by Emily Wilson
It's hard to think of anything but that alone time Kato teased as Azrian straddles him, but he tries to stay focused. “Yeah, but... I just wish we were already at the finish line. It's selfish, but I think we’ve already done more than we should’ve ever had to.”
“You certainly have, Azzy.” Kato momentarily looks sad as he laces their fingers together and stares at their hands. “I on the other hand... have a lot to atone for.”
“No, you don't,” Az argues gently. “You never hurt anyone. At least not anyone that wasn't also trying to hurt us or innocent people. It's not your fault you grew up the way you did, and I'm never going to stop correcting you when you say things like that.”
The slight smile doesn't reach his eyes as he nods. “Thanks, but... I've been having these dreams... flashes of things that feel so real I can't help but believe they're memories. What if... what if I did hurt someone?” he whispers, his breathing picking up speed as he speaks. “What if they just erased it and I'm- I'm just as bad as they were?”
“Shh.” Azrian places a single finger to Kato’s lips and leans in to kiss his forehead. “Don't think like that. Truth be told, I wouldn't put it past the Venandi to have done something like that, but it doesn't matter. Our pasts are behind us for a reason.”
Kato tightens his arms around Az, burying his face into his chest. Azrian can feel him nod in agreement, but he doesn’t have to see those golden irises to see the doubt. He can feel that, too.
“Hey. Look at me,” he prompts, then lifts his face by his chin when Kato doesn't immediately listen. “You are not what the Venandi wanted you to be. You are so much more than that, and you're proving it every single day.”
“I’m trying. It’s an uphill battle with the praelex, but... Embermeadow is so close, Azrian. I can feel it. They just need the push in the right direction.” He meets Azrian’s eyes and then brings their lips together, whispering “thank you for seeing who I want to be” between messy kisses.
The last thing Azrian wants to do is think about the praelex and all the times they've punished humans unfairly, so he shoves those thoughts aside and focuses on what's real — and more often than not, the only thing real to him... is Kato.
“I'M SORRY... HOW MANY candleholders?” Az asks, his jaw going slack at the request.
Rhix huffs in irritation and taps the order form on the table between them. “He wants twelve and he wants them by tonight. You said you could handle it.”
“To be fair, you asked me over breakfast when I was still half asleep,” Az counters. “That hardly counts as reasonable... but fine.” He snatches the parchment and sets down the crude drawing. Kato would’ve done a better job on the mock-up if Tuyon would've let him try, but the man is too stubborn for his own good. And apparently, too stubborn for Azrian’s own good, too.
He gets to work on the decorative pieces and curses himself for giving up his powers. Having silver, heated energy at his disposal would come in handy as he melts down the metal to reshape it, but he's not dumb enough to ask Cettia for any favors. Ever since she'd warned him that they weren't done yet, he's been waiting for the moment they’d come back unbidden — and that's a day he's willing to put off for as long as he possibly can.
It's well into the evening when Azrian finishes the final candleholder, and he has to admit they look good. Maybe not as good as they would've looked if he was given more time, but... definitely acceptable.
“Do you think you'll ever be clean when Tuyon comes here?” Rhix teases, and it takes Azrian a second to remember the last time he saw the man — he hadn't been able to bathe the night before. And now, he doesn't have to look down at himself to know he’s filthy and gritty.
“Probably not,” Az shoots back. “I'm a blacksmith, not a princess.”
Rhix barks a laugh and slaps his shoulder playfully, sending shockwaves down to his toes. “Just a princess for your Cogitare.”
“Ah, s-shadows,” he stutters, the reverberation making it hard enough to speak — but the knowledge that Rhix could hear things through the wall that Az wishes he couldn't just makes it worse. “Shut up. You're not funny.”
Rhix doesn’t get the message because he’s laughing so hard it makes him choke. “Don’t worry. I make sure your mom doesn’t hear.” He stops laughing when he realizes how that came across. “I didn’t mean like that, I meant— shadows, just go take a bath.”
