Chapter Eleven
Theodore got out and Matthew picked up the reins, clicking his tongue at Blackie. He headed toward home, his mind whirling with all that had happened. He’d told Theodore that he was glad to help, but it was a lie. He hadn’t gone to the tavern to help Jordan.
Ach, but what was Doris going to say when she heard about it all? And would she hear what really happened? Chances were that someone saw something. Linder Creek was a small district, even if the tavern was out of the way. If someone did see something, tongues were going to wag real quick-like.
Isn’t that what you wanted? Matthew asked himself. Isn’t that what you were hoping?
It was. But now, he wasn’t so sure.
He debated on whether to go see Annie right then. That was what he should have done in the first place—what he’d told Doris he was going to do. But he didn’t want to anymore. He wanted to see Doris. He wanted to be the one to tell her what had happened. He didn’t want her to hear it from someone else.
He made a quick turn with his buggy, grateful that the snow hadn’t started. What a Christmas season this was turning out to be.
He drove straight to the Glicks’ place and parked his buggy out front, not intending to stay very long. He’d barely gotten out of his buggy, when Sally threw open the front door.
“Matthew! Hello,” she said. “Come on in. I’m backing a new kind of cookie for the school Christmas program. Wanna try it?”
He smiled. “Try a cookie? Of course, I do.”
She giggled. “Come on in.”
He walked inside and felt the dry heat of the warming stove. He smelled the wood burning and realized how homey it all felt. And then he realized that he’d left Doris stranded at his house. Ach, was she even home?
“Is Doris here?” he asked Sally.
“She got in a few minutes ago. Was frozen solid.” Sally shook her head. “Our Doris likes the cold. I think she’s nuts.”
“Is she in the kitchen?”
“Jah. Sitting in front of the warming stove. Mamm gave her a cup of tea. Come on. I’ll get you a cookie and fix you tea, too.”
Matthew swallowed and stepped into the kitchen, dreading the look he’d see on Doris’s face when she saw him. She was there, just as Sally had said, sitting in front of the stove, her hands wrapped around a steaming cup of tea. She looked up when he entered the room. After a momentary look of what he thought was frustration, she smiled at him.
“Hello, Matthew.”
He did a double take. Her voice was entirely pleasant, as if they hadn’t even seen each other earlier that day. As if they hadn’t disagreed and been angry with one another.
“Uh, hello.”
“He’s going to try my latest Christmas cookies,” Sally announced. “Sit down, Matthew, and I’ll get you some tea, too.”
“Hello, Matthew,” Henrietta said. “How’s my sister?”
“She’s fine, Aenti,” Matthew said. “So is Nathaniel.”
“You staying warm?”
Matthew nodded. “Jah.”
Sally handed him a large cookie on a napkin. “Here you go.”
He took a bite. “It’s delicious,” he said around chewing. “What kind is it?”
“My own special kind,” Sally said. “Well, in truth, it’s a sugar cookie, but I put in almond flavoring instead of vanilla. And I used brown sugar instead. Do you really like it?”
He finished it off in three more bites. “Can I have another?” he asked, his voice only slightly garbled as he spoke with a full mouth.
Sally flushed with pleasure. “Of course.”
Doris stood and took her teacup to the sink. Matthew watched her, wondering what she was thinking.
“I think I’ll go check on the chickens.”
“Whatever for?” Sally asked. “I fed ‘em this morning.”
Doris leveled her a look. “Because I want to,” she announced.
Was Doris trying to get away from him, or was she hoping he’d come outside with her? In the past, he wouldn’t have even wondered. He would have followed her out. He set his napkin on the table.
“I’ll join you, Doris,” he offered, snatching another one of Sally’s cookies. Sally giggled and Matthew winked at her.
“Doris, you’re still half frozen. Stay inside, for goodness’ sakes,” Henrietta said, but she was too late. Doris was already in the washroom, likely putting on her woolen cape.
