Lear

by Jasinda Wilder

  I nodded. “Mostly because I could never just let a man control me. It was a fantasy, because it felt improbable that anyone could ever make me want to voluntarily give up control, that anyone could take it from me without engaging my instincts to protect myself which, as you may have guessed, are pretty razor-sharp.”

  “And take no prisoners.”

  “Right.” I blinked up at him as he hovered over me, still focusing all of his attention solely on the nipple of my left breast. “I get defensive, protective of my safety and control, I tend to go for the kill.”

  “I think there’s one thing you should understand about me, Dani—the more dangerous something is, the hornier it makes me. Fucked up, I know, but true.”

  “So the fact that being tied up like this, even though I want it and I’m enjoying it, still has me feeling like I could snap at any second and try to kill you…”

  “Makes me so fucking horny it hurts,” Lear said.

  He sat up on his knees, swung off the bed, and shucked his shirt in a single swift masculine move—reaching with crossed arms to either hip; and then he yanked his boots off with an uncharacteristic series of awkward stumbles. Bare-chested in BDU trousers, he was my wet dream of a man: lean, razor-sharp edges and iron-hard muscles, lupine and radiating lethality, heavily stubbled with reddish-blond hair, bright-eyed. A sex god wrapped in a warrior’s body, with the mind of a scholar and the heart of a man born to love.

  I trembled all over, shaking with the need to touch him, to taste him, to feel him against me, inside me. I wanted to touch him, but I couldn’t untangle my hands to reach him, and somehow that helplessness only heightened the sensitivity and deepened my need.

  “I need…” I murmured, but wasn’t sure what I needed more: to come, or to make him feel as good as he was making me feel. And he hadn’t even taken off my underwear yet.

  Lear touched my lips with a finger. “I know what you need.”

  I glared at him. “Did you just shush me?”

  He smirked. “I did.”

  “What, you gonna gag me if I keep talking?”

  He shook his head. “Hell, no.”

  He stood at the side of the bed, inches from me, and stared down at me. He watched the way my eyes traveled over his hard chest and shredded abs, the way my eyes greedily took in his arms and chest and abs, and the sharp V leading down beneath the button fly of his BDUs. He knew I wanted to see him, to touch him, to taste him. He was within touching distance, if I could just free my hands—I worked at the knots, but they were tight and I was truly helpless. More so than I’d thought at first. I leaned, needing to at the very least taste his skin, even if it was just his belly.

  He laughed. “What are you doing, Dani?”

  “I need to taste you. I need something, dammit.”

  He just grinned. Shifted closer, so my lips were centimeters from his hard stomach. I was twisted in the bed, straining hard at the binding of my shirt and bra. Seeking just to kiss him, anywhere. There wasn’t a self-conscious molecule in me, not with Lear. Not now. I would do anything, anything at all, to feel him and to have him. To be his, even for a moment.

  Damn the past, and fuck the future. Now is all there was, and it was all I cared about—getting as much of him, of us, as I could in this moment.

  He slowly unbuttoned his trousers, and black cotton bulged through the opening, his monster erection burgeoning as he loosened its prison. I stopped trying to reach him, waiting impatiently for him to unleash his cock. He didn’t tease, or not much. He went slowly, just enough to heighten the anticipation. He slid the pants down, stepped out of them, and stood in his underwear, the front bulging almost cartoonishly. I gnawed on my lip, glanced up at his face—his expression carefully blank.

  I met his stare and let my frustration bleed through. “Don’t hide what you’re feeling, Lear. Not from me, not here, not now.”

  He grinned, but it was distracted. “You want to know what I’m feeling?”

  I nodded. “Raw, brutal truth, Lear. Even if it’s not sexy.”

  “It’s just selfish.”

  “Tell me.”

  He clenched his jaw, and then released it as he sucked in a breath. “Seeing you helpless like this, I just want to…” He closed his eyes and let out another rough, ragged sigh.

  “What, Lear? Say it.” I strained, caught the elastic of his underwear in my teeth and bit down, tried gamely to work the underwear down to where I could get him in my mouth. “I want to know. Tell me.”

  He growled, pulled away so the elastic snapped back into place loudly. “Careful what you do, Dani, or you’ll find out firsthand what I’m stopping myself from doing.”

