by Sue MacKay
Jamie held his breath, tried to ignore the stabbing pain, and gasped as the world spun. He was about to land exactly where he’d been dragged up from.
‘Easy. Breathe slowly.’ Kayla was right in front of him, hand on his arm, eyes watching his every twitch and blink and breath. Calming him. ‘That’s it. Becca, trolley,’ she said over her shoulder.
Slowly the world settled and he didn’t feel as though he was about to go face first into the lovely woman before him. He’d flatten her. She might be tall, and strong, but he was taller and far more muscular. The guys manoeuvred him onto the trolley, and he focused on ignoring the pain. Impossible. He was better off looking at Kayla.
‘Instead of pushing Jamie across to the ambulance, back the ambulance up to the trolley,’ Kayla told Becca. ‘That’s rough ground to be getting the wheels over and I don’t want to damage the trolley.’
Yeah, he knew he was heavy, especially with boots on and all the attached medical gear. ‘You’ll keep,’ he sighed, closing his eyes as his sight blurred. He was getting more tired by the minute, unable to focus on any one thing. His eyes shot open. He looked straight at Kayla. ‘Concussion makes you feel woozy, right?’ A head injury was the last thing he needed. Then Leanne would be swooping to take the boys away for an untold time. No, she wouldn’t. Everything regarding the boys and custody had been resolved.
Remember?
Remembering anything was difficult. Except Kayla and her smiles.
‘It can. So can stress.’
Thanks for nothing. ‘It has to be that.’ Otherwise... Otherwise he mightn’t be able to look after the boys for a while. That could never happen. He would not relinquish time with them. It had been a battle to win shared custody, but he and Leanne had finally come to an arrangement and everyone had calmed down to the point the boys could now plan time with their mates and know where they were living from week to week. If he had medical problems that might go down the creek temporarily and he couldn’t bear to think of not having Callum and Ryder at home where he could look out for them. He knew Leanne didn’t have lots of spare time these days as she was busy working for her new husband.
She always makes time for Ryder and Callum.
True.
Kayla gave him a long, hard look. ‘The sooner we get you to hospital the sooner you might have the answers you’re looking for.’ Understanding underlined that look. She might not know what was bothering him, but she knew something was.
‘Come on, mate.’ Tobin was on the other side of the stretcher. ‘You need help.’
He lay back and let everyone get on with their job of loading him into the ambulance. All he wanted was to fall asleep and wake up feeling normal. ‘Fine,’ he muttered, and held his breath until the stretcher stopped moving and was locked into place. ‘Tell Ash to keep me posted, Tobin.’
‘Will do.’
‘Not today he won’t,’ Kayla said as she closed the back of the ambulance. ‘I’m going to check your readings again.’ She stood beside him, looking at the monitor behind his head. ‘Your heart rate’s fine.’
‘I’d have thought it was going crazy with everything that’s happened.’ With her standing so close. And the way she thought she could tell him what to do. Any minute now she was going to tell him—
‘Don’t think so much.’
Exactly. He stared up at the lovely face above him. She’d be wonderful to wake up to every morning. ‘Ahh!’
‘Jamie? What happened?’ Instant worry filled her eyes and she began looking over his body, which stretched beyond the end of the stretcher.
‘Nothing,’ he snapped. Hadn’t he learned anything over the past few years? A pretty face meant nothing when it came to knowing a person, to understanding what went on behind those enticing looks. Nothing at all.
‘Jamie?’ Her voice was lower, softer as she watched him and reached for his hand.
‘I’m okay,’ he answered less abruptly. ‘Honest.’
Apart from letting my guard down.
How could he do that? There was more than his heart at stake when he started thinking a woman was lovely. The boys could get hurt again, and he’d sworn that was not happening. Ever. Yet he’d tried to convince Kayla he had no problems by saying, ‘Honest’. Convince Kayla or himself? Another unanswerable question to deal with. Or ignore. Or deny.
