by Naomi Porter
“Let go!” I held back the vomit in my mouth. He released me and I bolted.
“Red?”
I heaved and gagged, emptying my stomach. Bracing my elbows on the seat, my hands trembled and body shook. Leo flushed the toilet. I heard the water turn on, then he handed me a damp washcloth. As I wiped my mouth and forehead, he collected my hair and tied it back with a scrunchie I kept on the counter for when I washed my face before bed.
“Red?” The agony in his voice gutted me. It was as if he knew.
I shook my head, not wanting to deal with this right now.
“We need to talk about this.”
“No we don’t.” I hung my head and concentrated on my breathing. Not now. This wasn’t the time to talk about this.
“The fuck we don’t. You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I have the flu.”
“You don’t have the flu, Red. I know you don’t, and you know you don’t. Shit…”
I eyed him, gripping the back of his neck. My heart hurt as I lifted myself off the floor and went to the sink to brush my teeth, careful to not make myself gag. Leo was white as a sheet. He’d probably be hugging the porcelain next.
He turned around and left the bathroom. Why did I feel like I was trapping him? Like I’d just ruined his life? I blinked back tears. Because it was my fault. I was the one who didn’t want to use a condom my first time. How could I have been so selfish?
Well, I didn’t want to stay here. I needed to figure this out. Neither of us worked this afternoon. We’d planned to hang out at the beach, make love after lunch, and nap until I needed to get ready for work. Okay, so we probably wouldn’t do much napping.
I breathed in and out. I needed Laney. She would help me get through this and wouldn’t make me feel like a failure. I’d hardly spent any time with her since I got back from Montana, and then Leo and I became a couple. Jeez, I was a horrible friend to run to her after ditching her for Leo.
Okay, not true. We didn’t spend a ton of time together before Leo because I worked so much with my two jobs. But it was true I’d hardly seen her in the last few weeks at the apartment because I was at Leo’s several nights, and for that, I felt awful.
“Listen, I’m sorry about this.” I exited the bathroom and stopped in my tracks. Leo was on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, elbows resting on his thighs. “Jesus.” I sucked in a breath. “Okay. I… um.” I dug through my tote bag for a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.
“What are you doing?”
“I can’t be here right now.”
“You’re not leaving, Red. We need to figure this out.”
“There’s nothing for us to figure out. I’m the one who might be pregnant.”
“You are pregnant.” He squeezed his head between his hands.
I slipped on my flip-flops. “If I am, I will deal with it.”
“Deal how? You’re not getting an abortion.”
I stared at him, but he still hadn’t looked at me. “I think we both need time to process. I need time to process and to confirm if I am pregnant.”
“You’re. Not. Leaving.” He lifted his head. His glossy blue eyes sucked the air out of my lungs. “Do you hear me? You’re not leaving.”
I shook my head as the floodgates blew open. Tears rained down my face. I turned away, embarrassed for him to see me undone. I never wanted to hurt him, but I had. I ruined his life.
“Don’t cry, Red.” His arms wrapped around me, and his lips were on my neck. His warmth and strength enveloped me. That did it; I fell apart and sobbed.
Leo held me, quietly assuring me everything would be okay. But how could it when he was so obviously devastated?
“We’ll figure it out together, baby. You and me. Not you alone. Not you with Laney. Not you with your parents. You and me. Do you hear me, Red?”
I did hear him, but I couldn’t believe the words pouring out of him. He was being strong for me. It wasn’t because he was happy about a baby, though we still didn’t know if I was pregnant for sure. He was doing this out of obligation, which hurt more than if he just yelled at me out of anger or fear.
Despite what Leo thought of himself, he was a kind and caring man. He treated me better than I’d ever imagined a sexy, bad-boy lifeguard would treat a woman. But we weren’t destined to be together forever; it wasn’t his style. I was just a blip in his bachelor life. We’d only known each other for a short time. Even so, my time with Leo had been everything. I loved him, but I knew he didn’t feel the same. Or if he did, he never breathed a word of it.
