by S. E. Law
“Can you do this for me?” I ask hoarsely, my heart a lump in my throat. “You know what I’m saying is true.”
She hesitates again, and panic begins to rise in my veins. What if I’m wrong? What if Haley wants to stay because her dad brainwashed her? It has been a long time, after all.
But my girl comes through. Gulping a bit, she swipes at her eyes and then nods.
“Okay,” she whispers.
I seize on the opening.
“Good. Then let’s go inside and get you guys packed. Keep it light and don’t worry about forgetting anything because I’ll buy whatever you need. Let’s just get you guys out of here.” I’m in super serious mode because there isn’t a lot of room for error. I’m conducting a rescue mission, and time is of the essence.
Haley turns towards our son. “Jamie, come here!” She motions for him to join us. Her hands smooth his hair down as she kneels in front of him, and then her eyes dart up to me before taking a deep breath.
“Are you okay, Mommy?” the little boy asks timorously.
“Yes, sweetheart. Mommy’s okay, Mommy’s okay,” she mumbles. She takes one more deep breath. “Do you remember yesterday when I told you that secret?” Jamie shyly nods and glances at me nervously. “Well, your dad wants to take us to New York. Do you want to go with him? Do you want to leave with him right now?”
He doesn’t answer immediately, instead opting to turn towards me again. His eyes zero in on mine, the blue burrowing down to my soul. Looking at him is like looking back through time, and a lump rises in my throat. This boy is everything to me already, and my determination growls firm. I won’t be separated from him ever again.
Jamie smiles beautifically.
“Okay,” he responds. He returns his gaze to Haley who is smiling. I can tell she’s holding back her tears as she reassures our son.
“Okay, okay. We’re going back into the house and we can’t make too much noise. You have to be really quiet, baby. I’m going to help you pack a few things, but we can’t take a lot of stuff and we have to move quickly. Can you do that for me sweetie?”
“Yes, I can do that,” he whispers, as if this is a top-secret mission. Haley hugs and then picks him up. The love between them is so strong, and I kind of feel like an intruder busting in after seven years, but I also know this is the right thing to do. They are my family, and I will do everything in my power to protect them.
“We should go in through the back because it’s easier to sneak in that way,” Haley breathes. I already know this because sneaking into the Jones mansion was once a pastime of mine, but I merely nod before following Haley back to the house and into the kitchen.
Once we’re inside, the beautiful woman starts moving more hesitantly, tiptoeing up the stairs. We get to the second-level landing and she puts Jamie down.
“Should we do his room first, and then mine?” She’s whispering, but I can hear the slight panic in her voice. I see a bit of an opportunity to show Haley that I can be there for her. It’s a small gesture, but it’s a start.
“Why don’t I help Jamie, and you can pack in your room?” Haley’s beautiful brown eyes somehow get larger.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she bites her lip, clearly worried.
“It’s fine, Mommy. I can do this.” Jamie’s face is determined. The little dude really is something. Haley laughs quietly and nods.
“Okay, just listen to your dad and, remember, only take what you really, really need. We can’t bring a lot of stuff.” He gives a determined nod and then we part ways, Haley going to the left, and Jamie leading me to the right.
“Come on, this way,” he whispers while opening a door. The first thing I notice is how barren it is inside. Nothing about the room says a child lives here. There’s a small child-size bed and a chest of drawers in one corner, but not a lot else. There are no toys, no pictures on the walls, and the bedspread is a dull grey color.
The sneaking suspicion I had when I first got here is confirmed. Basically, Herb created a prison for his family to live in. The lack of light, the gloom, and Jamie’s bare bones furniture tell their own story. It sickens me. Haley and my son have been living in a hell-hole for years. Years! And I came here to brag about what? The fact that I made ‘something’ of myself? That I have money? None of it matters anymore, not when my son is living like this.
Jamie shuffles through his drawer, pulling out clothes and putting them into a bag he grabbed from under his bed. I’m worried he might be overpacking, but I’m so new in his life that I don’t want to overstep.
