by Naomi Porter
I whirled on her. “You don’t know shit about me. And the frustrating part is, I wanted you to know me.” Where the fuck was this crap coming from? This woman was making me insane. Insane.
“Why would I want to if it was supposed to be a one-night stand? Getting emotions involved doesn’t seem like a good idea when meaningless sex is involved.”
Oh, she infuriated me. “Maybe I didn’t want meaningless sex, huh? Did you ever think about that?” Wait, what? Zip your fucking lip, Leo.
She stepped in front of me and craned her neck, connecting her gaze to mine. “Why would I? You’re Lifeguard Leo. Your reputation precedes you.”
Wow, her words slashed me open. But how could I be angry when it was the truth? Or it had been the truth until a few months ago. I never wanted a real relationship. Hell, I never met a woman I wanted to know the real me. So I’d kept on doing what I enjoyed. Now it was biting me in the ass.
Why was I even bothering with her?
“I’m sorry.” Her green depths were glossy. “I was being a bitch. That’s not me. It’s just been a horrible day.” She went to turn away and I grabbed her and reeled her into me.
“Let me take you home.”
She stared into my eyes a long second. “Okay. But no funny business.”
“Deal.”
An hour later, I parked my Jeep outside of Red’s townhouse. Other than giving me directions, she didn’t talk and had insisted I keep the radio on. I was failing miserably with this woman. It fucking pissed me off.
Red lived in an older complex, but it was clean and maintained. The cost of housing in Southern California was ridiculous with its inflated prices. My father became a wealthy man in real estate because of it. I was sure the rent for this place was over three grand per month—highway robbery.
I felt a little guilty about my beach house in Santa Monica. I never took women there. It’d been my experience that most were only after my money once they saw my multi-million-dollar home. To avoid gold diggers, I insisted we go to their place. It made hooking up easier. Then I could just dash off afterward. No harm, no foul.
I also never spent the night after fucking. Why complicate things?
“Thanks for the ride. It’s a bit out of the way, but any closer to the coast, the rent is crazy high.” She stared out her window. “I appreciate what you did for me today. You’re terrific at your job.” She reached for the door handle.
“Red?”
“Don’t. Please.” She dropped something in her seat as she exited my Jeep and ran to her door. I dropped my gaze. A twenty dollar bill was folded in half.
“Fuck,” I growled. She wouldn’t let me do anything for her. Not buy her lunch or dinner. Not even drive her home without giving me money. It had to be my beat-up yellow Jeep and my job making her think I couldn’t afford food or gas. Christ, it enraged me.
This woman had me all tied up in knots with her vulnerability and sweetness. She was authentic.
And her kisses were addictive. I couldn’t get enough. I desperately wanted to be with her. But then what? My parents were divorced. I didn’t believe in marriage, and I had a feeling Red did.
And kids? I was an only child who grew up in private and boarding schools. I spent most of my life on my own. Being a father, responsible for someone else’s life, never appealed to me. Hell, I was terrified of screwing up an innocent child who never asked to be born, much like myself.
Fuck it. I didn’t deserve Red anyway. She was a virgin, and I… would only dirty her up.
I pulled the Jeep away from the curb and forced myself not to look at her place. It might hurt like a bitch to walk away from her, but it was for the best… for her.
With that thought, I headed back to Santa Monica. I had a craving for loaded nachos and a beer. Going home to an empty house was the last thing I wanted to do.
The whole drive back, Red was on my mind. It put my mood in the gutter, but I pulled myself together and entered the bar with a smile plastered on my face. I loved the vibe in this joint. Reggae music played, and bright colors were everywhere. It was like being inside a giant grass hut.
People were happily shooting the shit and laughing. I couldn’t help but feel at home in this place. It was why I came here a couple of times a week, to feel joy rather than emptiness.
“Leo, my man. What can I get you?”
“What’s up, Dave? The usual IPA.”
“You got it. Another successful day in Bachelorville?”
