my eyes sting.
“I can’t explain right now. I’ll be back tomorrow. And I don’t want you to worry about me. I’m fine.”
Before I could ask anything else, he hung up. I was trembling and had to go into the living room to sit down. He didn’t sound exactly happy to talk to me, but he also didn’t sound angry. That seemed like something to be positive about. Or at least to keep me from tumbling further into the heaviness that was pushing down around me.
The house felt too quiet and still again. I didn’t want to just sit there anymore, especially now that I knew there wasn’t a chance for Matt to show up. I got dressed and headed into work. They weren’t expecting me to be there, but this time they didn’t suggest I leave. It ended up being a busy night, so they were glad I was there, and I was glad for the distraction.
On break later in the night, Hannah and I shared some fries and talked about the future. She gave me advice about pregnancy and what it was like to have a baby. It made me feel better, but there was still a nagging curiosity in the back of my mind trying to figure out what Matt could possibly be doing.
37
Matt
Convincing her parents to fly commercial was a bridge too far. I could convince them to come to Portland and to try to patch things up with their daughter; I could even convince them that I was a better fit for her than their plans. But convincing them to fly on something other than their own private jet? Too much. So, rather than get back the same day, which had been the plan, I ended up getting a hotel and spending the night there. Graciously, they offered me one of the seemingly hundreds of rooms in their ridiculous mansion, but I felt like that might be too much for me. Without Chloe there, I would feel uncomfortable.
Instead, I found a place closer to the airport that had a movie theater next door and a restaurant attached. That meant I could spend the day watching movies and zoning out as I prepared for the biggest grand gesture I could imagine. I watched the same superhero movie three times and only paid attention to a third of it each time. The rest of the movie I was staring at the screen but not even seeing the film. What I was seeing was how this could all play out in different wonderful and terrible ways.
Eventually, I got back to the hotel and crashed for the few hours I had until I needed to be at the airport. Once on the private jet, it was an entirely different experience. Charles and Beverly were obviously accustomed to flying that way, but it was new to me. I had to laugh at how ridiculously opulent it was and how routine they found it. How in the hell had Chloe adapted so well to my world? She grew up with this as everyday life. How did she just suddenly start walking to work in a bar and living in a nine-hundred-square-foot townhouse apartment?
Charles offered me lunch on the way back to Portland, but I couldn’t eat much. A bite or two of a prime rib sandwich was all I could get down. My stomach was churning at the anticipation of what was about to happen. When we landed, Charles and Beverly ordered a limo, and when it arrived, they followed me in my car back home.
I made one stop on the way. It was pretty comical seeing the limo stopped at a mall, but I had to run in and grab some of her favorite chocolates and a bouquet of flowers to go with it. I saw a lingerie shop and ducked my head inside to see they had some of the comfortable pajamas she loved. I picked those and a bottle of the perfume she wore and headed down to the store I’d really come in for. It was a specialty shop that I had noticed the last time I came into the mall a few weeks before. In the window, there was a display with a pregnancy pillow. I remembered thinking how it looked like it would be comfortable for someone who had that belly, whether it was full of children or beer. I grabbed the pillow in lightning fashion and made my way back out to my car.
Back at the townhouse, I saw her car parked in its usual spot. Parking next to her, I got out and guided the limo to a few spots further down that were usually empty. The limo parked sideways in them until Charles and Beverly were out, and then it left.
“Here we go,” I muttered to myself as I stuck the key in the door.
When I got the door open, Chloe was standing in the middle of the living room, apparently on her way to open the door. She looked hopeful and happy to see me, but her eyes turned dark and her lips curled in a snarl when she looked over my shoulder.
“What are they doing here?” she yelled.
“They want to talk,” I said, trying to calm her.
“I don’t want to talk,” she said, moving toward the couch. “Tell them to leave.”
“Chloe, we need to have this discussion,” Beverly said. “I understand you are angry at us.”
“Angry doesn’t begin to cover it,” she said.
“Listen to me,” her father said. “Your mother and I took time away from our business to come down here and speak with you.”
“What a sacrifice,” Chloe scoffed. “What will happen if you aren’t there, Dad? Will the whole company just fall apart without your physical presence?”
“Chloe,” Beverly said in a warning voice.
“No,” Chloe said, defiantly, “I am quite done being talked down to and expected to just take it when people do it. I am also tired of acting like the sun rises and sets with your fucking jobs.”
