I wished Ruck was beside me, but he hadn’t been able to get his tower shifts covered. He didn’t want to leave Ryker high and dry, so he was going to follow a week later.
We made our way to Knife’s place, having to pass right by Ryker’s. His door was closed. Just as I’d been able to take a breath, it opened. He stepped into the doorway and watched as I walked past. Dez gave a wave, which he returned with a nod. Ryker and I didn’t do anything but stare.
He watched me with something akin to anger, as if I were a defector. My stare might’ve had regret. That was how I felt, deep down. Regret for all of the moments that hadn’t worked out, all of the hurt. Everything.
I broke the contact first, not caring about winning anymore. I was already defeated; he just didn’t know it. He’d won. He’d stolen my heart, taken it all and left nothing behind. He was the victor of the spoils and me the empty shell.
“It’s for the best,” Dez said. “Get a little distance, regroup. You can always come back.”
“Yeah, maybe.” If Ryker would take me back. I wasn’t sure he would, not after that last look he’d given me. My steps felt heavier the farther I walked.
“Wait up!”
I spun around at the sound of Ruck’s voice to see him running toward us, a bag slung over his shoulder.
“I’m coming now,” he said as he stopped beside us.
Dez pointed toward Knife’s place up ahead. I nodded, indicating we’d be there soon, and then turned my attention back to Ruck.
“I thought you couldn’t get coverage?” I wrapped a hand around his wrist, and there wasn’t anything that was going to make me let go of him.
“Ryker told me to go.”
Holy magic, the man hated me so much he was purging the place of my people. Marra had lucked out. She probably got to stay because she’d cut me off.
I wrapped Ruck in a bear hug and could feel myself smile.
We turned to catch up with Dez and Knife, my grip still firm on Ruck.
Knife gave me a nod as our party got ready to depart. He didn’t say anything else, but I could tell from that single look that he thought I was doing the right thing.
We all made our way to the chugger we were taking together. A lot of Knife’s people were staying behind at the Valley, but we had quite a few looking to go back to Dorley. Knife and Dez climbed into the front cab, and I waved them on, hopping in the back with Ruck.
The back of the chugger was wide open, and a few benches had been nailed to the sides, where we settled in together.
Ruck leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs, looking at the scenery as the engine roared to life. “Nice to be starting a new adventure, right? The Valley was a good time, but I’m interested in what Dorley has to offer.”
I rested my back on the side. I nodded and watched as we began moving away. At that moment, not one part of me wanted to leave this place. I put my hands on my knees to help keep my feet glued to the floor.
For Ruck, it was different. He thought maybe the love of his life would be around the next corner. I’d already found the man I wanted, and I was driving away from him as we spoke. Not that it mattered—he’d already been a million miles away where it counted.
“You look off. You nervous about the distance because of the merge thing? Dez thinks it’ll be okay, right?”
“Yeah, she thinks it’ll all be good.”
As we got farther away and the towers of the valley were the last landmarks I could make out, my heart sank a little more. Physically, I felt fine. Dez had been right. The merge wouldn’t force me to stay close to Ryker, nor the lost challenge. My last secret hope of an out was dying with every new mile.
I’d never have to see Ryker again if I didn’t want to, and it felt like a knife was repeatedly stabbing me in the heart.
Six
Six months later…
She was sixteen, tops, sitting cross-legged in front of me on the ground. The knees of her pants were paper thin, and the color of her flesh tinted the area. The hems were so frayed that they had a coating of mud on the dangling threads.
A year ago, I wouldn’t have thought she was that bad off. Her clothes were better than what people in the Ruins wore. If that was the bar to judge by, she was in good shape, as long as you didn’t hear her stomach growling. Showed how quickly your standards changed.
For some reason, I’d assumed the people of Dorley would be better off, closer to how the people of the Valley fared. I’d learned only some were. Most weren’t.
