by Naomi Porter
My last hour at work was the longest of my life. I needed Red to take the fucking morning-after pill. We had so much unprotected sex, she was probably pregnant.
I would be a horrible father. Terrible father. I was the spawn of two selfish, wholly incompetent parents. I couldn’t do that to a kid.
I busted my ass to get home and shower, then broke every traffic law to get to Red’s house in record time. On the way, I swung by a drug store to buy the magic pill that would save me from the biggest mistake of my life.
I should have worn a condom.
I should have pulled out.
Fucking hell, I was getting worked up over this. Luckily, a liquor store was half a block down from the drug store. I needed to take the edge off. Tequila would do the job.
I removed the cap and took a few swigs. Not enough to get me drunk. I just need to calm the fuck down before seeing Red. A little alcohol while driving was a minor offense compared to this epic monstrosity of a fuck-up. I’d done worse things than sip a little liquor from a bottle. I wasn’t proud of them. Some things I never got caught doing. Others got me suspended from school and kicked out of college. I made no bones about it. I wasn’t a saint.
I rolled to a stop in front of Red’s townhouse and turned off my Jeep. I inhaled a deep breath and went to the front door. Calmly I knocked and was greeted by Laney.
“Leo, um, what’re you doing here?”
“I’m here to see Red. I told her I’d stop by after work.”
“Oh.” She twisted her lips.
“Can you get her?”
“If she were here, I would.”
“Where’d she go?” I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like her answer.
“To see her family.”
I hiked an expectant eyebrow. Her family?
“Out of state.”
“Are you kidding me?” I fisted one hand and scrunched up the box in the other.
Laney jumped and stepped back. I didn’t mean to raise my voice so loud, but shit. Red took off out of state to avoid me.
“For how long?”
“She didn’t mention her trip to you?”
“No.”
“Then I’m not at liberty to say.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t give me that shit, Laney.”
“Seriously, if after spending the night with you, she didn’t tell you, I have to assume she didn’t want you to know.”
I was furious Red would leave town without telling me. But then, we weren’t a couple. She didn’t owe me shit. I held out the box to Laney. “Here, I don’t have any use for this now.”
Laney stared at it for a long beat. “You brought her the morning-after pill?”
“Yes. We didn’t use protection.”
She gaped, staring at me with the most enormous, most stunned brown eyes I’d ever seen. “Oh, fuck. Why didn’t you? And after the hundreds of women you screwed?”
“I have not screwed hundreds of women.”
“Well, at least dozens. You could have given her herpes or worse.”
“I’m clean. I wouldn’t do that to her or any woman. Can you give me her number?”
“No.”
I scratched the back of my head and bit down on my back molars. “Can you tell me anything?”
“She’d never take this pill.”
“Yeah, she told as much this morning.”
“And you bought it anyway?”
“I don’t want kids. I’m not father material.”
“Wow. I should have seen that one coming. You might as well forget about Sc… Red.”
“You almost said her name.”
“I caught myself before I did. Honestly, Leo, she wants marriage and children. She comes from a conservative Christian family. She was homeschooled and has younger siblings. She’s a family girl.”
“But, I like her.”
“I’m sure you’ll get over her. Or find someone else to take your mind off her.” She started to close the door. I stopped it with my hand.
“When will she be back? If you don’t tell me, I’ll come over every day to see if she’s home.”
“Talk about annoying.” She rolled her eyes. “She won’t be back until next Sunday.”
I mentally counted the days. “That’s nine days from now.” How could I go even another hour before seeing her again? Much less nine days? We needed to talk. She needed to know how I felt about her. Shit. She could totally write me off or meet another man. Fuck.
“Good job, Lifeguard Leo. You can count.”
“Really? Don’t be a smartass. Leo. Can. Count. I went to college.” I turned on my heel and made my way down the walkway toward my Jeep. My stomach was in knots as if I would never see Red again.
“Then why are you a lifeguard?” she hollered.