It's enough that Azrian nearly listens instead of sticking around to see if he's earned another one of Tuyon’s generous tips, but he needs the money more than he needs to save himself embarrassment. Kato loves him just the way he is, he shouldn't care what other people think.
Luckily for him, Tuyon shows up just a few minutes later and rescues them from the awkward silence that had settled. He stares at the holders to examine them as he always does, and like always, he stands straighter with a smirk. “This lad never disappoints. Didn’t think you’d have this rush of an order in ya.” He clasps that same shoulder Rhix assaulted only moments ago. “Where ya been?”
The question is so loaded it's almost unbelievable, but Azrian knows better than to try and skirt it. Tuyon is the type to simply keep asking. “Well, I've been all over Athoze, actually. Got kidnapped twice, walked a lot, killed a shadowhead, met a Valianis, got powers and lost them, stormed a castle, helped kill a different shadowhead—” Az raises a finger for each one “— and traveled the Wasted Waters, though those things didn't necessarily happen in that order.”
Tuyon’s face changes with each addition and in the end, all he can come up with is: “What’s a shadowhead?”
“Um...” Az chuckles, his shoulders relaxing as he wipes the sweat from his brow. “You'd have to ask Kato. Basically, it's just an insult that seems to cover anything and everyone.”
“Hmm...” Tuyon huffs a laugh and thinks on it a moment longer. “I like it. So kidnapped, ya say? They hurt you, boy? There’s something different about ya.”
Rhix snorts but doesn't say anything, and Az is grateful. “I guess a journey like the one I've been on changes you. But I'm still just me. Maybe a slightly less afraid me, but... still me.”
Tuyon nods. “Did I tell ya about the time I sailed the Wastes?”
It makes Azrian shake his head — not because he hasn't heard the story, but because chances are good that he’s about to spend the next twenty minutes of his life listening to Tuyon lie through his teeth. “Nope. Go ahead,” he says, painfully aware he's losing time with Kato with every second that passes. “Let's hear it.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘IT doesn’t matter’?” Kato’s hands tighten at his sides. “Why doesn’t framing someone matter? He’s innocent!”
The praelex eyes him with amusement. “Who cares if he's innocent? He's a human, they're disposable. And someone’s gotta go down for breaking into the butcher’s hut.”
Pure rage radiates off Kato as he uses his powers against the crooked praelex. “Tell the truth!”
Instantly, he coughs up the name of the true culprit — a man Kato knows for a fact is Praediti. “Voxer. It was Voxer.”
The human sobs quietly with relief as the praelex’s grip on him fades and the air goes back to normal. “Thank you, Kato. Thank—”
“What’s going on?” a woman asks, also in a praelex’s uniform. Kato hasn't dealt with her directly, but it's evident he can trust her when she walks over to check on the victim.
“Lorn was trying to frame this human for a crime a Viribus did. He’s innocent. How many people have you done this to, Lorn?” Kato looks back at him and bores into his eyes.
Still unable to lie, Lorn clenches his jaw. “I lost count. Who cares? They're just—”
“Oh, this won't do,” she says with a click of her tongue. “I'm Vaelyn. I'm your new boss, Lorn... well, your old boss now, I suppose.”
“What?” The Caelim's head snaps toward her. “What do you mean ‘old’?”
“She means you’re assed, shadowhead.” Kato grins at Vaelyn, but he doesn’t even ha
ve to look in her mind to know he must have said the wrong thing again. “Is assed not the right word?”
“Well, I've never heard it used like that, but yes. He's absolutely assed and can run along at any time. Leave your badge.” She glances back at Kato and nods when she meets his gaze. “Cogitare. I've heard about you. Make sure he leaves his badge and goes home; we don't have a need for a praelex that forgot the oath he took.”
Kato nods and does as told without question, watching Lorn leave the building with a smile. This is why he’s here. He never imagined working with any type of authority again, but this is different. This is the only way humans will stop being bullied.
After searching for Vaelyn’s office, Kato sits down on a chair across from her and looks her up and down. “You’re different.”