Matthew shrugged at Henrietta and went after Doris. She was already out the door when he caught up with her.
“I wasn’t sure if you were trying to get away from me,” he started, figuring he might as well be frank.
“I wasn’t trying to get away from you,” she said, but she didn’t look at him. She kept walking toward the chicken coop.
“So, do the chickens need checked on?” he asked, easily matching her determined stride.
She stopped and turned to him. “Nee, they don’t.”
“Let’s go in the barn then. It’ll be warmer in there.”
She turned and went into the barn. He went in behind her, leaving the door partially open to let in some light. Even though it was daytime, it was fairly dark in there, and he wanted to see her face.
“Why are you here?” she asked, facing him. “I assume you came to see me.”
“I did.”
She took a shallow breath and then put on a smile. He frowned slightly; it was painfully clear that her smile was forced.
“How have you been, Matthew? And Annie? How was she today?” She raised her chin. “I want you to know that I didn’t tell your mamm and dat where you were going. Your mamm doesn’t know it’s Annie you’re courting, and I wasn’t sure if you really wanted her to know.”
“I didn’t go see Annie.”
She blinked in confusion. “You didn’t?”
“I went to the tavern.”
Her eyes stretched wide, and she grew pale. “Why? Why did you do that?”
“I was going to…” He paused. Did he want to tell her? She was going to be angry.
“Going to what?” she pressed, leaning forward.
“I was going to have it out with him. I was going to tell him to get himself together. I was going to tell him to start treating you better.”
She gasped and pressed her hand to her chest. “You didn’t.”
“Nee, I didn’t.”
Her frown deepened. “What do you mean?”
“He was drunk, Doris. He was gooney drunk. He wouldn’t remember a thing I said to him.”
She started for the door. “Ach! Nee! I have to go—”
He grabbed her arm and swung her around. “No need. I took him home.”
Her lips parted, and she studied his face. “You took him home?”
“Jordan’s at home, Doris. He’s perfectly safe. I took his brother Theodore back to fetch his buggy.”
“You… You did that?” she asked, her frown turning to a look of complete confusion.
“Jah.”
“But why? You don’t even like him.”
“But you do.”
Her eyes instantly filled with tears. “Ach, Matthew, you’re the best cousin any girl ever had.”
She stepped to him and pressed her face against his chest. She opened her arms and put them around him. “Thank you, Matthew. Thank you.” He could hear her gentle sobs against his coat.
He raised his eyes to the ceiling, fighting against the urge to press her even closer. Fighting against the urge to return her embrace with the passion that surged through him. He blinked hard and concentrated on the beams crisscrossing the ceiling of the barn.
She pulled away and looked up at him with her wide, tear-filled eyes gleaming at him. “Thank you, Matthew. I was so worried. I thought you didn’t like me anymore. I thought you were sick of me.
Sick of you? he wanted to cry. I love you. I want you.
“Nee,” he forced himself to say, “I’m not sick of you.”
But he sure was sick of Jordan Lehman. Sick of her affecti
on for him.
She huffed her breath out in relief. “Ach, I’m so glad. When you… When you took him home, how was he?”
“Out of it, Doris. Drunk as a skunk. His dat took him inside.”
Doris shook her head. “Poor Jordan. He’s so confused right now. I don’t know what happened to him in that prison, but something must have happened. Something bad. He’s not himself. Thank you, Matthew. Thank you for caring about him.”
Caring about him? Are you insane?
“Maybe he’ll come by tonight. Maybe I can find out what’s going through his mind.”
Matthew stared at her, his heart squeezing inside him. His throat went dry and his eyes burned. When was he going to give up? He would never have Doris. Not the way he wanted her.
He had Annie. Annie. Annie.
Annie liked him. Annie welcomed his affection. And he did like her. He did. She was pleasant to be with. In time, he would learn to love her. And then, in his heart, Doris would settle back into being his cousin.
“Matthew?” she said, jerking him back from his thoughts. “Are you all right?”
