Standing there, I was left without doubt.
This girl was pure and soft.
Good and grace.
Angel.
Then I caught sight of the tiny star tattoo that dangled on a string that ran down the base of her neck, starting at her hairline. I had the itch to reach out and brush my fingertips over it. Wondering why the sight of it touched me like a brand.
She paused at the entrance, words muted but sure. “Make yourself at home.”
“Awful brave.” My voice was gruff but not the least bit hard as I teased her some more.
For a flash, she smiled this smile that nearly knocked me to my knees. “I try to be.”
Then she shook her head and disappeared through the arch.
Shit. What was I doing? Better question was why the hell was I staying?
I’d been fighting with myself for the last three days, one side of me arguing every reason I needed to keep away.
Of course, the other side had slowly but surely convinced every part of me it was my responsibility to check on her. Make sure she was fine. That she was whole and happy and not broken down with fear.
And there I was. Staying.
I tried to rein in all the thoughts and ideas racing out ahead of me. I gathered them up and tied them down, a firm resolution set in place.
I’d stay and listen because obviously she needed someone to talk to, then I’d be on my merry way. I’d go back home where it was lonely and too damned quiet and those walls echoed all my mistakes back at me.
Fuck. Maybe I was the one who needed someone to talk to.
Shaking it off, I inhaled deeply and attempted to relax, my footsteps tamed when I let myself wander the room.
Her house was one of those older, pint-sized boxes that had been refurbished and refinished. Everything about it was cozy, light, and warm. Beneath my breath, I chuckled. It basically looked like a Pottery Barn catalog had exploded in it.
Couldn’t help the way I was drawn to the big bookshelf nestled in the corner of the far wall. Curiosity held me, and I edged closer, needing to get a closer look into this girl. To dig a little deeper. Once I got started, I found I couldn’t stop.
The square slots were cluttered with trinkets and stacked with books that were obviously well-worn and well-loved. All of it was mixed with a scatter of picture frames that tightened my stomach and sent this foreign feeling through my chest.
Because there was this girl I couldn’t get off my mind, smiling out from every frame, face shining with belief and ambition. With courage and faith.
Wasn’t sure I’d ever met someone who shined so much light. So, how the fuck did she end up in that kind of darkness?
Dishes clinked in the kitchen, and I took a step closer, letting my gaze drift across the faces that obviously meant the most to this girl. It took all of a second to realize it was her family.
The breath punched from my lungs because they were everywhere. Three faces showcased again and again. Alexis with the same woman who’d been with her outside the station.
Then there was another—a face identical to hers.
My hand was shaking when I reached out and picked up a frame. Two little girls with white hair were grinning at the camera, smiles exact, eyes the same.
I jerked from the pained voice behind me. “That’s Avril.”
I glanced back at Alexis, torment shifting through her features, those blue eyes a storm of grief and love.
“Your twin.”
She nodded slow. “Yes.”
I couldn’t stop my smile, even though I knew it probably came across as sad. “It always feels amazing to me…that two people can look exactly the same. Have always wondered if their souls are the same, too.”
She sucked in a sharp breath, and my jaw clenched when I realized I’d just stepped out of bounds. “Fuck. I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to say something I shouldn’t.”
I set the frame back in its place.
“No. It’s okay. I’m just surprised you’d think something I believe.”
“Yeah?”
“I do.”
Unease spun around us, this awareness that was never missing when she was near, all mixed up with questions and confusion.
“Why don’t we sit?” She gestured to the loveseat situated in the middle of her living room.
“That’d be nice.”
Far too nice, which was probably why I should have refused, but there I was with my boots thudding on the hardwood floors as I edged to the loveseat piled with a bunch of mismatched pillows.
I settled on one side, and Alexis handed me a cup. “Thank you,” I said.
“You’re welcome.” She curled up on the opposite side, her back on the armrest so she could face me, one knee drawn to her chest.
She blinked at me with the power of those eyes, intricate, keen, and knowing, her lashes so dark the almond shapes appeared to be rimmed in black.
If I stared too long, I was afraid I’d get lost. Fall right inside, never to be found.
I twitched with the shock of lust that pulsed through me as I took her in, my eyes tracing the slight quiver of her throat and caressing across the delicate collarbones exposed where her thin sweatshirt draped off one shoulder.
Everything about her was so simple and sexy.
The sight of her sitting there spun through me like the makings of a song.
Apparently, this girl inspired me in a way that should be impossible, because threads and wisps of beauty rose in the confines of my mind and shivered through my veins, twisting and winding until it became something powerful and magnificent.
It itched my fingers with the need to play. Itched my fingers with the need to touch.
That was a sensation I hadn’t experienced in such a long damned time. A sensation that was dangerous. But it didn’t matter how hard I tried to shake it off. Shun it. It was right there.
Didn’t know what it was about her.
I’d been tempted a million times and in a thousand different ways.
But she had gotten under my skin.
She blew at the steam billowing from her cup, her voice soft. “How did you know where to find me?”
