by Helen Bright
* * *
No sooner had I handed the package over to Lucas, I heard Tess call out my name. She knocked then opened the door slowly, as if expecting to find something she didn’t want to see. It was like she knew, somehow—because when her eyes met mine I could already see the pain behind them.
“Kolya, what’s going on? It’s Sarah, isn’t it? Or is it Jean? Has she had another heart attack? Please, Kolya, tell me what’s wrong. I asked Jonesy and Franco but they told me I needed to speak to you. That’s when I knew it had something to do with me and not your business.”
My brave Tess. She held her head high and looked deep in my eyes as she asked me those questions. Only the quiver in her whisper-soft tone gave away her fear of the answer.
James came striding into my office, quickly followed by Brad.
“What’s going on, Dad? Everyone’s walking around like someone stole their winning lottery ticket.”
“James, I need to speak with Tess before I explain everything. She needs to hear it first.”
“But…”
I interrupted him before he could question me any further.
“James, go to the tech room and tell Kevin to let you know what’s going on. I need to speak to Tess on her own. I’m sorry, son, but once you find out why, you will understand.”
He nodded his head then turned to leave, pausing at the door before coming back into the room, enveloping Tess in a tight hug.
“Whatever it is, Tess, you know I’ll be there for you if you need me,” he told her.
Brad shot me a glance as he hovered in the doorway. I knew he wanted to come in and offer Tess some comfort, but he was smart enough to leave it for now. My earlier display of possessiveness had the desired effect, it seemed.
I waited until Brad and James closed the door behind them before guiding Tess to the small sofa then taking a seat beside her.
I took her shaking hands in mine and kissed her fingertips.
“Tess, there is no easy way to say this, but earlier today, Sarah’s body was discovered in marshland near Doncaster.”
Tess closed her eyes without saying a word. She remained that way for thirty seconds or so, the only giveaway of her feelings being the lone tear sliding down her cheek.
“How did she die?” she asked, still not opening her eyes. As if keeping them closed made her able to cope with her obvious grief.
I sighed then closed my own eyes. In the hope that mirroring her actions would help me cope, too.
It didn’t.
I was unsure how much I should tell her right now. Would it be wiser to wait until she had the chance to process the loss of her friend? Or should I tell her everything—including the fact that I’d learned of Sarah’s death from Farid Ali, before ordering his own death and disposing of his body?
Would she fear me? Hate me? Or would she accept that I was trying to keep her safe—giving her enough time to recover from her injury before she had to face the world again?
I decided on the truth.
The whole truth!
She needed to know the depths of depravity these men had sunk to, and the threat they had posed to her safety. I had to show her a copy of the letter. She also needed to know that I had killed the man that signed it. That I would kill for her again, should the need arise.
26
Tess
I’d been throwing up on and off for the last five minutes. Kolya knelt beside me in the bathroom, holding back my hair, whispering soothing words while gently rubbing my back.
How is it possible that someone so caring—someone I’d trusted—could order a person’s death, then keep the knowledge of my best friend’s murder from me? What kind of man did that make him?
I had built him up on a pedestal, made him like a superhero.
I was naïve—foolish—gullible. My inexperience revealing how incredibly trusting I’d been to become so reliant on a virtual stranger, all those weeks ago.
Kolya left my side for a moment then brought me a glass of water, encouraging me to drink. I did so reluctantly, not sure whether any act of kindness from him was welcome right now.
“I’d like to be alone for a while,” I told him. Refusing to meet his concerned gaze.
“Tess, I need you to speak to me: to let me know how you feel about all you’ve just heard and seen.”
“I can’t do that, Kolya, because I don’t even know myself how I feel right now,” I told him, taking another sip of water and praying it would stay down.
“I need to know you understand why I did what I did.”
“Kolya, you kept my best friend’s death from me! Her body was left to rot out in the open for months. No one had the chance to mourn her because no one who fucking cared about her knew!” I was breathing heavily, my hand gripping the glass so hard I thought it would break.
“Tess, I told you why I couldn’t let anyone know. You needed time to recover, to get over your injury. I couldn’t risk you being taken in for questioning while you were hurting. You know they won’t let you come back here if they take you in. You will have to go back to The Willows or some other place. I need you here so I can protect you. Your safety and wellbeing have been my priority since the first time I held you in my arms, your blood soaking through my clothes. When I learned about the men who had followed you to London, and why they had done so, I was determined that I’d rid you of the threat they posed. But when I heard what that despicable man and his friends had planned for you—what they had done to your friend and others—I could not let him live to carry out that threat.”
“So you became judge, jury, and executioner! How do you sleep at night knowing you ended a man’s life?”
“Better than I would knowing he still walked the earth!”
I shook my head. This was getting us nowhere.
“I don’t understand how you could keep Sarah’s death from me. Didn’t you trust me enough with the truth?”