I was working on that. Knife wasn’t an inherently bad guy, after all. Just a tad on the selfish side. There were worse crimes, and I was certain I could get him to loosen the coin purse if I harassed him long enough.
“Will I get the raise I was promised?” the girl asked, her fingernails dirty, hinting at a job in construction. Made sense that Knife wouldn’t allocate a lot of money her way. He paid a premium to Wyrd Blood, but it was a steep slide after that.
I didn’t need a worm for this answer. Knife didn’t give anyone raises. Still, I went through the motions, because that was my job here, and I’d rather have the worm be the bearer of bad news.
I reached into the bucket by my side, filled with a smattering of dirt and one of the last pre-dug worms of the day, all happy to return to the ground. I cupped my hands, whispered the question, and placed it into the circle that had already been used forty-nine times today. The worm went to “no” as soon as it hit the ground.
Her face fell and the crease between her brows deepened. I leaned back, waiting to see if she’d put up a fight. She didn’t. She stood, gave me a quick thanks, and walked out of the tent. I liked pragmatists best. They accepted the truth faster. I was tired of explaining that I couldn’t ask the same question repeatedly.
The bell chimed in the tower, marking quitting time. I tipped over the bucket, and the last of the worms wriggled their way to freedom.
Ruck cast a shadow over where I knelt. “You done?”
He had that tone again. It was going to be another talk. More and more, I was hating the talks.
“Yeah, that was my last client of the day.”
He looked over his shoulder as the girl walked slowly across the field, probably heading to one of the shacks in the southern corner. She might as well have had weights tied to her ankles with the way her feet dragged.
His head bobbed as he exhaled. “Yeah, saw her dejected form leaving.”
Yep, definitely going to have the talk again.
“Oh, great.” His voice had the enthusiasm of a slug crawling in hot sand.
I raised my head and saw Knife heading over. “Looks like he spotted another unhappy customer. Probably looking to give me another pep talk.” That talk didn’t bother me. I considered it part of the cause. The worms helped the people here realize how lousy they were treated. Hopefully, one day they’d demand more.
Knife made his way over and glanced at Ruck, giving him a brief nod, as he often did. Knife tended to treat Ruck as my accessory, like he was a scarf or something. It didn’t help relations much.
Knife focused on me. “Bugs.”
“Knife, what’s going on?” I asked.
He scratched his jaw, stalling for a few seconds before he launched into his tirade. “Bugs, do you remember the talk we had a week ago, and the one the week before, and all those others before that, about what we’d do differently?”
We. I wasn’t sure why he thought pretending he was part of this worming business would make a difference. The only part he’d done was ordering this ridiculous tent erected. Why he thought that was a good idea was beyond me. Maybe it was because it broadcast to all that came here he had a “psychic” on duty full-time. My guess was that word was spreading on how well it was working out—and laughter was following close behind.
“Do you remember the part where I told you I had no control over what the worm did?” Even in the tent, it wasn’t a we. The worm wasn’t even on my team. When it came right to it, the worm did what th
e worm wanted and didn’t care what I said. I’d wanted to squish more than one myself.
He walked over to my dirt circle and pointed. “What about doing something a little differently here? Maybe not marking the circle so clearly? Do you have to use a ‘yes’ and ‘no’ with it? What about a couple of Xs?”
Ruck was shaking his head, slapping his palm to his forehead behind Knife.
There had been a time that I’d marked my circles with Xs before I knew how to write. I’d never mark anything with an X again, unless it was a treasure map or a target.
I stared down at the circle as if I were giving it some serious thought and squinted for a few seconds. “Nope. That would break the integrity of the worming process. Can’t do it.”
Knife took in a breath that made his chest nearly explode. He grinned like it was his job and then nodded rapidly. “We’re going to have to work a little harder on this after I think it over a while.”
“Sure.” I didn’t bother saying it like I meant it.
He closed his eyes and took in a few more deep breaths. “Okay. We’ll work on it. We’ll work it out.” He walked away looking about as convinced as he should be.