Leo lifted me off the ground and carried me to the bed. He cradled me in his strong arms as I continued to sniffle. I didn’t know what to say to him, other than sorry. For some reason, I couldn’t even let that one word pass my lips because I had a feeling it would make him angry.
“We’ll buy a pregnancy test to confirm what I think we both already know. Then you can make an appointment with your doctor. I want you to quit Club R today.”
The appointment I had with my gynecologist yesterday was canceled because she was sick. I hadn’t rescheduled it yet.
I lifted my head off his chest, but his finger was on my lips before I could speak.
“Calm down, Red. You don’t need that fucking job. I know you hate it. You need to rest and take care of yourself and the baby. I’ll take care of you.”
“You aren’t obligated to take care of me. I’m a grown woman. I can manage.”
“There’s the fire I love.” He pressed his lips to my temple and gently stroked my arm. “I know I’m not obligated to take care of you, my stubborn, redheaded beauty. But I want to. I’ve wanted to take care of you from the moment I held you in my arms on the beach the day we met.”
Wait, what?
“You don’t do relationships, commitments, or kids. I saw the fear in your eyes, the agony. I won’t tie you down. You’re not trapped, Leo. You’re still free. Free to do whatever you please. I can raise a baby on my own, if there’s a baby.”
Leo growled and flipped me on my back. He settled between my legs and pressed his forehead to mine.
“Goddammit, you know how to piss me off, Red. Yes, it’s true I’m afraid, but not because I feel trapped or tied down. The agony you saw was me freaking the fuck out about being the worst father on the planet. Of letting you and our baby down.” He pushed into my head. “Stop saying if there’s a baby. In my heart, I know there is. I am not going anywhere. Do you hear me, Red? You’re stuck with me. And I’ve never wanted to be stuck to anyone more than you.”
“Do you mean it? Are you sure? We haven’t confirmed it.”
“Red, I’ve never been more sure about anything. And even if you’re not pregnant, I want you to move in and quit Club R. We’ll take on the future one day at a time.”
I smiled as happy tears rolled down my face. “Take my shorts off so you can make love to me.”
“Jeez, you’re so bossy.”
I giggled. “You know I am.”
“After we make love, we’ll go buy a test.”
“Deal.”
18
Leo
I NEEDED TO hold my shit together for Red. The last thing I wanted was for her to run away from me. Yes, my initial reaction to her being pregnant sucked. My demons had rushed back. All the women I’d been with, my parents’ fighting and divorce, my selfish and arrogant ways.
I wasn’t good enough for my redheaded beauty, but I fucking would try like hell to deserve her. I would do everything in my power to make my child proud I was their dad.
Red trembled in my arms as we waited for the timer. I held her close, kissing on her repeatedly, trying to assure her it would all be okay. After I’d made love to her, pouring everything I had into her, we ran to the drugstore for a pregnancy test.
And now we were waiting. This was the longest three minutes of my life.
There wasn’t a single doubt in my mind she was having my baby, but Red refused to believe it. I
knew it was because of me. She felt responsible for getting pregnant, but hey, it takes two to make a baby. No matter how many times I told her I wasn’t upset about it, I saw the doubt in her gorgeous green eyes. It fucking hurt too that she wanted to spare me what she thought was grief.
Red was the most remarkable woman. Kind and loving, sweet and sassy, sexy and selfless. She loved me. She didn’t have to say it for me to know it. Her actions spoke what was in her heart every moment we were together.
Why couldn’t she feel what was in my heart like I did hers?
What was I doing wrong? Or was she guarding her heart? Protecting herself in case I ran out on her? Yeah, that was probably it. Dammit.
Running out on Red would never happen. Baby or no baby, Red was mine. I had no intention of ever letting her go.
The timer on my cell phone went off, and Red buried her face in my chest.
“I can’t do this,” she mumbled into my shirt.
I rubbed her back. “We’re doing this together.”