I grinned, scratching the side of my face like the Godfather. “Eh, you know… I do all right.” Why the fuck was I lying? I never scored with Red. Jesus, I was an asshole. A miserable fuck if I was being honest with myself.
Dave laughed. “To be young and single again.”
“Dude, I’m twenty-seven. Closer to thirty than twenty.”
“Little fucker. You’re a baby. I’m closer to forty, married with two point five kids. I love my wife and kids but I sometimes reminisce about the good ole days when I was like you.”
I considered him a long minute as I took a pull of my beer. I never knew Dave when he was single. I only knew him as a happily married guy with kids.
“Do you ever regret getting married and having kids?”
My parents divorced fifteen years ago and hated each other. I’d been at boarding school at the time, but I still heard about the nastiness during our weekly phone call. They’d fought over money and various vacation homes they jointly owned. My mom didn’t want any part of my father’s Mercedes dealerships or real estate ventures. She just wanted a lot of alimony so she could pursue her acting career.
“Fuck no. April and the kids, they are my world. I only wished I’d met her sooner in my life.”
“Why’s that?” Dave was an interesting man. He was the owner of Dave’s Tiki Bar and respected by everyone. He was also a great listener when I needed someone to talk to.
He bent his elbows on the bar and leveled his gaze to mine. “I was once like you. Surfing, booze, and hot women were my life before April. There are some things you can never change, like taking back all the pussies you dipped your dick into. If I could take it back, I would for April.”
“Some sentimental, sappy shit right there. You saying you regret it?”
“Absolutely regret it. Not all of it. Some of it was pretty fucking gnarly. But when you live in the moment, that’s all it is, a moment. I didn’t think about the future or falling in love because I liked my single life. I enjoyed the variety of women I had. But it was meaningless sex. A fleeting high. Then the right woman came along and showed me what I’d been missing, what forever could look like with her.”
Red’s gorgeous green eyes and irresistible lips flashed in my head. I’d spent several hours with her already, and we hadn’t even had sex. I’d just enjoyed being with her. Shit, it’d only been a little more than an hour since I left her place and I missed her like crazy.
“Deep shit, Dave.” I took a swig of my beer. His wife was awesome and worked in the bar on occasion. They seemed like the perfect couple, both with hearts in their eyes when they looked at each other. It often made me wonder what it would be like to have a good woman in my life. Hell, the love of anyone would be spectacular.
Again, Red entered my mind. I’d caught her green eyes fixed on me a few times. She’d made me feel like I mattered instead of sex on legs. Damn, I felt like a hypocrite. I’d often drooled over women like they were sex on legs too. Strangely, I never treated Red the same way.
“Yes, young Leo, it is. You’ll see. One day your shining star will appear and guide you home.”
“Nah. Not interested.” I was lying; a redheaded siren had already left her mark on me. I was just too damn afraid to admit it to myself or anyone else.
“If you say so, but she’s out there.”
I snorted, lifting my bottle of beer to my lips. Deflection at its finest. Could I have found the one?
“Can I get you anything else?”
“Loaded nachos, heav
y on the jalapeños.”
“Coming right up.”
I digested Dave’s words. We were different. What worked for him wouldn’t work for me. Or I thought it wouldn’t. Maybe Red was just the universe’s way of screwing with me.
“Yo, Leo!”
I turned toward my buddy Seth’s voice. He had a woman curled into his side. “What up?”
“Just a little Thursday night fun. Right, sweetheart?”
The woman with brown ombré hair down to her waist smiled and nodded. She was wearing a netted coverup, which hid nothing. Her bikini underneath was orange. If I had to guess, it was a G-string, because that was what Seth always went for.
“You here alone?” He looked around and I stared at his man bun. The dude rocked it and knew it. When we surfed, he’d tie his hair in a ponytail.
“Yeah.”
“Well, there are plenty of gorgeous women to choose from.”
“Naw, man. I’m good.” I furrowed my brow. He knew I didn’t do more than have sex and dash out after the deed was over. So hanging with a woman in the bar was a hard pass for me. Then why the hell had I hung out with Red at the boardwalk? Crap, I was all messed up.