“Are you sure you want to bring all those clothes, buddy?” is my gentle question. He looks up.
“I’m only bringing three days of clothes,” he says. “It’s all I have.” It takes me a second to realize that my son has just enough stuff to last three days before they do laundry again. I remember living like that, but it was because my family was poor. Herb has the power to actually provide for his kin, but all he does is deprive them. A child shouldn’t have to live like this when so much more is possible. A lump rises in my throat.
“Don’t worry about that, little dude. If you need more clothes, in fact, if you need more of anything, I can get it for you. I promise.” This is the first time I have all this money for a reason. I finally have someone else to live for.
Jamie wrinkles up his nose and shoots me a shy smile.
“My Mommy calls me that.”
“What?”
“Little dude,” he says in a small voice. My heart swells because I’m pretty sure I just made my first meaningful connection with my son. He goes back to packing, and I swallow hard again. How much have I missed of my son’s life already?
Within minutes, Jamie’s done. His bag is mostly empty, but I don’t say anything.
“Ready,” he pronounces.
He stands in front of me, lugging his little duffle. Even though he didn’t pack a lot of stuff, I saw him put a few books in there, so it’s probably kind of heavy for a little kid.
“Do you want me to carry that for you?”
“That’s okay, I can do it,” he says before swinging it up to his shoulder. It’s remarkable because he looks like a little carbon copy of me. From a young age, my family situation put a lot of responsibility on my young self. I like to think I turned out okay, but my son shouldn’t have to go through mountains of shit just to end up ‘okay.’ He should go through life knowing I did my best for him.
Gulping, I kneel down. Jamie looks at me, waiting.
“Listen, I know you just met me, and you probably have a lot going through your head and it might be a lot asking you to trust me, but I want you to know that I’m here to help. You don’t have to – you don’t have to carry all this weight, little dude.”
His eyes narrow, and he tilts his head, a little confused.
“So you want to carry my bag?” I chuckle because my wires are a little tangled right now. But it seems like Jamie gets the basics of it.
I pat his shoulder.
“Yeah, I want to carry your bag.” His fingers tighten on it for a second, but then, he shrugs it off his shoulder and hands it to me.
“Okay, you can carry it. Just be careful because it has important stuff.” I take it from him.
“Thanks, little dude. I’ll keep all your stuff safe. Promise.”
I stand up, pretending the bag is so heavy. That gets me a giggle from Jamie that warms my heart. The little guy likes me, I think. I don’t want to get too mushy over something as simple as my son letting me carry his bag, but I know it’s a big step for him – it’s trust.
Back in the day, my trust wasn’t extended to a whole lot of folks, and that fact still rings true today. I’m guarded. My life is organized, so no one really needs to know me. But now, everything’s been turned on its head because I want my son to know his father. I want a meaningful relationship with Jamie, no matter what it takes. Maybe things are nowhere near settled with his mom, but this is a necessary first step and I’m going to make the
most of it.
10
Haley
There’s so much to do. Jace and Jamie are packing together in the other room, and I’m a little apprehensive, I have to admit. I don’t want to not trust Jace, but how can I not? I haven’t seen the man in years, and he just shows up out of nowhere. He left me when I was pregnant! But at the same time, he’s offering a way out of Lenville for me and my son, and I have to take it.
After all, Jamie has been my sole purpose in life for the past seven years, and I have to get us out of here. Herb’s created a prison for us, and this is our opportunity to break free. Granted, it’s unexpected, but sometimes you only have a few moments to change the course of your life.
I shake my head, pushing my worries to my back of my mind. Packing is a number one priority right now. Getting out of this house is a number one priority. My confused feelings towards Jace have to be number two. Sure, he tore a hole in my heart, but none of that matters now.