“Why are you so calm? This is huge.”
“Well, I guess because I’m okay with having a baby with you.”
She lifted her head and straddled me. She cupped my cheeks and kissed me. It was sweet and chaste and so tender, she nearly made me melt into the bed.
“I don’t think I could do this without you.”
“Red, I’d be a fucking crazy man if you tried to do it without me. If you cut me out, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
“I’d never cut you out, Leo. But I would set you free if that’s what you wanted.”
“It’s not, Red. I don’t want you letting me go or pushing me away. Before we look at the results of the test, I want you to promise me you will never let me go.”
She inhaled a deep breath and kissed me once more. “I promise to never let you go. I hope you won’t let me go either.”
I squeezed her tightly. “Jesus, woman. I’d be a damn fool if I let you go. I may be a lot of things, but a fool isn’t one of them. Now let’s go confirm we’re going to be parents.”
A nervous laugh bubbled out of her. “How can you be so confident I’m pregnant? I could have the flu.”
“I just know. Call it father’s instinct.”
She giggled again. “You’re adorable.”
“Why are you in denial, Red? Do you regret having unprotected sex?”
“Maybe a little. I want you to choose me because you can’t live without me. Not because a baby is involved. But I’d never regret having a baby with you. I just wished it happened a little differently is all.”
“Enough of this.” I climbed off the bed with her in my arms, then stopped at the threshold of the bathroom.
“What is?”
I turned around, set her on the bed, and got on my knees in front of her. I took Red’s beautiful face gently into my hands. “I love you, Red. I want you to know it before we see the results of the test. Baby or no baby, I love you. Nothing and no one will change that.”
“You love me? Like, really love me?” Her mesmerizing eyes shimmered with unshed happy tears.
I laughed and kissed her. “Yes, I really, like, really love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I know you do, Red.” I slipped my tongue into her mouth and kissed her until we got our fill of each other. The results of the test were only a formality. I knew my baby was inside her, and the more I let it sink in, the happier and more excited I became.
19
Scarlett
Seven weeks later…
I CHECKED ALL the food on the dining table, making sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. At any moment, our guests would be arriving, and I was more than a little nervous. I put my hand to my stomach, inhaled a deep breath, and smiled.
“Everything looks perfect, Red. Relax. It’s going to be a great day.” His arms wrapped around me from behind and his lips went to my neck like always.
My gaze settled on the enlarged ultrasound picture of our baby in the center of the table. I had cried when I saw our baby for the first time. Everything has moved at lightning speed since we got a positive pregnancy test.
When Leo had his mind made up about something, he didn’t waste time. His first order of business was me quitting Club R. Like that was any surprise. Next, he moved me out of the townhouse and into his place. Again, no surprise.
Laney had taken the news better than I had expected and was actually relieved and happy for Leo and me. She moved back into her parents’ home to save money. She had decided to go back to college to get her masters.
“Do you really think today will be great? What if our parents don’t get along?”
“Then they don’t get along. We’re not going to let them affect us.” He placed his hand flat against my stomach. “Our only concern is being the best parents any little kid could ever ask for.”
I smiled. Leo was going to be an awesome dad. “I love you,” I said, gazing up at my handsome man.
“Love you too, Red.” He kissed me just as the doorbell rang.
“Oh gosh. This is it.”
“It’s going to be fine.” He winked on his way to answer the door.
I honestly didn’t know how he could be so calm. Getting our families and friends together had been easier than I expected. Everyone we invited was apparently free. So this little get-together was going to be bigger than I’d hoped for.
My parents flew the whole family out just to meet Leo and his parents. Leo’s parents were attending with their significant others. Laney and her parents were coming, along with Leo’s friends, Chris, Seth, and Dave and April.
I inhaled a deep breath again and was relieved to see Laney heading my way.
She hugged me. “Try to relax, little mama. Leo said you were freaking out and I should calm you down. You know stress isn’t good for the baby.”
“He told you to say that, didn’t he?”
