by Erin R Flynn
“I’m clearly not as pretty or as refined or as intelligent or anything she is. I’m totally lacking, and it’s almost embarrassing. But Kristof must like young, unripened peaches, it’s gotta flip his switch, as that’s the only reason he’d pick me over her. And probably I just let him do everything to me and that’s so unprincess-like, as I’m even alone with him and Cerdic.
“So yeah, I’m totally a disgrace. But it makes sense because he shows me no affection or like he cares but he just stares like I’m his. He owns me like that and is watching.” I glanced at Jaxon. “Oh, and it’s such a pity for you that you’re stuck here but so many powerful covens and viable options were taken out. Maybe it’s a lesson learned for waiting so long to join a court, but poor Princess Nora, you chose me.”
“Who?” Sebastian bit out.
I glanced around, found the two guys, and pointed to them. “Those two.”
The shock from both of them that I’d blurted all of that and then narked on them wasn’t even funny, but one was ready. “Princess Inez, I apologize profusely that you inadvertently overheard what we were saying, but clearly you misunderstood—”
“Bullshit,” I seethed. “Bull. Shit. You knew I was there. Every corrupted from hundreds of miles around can find me. Nobles have chased me for years when I did a good job to lose them. Everyone always knows where I am, but you’re going to start with your bullshit that it was inadvertent? Right, because you did it when I was not ten feet away and no one else was around.
“You weren’t speaking another language. You were also quite blunt in what you said. You simply didn’t think I’d admit to it in front of everyone.” I rolled my eyes when his got wider. “Or if I told, you could just brush it off as a misunderstanding because you are old and have a penis while I’m young and have a vagina so of course I must be stupid and get hysterical over nothing, right?
“So was it worth it because I was seconds from ordering Trisha to escort you out of the area and get home on your own? And that was before Dennis and the shit from that coven, and now I’m ready to just tell everyone to go fuck themselves and we go back to the plan of collecting just for us and the coven and killing baddies instead of all this extra shit.”
A fly farting in the large room could have been heard as everyone raced to process all of that.
“I’m just done,” I rasped, shaking my head as I turned to leave and head back to the hotel.
“I suggest you two run and run fast,” Kristof growled. “Because I will come after you the moment I’m done apologizing to my princess and making amends, and if you’re not to the safety of Nora’s coven by then, I will kill you for disrespecting Inez, disrespecting her fiancé who pushed to make this work, and disrespecting me that I would ever treat a princess in such an abhorrent way. I have never.”
“No, never,” Sebastian agreed, sounding like that was almost for my ears. “You might not ever have considered staying before or jump through hoops some would want you to, but you were never disrespectful of our ways or a princess, no matter how young.”
That was the last I heard, but I kept walking, wanting to take one of the electric cars everyone were using back to the hotel. The keys were on the driver’s seat like they should have been, but when I reached for the door, I saw Kristof on the other side. I froze but then dropped my arm, stepping back.
“You were going to drive back to the hotel, right?”
“Yes.” I glanced around, glad there were people at least.
“And now you don’t want to because I wish to join you?”
I shrugged and fidgeted with my braid, scared to answer and upset him and unable to see anger in his eyes again. I didn’t know what to do and not make things worse, and I really didn’t want to keep feeling this way, tears filling my eyes.
“Inez, please, tell me why you’re crying,” he whispered.
“Because you’re fucking scary!” Eddie bellowed as he hurried over. “Maybe now you’ll listen to me. You don’t get it because you’re eighteen billion years old, but we’re baby vampires and babies react mostly on self-preservation, not rationally. All she senses is you’re upset and the temperature is rising around you you’re so upset. To us that screams to run. Right or wrong, I’m dying to run.”
It was true. That was about exactly how it felt, and while Eddie Pinault and I had gotten off to a rough start given we’d met during my period and that was his first time around a princess bleeding—which is a huge thing—he’d flipped out. But since then he’d become my defender and friend, constantly reminding people I was super young or to stop pushing me.
He slid in front of the door, blocking Kristof even as he cringed. “You’re not supposed to be alone with her. It’s not a hard concept. She’s said that’s what she wants, so the moment you don’t listen, ignoring what she’s said, you’re already not listening to her, and that sounds off alarm bells in us babies.” He glanced at me over his shoulder. “Take the drive back alone and clear your head.”
“Thanks, Eddie,” I whispered, hurrying to duck in and doing as he said.
“If you pound me for helping her, she will never forgive you or herself,” Eddie told him as I started the car.
“I’m not going to pound you,” he snapped.
“Glad to hear it, but dude, you’re not hearing me that the level of fight hormones or malice coming from you is as telling as seeing someone twist their body to throw a bunch.”
I flinched as I threw the vehicle in gear. He was right. That was exactly it. Kristof hit a level of anger and upset that was well over anyone I’d known, and even those lower levels had always led to fights or bad things.
Why would I think it would be different for him?
Why couldn’t he understand that?
3
I should have guessed that Kristof would just be waiting for me at the hotel, but I was too upset and frazzled for logic. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say when I saw him, but it was ridiculous to get back in the car and drive anywhere else when he’d just show up there too, clearly not taking the hint.