“As are you. Not all of us fit our stereotypes,” she says with a knowing smile. Her red eyes give her away as an Igneme, but she's vastly nicer than the only other ones he's ever met. “I hear you've been working with the praelex a lot?”
“I figure, why have these gifts if not to use them for good? No one should be above anyone. No life is less than another. Do you agree?”
She hums, allowing him to look for himself. “Yes, I do,” she confirms. “I've felt that way all my life, but I may be a little biased. I'm the only Praediti in my whole family. The first for generations, as far as we can tell. Humans raised me, loved me, nurtured me. Not one of them deserves to be treated the way most humans are, so why would I assume anyone else does? We Igneme get similar hatred thrown our way. It's not right.”
Kato drops his gaze, guilty of judging Igneme before they even open their mouths. Like he’d said to Azrian, what if he’s no better? “I apologize for having previous prejudices against Igneme. How can I talk of a better world when I’m no better than other Praediti?”
“To be fair, most of us deserve it,” she jokes. “We're supposed to make our own beds... it just so happens that most Igneme would rather burn them.” Vaelyn shuffles through the stack of parchment on her desk and pulls out one particular sheet. “I wonder if you'd be able to help me once more. While you were walking Lorn out, I took care of getting poor Helian an escort home, but something tells me our prison is full of humans that are probably innocent.”
Kato sits up taller and nods without hesitation. Having a mission awakens something in Kato that hasn’t stirred in months. Before this, he’d felt lost — strolling the streets of a strange land he’s supposed to call home, while the only person he wants to be around falls back into his old life. The life before Kato. Kato just works better when he has a mission; he’s always had a job. “We have to help them.”
“Good. I was hoping you'd agree, but for now... head home. I'll see you at the prison when the morning sun crests? Or is that too early for you?”
“No. Of course not. Azrian likes to wake up before everyone else so— never mind, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Kato stands with a blush and knocks his knee on her table.
Though he's no longer listening to her thoughts, he knows she knows what he meant, but she says nothing as he makes his way back out of the praelex station. He chuckles at his almost-slip and makes his way home. He realizes as he walks that the sunset is less than an hour out, and if he wants to draw this evening, he needs to pick up the pace.
Roe greets him with a tight smile as he enters, the scent of warm stew hitting his nose the second the door closes behind him. He opts not to spark a conversation since he’s limited on time and goes straight for his parchment and pencils. Only a handful of moments later, Kato plops onto the grass outside, taking a second to brush his hand through the blades before starting on his drawing.
On any given night, he’d be drawing that sunset as it crests over the trees, but not tonight. Tonight, he works on something completely different: a surprise for Az.
THE FOLLOWING DAY, Kato and Azrian catch the sunset together. He leaves his special drawing tucked safely away in their room, and instead of pencils in his hand, he holds Az’s. “This grass is so much better than Deadrun grass. I don’t know how I ever thought it was real.”
“It was close, but there's no replacement for the real thing. I'm just glad that now you understand... it seems like such a simple thing, but no one should live their life without knowing what the grass or sun feel like.”
“I agree.” Kato kisses his hand and turns back to the fading sun. “My brothers should be here any day.”
“I know,” Az says gently. “Are you ready for that? I know you've had some mixed feelings so far, but I think this is going to be really good for you, too. You deserve to know them.”
“I have... fears. What if they’re not like me? Or they believe they’re above humans? How would I even begin to change their minds?”
Azrian doesn't answer him until darkness starts to spread. “Honestly, I don't have an answer for you. I'd like to sit here and tell you that they’ll be good, but the truth is that we just don't know. We have no idea what kind of influence Melior and Belua had over them before they left Deadrun, or after for that matter. But either way, you still deserve the chance to meet them, and they deserve a chance to show you who they really are without you going into it expecting them to be bad. Maybe they'll be exactly like you were. You just needed someone to show you there was a better way.”
Kato nods, his smile growing more genuine with each passing second. “You’re right.”
“Duh,” Az teases, nudging him and squeezing his hand. “All we can do is give them the benefit of the doubt, but still be ready in case it doesn't go how we want it to.”
