21
Darren
I was still feeling almost giddy the next morning when I pulled into the parking lot for my morning workout with Colby. He wasn’t too happy with me the day before when I told him I had to miss our workout, but after I explained that I needed to see Greg, he calmed down a bit. It didn’t stop him from warning me this morning’s workout was going to be far more brutal than what he usually put me through. It had to be. I was behind by a day now, after all. Since I had to go to work after the workout and he had other appointments, it wasn’t like I could linger around at the gym for twice as long in order to get twice as much workout. Of course not. Colby had to distill all the intensity and effect of what he had planned for both days down into the same amount of time. I could only imagine just how obscene this workout was going to be.
But in all honesty, I didn’t care. I was so happy, and my mind felt so much clearer than it had since Kelly showed up again, possibly even before, I didn’t even think I would notice how hard I was working out. All I had to do was think about her and that kiss, and I would be able to get through anything. Working out hard would also help to get some of the built-up energy out. Before it was getting out anger and frustration. Now it was about getting out all the excitement and the rush of desire I felt when I was that close to her again. I could have just scooped her up into my arms, carried her into a dark corner, and continued what we started years ago. It took a lot to stop myself, but I was glad I did. This deserved time, and I was going to do it right.
“What are you grinning about?” Colby asked when I walked up to him in the gym.
What was on my mind in that exact second wasn’t even the kiss. It was the look on Kelly’s face when I did it. That expression perfectly encapsulated everything I was feeling right then, and even a little how I still felt thinking about it almost a day later. That wasn’t like me. Just like the night we’d met at the bar and I’d gone right up to her to talk wasn’t like me. Usually I was too shy to do something like that. My brothers were the more assertive ones. If they were interested in a woman and wanted her to know it, they didn’t have a problem being obvious about it.
At least, that was the case until Quentin met Merry and she managed to tie his tongue up in knots and stop his brain from functioning. But that was a different situation. I’d experienced countless instances watching my brothers just walk up to women and openly hit on them, seemingly unaware of the possibility of rejection. Even when they were rejected, which admittedly wasn’t very often, they just bounced right back. It was just another thing that happened during the course of a day. That wasn’t me. I couldn’t just be so casual and forward.
Except when it came to Kelly. For some reason, when it came to her, I was ready to leave my normal shell and go outside my comfort zone. I would do what I needed to do to get her attention and let her know what I was feeling.
“I kissed Kelly,” I told him.
“You kissed her?” he asked. “That’s what’s getting you all googly-eyed?”
“Yes,” I said, not feeling like I should have to justify it, but knowing he wouldn’t leave me alone until I said more about it. “She and I said we were going to be just friends. We agreed that it was a good thing for her to be working at the complex, but we were going to stay totally professional and not have to acknowledge anything that happened between us. But you know as well as I do, I didn’t feel professional about her. As soon as she walked back into my life, I knew I wanted to pick right up where we left off. Then after what happened with Greg, all I could think about is how short life is.”
“Definitely not enough time on this Earth to be pussyfooting around and not going after what you want,” he commented.
“Exactly.” By that point we’d made it over to the giant tires, and I hefted one. “Seeing him go down scared the shit out of me. What if that had been me and I never had the balls to tell her how I felt about her? Or what if something happened to her? It’s not unheard of for people in the pit to get hurt during races. It might seem easier to just put the past behind us and not acknowledge it. It would obviously be more comfortable for the people around us if we just kept our heads down, didn’t think about anything that we felt for each other, and stayed totally professional.”
“Fuck everybody else,” Colby said, instructing me to the next set of exercises. “This isn’t about them.”
“I was going to try to make that a bit more eloquent, but there’s no real point in that. You’re right. Fuck everybody else. And fuck being professional. I want Kelly. She is everything I’ve ever wanted. She’s things I wanted that I didn’t know I wanted. When I realized that, I decided I wasn’t going to hold back anymore. I kissed her and let her know that was just the opening salvo. If she didn’t want anything else, she could have said something about it right then. But she didn’t.”
I grinned at him, and Colby gave an approving nod.
“You did good. I’m proud of you for finally taking that step,” he told me. “Now that you’re on your way to that whole thing happening, maybe you’ll pull your head out of this funk you’ve been in.”
“Definitely.”
He wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to beat my ass into the ground with that morning workout. I barely felt like I could move when it was all over, and I stood in the hot shower for almost half an hour waiting for my muscles to stop feeling like liquid. But it was a fantastic workout, and by the time I got to the complex, I felt energized again. Despite that, it was a good lesson to not miss my morning workouts with Colby. When I first started working out with him, I told him not to give me any excuses and that I needed to put everything into this. He took the responsibility of holding me to that extremely seriously.