“Because I love the beach and like helping people. Why else?” I threw my hands up. It wasn’t rocket science. I was doing what I loved, plain and simple.
On the drive home, I was tempted to swing by Dave’s Tiki Bar but thought better of it. The place used to be my home away from home. Where I went to drink a little, maybe meet a woman if I hadn’t met someone at the beach. I didn’t want to meet anyone anymore.
Wavy red hair, mesmerizing green eyes, and the sweetest lips were all I could think about. They were all I wanted. I could feel Red’s small body against mine, the warmth of her pussy surrounding my cock. Being inside Red without a barrier had been transcendent. Second to none. I never wanted to wrap up my dick again.
How could I feel this way after only one day? I didn’t believe in love, much less love at first sight. I knew very little about this woman, and yet I felt like I’d known her my whole life. My guard had gone down when she cried in my arms at the boardwalk. She was vulnerable and authentic.
Fuck me, she was the sweetest, most incredible woman I’d ever encountered. And gorgeous, God, she was breathtaking.
Dammit. I knew with every cell in my body, she was going to fight me—fight us. I saw the fire in her when she forced me out of her house.
The more I thought about what Laney said, Red wanted to get married and have a family. That detail was the crux of it all. Could I be what she wanted, give her what she desired?
Hell if I knew.
I’d just have to jump in with both feet as I did with everything else in my life to find out.
9
Scarlett
I BREATHED IN the mountain air out on the deck. Pine and cut grass tickled my nose. This was home. Or had been for eighteen years of my life. Then I moved away… ran away so I could be free. I wanted to be independent and do as I pleased without my parents’ constant correction.
Briefly, I regretted ever moving away. I regretted meeting him. The thought was only fleeting, though, because no matter how reckless I’d been having sex with a man I didn’t know, I’d never truly felt freer or more alive in my life. For that, I’d never regret being with Leo.
The last four days were nothing like I’d expected. I couldn’t sleep and hardly ate. Every thought I had revolved around the man who had rocked my world. Memories of our night and morning together got me hot and bothered and dashing to the bathroom to touch myself in ways his tongue had.
Then I’d remember the women talking to him and wondered how many he’d made love to, and I’d gag on stomach acid and again dash off to the bathroom.
It wasn’t fair to get so worked up about him and his past. I wasn’t usually a judgmental person. I’d grown up surrounded by it and hated it. What Leo had done before me shouldn’t matter… but it did, and that bothered me to no end.
I really liked Leo for some crazy, stupid reason.
I also felt inferior to all the women he’d been with over the years. How could I stand out against them? How would he even be able to tell me apart from them?
There wasn’t anything unique about me. I wasn’t tall with legs for miles or breasts the size of cantaloupes. I didn’t have the wow factor. I sure as hell wasn’t memorable. If I had been, I might
be dancing on Broadway, living out my dreams. But every audition had ended in failure. I was too short or didn’t dance with enough attitude or passion. Eventually, I gave up on a professional dance career.
I guessed this was why my parents insisted I study business. They saw how I wasn’t good enough to be a professional dancer but didn’t have the heart to tell me. Or why they’d encouraged me to find a good Christian man—someone who would be a responsible and excellent provider. The idea of it now appealed to me. I finally understood what they meant.
But none of it mattered after being with Leo.
It might sound ridiculous, but he seemed to fill a void inside me. I thought there had been a connection between us. I felt something magnificent occur when he’d made love to me. When he held me all night long, that feeling was reinforced.
It was delusional to think it might have meant anything more than fucking to him. He’d admitted he didn’t want marriage or kids. Hell, he wanted me to take the morning-after pill.
God, I was such an idiot. I shouldn’t have slept with him after knowing he was the Lifeguard Leo. What was I thinking? Nearly drowning must have killed some of my brain cells.
“Scarlett?”
I instantly tensed. “Hi, Mom.”