“I trust you with my life, Tess. But as you’ve said, the fact that Sarah’s body has lain undiscovered for so long has hurt you. You would have wanted to report it if you knew, which is only to be expected. She was your dear friend, so I can understand your anger. But we had to consider all our options, and we needed to know that you were safe. I am sorry that you are angry, and in a way, I do regret keeping it from you. But I was willing to risk your anger and hate to know that you were safe. Sarah was already gone. There was nothing we could do for her, except protect her best friend. From what you have told me about your last conversation with her, that was something she tried to do herself.”
Kolya paused for a moment, rubbing his hand over his face. “I made sure that Jean and Danny—people that had shown you love and friendship, and who cared for you when no one else could—were well taken care of. I didn’t want their welfare to be a cause of worry and stress for you. They are both good people, who did not deserve the wrath of the ogres that were looking for you. Too many living souls could have suffered if this wasn’t timed just right. You more than any.
“I was going to send the information to the police two weeks ago. But then James announced he would be coming home in time for his birthday, and I didn’t want the chaos that would surround these revelations to be going on while he was here. You are both so important to me: the reason my heart still beats. I did not want your first meeting to be overshadowed by grief and police interviews. But now it seems that is out of my hands, and for that, too, I am sorry.”
“I… I just don’t know what to say about all this. It feels like a betrayal. Like everything I thought I knew to be true is a lie,” I told him. Those pale-blue eyes bored into mine, his hand coming up to cup my cheek. I flinched slightly and he stopped, his palm only an inch away from my skin.
“Just answer me this, Tess. However you’re feeling right now, from all I have told you, do you believe I had only your best interests at heart?”
“I honestly don’t know, Kolya. You’ve controlled every aspect of my life since I was shot. So much
of that I will be eternally grateful for. But keeping all this from me is just too big. You shouldn’t have had the power to do what you did. You shouldn’t have the power you have over me!”
“Out of every sentence spoken today, that is the greatest untruth of all. My darling Tess, it is you that holds all the power here, as you have done since the day we met, despite the trauma and pain surrounding it.” He leaned back against the tiled wall of the bathroom, staring at his hands. “I have long since stopped trying to work out why that is so: why I feel that you—or thoughts of you—control so many of my actions, when clearly, I should be old enough, and wise enough, to know better.”
I swallowed hard. His words were beginning to melt the icy wall I’d just decided to hide my heart behind. Should I believe him? After all, he’d kept so much important information from me due to what he believed to be my best interests. Would he do so again in the future?
“I don’t know if I can trust what you say anymore, Kolya. I let my guard down with you when I should have known better. I do believe you thought you were doing the right thing by withholding the information, but it was my life you were manipulating. I couldn’t ask for better care than I’ve received since being here. You’ve made me feel like I belong, and for someone who has no family, I will be eternally grateful for that.”
“You do have a family now. You have me and James, Nan and Jack. My whole staff adore you. A family doesn’t have to be something you are born into, or create. It can be something that develops over time.”
“Will I have to go back to The Willows?” I asked, bracing myself for his answer.
“No!” he replied, vehemently. “I will not allow it. Do you hear me, Tess?” he cried, as he darted towards me. He crushed me to his chest, the glass of water I held tumbling to the floor from the sudden, unexpected movement.
“But if the police come for me I won’t have a choice, will I? I could run away again?” I offered. “That way you can stay out of it. You could tell them you came home one day and I’d left.”
It wasn’t something I wanted to think about, but I knew I might not have a choice once the police arrived. Going back to The Willows wasn’t an option for me. Brad did say I had choices. Well, I choose not to go back into care. Whatever I had to do to keep out of the grasp of social services, I would.
“I will not let them take you, Tess. I will do anything to keep you here—anything at all. For God’s sake, I killed a man to keep you safe, and I would do so again, without hesitation. I’d give the whole world to keep you with me.”
“Kolya,” I sobbed. The depth of emotion in his words gave me hope for something I had only ever dreamed of, never expecting I would get to experience it.
Utter devotion! Whether it came from the fact that I’d saved his life, or something else.
I had to forgive Kolya, and let him do everything he could to keep me here. Despite my earlier thoughts and protestations, a battle with the authorities was something I couldn’t win on my own. But with Kolya by my side, at this moment, although saddened beyond belief, I felt like anything was possible.
27
Kolya
My solicitor, Oliver Ward-Jones, sat patiently taking notes in my study while Tess retold the story of why she left the children’s home and ran away to London. He’d arrived barely an hour after I’d finished breaking the news of Sarah’s death to her. Tess was heartbroken. But the fact that I’d known Sarah was dead so many weeks ago was something she found hard to come to terms with. Oddly enough, that fact seemed to bother her more than the reason why Farid Ali was dead.
Tess is an enigma. Just when I think I know her, she surprises me once again.
It had been Nan’s day off today, but as soon as she found out what had happened, she came over from her cottage on the estate to comfort Tess.
