“Good morning,” the woman said with a hint of a smile as she looked from me to Kelly and back again.
“Hi, Pam,” Kelly said. She gestured to her. “Darren, this is Pam. She lives next door and takes care of Willa during the day. Pam, this is Darren.”
I noticed she didn’t elaborate on who I was and could only imagine Pam already knew.
“Nice to meet you, Darren,” she said. “Are you staying home today, Kelly?”
“Oh,” Kelly said, shaking her head. “No. We’re just going in a little late.”
I pretended I didn’t see the raised eyebrows Pam shot toward Kelly and started dishing out breakfast onto plates for all of us. We settled in to eat, then said goodbye to Willa so we could head to Quentin’s house. I wanted to pick up my bike and decided I’d grab some clothes while I was there. Quentin and I were close enough to the same size that I could raid his closet. Kelly pulled up to Quentin’s house, and I leaned across the car to give her a kiss.
“See you at work,” I told her.
“See you then,” she said.
I got out of the car and headed into the house with a smile on my face. All the brothers had keys to each other’s houses, so I let myself in, not expecting anybody to be there. Quentin was already at work, but it turned out Merry hadn’t gone along with him. She startled me when I walked into the living room and found her propped up on the couch, surrounded by pillows and still in her pajamas as she worked on a tablet in her lap.
“Hi,” I said. “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to be here. I thought you’d be at work. I would have knocked.”
“Are you here to rob us?” she asked.
“No.”
“Then there’s no need to knock,” she told me.
I blinked a few times. “Would there have been reason for me to knock if I was here to rob you?”
Merry thought about that for a few seconds, then reached for the glass of juice sitting on the table.
“Nope. Didn’t think that one through. Doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t have gotten up to answer it anyway. I am officially too big and too uncomfortable to go to the compound anymore. So”—she gestured to the couch— “welcome to my office.”
“It’s nice. I love what you’ve done with the place. Anyway, I’m just here to get my bike and thought I’d grab some clothes,” I said.
She grinned as she eyed me. “I did notice you’re wearing the same thing you were at the cookout last night.”
I didn’t say anything, just grinned in return. Merry wagged her finger at me, and I rushed out of the room to the laundry room to grab whatever clothes I could find. I changed and went back to the living room.
“Anything I can get for you while I’m here so you don’t have to try to get up?” I asked.
“Some toast sounds good,” she said. “If you don’t mind.”
“Sure thing,” I told her and headed for the kitchen.
When I came back with a plate of several pieces of buttered toast and a small bowl of jam, she smiled at me.
“Fatherhood is agreeing with you, Darren,” she said.
Emotion swelled in my throat, and I nodded before I left and hopped on the back of my bike to head to work. I parked next to Kelly’s car and headed to the garage. It sounded crazy, but the whole compound looked different. It was like I had a completely different perspective after my night with Kelly and the morning with our daughter. I saw these things every day, yet I was seeing them new now. I could see us spending time together in the field, eating lunch with the family. I looked forward to bringing her down to the lake and watching the sunset with her.
I heard Kelly laughing before I even got to the garage. I stopped by the lockers to slip another treat into hers. It would be even more of a surprise since she got to work before me. When I stepped into the garage, I found my dad standing with Kelly at her workstation, leaning over her shoulder.
“I want that one,” he said, pointing at the screen of her phone. “And that one. That one, too.”
Kelly laughed and nodded.
“All right. I can do that,” she said.
“You can do what?” I asked.
Kelly looked up and grinned at me.
“There you are,” she said. “Your father here is putting in an order for the pictures he wants.”
“What pictures?” I asked.
“Of my granddaughter, of course,” Dad told me, looking up at me only briefly, then going back to her phone and reaching over to swipe. “And that one.”
“We’ve been going through my gallery of all the pictures I have of her from when she was born. It might take a while. We’re only on month three,” she said.
“Well, put in a couple extra orders for me, too. I have a wallet that is in need of a bunch of pictures to show off to people,” I told her.
Kelly laughed, and I leaned in to kiss her cheek. I went to the other side of the garage and started going through the stack of orders sitting on the table. Now that my personal bike was fixed and ready for the upcoming race, I planned on getting some work done on some of the commissioned projects before getting a few rounds out on the practice track.
Opening the tall metal locker against the wall, I took out a folded pair of coveralls and stepped into them, zipping them up the front. I was already borrowing Quentin’s clothes for the day. I didn’t need to bring them back to him splattered in chemicals and paint. As I took out the specs for the first project and started gathering the materials I was going to need to get started, I looked back across the garage at Dad and Kelly. They were still chatting away about the pictures, with Kelly now pointing out specific ones and telling Dad stories about them and what was going on in each one. They both smiled widely and occasionally looked at each other and laughed. I felt my heart warm. I could definitely get used to this.
