by S. E. Law
I summon my courage and take a deep breath before raising my fist to knock on the dilapidated door. Someone has to be home, right? It’s two o’clock on a Wednesday, and I know that Pickleby’s can’t be open yet.
Pickleby’s is our local strip club. It’s out by the boonies, not too far from where I am now. The place is basically a squat, windowless box with a big neon sign over it proclaiming Girls, Girls, Girls! In the middle of the afternoon, there wouldn’t be any customers. That way, I know Corinna and Kelley should be home.
Jace’s mom and sister aren’t exactly the most upstanding of citizens. It’s rumored that Corinna once had dreams of being an elementary school teacher. But somehow, that dream disappeared pretty quick when she married Jace’s dad, who gambled away his salary and finally lost his job altogether. As a result, Corinna started to strip just to make ends meet.
But she was never embarrassed by it. If anything, Corinna was transformed by her experience working at Pickleby’s. The young, innocent mother of two became a hardened, orange-looking full-time stripper with a cackly laugh and a fake blonde extensions. She’d whip them about when I saw her around town at the drugstore, batting her lash extensions with her mouth painted with hot pink lipstick. We never talked, but I know she knew who I was. Jace never introduced us, but after living in a small town so long, you pretty much recognize everyone.
Kelley was no different. Jace’s sister got into stripping early because she knew it was her calling even as a pre-teen. Kelley used to go to the same school as us, but she dropped out pretty early on and got a job at Pickleby’s full-time. When she was still roaming the hallways of Lenville High, we all gave her wide berth. Jace’s sister was blonde and busty, with a big mouth and an air that said I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks. Her attitude always intimidated me and every other student within a fifty foot radius.
After all, I’m so different from these two women. I jump whenever my dad’s feet sound on the stairs outside my room. I hold myself still, hoping that I’ll disappear into the wallpaper in certain social situations. It’s Jace who’s helped me get confident and feel more sure of myself. Otherwise, I’d probably still be stuck in my room with my nose buried in books, day in and day out, hoping that nobody notices me.
But now things are different. I’m confident and proud to be his girlfriend, and not only that, but we’re expecting a baby. It doesn’t matter what his mother and sister do. I have important information to share and my heart is bursting with anticipation.
I lift my hand to knock on the dilapidated wooden door. The wood is splintering around the edges and the paint’s peeling off. The whole house looks like it could use a total renovation, but it’s not my place to say. I shift my weight nervously from foot to foot, my heart beating like a drum in my chest.
Where are they? The sunlight bakes the hard concrete of the road outside, and I turn, squinting at the gleaming asphalt. Am I in the right place? The house number painted on the sidewalk was faded with age, so maybe I got the location wrong. But no, this is it. Number 385.
I turn back and knock again, this time with a bit more force before turning back to stare at the street. There are no trees in this neighborhood, and the yard is nothing more than a small patch of weeds surrounded by a chain link fence. In the distance, a dog barks forlornly, and then stops, the heat baking the sidewalks.
Finally, a shuffling sound reaches my ears, and the door cracks opens to reveal Kelley. She looks worse for the wear. Even though she’s only a few years older than me and Jace, the woman already looks thirty-five. Her eyes are smudged with mascara, and there are faint wrinkles bracketing her eyes and mouth. She’s wearing a hot pink Juicy Couture track outfit that molds her curves like a second skin, complete with a glittery diamante heart on the back left pocket, emphasizing her curvaceous ass.
“Hey,” she yawns, raising her arms over her head and stretching. “How can I help you? You woke me up from my nap,” she says in an accusing voice.
I clear my throat awkwardly.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I apologize in a tentative voice. “I’m Haley? I don’t know if Jace has ever mentioned me, but –“
“Yeah, I know, I know,” Kelley drawls lazily, her eyes looking at me and then shifting to the sidewalk, as if seeing if there’s someone else there. “You’re my brother’s girlfriend right?”