‘You’re sure? It’s important I know any little problem.’
Not this one you don’t. I just had a moment of forgetfulness.
Now he knew how easily he could get sidetracked he’d be more vigilant. Tomorrow he’d be up and about, getting on with life as though nothing had happened. He had to be. The boys were with him this week and they weren’t going back to their mother even for a few days because he’d taken a knock on the skull.
CHAPTER FOUR
BECCA DROVE SINCE Kayla was far more qualified to deal with Jamie’s condition. Not that Kayla would move aside for someone else to look after Jamie until they reached the emergency department. She wanted to be there for him, to reassure him if he became bewildered or the pain increased or if he got upset at being in this situation. Like he’d been there for her after the avalanche, a lifeline to cling to while wondering if she was alive.
It still felt as though that connection ran between them, not to be severed until he was pronounced fit and healthy. Then he wouldn’t need her and everything would return to normal for both of them.
Except she was still creating her new normal by working long hours and taking part in search and rescue. Her new life included wanting to spend time hanging out with a hot man who seemed to see right through her whenever she let her guard down.
The ambulance had never felt as claustrophobic, not even when she’d had two patients in there at one time. Studying the semi-conscious man on the stretcher, Kayla’s heart fluttered. He was large, but so had been the guy she and Becca had taken to Invercargill by road on Monday, and she hadn’t noticed anything different then. It was Jamie getting to her, making her look beyond where she thought she was with settling down, had her wondering if she should grab him with both hands to see where it led, or to remember Dylan and the ensuing pain when she’d lost him and the last chance of a family. The more she saw of Jamie the easier looking forward, not back, became.
Jamie groaned as he moved his shoulder.
‘Try to stay still.’
He didn’t open his eyes. Had he heard her?
Watching him made her feel slightly breathless, as though she’d fallen asleep and woken up in a different place with the same patient. It was like she wasn’t back to full speed, as though her mind hadn’t kept up with her legs on the road back to normal.
‘Kayla?’
‘Yes, Jamie?’
‘I am in an ambulance, right?’
Long-forgotten words hit her. ‘I am alive, right?’ Jamie had been quick to reassure her then. Reaching for his wrist on the pretext of taking his pulse, she nodded. ‘You sure are, only minutes from hospital.’ Under her fingers his pulse was strong, and she automatically found herself counting while focusing on the timer to keep from diving into those deep brown eyes now watching her. Melted chocolate came to mind. Soft, creamy and delicious. Except she’d never seen anything creamy about Jamie Gordon. Delicious maybe. Snatching her hand away, she wrote the result in the notes. Normal despite the shock showing in his eyes and speech.
‘I don’t feel flash.’
Glancing at the heart monitor, Kayla smiled. Technically his heart was fine, but the knock he’d taken might’ve cracked some ribs, along with the damage to his shoulder and likely concussion. Throw in shock catching up and no wonder he felt bad. Glancing out the window, she saw the hospital coming into view. ‘In case you’re wanting better service, the emergency department’s got way more gadgets to hook you up to, and doctors and nurses and proper beds.’
‘In other words, stop moa
ning.’ Jamie gave her a tired smile.
‘No, in other words, you are doing well and shortly Josue will be giving you all the attention you need.’
‘You’ve been doing that since I was hauled out of the blaze.’ He stretched a hand out to tap her arm. ‘Thanks.’
‘You’re welcome, but I’d prefer you didn’t get into trouble again.’ The strange thing about being an advanced paramedic was that while she loved the work, helping, saving people, she hated it that people had to get hurt for her to use her skills. She continued watching Jamie—how could she not?—looking for any signs of an injury she might not have picked up on, while knowing she had all the bases covered. Even strong men got knocked off their feet and took a bit to get back up and running.
The feeling of wanting to be there for him beyond the door to the emergency department had her looking over her shoulder to see where that had come from. That invisible cord between them tightening? All she saw was the familiar interior of the ambulance, no signs saying she might be getting off track. Good. Everything was normal. Back to watching Jamie. Enjoying the picture before her. Maybe not so normal.