What I really didn’t expect was for him to move Simon—the adorable margay shifter who was my age and also hot as a guy—into my view in animal form. “We’re not alone. May we please speak?”
I didn’t answer right away, swallowing loudly. “I think that depends on how you involved Simon.”
He let out a slow breath. “I asked him to help me because you were upset and needed comfort even if you wouldn’t speak with me. I promised him I would help him bust open all the safety deposit doors on the bank he’s assigned to since he’s too young to have that strength yet. So he could take a break now and help me.”
I took Simon from him. “Okay, we can talk if you please stop getting so angry. I’m sorry, but Eddie’s right and so is Cerdic. I’m not asking you to play human.”
“I can’t promise not to get angry, but I can promise to handle it better,” he whispered. “Would you prefer I walk away when I get upset? I thought that was dismissive like you didn’t matter enough to stay and finish the discussion. I’m trying, Inez.”
Was he? I wasn’t sure I thought that. It seemed more he was trying to—and did—help, but he seemed to think we were back to where we’d been without the meanness and we’d just not had time to sneak away. Which he had tried for, but Cerdic had interrupted when he’d caught up.
I wasn’t really supposed to be alone with either of them, and I didn’t think being alone with them together made it any better.
“I would prefer that,” I answered. I opened my mouth but then closed it, heading for the elevator as Simon purred loudly. Once we were heading up, I decided to echo what Eddie had said. “You said you were fine with us not being alone, but you keep trying to be. Did you just tell me that to—it feels like you were placating me and never planned to do it.”
He cleared his throat and then did it again when the elevator stopped and we got out. He followed after me and waited by my door for me to open it, seeming to
understand I was hesitating. “No, I absolutely meant it. I thought a few moments alone before Cerdic caught up was playful.”
I nodded. “It is like when he sneaks a kiss on the cheek.” I opened my mouth but then closed it, wanting to lie down even if that meant he came with. I stuck my keycard in the slot and opened the door after it beeped. I set that on the desk and headed for the bedroom. Sitting down, I took off my boots before sliding under the covers, letting Simon snuggle under them with me.
Kristof walked around the bed and knelt on the floor next to it so he was at eye level with me. “Please finish what you wanted to say. I want to hear it.”
“No, you won’t,” I rasped.
“Yes, I do, please, Inez,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I messed up again. Please, I want to make this right. The amount of sadness and hurt coming from you is killing me.”
“I can’t push you away, Kristof,” I tried to explain. “It’s not a kiss on the cheek but you’re intense, and I like that, but it’s too much so fast. You can hold me in place with your fingertips and have. I’m trying to catch up that we’re not still moving through your wormholes, and you’re already kissing and fingering me and I couldn’t push you away. Do you know how scary that is?”
He swallowed loudly. “Yes. Yes, I do.” He took in a deep breath but let it out slowly. “But she was evil. I’m not.”
I shook my head. “It’s still scary even if the person isn’t. It’s the feeling of helplessness, Kristof. That instantly has me panicked. I’m not trying to make you play human or—”
“I shouldn’t have said that,” he sighed, scrubbing his hand over his scruff. “I don’t even know why I said it. You mentioned humans and I wasn’t putting it together. You don’t ask Darius or Jaxon to be like that.”
“No, but I have asked them to slow down or go slow with me. That’s not unreasonable to ask.”
“You’re right, it’s not,” he agreed. He gestured between us. “I’ve never done this, Inez. I know you haven’t before Darius and Jaxon, but this is new to me too. I need help and bread crumbs. I get excited to be with you and jump too far it seems.”
“You get angry when I try to talk to you,” I reminded him. “I know that triggers your traumas, but that anger triggers mine.” I closed my eyes so I didn’t see him as if that would make him not get angry. “I don’t want to be scared of someone I’m with. That’s not something unreasonable to want, and I don’t know how to fix this. I accepted because…”
“Because you were scared of me?” he asked, sounding destroyed.
“No, because I thought you were having a breakdown and would change your mind after my period.”
He was quiet several moments. “And the museum? I thought you truly enjoyed our time there.”
“I did. You were pushy, but I did.”
“We held hands and you told me to kiss you,” he muttered, sounding confused.
“Yes, but could I have pulled my hand away if I’d wanted to? So you made us hold hands, and I would have told you to stop if I wanted to, and that would have probably upset you.”
“I get it. Okay, I get it better, I think.” He let out a shaky breath. “Please don’t give up on me, Inez. We’ve had other fun—I thought we have.”
I nodded. We had. “I need more time to get used to you. I need you to check things with me.” It was my turn to let out a shaky breath. “And maybe if we need to talk about stuff, doing it with Cerdic around. I know you don’t get this, but he’s powerful too but I’m never scared of him. There’s no malice even when he’s upset. I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“Okay, I’m fine with that,” he agreed. “Can I please hold you? It upset me you were so upset yesterday, and I wanted you to have fun, jumped the gun like that.”