Happiness suffuses my form.
“Yes, Jace and I dating,” I say in a quiet tone. “We’ve been going out for a while now. Almost a year.”
Kelley yawns again.
“Well, you tell him that the electric bill is here and that if he doesn’t pay it this week, then Corinna’s going to be pissed. They made a deal that Jace was going to take care of electric and utilities, and me and Corinna were going to contribute food and rent. It’s only fair,” she adds, looking bored again. “Everyone has to pitch in.”
I try to look calm and unperturbed.
“Well actually, I wanted to see if you knew where he was,” I say. “I haven’t seen him around recently, and I was wondering if maybe you had an idea?”
Kelly shoots at me a skeptical look.
“How would I know? You’re his girlfriend.”
I nod.
“Yes, but you’re his sister, and he lives here, doesn’t he?” I ask in a rushed voice, trying not to show my nervousness. “I mean, I’ve had to take some time off from school because I’ve been sick, and my dad’s been really strict, and I haven’t been able to have visitors and whatnot, so I was wondering if you know where he is?”
The blonde girl shoots me a suspicious look, cocking one hip out.
“What’d you say your name was again?”
“Haley,” I reply quickly. “Your brother and I have been dating a year.”
She eyes me again, licking her lips until they glow a glossy pink.
“Well, I don’t see that I have to tell you nuthin’,” she drawls. “If you don’t know where my brother is, then I’d say that Jace doesn’t want you to know where he is.”
I nod, trying to look amenable.
“That’s true, but like I said, I’ve been sick and I’m just trying to get a hold of him. Even if he’s not here, maybe a number, or an email address? I have all his old contact info, but it seems that he changed it all. If you could just put me in touch, or even tell him that I came by, I’d be so grateful.”
Kelley yawns again and is just about to say something when suddenly, a woman’s voice rings out from the dark.
“Who is that?” comes a croaky sound. “You got visitors, Kels?”
The blonde girl turns away for a moment, her extensions trailing like a ratty waterfall.
“Just some girl looking for Jace,” she calls. “Same as usual.”
I’m stumped. What? Are there other girls that have stopped by his home? How can that be? We were exclusive, and there’s no way Jace could have been dating other women.
But the door creaks open a little more, and this time Corinna peers out at me. Like her daughter, she’s got mascara caked in rings around her eyes, making her look like a raccoon. Not just that, but her skin is the tone of burnt sienna, and there are wrinkles that make me think she’s never heard of the word “sunblock.” Corinna too is wearing a Juicy Couture track suit, this one in purple velour that clings to her assets.
“You Haley?” the older woman asks, stopping to take a drag on her cigarette. I smile weakly while trying not to cough.
“Yes. I was wondering if you could put me in touch with Jace? We lost contact because I had to take some time off school, and I haven’t been able to get a hold of him since.”
Kelley interrupts.
“Even though she’s his girlfriend,” his sister adds flatly.
I gulp.
“Well yes, your son and I are dating, but again, I’ve been sick. I had to take some time off and my dad is really strict, and I couldn’t have visitors …”
Corinna jolts forward with a hacking cough, her back humped like an old wo
man.
“You best get out of here,” she says between wheezes and gasps. “If Jace wants to see you, he’ll find you. Otherwise, I know my son. If all you’ve got is nada so far, then you have your answer.”
I stare at the two women, trying not to look horrified.
“I totally hear you, but you see, there’s been a misunderstanding. Jace thought … well, my dad was really mean to him and things didn’t go well, and … I’m not sure what he thought but I have to see him,” I say helplessly. “I have to tell him something.”
Kelley shoots me another skeptical look.
“We Kings don’t take harsh treatment well. Life hasn’t treated us kind and we remember insults forever.”
This time, I can’t help the horrified expression on my face. Is that true? But before I can get a word out, Corinna waves her hand while coughing again, gasping a bit for oxygen.