“Of course, I am,” he said, and this time it was his turn to put on a smile. “I’m fine. I just wanted you to know what had happened.”
“Thank you for telling me. Did anyone see you?” She bit her lip. “Will the gossip start?”
“I don’t know.”
“I hope not. Thank you.” She reached out and caught him in another embrace. He stiffened to cement and didn’t move, but she let go just as quickly. “You’re sure?” she asked. “You’re sure you’re all right?”
Matthew drew in a long breath. “Of course. I think I’ll leave now and really go see Annie this time.”
She gave him a faltering smile. “Give her my best wishes.”
He stared at her, hoping to see some jealousy. Some… something. But no. Her face was clear, and her smile appeared genuine.
“I’ll see you then,” he said and walked away. He went straight to his buggy and got in. He snapped the reins on Blackie’s rump. And this time, he did head for the Hershberger farm. He was going to see Annie. And maybe, just maybe, he was going to deepen their courtship. There was no reason to dally. Not anymore. In truth, there never had been a reason to dally.
No reason at all.
Chapter Twelve
Doris didn’t move. The barn suddenly seemed very cold and very empty. Like a dark, damp underground cave. The smile she had pasted on her face faded into nothing. But she had done it. She had asked about Annie. She had acted interested—interested in Annie and Matthew, together. Despite her worry for Jordan—she had done it. And now Matthew had left to see Annie.
Doris swallowed, and it hurt. A lump of tears was stuck in her throat. A lump so big, she could barely breathe. She closed her eyes and forced herself to inhale. Her breath scraped painfully up her throat.
Once again, Matthew had swooped in to save her. Only this time, he had saved Jordan. She was grateful. She was. Of course, she was…
But then … why did she wish Matthew had stayed? Why did she wish he hadn’t left to go see Annie? Why did she wish to be with Matthew right then, instead of Jordan?
She stumbled back and sank onto a bale of hay. She pressed her hand to her chest and now her breathing turned jagged, piercing, and sharp. She blinked hard, forcing back a sudden rush of nausea. She wanted to vomit. Vomit right there in the middle of the barn.
What was wrong with her? Was she ill?
Was she so sick with worry about Jordan?
She leaned forward and forced herself to keep breathing. In and out. In and out. There. There. She continued until the nausea lessened and finally passed. Goodness, but she wasn’t right that day. But then, why should she be? After what Jordan had done? After what Jordan was doing…
She was sick at heart. Sick, sick, sick at heart. She closed her eyes again, only it wasn’t Jordan’s image that filled her mind. It was Matthew’s. Matthew’s eyes on her. Matthew watching her. Matthew reaching out for her.
Yearning for Matthew slammed into her, and she jolted upright off the bale of hay. She gasped and wrapped her arms around herself.
It was Matthew. Matthew. Matthew.
It was Matthew who had her heart. Tears filled her eyes. No. No. No. It couldn’t be. They were cousins. Maybe not by blood, but they were cousins. Cousins.
She sucked in air, feeling light-headed. She sank back onto the bale of hay. No. No. No.
She couldn’t have feelings for Matthew. Not for her cousin, Matthew.
It couldn’t be. What was wrong with her? It would never work. Could never work. Would never be accepted.
And Matthew was courting Annie now. Her mind whirled, and she moaned and started to rock back and forth. How could she have been such a blind fool? How?
Had she ever really loved Jordan?
Yes, yes. Of course, she had. But when had she stopped loving him? She shook her head. What was wrong with her? She still cared about Jordan. She did. Her heart went out to him.
But Matthew…
Matthew had her heart. She gulped in air and fought down her nausea again.
She’d been so blind. Completely and totally blind. And stupid.
Doris had never thought of herself as stupid. But she was. Ach, she was. She stopped rocking and let the cold air of the barn settle around her. Seep into her. Fill her.
Her blaring revelation could never see the light of day.
Could it?
No. No. Ach, Matthew. Come back. Please, come back. Tears filled Doris’s eyes and fell slowly down her cheeks.