When he closed his eyes he appeared relaxed, but that was probably the painkiller making him drowsy. What would it be like to run her fingers over his square chin covered with dark stubble? Tingling started in her fingertips. Thick black hair was plastered to his forehead. A working man with no frills. Who did he go home to at the end of the day? He’d never mentioned anyone, but why would he? ‘Is there someone you want called and told about what’s happened?’ she asked quietly. They hadn’t spoken properly in a while—Did he have a new partner? Her chest tightened.
His eyes snapped open. ‘I’ll sort it when I’ve seen Josue.’
Something not right at home? ‘You’ll probably have to spend a few hours in hospital while they monitor you.’ Might as well give him the heads up so he could figure out if he needed to contact anyone. ‘They may even want you to stay overnight.’
‘Not happening.’
She wasn’t getting into an argument. It wasn’t her place. A stubborn tilt to his chin suggested he wouldn’t take any notice of anything she said anyway. She still wanted to reassure him. ‘Everyone will do their best for you. You know how the system works.’ He’d also been part of enough rescues to know the people who worked at the small hospital. ‘Wait and see what Josue says before getting wound up.’
‘And you?’
‘And me what?’
‘Will you hang around to make sure I’m all right?’
She stared at him. What did he want from her? More than a paramedic? A friend? ‘I’m still on duty for...’ she glanced at her watch ‘...another three hours.’
‘You might bring someone else into ED.’
He wanted her to look in on him? ‘Then I’ll come by and annoy you some.’
Becca was backing into the ambulance bay.
‘We’re here.’ Kayla stood up to open the door, feeling a little shaky, not understanding what was behind his request.
Jamie reached for her hand. ‘Thanks for everything.’ Worry filled his face, and something else she couldn’t read.
‘What’s up?’ She could ask. He was more than a patient. Like her, he was part of the emergency services, and they all looked out for each other. They didn’t all look at each other with such depth and confusion, though.
His eyes were fixed on her, dark chocolate this time. ‘I’m not in control. I hate it.’
‘Believe me, I see that all the time. You’ll be back on your feet soon enough and everything will return to normal.’ It hadn’t worked like that for her. She’d spent months frustrated about having little control over her legs and therefore her mind because it wasn’t getting distracted with work or other people’s needs.
The door opened before she could think of anything encouraging to say. So much for being focused on her patient’s needs. This particular one was tipping her sideways in ways none had before. Since when did any male upset her focus? She lived a solitary life, and her goals were simple. Be fit and healthy and help others. Enjoying herself came into that, but dating and having another relationship didn’t. Losing Dylan had been too hard.
‘Jamie, what have you done to yourself, mon ami?’ Josue was striding towards them.
‘I had a fight with a beam.’
‘Came off second best by the looks. Kayla, fill me in.’
After running through the notes, she handed them over and crossed to Jamie, who’d been shifted onto a bed. ‘I’ve got to go.’ She didn’t want to. ‘Another call.’ Which was good or she might’ve stayed to keep him company; the ambulance in the bay, the radio on hand. It wasn’t unusual for the ambulance crews here to do that with a patient they knew with their base close by, but this need to hang around with Jamie was different. For someone she’d only ever seen as upright and positive, in command not only of his crews but himself, he looked so forlorn her heart melted. Was he all for show? Did loneliness lie underneath that tough exterior? Another thing they had in common?
‘I’ll catch up when we bring our next patient in. Okay?’
‘Thanks.’
* * *
Jamie watched Kayla walk away, already focused on her next job. Her right leg dragged a little, making her limp more pronounced. A couple of times when kneeling beside him on the ground she’d winced like it still hurt. He shouldn’t have encouraged her to check up on him later. They weren’t becoming best buddies. Or anything else. He’d been trying to stay away from her as much as possible because of how she wound him up with longing. Yet he’d almost begged her to see him if she was in the ED.