“My son is a strong man,” Corinna pronounces on a wheezing breath. “Again, if Jace wants you to know something, then he’ll tell you himself, your dad or no dad. There’s no stopping my son,” she says. “I raised him right.”
“Of course, of course,” I stumble on the words. “But you see, I need to tell him something, and not the other way around.”
Corinna’s about to say something else, but then Kelley interrupts.
“Jace is gone,” his sister says while staring at a torn cuticle. “Damn, I did that with my picking, didn’t I? I’m going to have to get this fixed before going on stage tonight.”
Her mother reaches over and grabs her hand, taking assessment of the ragged nail edges. “Go on over to Glitter and Sass,” Corinna admonishes her daughter. “You can’t get up on stage looking like some cheap whore with bad nails. Get yourself some of those nice acrylics with designs on them. You know the customers like it when you wave them around in the air.”
I can barely speak, and there are tears in my eyes now. How can Jace’s mother and sister act like their manicures are so important when I’m trying to locate their son? This is a dire emergency, and yet they just don’t care.
Kelley disappears into the dark interior of the house humming while Corinna takes another drag of her cigarette, weighing my presence on my porch.
“You hear me, girl?” she repeats. “My son is a man. He ain’t going to be scared of no yelling. If he wants you to find him, then he’ll let himself be found. Git,” she says, shooing me away before turning to close the door. “You’re better off without us Kings anyway. You’re too nice for around here.”
With that, the door shuts with a thud and I’m left on my own in the glaring sunlight. What just happened? How could the Jace’s mother and sister have been so dismissive of my efforts to find him?
I turn back to the street, the glare of the sunlight so bright that I can barely see. Like a wooden doll, I walk back to my car and numbly get in behind the wheel. What do I do now? After all, I just found out that I’m pregnant with Jace’s child. But he’s disappeared on me, and all forms of contact have been cut off. He’s changed his phone number. Doesn’t answer his old email. Even his family won’t tell me where he is.
I gulp, the tears rising to my eyes with one solitary drop making its way down my cheek. Is what Corinna said true? Does he not want to be found? Has he left for New York, leaving me on my own in this godforsaken town?
“Jace,” I say in a quivery voice. “Please don’t do this to me. I’m having a baby. Your baby. Our baby. Please don’t leave me like this.”
But no one replies, and as I put the key in the ignition, there’s a sinking feeling in my heart. The man that I love has left me pregnant and alone, stuck here in Lenville with an abusive father and an ice cold mother. I have no options, no choices, and nowhere to go. He was supposed to be my boyfriend and savior rolled into one, but now, he’s gone and I have no one. What do I do?
5
Haley
It’s been seven years since I last saw my boyfriend, and this morning feels like every other one – grim and gloomy, dim and full of despair. Depression has sunk into every fiber of this house and settled in like a funk. My dad does it on purpose. He wants this place to appear a monstrosity, and therefore the curtains stay closed. Everything is constantly shrouded in shadows, and there’s no hope allowed.
My eyes open to the ceiling and I take a long, deep breath. It’s time for my morning routine, but I feel like there’s something extra weighing on my shoulders today. Maybe it’s because I decided to look at the few old photos of me and Jace last night. They almost made me cry, to be honest. They’re all I have left of him. After that fateful night, my dad got rid of everything in my room that had to do with Jace. Luckily, there were a few things hidden too well for my him to find.
But I don’t know why I felt like looking at the photos. It was probably just a bout of nostalgia, but now I regret it. Thinking about the good times always leads to remembering the bad times and then the even worse times after that. I really thought Jace was going to whisk me away from this hell hole. All of my hope were wrapped up in him, but none of it mattered. Instead, I’m still here, and he’s gone.
After that awful visit to Corinna and Kelley, I tried calling and texting again, but nothing worked. His social media accounts were gone. It was as if he’d completely disappeared from the face of the earth. I must have cried for weeks, or maybe longer. I don’t know. My heart was absolutely broken, and I couldn’t believe that he left me just like that. Hadn’t we just been talking about going to New York together? Being together forever? What happened? Hadn’t he promised anal sex next time? Did I do something wrong? Drive him away somehow?