  I grinned up at him. “Is that a fact?”

  He brushed a lock of hair away from my face. “My control is on a very fine leash right now.”

  I glared at him, feral and wild. “Come closer, Lear. You think you’ve got me helpless because I don’t have hands? Stay where I can reach you and I’ll show you what I’m capable of doing to you even tied up.”

  “Dammit, Dani. I had plans.”

  “Fuck your plans.”

  He sidled closer, his legs coming up against the bed frame.

  He stood staring down at me with furiously aroused green eyes, his chest heaving. “It’s not my plans I want to fuck.”

  “What do you want to fuck, Lear?” I murmured, and licked his stomach.

  “You.”

  “Me? Just me?” I licked between the slabs of muscle, licked the grooves of his V-cut.

  “Just you.”

  “Anything in particular?” I prompted. “Or just me in general?”

  He sucked in a breath, his stomach concave. His eyes betrayed need warring with lust—he needed me, he wanted to skip all this and just drive inside me, kiss me stupid and fuck me senseless…love me helpless. Yeah, I fucking said it. Love me. I knew it was the truth, I knew what was happening, where this was going.

  Fuck it. I’d own it. I’m all woman, but I’ve big ol’ brass balls and they scare me shitless. But I knew damn well we were falling in love.

  He wanted to make love to me—that’s what his heart was demanding.

  His body was still in lust with me, and he wanted to do things far more carnal to me.

  I seized the elastic of his underwear in my teeth again, and this time around used precision and skill to accomplish my goal—bringing the waistband down, baring his erection.

  It was free enough of the band that I could take him in my mouth, and I did so eagerly. He stood utterly still, not even breathing.

  I just kissed it, at first, wrapping my lips around the thick broad plump head, kissing and tonguing the seeping droplets of pre-cum away. Then I let go and glanced up at him. “Take ’em off, Lear.”

  He obeyed, shoving his boxers down and kicking them off. “Dani…”

  I yanked at the bonds. “You’ve got me helpless, Lear. You can do whatever you want to me.” He hesitated, still, and I sighed. “What, Lear? Ask.”

  “What I want to do, what I want…I’m worried it’ll trigger things from your past.”

  I leaned, kissing his stomach where his hips met his thighs. I stared up at him. “You want to get rough and take me hard.”

  “Fuck yes.”

  “But you’re worried you’ll trigger flashbacks.”

  “Right.”

  I captured his cock in my mouth, taking a moment to taste him, taking him deep and backing away. “Honestly, Lear, I have no idea what would happen if you did that. I like it rough, but I’ve never been helpless, not since I was a kid. This isn’t helpless. I can kill you with just my legs, right now. I have killed a man with my thighs. He had me on my back, hands behind my back, and thought he was clear to do what he wanted. I crushed his windpipe and then snapped his neck. And then broke the zip ties like I could’ve done all along.” I gazed up at him. “That didn’t trigger a flashback.”

  “I’m just torn, Dani. I want completely opposite things with you.”


  “Tell me.” I smirked. “Tell me while my mouth is otherwise occupied.”

  He closed his eyes, a slow smile crossing his lips. “Fuck, that feels good.” He watched me as I tongued the tip, and then took as much of his throbbing erection as I could. “Goddamn, Dani.”

  I let him go. “How about this—as long as you’re talking, I’m doing this. You stop talking, I stop sucking.”

  He chuckled. “You drive a hard bargain.” He laced his fingers on the top of his head and watched me, eyes narrowed in a mix of pleasure and concentration. “I want to take you hard and fast. I want to climb on top of you and fuck you so hard you scream. I want to fuck you so hard your pussy will ache.”

  I moaned around a mouthful of hot, throbbing flesh. “Mmmmhmmm?”

  He let out a breath, a hitched gasp. “Fuck.” Started over. “I want—oh fuck. I want to fuck your mouth. Make you take my cock until you choke. Watch you—oooooh fuck, Dani, just like that. I want to watch you do that until you choke on my cum. I want to bend you over the bed and fuck you from behind. Watch that big beautiful ass of yours shake and jiggle as I fuck you and fuck you and fuck you.”

  I let him out of my mouth and kept my eyes on his as I mouthed the head again. “So far hearing nothing I’m not already about to beg you to do.”