Since the alternative isn't something Kato wants to think about, he simply agrees. “Ronan is going to hate giving up his room again.”
“He’ll be alright. He's lucky I don't make him sleep strapped to the roof after what he pulled the other day. And if things get too cramped, we can always have them stay at the inn or something. Maybe make my mom go stay with Rhix.”
“Are you going to ask her to go stay over there?” Kato huffs a laugh because he isn’t scared of a lot of people, but Roe is an exception. “Maybe it’s better actually, there will be multiple Praediti in her house.”
Azrian’s mood shifts so violently that Kato can feel it. “She’s dating one, she doesn't have a right to complain about Praediti anymore. At least not the ones I bring into this house. Praediti built this house, she wouldn't have a —”
Kato shuts him up with a kiss, laying him back on the grass and swallowing all of his panic for him. He wishes it was always this easy — that a kiss could always rid them of doubts and fears — but seeing as that isn’t possible, he’ll count this time as a win.
“Shadows, Kato,” Az breathes when he's finally let up. “Maybe we should just go stay at the inn, let your brothers stay here. Stop making such convincing arguments.”
It makes Kato laugh as he rolls onto his back and stares up at Cettia. “I wonder how many gods there are, Azrian.”
“Really? That's how you're choosing to — okay.” Az settles next to him with amusement on his face. “I don't know how many there are. Cettia isn't exactly the most talkative. Maybe she's the only one?”
“That would mean the one god there is... chose you,” Kato points out as Axis walks over and plops next to Azrian’s legs. It makes him wonder where Nut is, but he remembers seeing him in the kitchen looking for food not long ago.
“Cettia is not our only god,” Axis’ voice booms in his mind. “She is the god of our atmosphere.”
On instinct, he repeats the words to Azrian before truly thinking them through. Azrian sits up, his eyebrows raised in surprise as he looks at the valianis. “Atmosphere? Like—” he gestures toward the sky — “all of that?”
“Yes,” Axis clarifies. “The sky, the sun and stars, the very air surrounding us. Cettia is the last line of defense between us and what lies above.”
“And what lies above?” Kato asks quickly before repeating what Axis said. It hits him then that Azrian won't b
e able to hear the response, unless.... “Do you want to be able to hear him, Az?”
The last time he tried this, Azrian wasn't happy at all to have Nut’s thoughts invading his mind. But this is different... and Az is different, too. “Yes,” he says quickly, so Kato focuses on connecting their minds until both sets of thoughts are bouncing around in tandem. “Whoa.” Az swallows, then nods enthusiastically to Axis. “Go ahead.”
“The Shadows. A vast, empty nothingness. Bits and pieces of that great void seep through — but those spaces, that emptiness that hides in dark corners and quiet, lonely minds is ruled by another. His name is Inais, but do not ask me to speak about him further.”
“Why not?” Az asks insistently. “Does he have powers too? Are there more?”
“Yes, there are more. But I must speak with Cettia before I tell you. These old gods have long been forgotten, Azrian.” Axis lays his snout back down, blinking up at that shining beacon of hope, but Azrian looks like he could throttle him.
“Does he always do that to you?” he asks Kato. “Drop some irritatingly interesting knowledge and then just... stop?”
“Yes. Irritating is the right word.” Kato looks at Az apologetically and then back at Axis. “You should have heard him back in the desert. I wanted to punch him every time he said the word ‘prophecy’.”
Az snorts. “Yeah, I bet that would get annoying, especially since he wouldn't tell us anything about it. At least he's soft,” he comments as he runs a hand through his fur. “But I almost don't want him talking to Cettia at all about us. I was thinking about that not long ago... and I’m afraid that if we remind her we exist, she’ll send us off to deal with some other ridiculous thing.”
As ready as Kato is to fight the good fight, he knows Az prefers sitting on the grass with their troubles behind them... not ahead of them. Honestly, Kato doesn’t blame him. These moments are the best he’s ever had. “Maybe we’re done... maybe our battle still to come is Ronan and puberty.”