Unfortunately, it’s a time in my life I don’t remember with explicit detail. There’s just a whole lot of sadness, emptiness and lots of unanswered questions. Of course, Herb tried to make it seem like Jace’s departure was to be expected. After all, allegedly he was a good-for-nothing sonofabitch.
“Why are you still thinking about that loser? He couldn’t stand up to me and ran away, just like I knew he would. At least now you can get your life back on track,” Herb sneered. “You’ve learned your lesson, Haley. Never mess with trash like Jace King, and always listen to your father.”
I refused to believe my dad at first. A life without Jace was inconceivable. But when the weeks and then the months and then the years go by, there was almost no denying that Jace is really gone. A part of me still doesn’t want to admit my dad is right because giving him the satisfaction is so difficult for me.
I sigh as my finger traces the squareness of his jaw in the photograph. I’m sure he’s still the same beautiful man I fell in love with, and I don’t blame him for leaving even if he left me behind. I mean, who wouldn’t want to get the hell out of this place? My only hope is that he found happiness somehow, somewhere. At least one of us should be living a life we love.
I tuck the picture away with a sad smile and limp to the bathroom for a shower. While the water hits my upturned face, I finger the necklace Jace gave me. I never take it off. I don’t think my dad realized it was a gift from Jace or else he would have made sure it ended up in the trash heap. But the little trinket means the world to me, and even now, it provides a sense of relief. I thought time would heal my wounds, but I feel like it’s just been a sustained heartbreak for seven years. Seven years without Jace. It’s hard to believe.
I step out of the shower and dry myself off before picking out some clothes and putting them on. I’m just about done getting dressed, when there’s a shy knock on the door.
“Come in.” I tuck my necklace into my shirt and turn around just in time. The door creaks open, and Jamie shoots me a sweet smile. The little boy is still in his pajamas, and he gently closes the door behind him, making sure it doesn’t make too much noise.
“Hi Mom,” he whispers. My heart pumps. This is the true gift that Jace left me, and I’ll always be thankful for it. I press a kiss to Jamie’s dark hair.
“Hey sweetie, did you sleep okay?”
He nod
s, but I know my son’s just lying to make me feel better. Jamie usually sleeps with me, but last night my dad yelled at him for ‘being such a baby,’ telling him he needed to ‘man up.’ What the hell? He’s all of six years old. Regardless, Herb made Jamie stay in his room and I’m sure he had a difficult night.
I join him on the bed, wrapping my arms around his small body.
“You know, you don’t have to whisper.” I place another small kiss on the top of his head. Holding him always makes me feel better.
“I don’t want to make Grandpa angry,” Jamie replies, still keeping quiet. “It’s not good when Grandpa’s angry,” he adds. I don’t want him to see how upset I am, so I put on my happy face and bring my cheek really close to his.
“Well, Grandpa is going to be away for a couple days – maybe even longer – so we can be as loud as we want.” Fortunately, Herb is having one of his rare extended business trips, the type where he doesn’t know how long he’ll be gone for. We can actually relax for a bit.
“He’s really gone?” Jamie asks, his face brightening. I move back and nod solemnly. My little guy finally smiles, and it’s like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. He throws his arms around my shoulders, sending me falling back on to the bed.
“Well, look who’s happy today!” I gaze into his impossibly blue eyes. He looks so much like his dad, it’s crazy. They’ve got the same azure gaze, as well as the same night-black hair. Of course, finding out I was pregnant was the shock of my life. I knew it was possible since Jace and I hadn’t used a condom, but no one ever thinks it’s going to happen to them their first time. But I wasn’t upset that I was having Jace’s baby. In fact, I was ecstatic, because this is a memory of the man I love.