Laney giggled, her blonde ponytail swinging side to side as she shook her head. “No. Yes.” She laughed some more. “Okay, you know he did.”
I smiled at him from across the room. Seth and Chris were with him. “Yes, I know he said it because it’s all he tells me.”
“He just worries about you.”
“Mercy, don’t I know it.” I rolled my eyes as the doorbell rang again.
“So who’s the guy in the light-blue polo shirt? He is hot,” Laney whispered.
I turned toward the deck where Chris and Seth were. “Ah, Chris. Christopher Collins. He’s Leo’s best friend, and from what Chris insists, he’s a lifelong bachelor.”
Laney snorted. “Hmm, is that right? Kind of like Lifeguard Leo was.”
“Exactly. He’s who Leo picked to be godfather to our child. I guess you should get to know him better since you’re the baby’s godmother.”
“I think you’re right. You’ll need to introduce us.”
“I most definitely will. That’s what this little gathering is all about.”
“Oh my God. Carol Ashford is here?” Laney’s brown eyes bulged.
“Um, yes? She’s Leo’s mom. Do you know of her?”
“Yes,” she whisper-shouted. “She’s been in a few movies in the last year. Let me think…” She tapped her finger on her lip. “You know the movie, I can’t think of its name, where the widow falls in love with her therapist... Dang it, what was the name of it? You really should watch more movies.”
I shook my head. I was not a movie or TV kind of person and Leo wasn’t either. “Well, you should go talk to her. Just don’t botch up the titles of the movies. It might insult her. I better go meet her myself.”
“Yes, go. I think I’ll go introduce myself to Chris.” She waggled her eyebrows.
I made my way over to Leo and his mom. He tucked me into his side and kissed my forehead. “Mom and Patrick, this is Scarlett Smith, the love of my life and the mother of my unborn child.”
I looked up at him, stunned. This man had turned rather gushy when it came to the baby and me. I
loved it and knew he meant every word, but it still shocked me.
“Scarlett, I am so happy to meet you. When Leo called announcing the baby, well, I cried on the phone.”
“She did.” He winked at me.
“Patrick and I are delighted to have you in the family and are thrilled to be grandparents soon.”
“Just go with it,” Leo whispered.
Okay, then. “Well, Carol, we’re thrilled about the baby too. Patrick, it’s great meeting you.” I shook his hand and was then pulled into a hug by Carol.
“You must let me host the baby shower.”
“Oh, um…” I shot Leo a panicked look.
“Mom, Scarlett’s mom, Sally, also wants to host the shower, so you two can do it together.”
Thank goodness Leo took control of this sensitive topic. He never ceased to amaze me.
“Oh, how lovely. Yes, I’d love to co-host the shower with your mother.” Carol smiled, but I couldn’t tell if she was acting.
The doorbell rang again, and this time, I went to answer it. I had a feeling it might be my parents. I opened the door, and sure enough, the Smith clan had arrived.
“Mom, Dad, I’m so glad you could come.” I hugged them both and then each one of my siblings. “Please come in.”
“Wow, your place is just like all those YouTubers,” Jack said.
“It’s Leo’s house,” I said, correcting him.
“It’s our home,” Leo said from behind me. “Mr. and Mrs. Smith, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He shook hands with them.
I quickly pointed out my siblings. “Leo, that’s Jack, Jessica, Melody, and Abby.”
Leo waved at them. “Please come in. Food is on the table. Drinks are in the fridge. Help yourselves. Don’t be shy.”
“Don’t give them free rein, or they’ll go wild.”
Leo laughed. “It’s okay, Red. I want them to be comfortable here.”
“How generous of you, Leo,” Mom said with a smile. The twinkle in her eye told me she approved. But I had already known she did for a few weeks. The day Leo and I took the pregnancy test, I called her. Since then, we’ve talked at least once a week. Strangely, we seem a lot closer now. “How are you feeling, Scar? Is the morning sickness getting any better?”