I almost felt bad for him. Yes, Knife was greedy, and he skirted the line between decent and dingy a lot. But for all his faults, I liked him. Deep down, he had some good in there. That didn’t mean I’d lie to his people.
Worms gone, Knife handled, I grabbed my canteen and bag. Ruck was at my side like we were stuck together by a bad batch of hollyhoney.
He angled his head toward me. “Has he said anything about wanting you in his bed recently?”
“No. I think he’s given up on that for now.”
The first couple of weeks here, Knife had put out feelers on a regular basis. I’d shied away from all advances. Then he’d stopped. Dez had a hand in it. I couldn’t prove it, and she was all about the denial, but it had to have been her. Every time I’d gotten annoyed by Knife, you would’ve thought he’d insulted her as well.
“Trust me, he hasn’t given up, or you wouldn’t get away with all the shit you do. He’s biding his time. The guy is a lot more patient than I’d imagined. Although that’s the least of his sins. Having you set up like this, it’s a mockery of your gifts. He’s turned you into a sideshow.” Ruck pointed a thumb over his shoulder. “The red and white striped tent certainly doesn’t help it any.”
I tried to keep my mouth in a flat line. It lasted two seconds before the corners shot up and I laughed. “Yes, I’m a spectacle. It’s not his fault. My particular skill set lends itself to that, no help needed. It’s not all his fault. I agreed to this.”
“I don’t care what you agreed to. Stop doing it anyway.”
“No. I said I’d do it. What else can I do here?”
“Leave. We don’t have to go to the Valley, but that doesn’t mean we need to stay. We can find somewhere else. Seriously, look at these people.”
As we weaved in and out of the crowd, all you saw were long faces, ripped clothing, and dark circles. The only people who had it really good here were Wyrd Blood and Ruck, not that it made him happy. Still, it was probably our safest bet at the moment.
“You know there aren’t that many places to go. Do you want to end up back at the Ruins?” I asked, weaving around a particularly cranky woman lugging a bucket of water that splashed anyone who dared come close.
“There might be other options we don’t know about.”
“It’s not safe.” The idea of leaving here felt like taking the first step into the abyss. I’d be ready for that at some point, but not quite yet. Maybe in another week or two. Maybe another month.
When I first got here, I’d daydreamed that Ryker would come after me. I’d been gone for a few days, and his heart would start to ache the way mine had, a deep, throbbing pain that felt like it invaded every part of my life. It had sucked all the flavor out of food, robbed jokes of their laughter, and the only things I noticed about sunny days were the deep shadows they cast. He hadn’t shown.
Then I’d told myself he’d come because he needed me—if not emotionally, but for what I could do for him. The scene would be simple. He’d stride into the great hall of Dorley and demand I come back because of some other urgent issue. I’d put up a fight for a little bit, but then I’d relent, all the while knowing what I was doing—condemning myself to a lifetime of purgatory in order to escape the immediate hell of pain that I was struggling to make it through.
But Ryker hadn’t shown. He hadn’t messaged. He’d left me alone. The one thing that had kept me here was my pride. The same pride that would sit under a striped tent every day.
“You’re killing me slowly. You know this, right?” Ruck asked, as if he were the sideshow attraction.
“What are you complaining about? You’ve never had it so good.” Ruck’s sole job was spot-checking the guards whenever he felt inclined, and reporting any problems he noticed. In reality, Ruck’s job was to visit and chitchat with his buddies. Sometimes he’d bring them coffee or a mug of ale. He’d yet to find a problem, and no one seemed to notice or care.
“We aren’t people who sit in striped tents. Dogs who perform tricks belong in tents. It’s too much.” The anger had seeped out by the time he’d finished. His attention had shifted toward the short wall that ran along the castle walkway.
“I’ll catch up with you back at the room. I’ve got to go do something,” he said.
I tried to stand on my tiptoes to get a look at what he’d seen.