  He gasped, a harsh, rough inhale, almost choking on his own breath. “I know.” He closed his eyes, flexed his jaw as I swirled my tongue around his tip, and then turned my head sideways to take his girth in mouth, sliding from the base upward, slowly, tongue flicking and feathering over him. “It’s the other part of what I want that I’m scared of.”

  I backed away, flicked my tongue against him, kissed the tip, eyes on his. “And that would be…what?”

  He bit his lip, eyes scrunching closed in raw bliss as I kissed and tongued my way from the tip down, following the vein on the underside of his cock down to the heavy taut sac, and began kissing and licking them. “Jesus, Dani. What the hell are you doing to me?”

  I shrugged, grinned, but didn’t stop my oral ministrations to his balls.

  “Fuck…” He closed his eyes, tilted his head up and spent a moment just enjoying what I was doing. “So fucking good, Dani. Too good. You’re gonna make me come before I’m ready, you keep that up.”

  I gave him a coy smile and a wiggle of my eyebrows, a demure, silly shrug. “I would be okay with that, probably.”

  He snarled. “I wouldn’t. I don’t want to waste the time we have coming down your throat.”

  “What if I said I wouldn’t consider that to be time wasted?”

  His eyes snapped open. “I’d be inclined to call that bluff.”

  “What makes you think I’m bluffing?”

  “You get nothing out of blowing me, Dani.”

  “I’d get to watch you come,” I argued. “I’d get to feel you lose control. I’d get the pleasure of knowing I can make you feel better than anyone else ever has.” I met his eyes. “Because I can guaran-fucking-tee you, if I sucked you dry, it’d be something you’d never fucking forget, Lear.”

  He swallowed hard. “Nothing about you is forgettable. I’ll never forget anything about you. It’s not possible.”

  I mouthed the head again, something he seemed to like more than anything else, and he hissed between his teeth, hips flexing. “Stand there for another, oh, two or three minutes and I’ll show you exactly what I mean.”

  “Dani, good fucking god…”

  “What’s the other part, Lear?” I asked, my lips moving against his shaft. “What is it you want to do to me that you’re scared of?”

  “What I’m scared of is not what I want to do to you, but that I want it with you.” His eyes were locked on mine, his hands now descending from his head to bury in my thick black loose wild hair. “It’s not so much the acts that scare me. I think it’s probably a good bet that there’s not much in the sexual playbook the two of us haven’t done. That’s not what I mean.”

  “Then what do you mean?” I asked, and then ran the fat flat of my tongue up his length—took him into my mouth and moved, bobbed, slowly, several times.

  “I…ohh. Oh god. Oh fuck.” He knotted his fingers in my hair. “I mean…I want…”

  I looked up, not taking my mouth off him. “Mmmhmmm?”

  Down, and up. Tasting him. Flesh, salt, musk. Heat. Skin and veins, throbbing arousal stuttering over my lips and searing past my tongue and nudging the back of my throat. His hips flexed, shuddered, thrust.

  He palmed my face, thumbs on my cheekbones. Eyes on mine. “Slow. Just our breathing. Moving together—” He closed his eyes, but snapped them open again and kept talking. “Kissing as we move together. Never take our eyes off each other. Holding hands.” His hips moved nonstop now, and I encouraged him to thrust by making the movement of my mouth around him shorter, so he had to thrust to get more of my mouth and throat—I teased him to full movements, thrusting helplessly into my mouth, groaning around his words. “You and me, Dani. Just you and me. Not fucking.”

  “Mmm-mmm?” I hummed a negative question sound.

  “No. Not fucking.”

  Let him out of my mouth, just for a moment. “Then what, Lear?”

  The pause was rife, intense. His cock gleamed with my saliva and his leaking essence.

  “It’d be more.”

  “What would it be?” I demanded. I licked, once, a tease. He needed my mouth, he was close and we both knew it. “Say the word, Lear.” I met his eyes, daring, demanding, sparking courage and brazen fearlessness. “I’m not scared of it.”

  He was breathing hard. Watching me. “I want to make love, Dani.” He grated the sentence past rough breath and clenched teeth. “Make it really mean something.”

  “But you don’t know what you want more…” I paused to take all of him as deep as I could go, all but gagging on him, before backing away and staring up at him. “To fuck me, to get all dirty and nasty…or to make sweet sensual love to me.”