I grab my duffle bag and start filling it up, making sure the small amount of keepsakes I have make it in. With each passing minute, my heart beats faster and faster. We’re really getting out of here. Jamie can finally have a happy childhood where there’s freedom to laugh and cry. He can breathe deeply without fearing that my dad’s going to scold him for every small thing. Even with all the stress, a smile breaks across my face.
It doesn’t take me long to get my stuff together. I survey my room and don’t feel much of anything. There are a few happy memories here with my son but overall it was terrible. Herb abused me for so many years, and made me feel like I was worth nothing. Good riddance.
I exit my bedroom, softly closing the door behind me. Sighing, I turn around to head towards Jamie’s bedroom but then jump back. Oh god, Irene’s lurking in the hallway like a wraith.
“Jesus Christ.” How does she manage to be so quiet? Irene literally floats through this house like a ghost. Maybe she actually is one.
“You’re not supposed to say the Lord’s name in vain, Haley,” she chastises, clicking her tongue.
I shake my head, clearing it. “I know, Mother, I know. You just scared the living daylights out of me is all.” My heart is still pounding because Jamie and Jace could come out at any moment. Oh no! What would we do if my mother saw Jace? Her eyes look me up and down, pausing over my bag for a few seconds.
“Are you going somewhere?”
“No,” I act oblivious and a little offended. Irene’s eyebrow twitches ever so slightly – her one and only tell – but everything else remains serene.
“Why do you have that bag then?”
“I don’t know, I just do,” I counter defensively. I’ve never really challenged my mother before. It feels weird to be honest, but I straighten my spine. This isn’t the time to back down, and she seems to accept my answer.
“I’m sure you’ve heard that your father is going to be away for a lot longer than expected,” she says icily.
“I have.”
My mother nods.
“Yes, I thought so. I just wanted to make sure. He likes his announcements to make their rounds through the entire estate.” Noises come from Jamie’s room, and I stop myself from flinching. Irene, on the other hand, gets curious and eyeballs the door. “Is Jamie in there?” she asks.
“Yeah, he’s just playing,” I say quickly. It’s an obvious lie because Jamie never plays in his room because there isn’t much in there. It’s just four walls and a bed. But fortunately, Irene doesn’t really know these things since she’s always somewhere else.
“Well, that’s nice. Kids his age should have fun,” her eyes are flat, mirroring the tone of her voice.
There are so many things I want to say to my mother, so many questions I want to ask. Knowing that this might be the last time we’re together for a while or maybe forever, the words are on the tip of my tongue.
But it’s not the time. What Irene needs to do is get out of this hallway before Jace and Jamie finish up in the bedroom.
“Um, Mom,” I dissemble. “I’m guessing you want to get back to your bedroom. It’s probably been a long day for you.”
“Yes,” she began, almost hissing like a snake as her eyes narrow on the door behind me. The color drains from my face as I hear a door creaking. I was so close. So. Close. The door swings open and Jace’s voice comes flowing out.
“Trust me, little dude. New York’s a pretty great place,” he says before stopping. He sees Irene and stops, with one big hand on Jamie’s shoulder. I stare at the scene in horror. My mom is unmoving, her face a mask.
No one breathes and time has basically stopped. Tension fills the air and my lungs feel like there’s no oxygen in them. Jamie’s eyes dart between all of us, utterly confused.
“Mommy?” he asks. “Is everything okay?” But before I can answer, my mom speaks.
“Jace King, now that’s surprising,” Irene says in a silky tone. “Now what are you doing back here?” She could probably figure it out on her own. In fact, I’m sure she has given that Jace has a duffle bag thrown over one broad shoulder.
I swallow and try to speak.
“We’re um… he’s…well, um.” What do I say? There’s too much going on, and too many moving parts. What if Irene tells Herb? Can Jace really protect us from him? I want to trust him, I do! But these anxieties have been building up over seven years, and it’s really hard to just let them go.
I begin to hyperventilate a little, but then a hand comes down on my shoulder, calming me down a little. Jace’s body heat radiates up my spine.