I nodded, wanting to be comforted and willing to let him try if he wanted. I felt the bed dip behind me, his body sliding in behind me as he fixed the covers, and after a few moments his arm hugged me to him. He even pet Simon with me, our fingers sort of linked as we did it.
“Is this okay?” he checked, making me think he really heard me.
“Yes, it’s nice.”
“Will you ask me what you were going to earlier today, My Princess? If I hadn’t messed up, what would you have done?”
I swallowed a sigh, getting he wanted to see how it would have played out, but I was tired and upset. “I was going to tell you what I overheard and ask what you thought I should do. I wanted to say that I thought we agreed not to be alone because of the misunderstanding and fixing that trust, but more than that, it’s for my safety and now that I get more about courting, I think we should do it.”
“Why?” he asked after a few moments.
“Because if people see me sluffing off on the rules, they won’t assume it’s because it’s you, just I do it and it’s fine. That was the vibe I was getting with this courting stuff, and I was going to ask if I was wrong, but I really don’t want to give anyone the idea I’m just open to everyone or someone is stupid and pushes. That’s what Eddie was getting at. If I do it with one, others will assume it’s all.”
“And that’s unsafe. He’s right. You are, and I wasn’t seeing that. I’ve watched the courting with disinterested eyes only, as I would never participate and my birth coven wasn’t what most were. But yes, he’s right and I agree just on that alone. I was thinking you’ve been on your own and survived so long and in harsh conditions that it seems silly to act like you need a chaperone now.”
“I could see that.” Tears filled my eyes. “I can’t help my reactions. I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“I know, I believe that,” he whispered, kissing my hair. “Tell me what to do, Inez. Do you want to talk to Trisha and she can tell me if there’s an issue?”
“That’s not a relationship or—”
“For now,” he cut in. “Just for now while we get to know each other. If you tell me you don’t feel something for me, I’ll understand and leave you be, but if you do, please, please let’s find a way to bridge this. I thought I was, but I see I wasn’t going as far as I should, didn’t understand I should.”
“You like Cerdic, right?”
“I do.”
“I could talk to him. I think that’s not a bad role for him at my court anyways if it gets so far. He—I wish I could flow like he does. I feel like I just get thrown into walls instead of flow.”
“You do much better than you think, My Princess. Yes, talk to Cerdic. I promise more of this is my lack of understanding or social skills instead of my anger or upset at you. I get upset I can’t give you what you need. I hear you this time that what you need most is for me to listen, slow down, and watch my anger.”
I nodded, but then more tears came and I just wanted to stop crying. “That doesn’t sound fun for you.”
“You are worth it, and I want to if it means I can be with you. We will get better.”
“Promise?” I asked after a few moments.
“I believe it with all of what I am,” he said instead.
“So if I wanted to bring up you not showing affection to me in public?” I barely breathed, scared to push him.
“I think we should discuss it, as some apparently have misinterpreted it; however, I will say Cerdic and others tease me that I can’t seem to take my eyes off of you like in a romantic way, so assholes will always twist things around. If they’re looking for bad or to be assholes, they will find a way.”
“That’s true, that’s fair,” I agreed. “You’re not the type to ever tickle me until I giggle like Jaxon or even Cerdic and the twins, and that’s fine. It is. I don’t want everyone to be alike.”
“What do you want?”
“They let me approach them. I feel I can or even just sit on their laps because I know I’m welcome, they want me to. It’s not bonding like babies do with mothers, but it’s—I instigate it. I went to you that first time, but you’ve never given me the chance to really instigate anything since. I don’t know if that sounds s
illy but—”
“No, not at all, as I would like that as well.” He cleared his throat. “I would love for you to sit on my lap as you do the others. I do not think that too much. If it made you happy, I would tickle you or make kissy faces at you as Wilson does, but the greatest gift I can give you is my protection. There are ways to balance both. I was trying not to push.”
“Thank you for that. I just didn’t know you were open to it either. You’re one person in front of others and totally different with me, and I like that guy, he’s just a bit pushy and gets angry too fast for me.”
“I’m glad we talked.” He kissed my hair again. “Can you forgive me?”
“If you really understand what I was trying to say.” I explained his anger as I had thought it earlier about the level he hits.
“I understand that better now, and I will try. Please forgive me if I walk away then.”
“Okay.”
“Can I stay and sleep with you a bit? You’re tired, and I don’t want to leave you.”
I nodded and turned over, moving Simon to sleep along my legs as I curled up to Kristof. “I don’t know what to do about all of this shit, and I feel bad I was a bitch to Cerdic, but the way he said it made it sound like I might deserve what I get back. I was super nice and—I’m trying. Why is that such a bad thing and weakness to exploit? Are so many people that horrible?”
“I don’t want to lie to you, but I hate the hopelessness coming off of you, My Princess,” he whispered, hugging me to him. He kissed my hair again. “Would you feel better if I wore something fuzzy and you could rub my butt?”
I chuckled against his chest, the mental image going with that enough to cut through my upset. The laughs built, and I could barely contain them.
“Well, at least I know what to do to make you laugh,” he mumbled, his large hands running up and down my back. “What else would make my princess happy?”