My first stop when I got to the complex was the bank of lockers right outside the garages. That was where the team kept their personal belongings during the workday. There were locks on each individual unit, but they were almost never used. It wasn’t like there was a tremendous risk for theft among the close-knit group. There was, however, risk of tampering, which I suppose was what I was planning on doing. Looking around to make sure no one was nearby watching, I went to Kelly’s locker and opened it. There was nothing inside, which meant she hadn’t yet gotten to work that morning.
I realized as I stood there staring into the empty locker that I hadn’t even bothered to ask her about the mysterious phone calls or the possibility she had someone else in her life before I kissed her. I just went for it. But she hadn’t resisted or said anything, so I could only assume either she wasn’t dating anyone, or it didn’t matter. I was hoping for the former, but I’d take the latter if stealing her away from someone meant having her for myself.
The bag of kettle-cooked potato chips I set inside was from my favorite company, and I added a container of mixed nuts, a couple of the pressed fruit bars Merry had discovered and become obsessed with in the last two months, and an assortment of four chocolate-covered sea salt caramels. She was always working so hard she rarely stopped to take a breath much less give herself a pick-me-up. The rest of us kept food and drinks scattered around so we could easily get to them during the day, but with the exception of lunch and the pastries she ate when I brought them in, I never saw her eat. I wanted to not only give her that nudge to take care of herself and make sure she had what she needed to keep going, but also let her know I was thinking about her.
My next stop was to my office. I had a coffee maker set up there, a throwback to the days when I spent more time in the office than I did now. But it came in handy now as I pulled out a bag of specialty coffee made from beans roasted right in town. Kelly drank more coffee than anyone I’d ever known. Maybe that explained why she didn’t eat. She showed up at work with a massive travel container of coffee and sipped on that throughout the day, so maybe she felt like she didn’t really need anything else.
By the time I got back to the garage, she was there. She gave me a knowing look and a little smile. I walked up to her with a cup
of the coffee I brewed and handed it to her.
“Good morning,” said.
“Good morning. Thank you,” she said, accepting the cup and taking a sip. “This is delicious.”
For the rest of the day, Kelly moved around me carefully. It wasn’t like she was trying to avoid me or didn’t want to engage with me at all. Instead, it seemed more like she was just being cautious and making sure we were never alone together. I could understand that. But I wasn’t going to surprise her like that again. I wasn’t planning on jumping her in the garage or tossing her over my shoulder and bringing her to my office, as much as both appealed to me. I was going to let her think on everything a bit. She was definitely more reserved than she was the night we met. It wasn’t a bad thing, just a slightly different energy, one that was calmer and steadier.
That didn’t surprise me. I was sure I wasn’t exactly the same as I was the night we’d met, either. We’d grown and matured over the time we’d been apart, and she was older than me by a few years at least. I’d never asked her how old she was because it didn’t matter to me at all, but she’d confirmed she was a bit older the night we met. Now her confidence and maturity were even greater, and I was more impressed by her the longer I knew her.
Because of that, I wasn’t going to pressure her. Instead, I was going to court her. She deserved the attention and to feel like she was special. I wanted her to know I wasn’t just about getting her back in my bed. This was so much more than that. So, I’d keep sneaking her special snacks into her locker and bringing her coffee throughout the day. I’d find as many ways as I could to acknowledge her without getting overbearing, and if she smiled every time she looked my direction, so much the better. And if I was smiling, too… well, I was happy, damn it.
22
Kelly
The last few days were nothing short of a full-fledged, all-men-on-deck assault. But in the very best way possible. When Darren told me he didn’t want it to just be friends, he was serious. It wasn’t just about wanting to get in my pants or even just prove we were still attracted to each other. That sounded ridiculous, but it wouldn’t be the first time I encountered a man who had his masculinity bruised by me saying I just wanted to be friends rather than pursue anything else and decided he was going to restore his faith in himself by seducing me. Whether that was really to prove it to me to have the final say or to keep himself looking good in his guy friends’ eyes was always up to interpretation.
But that wasn’t what was happening with Darren. There was definitely heat and intensity in the kiss he gave me. It was even more than the night we met. That was just instant lust and adrenaline. Birthday drinks gave him a bit more liquid courage and the knowledge I was leaving in the morning made me want something to mark my last night in the country. It was impulsive and heady, but it was incredible. The kiss he gave me in the garage was more. There was something behind the touch of his lips and sweep of his tongue. There was promise in them and tenderness in his fingertips as they stroked my neck. He was telling me far more with that kiss than just that he didn’t want to keep pretending we were nothing but professional anymore.
And it didn’t stop there. Darren didn’t intend to just have that one moment with me. He was fully dedicated to making sure I knew what was on his mind. The kiss took my breath away and immediately sent my desire for him skyrocketing, but there was something even more alluring about his careful attentiveness. He didn’t just want my physical attention. He wanted to show me I mattered to him as well. The sweet gestures of leaving me snacks in my locker and keeping me full of coffee might have seemed minor to other people, but they were precious to me. I felt recognized and acknowledged. I felt special and valuable in a way I never really had with other men. Darren was willing to take his time and not put any pressure on me, and that was incredible.