I laughed a little. “Let’s just say I have friends in high places.”
She buried another one of those sweet grins in her cup. “That sounds sketchy.”
My brow rose. “And now you’re gonna start asking the questions you should’ve asked when I showed up at your door?”
“Trust, Zachary, trust.” I could feel the mischief playing through her words, though there was something more about it as she made the statement. Like she wanted me to know something.
She cleared her throat as a little of that heaviness leaked back in. “I’m glad you came. I…I know they’re just words and they really don’t mean much. I know there’s no way I could ever repay you, but I need you to know how grateful I am for what you did for me that night.”
Anger tightened my chest, that feeling that consumed me every single time my mind strayed back to the girl pinned to that grimy wall, the girl sobbing on the dirty ground. “What else could I have done?”
Her lips tightened. “There are so many people who would have turned a blind eye.”
My hand fisted. Guess that pissed me off, too. “And how the hell could I have slept at night if I had walked away? Knowing you needed me?”
Her voice was hoarse. “I did…I needed you. And I’m sorry I did, that I put you in that position. I chose to go down there, and because of it, I put you in danger.”
“And I chose to help you.”
Emotion brimmed, so fucking profound I was sucking it down with every shaky breath I inhaled.
Moisture glimmered in her eyes. “I’m so grateful you did.”
“You ready to tell me about it?”
So maybe it wasn’t any of my business, needing to know, but I didn’t think I could force myself from that spot until I understood what had led her to that obscene place that night.
She look
ed across at me. Honestly. Openly. “There’s a part of me down there I can’t leave behind.”
Their souls are the same.
“Your sister…Avril.”
Her nod was jerky. “Yeah.”
And I got it. I fucking got it on a level I wished I didn’t. That helplessness of loving someone and having to watch them whittle and erode until there wasn’t anything left but destruction.
Agony trembled her lips, and she clutched her teacup like it might have the power to shield her from all the pain. “Sometimes the people we love most end up in the places we never imagined they’d go.”
“And no matter how much we want to stop it, there’s nothing we can do,” I said, the words nothing but gravel.
Guilt sped and singed, skating just beneath the surface of my skin and consuming everything. I’d wanted to stop it, with all of me, and the only thing I’d done was push Mark over the edge.
A tear streaked free, racing down her angel face. “Our whole lives, we were inseparable. I know it sounds stupid, but we were more than sisters. More than blood. I was the one who wanted to experience everything, and she was the one who was reserved.”
She wiped the wetness from her cheek. “But together, we were a team, me rushing out to meet the day while she followed me everywhere.”
She trembled, her gaze dropping to somewhere on the floor. “When we were fifteen, I convinced her to sneak out to a party our mom had told us we weren’t allowed to go to. She’d tried to warn me it was a bad idea. That the only thing we were going to find was trouble.”
Gutted, she looked back at me. “She met a boy there that night. It was so unlike her, but she took off with him without telling me. When I realized she was gone, I searched everywhere for her, screaming her name as I ran in and out of every room of the house we were at.”
She touched her chest, right over her heart. “I had this horrible feeling I wasn’t ever going to see her again. That I’d lost her. The most important part of me. And I did, Zee. I lost her that night. Lost her to a world I never could have imagined she’d go, and I’ve been searching for her ever since.”
She blinked over at me. “That’s my truth.”
I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and grabbing on to the closest connection I could find. I squeezed her calf, the feel of her inciting that battle that waged inside me.
Right and wrong.
And this was definitely wrong.
“You were fifteen. It wasn’t your fault.”
She shook her head. “It never would have happened if I hadn’t taken her there.”
“You can’t know that.”
Her head angled, eyes dimmed. “Can’t I?”
Hardest part was sitting there and knowing exactly what she was talking about. The awareness that one decision you’d made had changed the course of everything.
I wanted to reach over and erase it from her consciousness. Because if I knew one thing, this girl didn’t deserve that kind of burden.
She hesitated, all those questions moving around us like misshapen pieces trying to figure out where they fit. “What were you doing down there?”
Hefting out a sigh, I pulled my hand from her leg and roughed it through my hair. I had the inclination to just…tell her.
Lay it out.
Which was so goddamned stupid, I was certain during that fight I’d lost a piece of my mind.
“Let’s just say sometimes the wrong roads lead us to the right place. I’m just glad I was walking it.”
My answer only stirred up a thousand more questions, the girl watching me with so much belief and trust, without all the disappointment she should feel.
I couldn’t stop the vision from assaulting me. One of me setting my cup aside and crawling over her and tugging her down the loveseat so I could press my body against hers. So I could touch her and taste her and explore her.
Every inch.
Remember what it was like to embrace something good and pure.
I had to get the hell out of there. I was walking the most dangerous kind of terrain. A place that ran rampant with disloyalty and betrayal and shame.
Agitated, I rubbed my thigh. “I should go.”
There it was—the disappointment.