“Loaded nachos, extra jalapeños. Let me know if you need anything else.” Dave tapped the bar and winked.
“Uh-oh. Nachos. It’s your tell, my friend. You’re stressing about something.”
I gave him the bird and dug into my food. The bastard knew me too well. I drained my bottle and raised it for Dave to grab me another.
I turned back toward Seth. “You gonna hit it with us tomorrow morning?” My buddies and I liked to kick off the weekend with early morning surfing on Fridays. We’d been doing it for years, but Seth had been skipping out on us lately.
“Frick yeah.” He whispered something in the woman’s ear and she giggled. No question he’d be taking her home tonight. I wouldn’t hold my breath that he’d be at the beach in the morning.
I filled my mouth with my favorite food and flitted my eyes around the bar. Lots of beautiful women were around. A few smiled as our eyes connected. I diverted my gaze because it felt like a betrayal for some weird reason. I wasn’t interested in hooking up with anyone. I just wanted to eat my food, then go home to my cozy bed.
Not true. I wanted to kiss Red and hold her in my arms.
Dammit. What the fuck was I supposed to do?
I was turning twenty-eight in two months. For some reason, this birthday felt different from the others. I wasn’t looking forward to partying with my friends and having a stripper swing her titties in my face. Something was going on with me, but I wasn’t sure what.
In the last few months, I’d changed and hadn’t been with anyone—like zero sex with a woman, only getting myself off in the shower. My friends were starting to take notice.
I’d been feeling like something was missing in my life. I figured I was just going through some weird shit and it would eventually pass. Then Red appeared, giving my dark world vivid color with her long red hair, emerald-green eyes, and pink lips. I had felt like I knew what direction to go in when I was with her, then she ran off, leaving me directionless and confused.
“Check out Chris over there.” Seth pointed at my best friend, Christopher Collins. “He’s pulling out his John Travolta dance moves.”
I snorted. “He’s found a woman he wants to impress.”
“Hey, Leo.”
I turned toward a familiar voice.
“Hey, Hillary. How’s it going?” I raked my eyes over her long, toned body. She played beach volleyball and worked out religiously. The woman was hard as iron. So not my type. I liked a trim body, but I wanted some curves and a little softness, like Red. She had it all, although she was a little shorter than most girls I screwed. I guessed it made her all the more appealing and cute as fuck.
Hillary and I had hooked up a couple of times, mostly because she offered. I was curious about what it would be like with a woman who could probably whoop my ass. I gotta say, I didn’t care for it much. Hillary liked to dominate, and so did I. Battling in bed wasn’t my thing, so the sex had been ho-hum.
“Looking for a hookup tonight?” She leaned against the bar, trying to look sexy, but most men found her intimidating.
“Nope,” I told her honestly and shoved a chip piled high into my mouth.
“Really? Bummer. I’m horny and nobody here looks appetizing.”
I cut my eyes to her. She was scoping out the joint with a scowl on her face. Not sexy at all or inviting.
“You should check out the gym. Find someone to match your strength.”
She punched my arm. “I thought that was you.”
I winced. “Nope, not me.” The chick didn’t playfully punch like most women. I recalled how Red had shoved me when I teased her. It was like a love pat.
A pang hit my chest. I wanted Red so fucking bad.
“Why not? You changing your manwhoring ways?”
I’d just taken a swig of my beer and it went down the wrong pipe. I coughed and hit my chest. Manwhoring ways?
“Ouch. That hurt.”
“Oh, please. Everyone knows you fuck ’em and leave ’em. Shit, most men around here do. Just look at Chris over there. I saw him earlier at the beach with a blonde. Unless she dyed her hair black since then, he’s already preying on a different girl.”
“Manwhore is such a derogatory word though. I never call women whores.”
“Touchy.” Hillary rolled her eyes. This was another thing about her I didn’t like. She was judgy and bitchy. “I’m taking off. This scene sucks.”