“What are you doing out here by yourself? You’ve been awfully distant this visit.” She sat beside me. Her red hair was up in a messy bun. Her long legs stretched out in front of her, and she crossed them at the ankles and swayed her crimson western boots from side to side. For forty-nine, she looked amazing. Fit, healthy, beautiful, and happy. She lived her best life with my dad, doing what she wanted: raising kids, gardening, and riding her horse. I envied the freedom she had to be who she wanted to be.
“Just enjoying the view.” I turned my attention to the mountains in the east. Everywhere my eyes landed would be covered in snow in a couple of months. I didn’t miss Montana winters. I loved the year-round sun Southern California provided.
“Is that all? You seem different.”
I felt her watching me and furrowed my brow. “How so?” Could she tell I wasn’t a virgin anymore? I would be mortified if she could.
“Like you’re sad. Maybe heartbroken.”
“Well, my best friend did just unexpectedly die, Mom.” Although, shamefully, I hadn’t thought of Erin much the last few days. I was a horrible friend.
She took my hand. “I know, honey. I’m so sorry for your loss. What will you and Laney do about the townhouse? I don’t imagine the two of you can afford the rent without Erin.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “No, we can’t. We’ll need to look for a new roommate.”
“Or you can get a real job.”
“I have a real job. Two of them.” I whipped my hand out of hers. “I don’t need you to remind me of how much I disappoint you. I get it. I’m not perfect like you or Dad or Jessica and Melody. I don’t know about Jack since he’s gone all the time, and Abby is too young to tell what she’ll be like when she’s a teenager. But, Jesus, I’m a good person, Mom. Can’t you see that? My job shouldn’t matter.” Tears burned behind my eyes. I’d never talked to my mother like this before.
Mom blinked rapidly. I could tell she was holding her tongue. She’d likely tell my father about my outburst and then tag-team me later. It’d be a one-to two-hour lecture I’d have to endure, all because of my big mouth.
“Scarlett, I’m so sorry. I had no idea you felt this way.”
Wait, what? She was apologizing?
“You’re an adult. Nothing your dad and I say matters. We just want what’s best for all of our children. I’m sorry if you feel like you’ve disappointed us.”
“Haven’t I though? I’m not using the degree you made me get and paid for. I’m not going to church or living in Montana. I work in a trendy club serving alcohol at night and teach dance during the day. I’m scraping by, and I love it all.”
“It’s true, we’re not thrilled you work in a bar, but I’ve always known how much you love children and dancing. It’s no surprise to us you’re a dance teacher. But you could be a dance instructor here, and you wouldn’t be scraping by. Then you could settle down. Find a good man and have a family. Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind about children.”
“I haven’t.”
She retook my hand. “We miss you, Scarlett. I would love it if you considered moving back home.”
“My life is in California. Laney is there. And Le—” I snapped my mouth shut.
“Who’s Lee?” Her eyes twinkled with intrigue. “Do you have a boyfriend you’re keeping a secret?”
“No.” It made no sense to lie to her. She’d never meet Leo. But it would help me if I could talk about him… leaving out the sex part and his many conquests, of course. “He’s just a guy I recently met. It’s nothing. We’re nothing alike.”
“Opposites attract, you know.”
“No, we’re like really, really different.”
“And yet, you’re attracted to him.”
“Of course I am, he’s like a Greek god. He can’t possibly be human for as perfect and beautiful he is.” Whoa, Scar. Dial it back. You’re gushing over Leo to Mom.
A girly giggle bubbled out of her. “You sound enraptured. I’ve never heard you talk like this about any young man.”
“I guess none of them were worth mentioning.”
“So tell me more about this Lee. What’s he do for a living? Does he go to church?”
And here it comes, the questioning followed by judgment. What did I care? My parents would never meet Leo.
“First off, his name isn’t Lee. It’s Leo. He’s a lifeguard I met the other day at the beach. I don’t know if he goes to church. I don’t know a lot about him, really.”
“Hmm. Well, something about this Leo put a sparkle in your eye. You’re beaming as you think of him.”