“Who’s over there?” I asked, taking a couple of steps back to get a better view. Being short really sucked sometimes. “Is your new boyfriend over there?” I knew there was one. Ruck had been sneaking off a lot, and at hours that could only mean one thing. “Why won’t you tell me who he is?”
I looked for a place to scale the wall. There had to be a foothold somewhere.
“He wants to keep it a secret for now, and I can’t betray his trust. I gotta go.” He waved and started back the way we’d been walking.
“This isn’t fair. You blab on me all the time,” I yelled after him.
His only response was another wave.
“When are you going to tell me who it is?” I yelled.
I didn’t even get a wave this time.
“Bugs, I’ve been looking for you,” Dez said as she headed toward me from the opposite direction Ruck had taken off in.
I spun, meeting her halfway.
“You coming next week?” Dez asked as we started toward the castle together.
This was definitely the day for having unwanted conversations.
“I don’t know. I’ve got some things I wanted to do.” I kept my gaze forward, not wanting to see her suspicious eyes. I could still see her hands fluttering and her head shaking, blond hair whipping all about her.
“There’s only one party like this every five years. There isn’t a Wyrd Blood this side of the Great Ocean that doesn’t go, as long as you don’t count the people afraid of Ryker, or Knife, or… Whatever, there’s a lot. No way am I missing it, and neither should you.”
“It wouldn’t be a big miss for me. I’m not a party person.” I walked into the side entrance of the castle and headed to the meal window. There wasn’t a large line yet, and I needed to get dinner before the crowd came.
Big Beth looked down at me and placed the two available options on the counter. One was covered in red sauce and the other in brown. When you couldn’t figure out what was being served, there was a reason.
I let out a soft whistle.
“Which one should I go with?” I asked.
“It’s not going to make a difference,” Big Beth said in her signature flat tone.
Dez was on the side, looking down at the plates and sniffing, then pointed. She wouldn’t be eating this. She’d only eat in the Wyrd Blood food hall.
I went with Dez’s instinct and grabbed the red sauce plate, since it smelled slightly savorier. “Thanks.”
“See yah tomorrow,�
�� Big Beth said, stepping back from the window to ready more mystery plates.
“I know how you feel about Wyrd Bloods getting better food, but I don’t know how you can eat that,” Dez whispered as we weaved our way through a crowd of dulls, all heading toward the food window.
I hit the stairs that wound up toward the upper suites, taking a quick bite as I did. It wasn’t like the food at the Valley, but it wasn’t hollyhoney either.
“If you’d lived in the Ruins as long as I did, you wouldn’t mind it.”
I opened my door to the sitting area. It was connected to the two bedrooms of the suite I shared with Ruck. It was called the Sweetheart suite and was one of the nicest suites in the castle. When I’d first gotten here, it had stirred up a lot of rumors about what was going on between Knife and me. When it came down to it, Knife would do whatever it took to make me happy enough that I didn’t go back to the Valley.
The suite was nice, the bed was comfy, but deep down, it meant nothing. I’d rather be sleeping in a tent back at the Valley.
Dez fell onto the couch in the sitting room. “You have to come. If you don’t, then Switch is going to transport Knife, and I’ll have to take a chugger over. Switch can’t transport more than one of us without you.
“And I don’t care what you say about not liking parties. When it was mentioned at breakfast a week ago, you were all big eyes and ears.” She crossed her arms and legs before raising an eyebrow at me.
I settled into the chair opposite her. “I didn’t know where it was then. I thought it was here. I didn’t know it was his party. I’m not going to his party.” That done and out of the way, I could get back to choking down dinner while trying to not look too closely at what I was eating. The sauce had slid off the main course, revealing something grey and slimy lurking beneath.
“It’s not his party. It’s only held there.”
I swallowed down a bad chunk. “Don’t you need to go get dinner?”
She looked down at the couch fabric, moving her fingers over it to make the velvet go in different directions. “Are you scared to see him?”
Blood Binds: Wyrd Blood Book Three Page 3