I’d given them some time alone while I’d taken Oliver into my study. I wanted to fill him in on everything that we’d learned so far. When Oliver was ready to see her, I came out to find her sitting on the sofa with Nan and Ivan—his big arms wrapped around them both as they cried together—Danny and Bess at their feet, leaning back against them.
Jonesy caught me in the doorway before I entered.
“It was hard enough to hear her and Nan cry, boss. But when Ivan started sniffling I was out of there. I couldn’t cope if he cried. I’d sooner face a load of insurgents than be around to see that.”
Jonesy had left me standing there staring at the outpouring of both grief and love, grateful to see that Tess had so many people in her life who genuinely cared. Something she’d been missing for so long.
I interrupted that touching moment to bring Tess into my study to see Oliver. I’d been introduced to him by my late wife; they had been friends since childhood. Oliver’s father—also a solicitor—had handled all the legal work for the Lassiter Hotel Group, so it made perfect sense that I use them for KOLCAT Engineering.
Oliver was at the top of his game when it came to all the legal work needed in my business, so I wasn’t sure if he would bring someone else in to advise us how to proceed with our current situation. I had already spoken to him about Tess, telling him about her ordeal and about what I had learned from Farid Ali—although he understood that wasn’t on record, and I hadn’t informed him of the man’s death.
I had been worried that Oliver Ward-Jones’s methods and manner would be a little too aggressive for Tess while she was still so upset, but as the minutes ticked by my concern abated.
He listened carefully, recording the conversation as well as taking notes, and when asking Tess to clarify something, he did so in a mild, apologetic manner. Most unlike the Oliver I had dealt with professionally. Perhaps being the father of a teenage daughter helped when having to interview young women.
That’s how Tess looked to me at this very moment: young and vulnerable. Not only did my heart ache for her and what she had gone through, but I also felt bad for my actions earlier. I would have kissed her in the pool if we had not been interrupted. I’d wanted to press my body against hers to let her feel what effect just the thought of her did to me every day. But hearing once again about her friend and what she went through made me feel a little sick.
For a moment or two I compared myself to those men. After all, I had been lusting after a girl that was not yet legally able to vote. I had always given her my full attention, showered her with gifts, bestowed upon her enough love and affection to last a lifetime. Isn’t that what men who groom young girls do?
Before today, I had never let my desire for her show. I knew that the age of consent here in the UK was sixteen, but really, weren’t they still a child at that age?
It was jealousy that had gotten the better of me. I’d been jealous of a young man more suited to her age group. A young man who did not deserve to be on the receiving end of the anger I’d felt earlier. But I knew I would feel exactly the same if I saw anyone else flirting with her.
Tess is mine! It is as simple as that. Nothing more needs to happen to convince me of it. However, I know I have to do the honourable thing here and keep away from Tess in that way until she turns eighteen. I will feel more comfortable expressing my desire for her when she reaches that milestone. I can only fool myself so much and say that her life experiences have made her more mature in mind than someone of her age should be. Though some can argue the truth of that, there would be others that would say she’d need to experience how it feels to be a carefree teen before she can embrace what it means to be a woman.
Oliver went over a few of the notes he’d made with Tess, and while he did so I made a decision. I would be strong—for her sake if nothing else. I would keep my growing sexual need for her hidden until she was ready for me, however long that may take.
I was still deep in thought when I heard Oliver call out my name.
“Kolya, as I’ve just told Tess, it’s likely that her face and details will be all over the national news by morning, if not by the late bulletin tonight. So it’s best if sh
e goes to the station dealing with the case as soon as possible.”
“But if I do that, I won’t be able to come back here until I turn eighteen,” Tess stated, the fear she tried so bravely to hide still evident. Franco stepped forward and squeezed her shoulder in reassurance, though his clenched jaw showed his unease with the situation.
“No, Oliver, I will not allow it. There has to be some other way.” We had gone over this a number of times since Tess came to stay here, and each time his answer was no different from the last.
“Kolya, neither you nor your staff are legally approved foster carers. To become so often takes months, sometimes years. And I doubt very much that someone who creates and sells weapons would be considered suitable.”
“What about Tess’s grandmother? Doesn’t she have legal rights?” I asked. “I would be happy to approach the woman and offer her money to sign guardianship over to me—if that is possible.”
“Kolya, again, if it was possible—which it most certainly is not—given the fact that currently, her grandmother is in prison and the state has legal responsibility over Tess, it would still take time we don’t have.”
Oliver sighed, then reached over and took Tess’s hand in his. “Tess, I wish there was something we could do within the law to keep you here. We could say you fear for your life and that Kolya is willing to provide you with a safe refuge, but it’s unlikely they will let you return. The only way to overturn any legal responsibility the state or family members have over you, is if you were to marry. If that were to happen, your husband would become legally responsible for your care, as you, in turn, would be responsible for his.”
“But I’m too young to get married, and I don’t even have a boyfriend, so that’s not going to happen.”
Tess sat back in her chair, her shoulders sagging.