Crap, she noticed everything. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“Hmm, well, if you say so. Probably for the best anyway. It sounds like you’d be scraping by with him.”
“I knew it! You’re automatically turned off because he’s a lifeguard. Well, I can tell you what he does for a living doesn’t bother me one bit. He made me feel beautiful and special. He looked at me like I was the only person who mattered to him. Nobody has ever done that before.”
Oh, Jesus. My words astounded me. Leo treated me better than any guy I dated before. He kissed me like he couldn’t get enough. Breathed me in like I was oxygen. His large hands caressed my skin and seared his touch on every inch of me. Frick, I was enraptured.
“No, Scar. You’re wrong. I might have dreams for my kids, but in the end, it’s your life. Live it the way you want.”
I snorted, shaking my head. “You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, but I am. I’ve made plenty of mistakes with you. I was too hard on you. Controlling. I drove you away from us, and I am so sorry.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like a disappointment. You’re not. Not at all. I love you, Scarlett. No matter what you do for a living or who you fall in love with. All I want is for you to be happy.”
A sob caught in my throat. For most of my life, I felt like the black sheep of our pure, sinless family. I didn’t have the same mindset as my parents. I questioned everything and dug my feet in the ground. I’d honestly believed my parents regretted having me because I was their wild child. Hearing she would love me no matter what overwhelmed me.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. You were our first child, Scarlett. Our practice kid, and we failed miserably.”
“Are you sure an alien didn’t take over your body? You don’t sound at all like my mother.” I wiped away the tears on my cheeks.
“I’m sure, honey. Despite what you may think, your dad and I are not perfect. We mess up quite a bit.”
I laughed. “Sure you do.” And just to test her, because I was a little brat, I said, “I had sex with Leo.”
H
er jaw dropped into her lap. “Wow. I’m stunned.”
“And we didn’t use protection.”
“Whoa. This might be one of those mom fails where I should have gotten you on birth control before you left for college.”
“I thought you didn’t believe in it.”
“Are you kidding? If your dad hadn’t gotten a vasectomy after Abby was born, we might have a dozen kids by now. That or we would’ve had to stop having sex. Neither of us would have liked abstaining during my fertile period.”
“Mom! You’re going to make my ears bleed.”
“Oh please, we’re human, Scar. This is one of those areas I should’ve been more open with you. I’ve realized I didn’t really talk to you about life stuff, ya know? I won’t make the same mistake with your sisters.”
“Yeah, I know. It would’ve been good to know all this while I was growing up. My whole life, I saw you guys as puritans about sex. You never had the talk with me. All I knew was I had to be a virgin when I got married, or God would be angry.”
“Oh man, I really messed up with you.” She buried her face in her hands.
“I sort of got tired of waiting for the perfect man to walk into my life and had sex with a stranger.”
“Wait, this Leo guy was your first time?” Her face turned grim. “Not even one of your past boyfriends was your first?”
“Nope. Your words had an impact on me, believe it or not.”
“Gosh, Scar. I just assumed while you were in California, you were sexually active.”
“I lost my virginity just the other day after Erin’s funeral.” I couldn’t believe I was telling my mom this. “Laney and I went swimming as sort of a good-bye. We wanted to do all the things Erin loved. I’d gone underwater and when I came back up, I was hit in the back by a surfboard.”
“Oh my gosh.” She covered her mouth.
“I was knocked out. Laney and the surfer got me onto the beach, and Lifeguard Leo pumped my stomach and gave me mouth-to-mouth.”
“Are you okay?”
“I have a bruise on my back where the surfboard hit me.”
“And Leo took care of you?”
I smiled and my heart fluttered. “He did. It’s so weird because I feel like something happened to us during the whole ordeal. I can’t explain it. He ended up spending the day with me, holding me when I cried and was really sweet. Anyway, he deflowered me, spent the night… It was amazing. That’s all I’m going to say about it.” My face was on fire. I’d never talked to my mom about boys before. She appeared to be taking it better than I expected.