She was in love with Matthew. She was in love with her cousin.
The absurdity struck her, and she let out a strangled laugh. How bizarre. How insane.
But how true. She put her arms around herself again and kept rocking back and forth. Back and forth. “Matthew, I love you,” she whispered. “I love you.”
And now, he was courting Annie. Had she forced him into that? She wondered. Her mind flitted back over the last few weeks since she’d come back from visiting her aunt in Hollybrook. She remembered the expressions on Matthew’s face. The harsh words when he talked about Jordan. The way he looked at her sometimes. The intensity in his eyes. The … passion?
She sucked in her breath. He loved her, too. She could see it now. So plainly it was shocking. How had she missed it? How had she deluded herself?
But they were cousins. She thought of Verna and Nathaniel, and how in their minds, Matthew was their son. In every way, he was their son. Doris thought of her own family. Matthew was kin, just as if he were related by blood. How could this work?
She knew Matthew. He would never in a million years do anything that might upset Verna and Nathaniel. Never.
But would this be so bad?
She let out her breath. What was she to do? And what about Jordan? She couldn’t desert him now. Now when he was so troubled and lost. It wouldn’t be right.
But she didn’t love him. Not anymore. Not like that…
“Doris!” she heard her mother call from the house. “Get back inside!”
She walked to the door of the barn. Her legs shook and she felt a trembling deep inside. But she felt something else, too.
Relief. A deep profound sense of relief.
She loved Matthew Wanner. It didn’t matter if she’d thought of him as a cousin since she was tiny. It didn’t matter that her parents thought of him as their nephew, and her sisters and brothers considered him kin.
She … loved … him.
Maybe, she would never be able to do anything about it. She had no idea where this love would lead. And she had no idea what Matthew was truly thinking. But right then, nothing mattered. The future was in God’s hands, anyway. God’s will would be done.
She smiled and felt better than she’d felt for days. For weeks, even.
She loved Matthew Wanner. She pressed the knowledge close to her heart and stepped outside of the barn. Unbidden, the words to the Christmas
song “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” floated into her mind. She sang the words softly in Pennsylvania Dutch, and a feeling of perfect peace and trust filled her.
Hark! the herald angels sing
Glory to the newborn King
Peace on earth, and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled
Joyful, all ye nations, rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With th' angelic host proclaim
Christ is born in Bethlehem
Hark, the herald angels sing
Glory to the newborn King
She walked slowly toward the house, her soft steps beating out the sweet rhythm of the carol. She had no idea whether she could ever tell Matthew the truth. No idea at all, but she would trust God. She would wait on Him. Put her faith in Him.
She finished the song and smiled. She looked up into the thick gray clouds that hung so low and heavily over the land. She breathed in the crisp, cold air. She could tell it was going to snow…
And then, just as if she’d called it forth from the sky, a tiny wisp of flakes fluttered down, landing on her upturned face. She laughed and spread her arms and twirled. She felt good. Free. Cleansed.
She smiled again. It was going to be a white Christmas.
Just the way she liked it.
The End
Continue Reading…
Thank you for reading The Punishment! Have you read Doris’s Christmas Story #1, The Cousin? You can find it by Clicking HERE! Doris’s Christmas Story #3, The Revelation is ready! Here’s a sneak peek:
Doris Glick smiled and nodded at everyone as she entered the schoolhouse with her family to take her seat. The coveted school Christmas program was finally taking place. The well-loved white building was bulging with people. An air of excitement filled the room, and Doris heard chatter and giggles and the occasional squeal of a baby.
She took her seat between her two sisters and glanced around nervously for Jordan. He should be there. Everyone in the district would come. Maybe the Lehmans just hadn’t arrived yet. In a way, she dreaded seeing Jordan. Would her beau read the truth in her eyes? Would he know that she didn’t love him anymore?
The Punishment (Doris's Christmas Story Book 2) Page 7