Good riddance. “Take it easy.” I finished the last bite of my nachos. I was ready to blow this joint too.
Dave appeared. “Can I get you anything else?”
“Do you think I’m a manwhore?” I took money out of my wallet to pay the bill.
Dave screwed up his face. “Where’s this coming from?”
“Just asking. I never really thought about it much. I mean, yeah, I like to have sex with lots of different women, but I show them respect. Is that bad or something?”
Dave shrugged. “You know, I never thought I was a manwhore until April called me one. Remember how I said I wished I could change some things?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, the number of women I slept with is one of them. April loves me, but she wasn’t thrilled about all the women I’d had before her. And honestly, if she’d been with as many men, I might be in prison serving a life sentence.” Dave shook his head. “I just never thought I’d fall in love.”
The thought of some other dude getting Red’s V-card put murderous thoughts in my mind. I didn’t want any guys touching her. But she wasn’t mine, so I had no place to complain or get mental.
“Same. I don’t think I’ll fall in love either.” Again, Red flashed before my eyes. Why didn’t I stay with her?
“We never do, but if a woman comes into your life and you find it hard to breathe without her, all those women you boinked just might haunt you later.”
Shit, they were already haunting me when Red didn’t even want me. She didn’t even give me a chance. It hurt like a bitch too. I never wanted a chance before as much as I did with her.
“Good talk. I’m out.” I threw my hand up to Seth and left the money on the counter.
“Later, dude.”
Damn, I needed to get out of here. I left quickly to avoid running into anyone I knew. My house wasn’t far, only a few blocks away.
I loved Santa Monica. Hell, anywhere on the coast of California was supreme. Give me beaches and waves; they were all I needed.
I had a weird niggling in my chest. It had Red’s name all over it.
Was I living my best life? One worthy of her?
Wait, what?
It wasn’t like I’d been doing anything wrong before her. The women I’d been with were consenting adults. Hell, they pursued me. Asked to take me home and peeled down my swim trunks.
So what if I didn’t want a steady
girlfriend or to get married and have a family? It didn’t make me a bad person. I paid my taxes, rescued people from drowning, and visited my mom on Mother’s Day. Even though she hardly appreciated the gesture, I still brought her flowers and took her to brunch like a good son.
I lived a stellar, somewhat privileged life. If I liked to take joy in pleasuring a woman and receiving the same, who the fuck cared?
Jesus, why was I thinking about this? I was happy. Free to live any way I chose.
And Red didn’t want me.
I parked in my driveway and trotted up to the front door, unlocked it, and punched in the code for my security system. I kicked the door closed and was engulfed by quiet.
Too much quiet.
The sun was dipping lower as the day neared its end. Out of the wall of windows in my living room, I stared at my six-million-dollar view. The sight of the shimmering ocean didn’t calm me. It only increased my restlessness.
If I didn’t decide what I was going to do and fast, it would be too late. I checked the time on my phone. It was a little after seven o’clock.
Everything in me said to go back to Red’s. But first, a shower. Then I would drive the hour back to her house and somehow convince her to… to what?
Well, it didn’t really matter. I’d wing it when I got there. The only thing I knew was if anyone was going to get Red’s V-card, it would be me.
5
Scarlett
I SAT ON my sofa, wiping tears off my cheek. Everywhere I looked, I saw Erin. The succulents on the kitchen counter were hers. She bought the flatscreen on the wall two years ago when we moved into this place. The three of us shared the bookcase on the wall. Erin’s shelves were filled with trophies from surfing competitions she’d participated in. I wondered if her parents wanted them. They never cared much for her love of surfing.
Erin and I had met our second year of college in an accounting class and became fast friends. We both had controlling parents and could relate to the pressures of pleasing them instead of ourselves. Surfing was Erin’s escape. Dancing was mine.
Laney had been my roommate since freshman year. She didn’t have the same issues with her folks as Erin and I had with ours, but she struggled to make friends. We all just clicked together.