  “Yeah…exactly.” He was so close.

  I moved, again—slow now, shallow at first, just the tip. Then more, and more. I shifted as far as I could so my throat was open, and I took him as far as I was capable—until his stomach nudged my nose. He groaned, cursing under his breath as I backed away slowly and then slammed back down his cock, this time making an audible gulp as I swallowed helplessly around him.

  “Jesus, Dani…I’m fucking—god, I’m gonna—you’re gonna make me come so fucking hard in about ten seconds…”

  I stopped then, backed away and looked up at him. “I want both, Lear, at the same time. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I’m not afraid of it.” I licked my lips and blinked hard. “I mean, I am afraid of it, but that’s not going to stop me. I want it. I fucking want it with you. I shouldn’t. But I do. I fucking do, and I don’t even care. You may break my heart, or I may break yours. I don’t know. I just know I can’t stop myself from taking this ride with you as far as it’ll go.”

  “Dani…” He gripped his shaft, squeezing hard. “I won’t break your heart. I swear I won’t. I’ll break my own legs before I let myself hurt you.” He swallowed spastically, as if choking down emotion. “That’s why I started out acting all dominant, and then shifted tactics. I wanted to take you that way, but I didn’t want to hurt you or scare you or trigger bad memories, and I couldn’t do it. Not unless I knew if you were on board with that. I’m not that type of man, to just take what I want and not make sure you’re with me first.”

  I laughed. “You know what’s fucked up about this, Lear?” I leaned forward, rolling against the bonds as far as I could go, straining to get him in my mouth again. “That we’re having this conversation while I’m tied to a bed in a cabin in the middle of the damn woods.”

  “I’ll untie you—”

  “Don’t.” I flicked my tongue against him. “If that doesn’t demonstrate my trust in you, I don’t know what does.” I smirked. “Or the fact that we’re doing this when we both know damn well there
are people on the way to kill us.”

  He laughed, a groan of amused frustration. “Dani…”

  “I don’t want to change a thing, Lear,” I said. “So let me be clear on one thing, okay? I’m with you.” I went down, taking him deep. Swallowed around him. Backed away and met his eyes. “So take me now…later, whenever. Take me how you want me and don’t ask first. Be rough. Don’t ask permission. Don’t apologize. But be aware that I’m planning on doing the same. When I want you, I’m going to take you and you won’t have a fucking choice.”

  He gasped, swallowed around a groan. “Please, Dani.”

  I murmured a laugh around his shaft. “What?” I asked, whispering against the tip. “What do you want, Lear? Funny, I’m asking you that, but I’m the one tied up.”

  His eyes snapped open. A feral grin crossed his face. “Thanks for the reminder.”

  And he yanked free of me.

  “Wait!” I strained, struggled. “I want you. I want you to come.”

  He knelt on the bed and yanked my underwear off, roughly. “I will. When I’m ready.” He grinned up my body. “I just needed the reminder.”

  “Reminder?”

  “That you’re helpless, and I can do what I want to you.”

  I struggled, legs thrashing, genuinely fighting the restraints, now—I’d been sure I had him, that I was going to taste his loss of control and watch him come apart for me. I wanted that. Instead, he was buried between my thighs and his tongue was lashing me into a frenzy. No buildup, not easing or teasing. Just his tongue and lips, and me on the cusp of climax within seconds.

  He didn’t relent.

  I came, and I screamed, loud and long. I arched off the bed and fought the restraints, wanting desperately to have my hands on him. If I were free, I’d shove him to his back and climb on top of him and take his cock inside me and ride him till we came.

  But he had other plans.

  Like making me come again, just as hard and just as fast.

  No mercy.

  Again, and again.

  How long did he devour me? Time vanished, robbed of meaning. There was only the wild thrill of his tongue on my clit and his lips suckling around it and his fingers curling to massage the perfect place inside me, taking me to new heights. Testing my will, pushing my boundaries. How many times could I come? I’d stopped being able to tell if I was lost in one long orgasm or if he was eliciting a bonkers number of climaxes out of me—I didn’t care. I just rode them and screamed until I was hoarse. I ached, throbbed, the mad multiplicity of orgasm not curing my need but heightening it.