36
Kelly
If I had ever allowed myself to think far enough ahead to imagine what it would be like after telling Darren about Willa, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine it being as happy and comfortable as it was, much less that it would have been as easy as it was to settle into a new routine. It was a completely different life, a new existence for both of us, yet it happened easily and naturally. Our new relationship and how we existed in it unfolded each day without any effort or stress. We were just happy, and that was something I hadn’t let myself think I could be. I’d wanted it, of course. Like anybody else, I wanted to imagine one day I would have a happy life, a family I could enjoy. But I told myself that was something I had to wait for, that would come a long time in the future.
Yet, here it was. It was just handed over to me, and I couldn’t have felt better about it. Well, maybe I could have. Darren and I got through that first week in our new routine without any conflict or awkwardness. But that included not having the talk we needed to. Both of us had acknowledged that conversation was crucial and inevitable. We couldn’t just keep going and pretending things were normal and like we could figure out our future without ever acknowledging the past. There was no way we would actually be able to build our lives together if we didn’t eventually hash out everything that had happened.
I felt that conversation hovering over us. It had to happen at some point, but there was never a moment during the week when either of us brought it up. Not that there wasn’t the opportunity. That was both the best and the worst part about it. Darren and I saw each other all day in the garage, occasionally stealing kisses and spending the lunch hour together. Then after work every night he went home, changed clothes, and came to my apartment. He spent a couple of hours there really getting acquainted with Willa, helping me give her a bath and put her to bed. By the third night, Willa handed him her favorite bedtime story rather than me. His eyes glowed with joy as he took his place on the edge of her bed and started reading to her.
I loved watching the two of them interact with each other. He was completely natural with her. Even though he said he didn’t have any experience with small children, his instincts ki
cked in instantly, and their bond got stronger with every day. And every day I became more smitten with him. I thought of him first every morning and fell asleep with him on my mind at night. Some of those nights, I was wrapped in his arms, and some of those mornings we learned to start our days together. It was taking time to get used to each other and the process of living the basic, monotonous moments of life together, but I was loving the process. I just wished it didn’t feel like we were getting further and further from the time when we’d be able to have this important conversation with clear minds.
On Friday, Pam arrived at her usual time in the morning lugging another huge bag of food. She’d gotten into the habit of doing that a couple of times a week, especially on days when there would be races. Though there wasn’t a race scheduled for Friday night, somehow, she knew it was set up to be a packed day. Quentin and Merry took that day off to go to a doctor’s appointment for the baby and run some errands. Apparently, she was in full-blown nesting mode, and he was scrambling to follow her around and make sure her every whim was fulfilled. It was amazing to see and listening to Darren cackle about it always made me laugh. According to him, Quentin was never the type of man to fall all over himself for a woman the way he was for her. But she’d managed to melt him, and he was eagerly anticipating the birth of their baby.
Them taking the day off meant they would just be for the rest of us, so I would particularly grateful for the food Pam brought me that morning. When lunchtime came along, I dug out the large storage container of Italian pasta salad and a fork. I had already munched my way through some of the amazing crusty bread she’d baked and the bowl of fruit salad, but I was looking forward to the delicious, satisfying pasta she knew I loved. I settled in the field and dug into the container. I’d been eating for a few minutes when Darren came out of the office building and sat down beside me.
“Hi,” I said. “I thought you disappeared for the day.”
“It felt like it,” he joked. “Mom had me in there going over some of the marketing materials Merry has been working on. As much as she’s trying to say she’ll be able to do it, just immediately jump back into work as soon as the baby’s born, we’re all preparing for her to be out for at least a few weeks.”
“What is she expecting to do with a newborn around here?” I asked, taking another bite of the pasta.
“I think she thinks she could just strap it to her and go about her life like nothing’s different,” he said.
“You know what? If she can do that, good on her. I know some women are able to bounce back like that and they can bring their babies with them to work and everything, and that’s amazing. I was not like that,” I told him. “I spent the several two weeks after Willa was born staying at home. I essentially did nothing but hold her, feed her, change her, and sleep.”
“That actually sounds pretty nice,” Darren said.
I smiled, the corners of my mouth twitching slightly as I dealt with a blend of nostalgia, happiness, and sadness. I still longed for those early days with my daughter sometimes. She was growing up fast, and there were moments when I wished I could just revisit her newborn stage just for a moment. But now that Darren was in our lives, I couldn’t help but overlap those memories with the thought of him not being there. Of course, I’d been aware of it when it happened. I’d thought of him all the time after she was born. But it was with questions and hesitation. Now it was knowing what an incredible man he was and what a good father my daughter had. I wished he’d had the opportunity to see her in her first moments and be there for all the milestones.
“It was,” I said, trying not to let myself dwell too much on the past and instead think about us moving ahead together.
Darren and I looked into each other’s eyes for a few seconds before I saw the shift in his thought process, like he was going to change the subject.
“So, Colby has a date tonight and wants us to double. Sound good?” he asked.
“Sure. That sounds like fun,” I told him.