At the last S and R meeting before Christmas he’d overheard her telling Zac it must’ve taken someone with an engineering degree to put together all the metal she was carrying now. The way she’d described it he’d pictured welding gear and metal cutters and had laughed. Which apparently had been her point, because Zac had laughed too. But today not once had she faltered or given in to the pain.
She’d been there for her patient, focused entirely on him and finding out what his injuries were, on helping him through his pain and getting him to hospital. Doing her job more than well. Putting her own problems aside. Holding his hand when he’d been losing focus. That soft, warm hand did wonders to his beleaguered mind.
She’d gone up a long way in his estimation, and she’d been fairly high up already for her competence with the German woman who was now on a long but steady path to recovery. Nor had he forgotten the quiet way Kayla had dealt with her injuries and fears when she’d been airlifted off the mountain after the avalanche. Yes, she was one strong woman.
It was hard to describe this wonder he felt around Kayla. It had started at the avalanche rescue and had stuck with him ever since. She brought sunshine into his world even when he wasn’t aware of needing it. His life had been cruising along in a bit of a rut since Leanne had given him some space to get on with raising the boys, but the sense of having something to look forward to whenever Kayla was around wouldn’t quieten.
As though he might be able to take another look at his world and chance a crack at a future he hadn’t imagined in a long time. ‘Might’ being the word. It wasn’t going to happen. His sons came first, first and only first. Never again were they going to be pulled in all directions as the adults in their lives fought their battles. Hence staying away from Kayla as often as possible. It hadn’t been easy, but necessary. He didn’t need the distraction of worrying about her getting between him and the boys if they fell out. But—But a lot of things.
‘I’ll check that head wound, then your shoulder and chest.’ Josue stood above him, about to poke at his pain-racked body.
The drug Kayla had given him was wearing a little thin, but he’d been moved around a few times since she’d jabbed him so the pain level might’ve increased. Or he was a big wuss.
He was gra
teful Josue had cut through the meanderings of his brain and shoved Kayla aside. He wasn’t meant to be thinking about a woman and his future in one sentence. ‘Let’s get it over with. I’ve got to collect my boys.’
‘Slow down, mon ami. You won’t be driving anywhere collecting anybody today.’
Everyone around here was beginning to learn a few words of French now that Josue was a permanent fixture in their midst, but Jamie hadn’t learned the words for what he wanted to say so he went for something less expressive. ‘You don’t understand. I have to be home for Callum and Ryder.’ All hell might break loose. It definitely would’ve once, maybe not now. Leanne had calmed down a lot and they were now getting on a lot better when it came to the boys, but he still held his breath whenever something out of the ordinary occurred. Old lessons weren’t easy to forget.
‘First things first,’ Josue said, snapping on gloves.
Good idea. The sooner he got the all clear the sooner he’d be heading home. His neighbour and good friend, Christine, would pick the boys up from the summer school where they were learning outdoor skills, but he’d given his word he wouldn’t be late tonight as she and Jack were going out for dinner for her birthday with their family. Damn, he’d forgotten to tell the boys where their gift for her was. He was slipping. Forgetfulness didn’t used to be one of his problems. ‘Is forgetfulness a known disorder? And, no, I haven’t got dementia.’
‘Concussion can make you forgetful for a while.’
He’d forgotten the present before he’d been hit over the head. Jamie gasped as Josue’s finger found a tender spot on the back of his skull.
‘Sorry, it might hurt as I assess your injuries. I’ll try not to cause too much discomfort.’
‘Do what you have to.’ Jamie lay still, closed his eyes and tried to conjure up something a little more enjoyable than prodding fingers and damaged bones. Kayla slipped in behind his eyelids. That pert mouth when she’d been cross was wearing a soft smile. A smile that he could recall in a flash. It lightened her face and put sparkles in her eyes and sucked him in like a puppy to food.