“Language, Chloe,” Beverly said.
Chloe turned to her with a bitter smirk on her face. “I will say whatever the fuck I want to in my own home, Mom.”
“This is exactly what I feared,” Charles said. “She is too angry.”
“Wait,” I said, interjecting. “Everybody, calm down.”
“No,” Chloe said. “You think I’m
too angry? You tried to run my life. Then you tried to ruin it. You’re damn right I’m angry. I’m angry that you tried to tell me how to live and force me to go along with your plans because it was convenient for you. I have every right to be angry with you. And as far as insolence, you don’t have the right to tell me what to do anymore. It’s not insolence. It’s independence.”
“Chloe,” Beverly scolded. “Don’t shout at your father like that.”
“Don’t scold me, Mother,” Chloe said. “The way you spoke to me on the phone was unacceptable. You hurt me just to hurt me, and you know it. You were cruel for the sake of being cruel.”
“Stop!” I shouted. “This is not why I brought you all down here.” I turned to Chloe. “I know you’re upset. I know you have a lot on your chest you need to get off, and you deserve to do that. But shouting won’t help anyone.” I turned to her parents. “Is this really why you came all this way? To fight? Your daughter is hurt and bitter and angry. Maybe you should listen to her for a few minutes first, before you write her off as a spoiled child. Remember, she is carrying your grandchild.”
There were a few moments of quiet as everyone tried to calm down. Charles and Beverly sat on the couch, facing Chloe on the love seat. I left the room to go get a few glasses of water for everyone, and when I brought them back, Beverly nodded her head at me.
“I would like to speak, if I may?” She asked.
“Go ahead,” I said, looking to Chloe for confirmation. She didn’t seem to make any indication one way or the other.
“Your father and I realize that you are no longer a child,” Beverly began. “You are an adult now, capable of making your own choices. Whether we view them as mistakes or not is irrelevant. They are yours to make.” She looked to her husband, who nodded. “We have to stop babying you and start trusting you not to intentionally embarrass us.”
“Matthew seems like a good person,” Charles said, startling Beverly by speaking calmly, his eyes trained on Chloe. “He came all the way down to us to convince us to come see you. Not because of money or fame or anything, but because he wanted us to all make amends. I respect that. As long as you are happy living like this, and he isn’t treating you poorly, then I have to get used to all this. I have to support you. Regardless of what you may think, Chloe, we love you. We only want what’s best for you. If this is what you think is best for you, then we will support it.”
Chloe’s eyes were brimming with tears, and when I looked to Beverly, hers were as well. Suddenly they all stood, and Chloe ran into her mother’s arms. They embraced, the three of them, for a few moments, her father kissing the top of her head. Beverly looked over her daughter’s head as it was buried in her shoulder and mouthed the words “thank you,” I smiled.
“I’ll be right back,” I said.
Standing up, I walked around them to go to the door and back out to my car. Thankfully, it wasn’t terribly hot, or else the chocolates would have melted. I brought the gifts inside, and when I shut the door, I heard the sound of soft laughter coming from Chloe. A low-voiced conversation was happening, and the dam that had been built up between them all seemed to be broken.
“What is all that?” Chloe said when she noticed me standing behind her and turned around.
“Some things I should have gotten you before. Congratulations, Chloe. We’re going to have a baby.”
The smile that stretched across her face was wide and genuine and pure. Tears streamed from her eyes, and she lunged to grab me in a hug around my neck. I squeezed her tight while she thanked me and pressed a kiss to my lips.
We all sat for a little while longer, discussing the baby and the timeline of things, and before we knew it, a few hours had passed. Charles looked at his watched and patted Beverly on the knee. She seemed disappointed, but also exhausted. It dawned on me that they likely hadn’t slept much last night either.
“We are going to go ahead and check in to our hotel,” Charles said. “But I insist on us having dinner together later. My treat.”
I nodded, and Chloe hugged them both tight before they called the limo service to have the pickup sent. Once they were gone, Chloe wrapped her arms around me again and sobbed gently into my chest for a few moments.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said. “Finally, yes. Thank you so much for doing that. It was so sweet. I needed it.”
“I know.”
“I can’t believe it. I can’t believe they came. I can’t believe they changed their minds about me. You did that. You went down there and changed my parents’ minds. They haven’t changed their mind about anything since before I was born.”