Her brows tightened before she seemed to nod in understanding. “Okay.”
I stood, set my cup on the small whitewashed table, and walked toward the front door. I could feel every movement she made, the ripple of energy when her bare feet hit the floor, the sway of her body, the taste of her breaths.
Fuck.
I opened the door, blinking against the stark sunlight shining down, and stepped out onto her stoop, knowing I needed to run. This needed to be goodbye.
Instead, I swung around.
She stood in her doorway, so goddamned pretty and perfect. Brighter than the sun. Every single thing I’d want if I hadn’t fucked away my life.
“You know him?” I demanded.
The shock from my question jarred her back.
I couldn’t shake the sense that encounter hadn’t been chance. The way the investigator had been pressing, there had to have been more.
She wavered, before she shook her head. “Just his face.”
“Same guy from that night? When you were fifteen?”
For a flash, she squeezed her eyes before she opened them back up to me. “No. He’s just another in an endless string she’s gotten wrapped up in. They just get worse and worse with time.”
Rage shook through me with the power of a freight train. Knowing she had gone there and put herself in the line of fire to confront that piece of shit. She had been willing to lose if it meant her sister might have the chance to win.
“You want to repay me?” I found myself suddenly saying.
She jolted, again caught off guard. God knew I probably looked deranged. Like I was barely clinging to reason. Still, she nodded, this girl who didn’t even know me.
“Then stay away from him, Alexis. Stay far, far away. Avril calls? Call the police. Tell them where she is. Just…stay away.”
I knew I was fucked when the only thing I wanted was to tell her to call me.
Another tear streaked free. “She’s my sister. I don’t know how you can ask that of me.”
Fingers trembling, I reached out and gathered the line of moisture that tracked her defined cheek.
Sparks and fire.
They flamed between us.
Something unseen but clear.
“Stay away from him, Alexis. I’m asking it of you because I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you.” It came out low, harder than it should have, because I didn’t have the right to make that demand.
I knew it.
So, I did the only thing I could do. I turned and walked away.
Giggles lifted beneath the warmth of the sun that blazed from above. Liam ran ahead of me, little feet pushing him as fast as he could go, even faster than the last time I’d seen him.
He squealed as I chased him close behind. I caught him, letting us somersault to the grassy ground. He clutched me at the sides, me on my back, staring up at the sky with his face in my chest.
Holding him.
The best feeling in the world.
I could feel the weight of his free, uninhibited smile as I ran my fingers through his silky brown hair.
“Why you been gone so long?” he said. He was just beginning to lose that adorable lisp, the boy growing faster than I ever could’ve imagined.
“Because I had to work.”
“Why you got to do that?”
I tugged him closer, my chest so goddamned full when I angled him so he was looking down at me, this kid filling all those vacant places that throbbed when we were apart. “Because that’s what mommies and daddies do…we work so we can take care of our families.”
He frowned. “Mommy doesn’t work.”
Anger cinched tight. Had way too many things I wanted to say about that, but the last thing I was going to do was tak
e part in poisoning his mind. He was the only good thing that came out of this nasty, heartbreaking mess. The innocent one bred of the worst kind of disaster.
And there I was, keeping Mark’s kid hidden like some kind of dirty secret. But it was me that was filthy.
I touched his chin. “That’s because your mommy spends her time taking care of you.”
That was the one thing I’d always been able to count on from her. That she would always take good care of him. Protect him when I couldn’t be there. Never once had I questioned it. Not until recently.
His smile touched that black place in my soul, dimples denting his chubby cheeks. “I like it when you take care of me, too.”
I ran my hand down the back of his head, wanting to wrap him up and hold on to him forever. “I like it, too, buddy, I like it, too.”
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pushed out a sigh when I pulled it free and read the message, again having to bite my damned tongue.
You’ve been gone for two hours.
“That’s your mom. We need to get you home.”
“But what if I want to go home with you?”
The adoring expression on his face was a reminder of why I was doing what I was doing. Of what I stood to lose. Of why I needed to remember where my loyalties lay.
I had to pretend I wasn’t feeling all the things I was feeling. Pretend like my heart wasn’t calling me across town and this worry about Alexis wasn’t eating me alive.
I tucked all of it away and focused on what mattered.
Liam.
“How about on Sunday we spend the whole day doing whatever it is you want to do?”
Nothing like a diversion.
He hopped to his feet and shoved out his hand. “Deal.”
I couldn’t help the chuckle that was somehow both proud and utterly sad. The kid was growing up so fast. I shook his hand like the little man he was. “Deal.”
I tried.
I fucking tried.
But I couldn’t shake the twisted sense of dread. Couldn’t shake the worry. Felt like I hadn’t slept in days. Weeks, really.
Things were getting more fucked up than they’d ever been. Veronica sketchier than ever. I practiced every day with the band, living that half-life. All the guys and their families had made it into town and our preparations for the tour were in full swing.
Stand: A Bleeding Stars Stand-Alone Novel Page 5