“Can I walk you to your car?” he asked a couple of days later.
It was the end of an extremely long day, and we’d stayed almost two hours later than we usually did so we didn’t lose momentum. Two of the other guys stayed with us so we weren’t alone, but now we were ready to go, and they had already drifted out. Darren stood at the open door to the garage, and I nodded.
“Sure,” I said.
We went to the lockers, and I got out my things. I couldn’t help but notice Darren watching me as I took off the coveralls I’d put on over my clothes because I knew I was going to get exceptionally greasy that day. There was still another layer of clothing on underneath, but it didn’t stop his eyes from flickering away like he had a moment of shyness. When I had everything, he led me through the complex in a leisurely stroll. Rather than just following the usual path that we took like we were going to lunch or leaving for the day, he brought me to another part of the field, so we had a little longer walking together.
Bright purple flowers covered this section of the field like a carpet, vibrant in the glowing late-evening light. As we walked through, Darren reached down and scooped a handful of the flowers up. He held them out to me, and I felt myself blush. No one had given me flowers in years, and the fact that they were wildflowers somehow made it even better. He didn’t just go off to a store and buy plastic-wrapped roses because they were what everybody got. The purple flowers made him think of me when he saw them, so he picked them and gave them to me.
They gave me a dreamy feeling all the way to my car and back to my apartment. I brought them inside and settled them into a coffee cup full of water. I stopped thinking about them much as I made dinner and gave Willa her bath. But they suddenly came back to mind when I tucked her into bed and read her a bedtime story. As soon as she fell asleep, I went into the kitchen and got the flowers. Bringing them into the living room, I set them on the coffee table and sat on the couch to stare at them.
That handful of purple blooms was without a doubt the sweetest thing a man had ever done for me. It was so innocent and unassuming, such an old-fashioned gesture that felt completely sincere. It made me incredibly happy. It also made me feel unbelievably guilty. Here he was going through all this effort for me. He’d been courageous enough to be the one to make the first move, to go against what we’d said because he felt so strongly for me. Then he slowed it down and was taking his time, showing me I mattered to him in an important way. He truly and sincerely wanted to date me, and I was just lying to him with every second.
I stared at the flowers for the next hour, just trying to figure out what to think and how to feel. If it wasn’t for the massive secret I was keeping from him, there wouldn’t even be a question. Darren had never left my mind. I thought about him all the time, even before finding out I was pregnant. After Willa came along, I’d tell myself the only reason I was thinking about him so much was because of the baby we shared, but I knew that wasn’t really true.
Of course, our child made me think of him. There were things about her, even as a newborn, that reminded me of Darren. I’d only known him briefly, but his eyes and smile were memories I’d never let go of, and when I saw our daughter, they flashed in front of me. But it was so much more than that. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone and barely admitted it to myself, but I thought about Darren because he just stayed with me. There was a tremendous sense of what if, the question of how our lives could have been different if the situation were changed. If I hadn’t had to go back to Canada the morning after we met. If we’d met in a different environment. Even if we’d met earlier. All those things went through my mind all the time, and I never stopped missing him.
That was the real reason I ended up in the bar every year on his birthday. It made me feel closer to him, gave me a way to connect with him even if we weren’t near each other. If everything was different, I wouldn’t hesitate to want to be with him. But that was just the thing. Everything was different, and the way it was different was something I would never change. I wouldn’t trade my daughter for anything. Nothing in my life had ever been as precious to me as Willa was, and even if I had the option, I wouldn’t take back having her.
She just changed things. Her coming into the world made everything in my life different, including how I thought about Darren, and how I had to think about him now. He wanted me, but I couldn’t open up to him without him knowing the full truth. The more attention he gave me, the harder it felt to even think about laying it all out. And I was terrified that once I did, it would change everything. Would he be furious with me and refuse to look at me again? Even worse, would he try to take Willa from me as punishment?
I finally went to bed well after I usually did. I’d thought I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep, but I quickly dropped into a dream about the night we met. Every moment of that night was still etched in my mind, and I could easily replay it. Only this time those memories mixed themselves up into our daily life now. Suddenly it wasn’t three years ago meeting in a bar. It was us at work, spending time together in the garage, falling for each other. I woke up in the middle of the night writhing, so filled with arousal and need I couldn’t fall back to sleep. Even with the guilt still coursing through me, I slid my hand down my body to finish what the dream started.
The dream already had me hot and wet, and my fingertip slipped through my folds, creating a sensation that went all the way through me. I swirled it over my clit and applied just enough pressure to meet the throb. It didn’t take long for my body to start to shake and a hard orgasm to crash over me. Finally, I dropped back to sleep.
The Freeman Brothers: A Secret Baby Romance Collection Page 33