“I’m here to take Haley and my son with me to New York,” he says, as if stating the obvious.
I have to hand it to Irene because she’s playing the role of an ice queen to perfection. That is, until this very moment. Her brow furrows.
“You’re leaving?”
“Um, yes,” I answer
Her mouth twitches ever so slightly into what could be a smile or a grimace, it’s too subtle to tell. Does she want me gone? Does she want me to stay? There’s no way for me to know, unless she speaks. Finally, Irene gives voice to her thoughts.
“I wasn’t sure if you ever would,” is her reply. What does that mean? “Is this what you truly want?”
We’re staring directly at one another, and, for maybe the first time, it feels like my mother really sees me.
“She doesn’t want to stay here Mrs. Jones,” Jace interrupts.
Her eyes cut to behind me.
“I didn’t ask you, Mr. King. I asked my daughter. She can speak for herself.” A fierceness takes over her voice, and it’s one I’ve never heard coming from her before. Irene takes a few steps towards me, but still keeps her distance. “Haley, do you want to go with him?”
I nod.
“Yes,” is my whisper. Her lips tighten as she nods.
“Okay, I won’t stop you then.”
I blink with surprise. Really? She’s going to let me go without a fight? But maybe it makes sense because my mom’s never really been interested in my affairs. She doesn’t hate me the way my dad does, but I’ve always felt ignored by her, like I was a burden and nothing else.
“Mom?” My voice is heavily peppered with the confusion that has permeated my brain.
She sighs a little, looking down.
“Haley,” she says, but then stops. She gathers her thoughts, then starts again. “I just want you to be stronger than me, and to lead your own life, that’s all.”
It’s not what I was expecting but her words strike a chord inside. Could it be possible that Irene cares, even if just a little bit?
“Whatever you do, however you do it, you take care of yourself, okay?” she says, not meeting my eyes.
“Okay, Mom, I will.”
“Good, good,” she backs up a little, clearly uncomfortable. “Goodbye then. It was nice seeing you, Jace.” She turns to go, her narrow back straight when suddenly, something comes over me.
“Wait!” I call.
Irene slowly looks back, and
I rush over to her. I ball my hands at my sides because my mother and I have never been very affectionate with one another, and touching her would probably make her recoil with fear.
“Come with us,” I suggest. “This is your chance. I know you don’t like it here any more than I do.”
Irene’s eyes go wide.
“You don’t have to stay here. He’ll never touch you again. We can change our lives together,” I promise in a rush. “It’ll be a new life, that’s what.”
After all, my mom has been with Herb ever since they were kids. The story is they were destined to be together, but it wasn’t hard to glean that it was closer to an arranged marriage between their families. There must have been a time when she had some fight in her, right? It can’t all be gone.
A sad smile touches her lips. “This is your story, baby. I think it’s a little too late for me.”
Then with quiet steps, she’s gone, disappearing into the gloom of the mansion.
I turn to stare at Jace. Did that just happen? Did my mom reach out to me in her own cold way? But the thing is, I’ve always known my mom was a victim of my father’s rages, and a part of her must have shut down after years of abuse. Going silent was her survival mechanism, and it breaks my heart to think that she’s become so used to this way of life that she can no longer leave. Unfortunately, I can’t force her to take our help.
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I turn back to Jace and Jamie.
“We need to get out of here.” Jace takes my bag, and I pick up our son. My ex seizes the lead, guiding us through the house and out the kitchen door.
“I parked –”
“In our usual spot,” I finish. He flashes a roguish grin, and, even with the high stakes, my body flushes remembering all the good times we had sneaking off in his truck. In particular, the amazing time the last night I saw him.
“Yeah, the usual spot,” he smiles. With a newfound sense of togetherness, we pad off into the darkness.
It doesn’t take long to get to Jace’s car. The car parked in the dirt is a far cry from his old red truck. In fact, the sleek black sports car is closer to something Herb might drive, with its shiny exterior and low-slung look.