“I didn’t change their mind. I just led them to the place they wanted to go already,” I said. “They love you. And they want to be grandparents. We are going to have a family together, and I just want you to be happy. Whatever that means, I want to make it happen.”
“I love you,” she said, squeezing me in a hug again. I was careful not to squeeze her back too hard, just in case the nausea wasn’t completely gone yet. Nothing could quite ruin the moment like that.
“Look,” I said, pulling her out to arm’s length and holding her by the shoulders so I could stare deep into her eyes. “I know that everything between us started out as fake. I know that we were just tricking people at first. But I don’t want anything to be fake between us ever again. I love you, and I love our baby, too. That is for real. That is forever.”
38
Chloe
Coming to Portland with Matt had been such a rushed, almost impulsive decision my parents hadn’t really put much planning or thought into it. That was very much not like them, and it meant they weren’t prepared to stay in town for longer than it took for us to talk things through. They promised to come back soon when they had a chance to stay longer, but they needed to leave the next morning.
I went to the hotel first thing to make sure I could say goodbye to them. The conversation the day before was an amazing surprise. It started off pretty much as I expected it to, with the taut, bitter, angry words from my parents. But Matt managed to get it under control. He snapped both sides into reality and made us do what really needed to be done: come together.
My parents were never going to be the warm and fuzzy type. That just wasn’t the type of people they were. That became very clear the longer I spent with Matt and his family. There was just a difference in how his mother radiated warmth and love toward the people around her, and my parents’ more reserved, restrained personalities. I was realizing that didn’t mean they were bad people, and it didn’t mean they didn’t love me. They just weren’t ever going to be exuberant about showing it.
I could be okay with that. As long as they kept to their word and didn’t try to control me or treat me like a child anymore, we could build a much better relationship. I was looking forward to seeing what could come of it.
We met my parents in the restaurant in the hotel lobby. As soon as we walked in, my father reached into one of the seats at the table and pulled out a massive teddy bear. He held it out to me, and I took it, feeling tears stinging in my eyes again. That was something I figured I was also going to have to get used to. Pregnancy was making me much more emotional.
But this was more than just the pregnancy. When I first found out I was pregnant, I didn’t even know if I would tell them. Since we weren’t on speaking terms, it didn’t seem like the first conversation that I should attempt to have with them. If I should have it at all. I didn’t know if I wanted to share it with them.
In my mind, there was no chance they would take it well. They knew I had gotten married and hadn’t been happy about it. Throwing an unexpected baby into the mix was something I figured they would be furious about. To them, it would just be another insult, another way I had embarrassed them.
Now they were standing in front of me, smiling, handing me the first gift I received for my baby.
“We want you to know how excited we are,” my mother said. “Our fi
rst grandchild is something we didn’t know if we would ever have. We are so looking forward to meeting the baby when it comes.”
“Thank you,” I said. “That means a lot to me.”
My father gestured for us to join them at their table, and I set the bear back in the chair. Matt pulled my chair out for me, and I smiled up at him as I sat down. I couldn’t help but notice the way my parents exchanged a glance when they saw that. For the first time I could remember in my entire life, a look passed between them that was meant to be secretive held approval and happiness.
The waiter came by and gave us menus. It didn’t take long for us to choose what we wanted, and he took the menus while bringing us our juice.
“There’s something else we wanted to talk to you about,” my father said when the waiter walked away.
That phrasing brought back bad memories, and the happiness I’d been feeling faded. My heart gave a hard thud in the middle of my chest, and I worried what was going to come next. No matter how excited they were telling me they were, and the good things they said the day before, those words brought me right back to all the negative conversations I’d had with my parents over the years.
Something like that was usually followed up by an attack on a choice I’d made, or not doing enough with my life, or something I said or didn’t say that offended or embarrassed them. Sometimes it was a lead-in to them telling me about something they obligated me to without asking ahead of time, or another demand they were placing on me.
It felt like I was about to go right back down that same road. But I had Matt right there beside me. If that did happen, I could at least know I wasn’t alone.
“Alright,” I said. “What is it?”
My parents looked at each other again. The emotion in that look was not as easy to read as the last one, and I waited for the tense seconds it took for them to finally speak.
“Your father and I have had a very serious conversation about choices we have made and the life that you have been living,” my mother said. This didn’t seem to be starting well. “And we came to the conclusion that we are very proud of who you have become.”
The Marriage Contract Page 21