“Do you think Pam can watch our girl?” he asked.
I felt warmth go through my chest and a little thrill I got every time Darren talked about Willa as ours. I stuck my fork into the bowl of pasta salad and set it to the side to pull my phone out of my pocket. Pam and I had already talked a little bit before during my daily call to check in on my daughter before lunch. But this time the phone rang and rang without her answering it. I hung up and called one more time, but she didn’t answer again.
“I’ll try to call her again in a little bit,” I told Darren.
“Is everything okay? Does she often not answer the phone when you call her?” he asked, sounding worried.
“I’m sure everything’s fine,” I told him. ” “Sometimes they go out to a local park or take a walk through the neighborhood. Pam doesn’t like to answer the phone if they’re going to be walking or she’s playing with Willa. She doesn’t want to take any attention away from watching her.”
“Well, that makes me feel better. I’m really glad to know she has somebody so wonderful watching over her every day,” he said.
“She really is fantastic. I’m so grateful to have found her. Not just for Willa, but also for me. She’s been a great friend,” I confirmed. “She’ll give me a call when she feels like it’s safe, or I’ll call her back in a little while. She should be able to stay with her. Pam loves being Grandma to Willa.”
I regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. They weren’t the right thing to say and didn’t come out how I intended them. But I saw his face change; some of the happiness melted away, and a touch of seriousness came to the edges of his eyes.
“Willa has a grandma here,” he pointed out. “She would love to watch Willa anytime she has the opportunity.”
I nodded, trying to swallow a painful lump of emotion that came to my throat and fight the tears that swelled in my eyes. Reaching over, I took his hand.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I really didn’t mean it like that. I know Minnie is her grandmother, and I’m so happy she has her in her life now. I only meant Pam has been really amazing for both of us. And a little while ago she told me about her daughter. She is Pam’s only child and has decided she never wants to have children. She also moved far away, so Pam rarely gets to see her. She doesn’t have any actual grandchildren and has always wanted them, so she’s been thinking of me as a stand-in daughter and Willa as the closest thing to a grandbaby she’ll ever get. She’s not trying to get in the way or take over anything from your family,” I explained.
“I can imagine that’s really hard on her,” Darren said. “I know how much my parents have wanted grandchildren for years and were worried they weren’t going to have any. I’m perfectly fine with Willa having as many grandparents as are willing to love on her. But I do want to make sure she gets to know my family and spends as much time with them as she can.”
“Absolutely,” I said. “Whenever we can, I would love to spend more time with them. And for Willa to be able to spend time with them just on her own, too. There’s something really special about having a relationship with your grandparents and getting to be spoiled by them without your parents around. I want her to be able to experience that as much as she can. It’s just really important to me not to leave Pam behind. I don’t know what I would have done without her.”
Darren nodded his agreement, but before he could say anything, my phone rang. It was Pam. She agreed to watch Willa that night and sounded overjoyed to plan an evening with her. I was looking forward to having an evening with Darren, but I knew we needed to talk. Even more now than ever.
37
Darren
“Ready to go?” I asked at the end of the day.
“No,” Kelly said, getting everything out of her locker and starting toward the parking lot.
“And yet you’re leaving,” I pointed out.
She smiled and looked at me.
“I’m going to my house to get ready. You can pick me up there in an hou
r,” she told me.
“Why don’t I just come with you?” I asked.
“That wouldn’t be much of a date, now would it?” she asked.
She grinned, and I knew exactly what she was talking about. We’d been spending so much time together, and it felt like we were settling into a relationship, but at the same time we hadn’t even gone on a real date. We hadn’t purposely gone out to spend time just together except for when we’d gone to the seafood restaurant to talk about the DNA test results. I wouldn’t really call that a date.
Kelly kissed me and climbed into her car. I watched her drive off, but then hurried to hop on my bike. I only had an hour until Kelly would be ready for our date, and there was a lot to be done before then. I needed to get cleaned up and changed, and if she was expecting a date, that’s what I was going to give her, complete with a bouquet of flowers for both her and Willa, and a box of chocolates. It was cliché and cheesy, but that’s what made it perfect.
I arrived at the apartment, and Pam answered the door. Willa gave me a huge grin when I handed her the single pink rose I got for her. Her little nose buried in the petals, she closed her eyes and drew in a breath.
“Her first flower,” Kelly said from the hallway leading from her bedroom.
I looked over at her, and my breath caught in my throat. She was gorgeous. Kelly was always beautiful, but there was something special about her that night. Her black pants perfectly skimmed her curves, and the dipped neckline of her shirt showed off just a hint of the swells of her breasts. Her hair tumbled down around her shoulders rather than hanging in a ponytail or twisted up in a bun like it usually was. But it was the look on her face that really got me. There was an excited expression of anticipation in her eyes, like she couldn’t wait to spend the evening with me. I walked up to her and handed her flowers, then drew her close for a kiss.
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