I gave her a casual shrug like it meant nothing at all, even though I was giving her more than I’d ever given anyone else. “My family’s here, too, so it only made sense this was where I’d finally put down roots.”
Both the family who’d raised me, my mom and my dad, and the one none of them knew a thing about.
Veronica had done a bang-up job of keeping me close and still a galaxy away. It’d been an easy decision to stick around LA more. Trying to earn more time. Even though she seemed intent to take more and more away. Coming back and finding she’d sold the house I’d bought her was proof enough.
Anthony had warned me it was stupid to put it in her name, but I’d done it as a peace offering. A treaty.
Guess I should’ve listened.
A tiny scowl tightened her brow. “Sounds complicated. Going back and forth. Houses in two different cities. Trying to keep up with each other.”
I couldn’t stop my grin. “Told you it was a hard life.”
Alexis laughed, this tiny, lilting sound that trickled around me like a melody. Could almost see the notes of an emerging song dancing through the spikes of sunlight that slanted all around her.
This girl was like music.
Harmony.
Settling into silence, she nibbled at a fry. I could see her contemplating. When she finally spoke, her tone was laced with caution, like she might be ashamed she knew something so personal about me when I hadn’t given her the key to that lock. “I’m so sorry…I heard you lost your older brother…I heard that’s why you’re in the band? You took his spot when he passed away?”
Old grief slammed me, regret and pain and every mistake I’d ever made. “Yeah.”
“You always knew how to play the drums?” The creases in her brow cinched tighter.
A humorless sound rumbled in my chest. “Yeah…I always knew how to play the drums.”
Memories flashed. The aspirations that’d been the single focus of my life. I just didn’t know which of my mistakes had been the one that had stolen them. The catalyst that had set me on a path I’d never expected to go. Guess it was the sum of them. A string of hurt and betrayal and regret that had destroyed both my and Mark’s lives.
Something soft eased into her expression, and she sat back in her chair with her head angled, exposing the delicate, milky flesh at the side of her neck.
A shock of lust belted me in the gut. I wanted her.
Maybe it’d just been too goddamned long. Maybe I was just a man. But this girl had me spun up in a way I’d never been before.
“My little drummer boy.” She murmured it like a tease.
Didn’t matter. Because something about it went sailing through me like a thunderbolt. Like I could feel those small hands on me. Touching and healing and inciting.
Unable to stop myself, I angled forward, suddenly needing to get a little deeper. A little closer. “Tell me your truth, Alexis. If you could do absolutely anything, what would it be? And I don’t mean something for someone else, because I know what you’re getting ready to say. I mean for you and only you.”
She choked out a laugh. “Well, that’s out of left field, isn’t it? How is it you always manage to catch me off guard?”
I forced a smile. “I like to keep people on their toes.”
“You’re crazy,” she said.
“I thought that title belonged to you?” I tossed it back, loving the way her skin lit up with a flush.
She looked down as she shook her head. Self-conscious and good.
I edged in even closer. “Tell me. I want to know.”
Because I was the fool who suddenly wanted to know every single detail about her. I wanted to explore and discover. Slip right inside her beautiful mind and sift through her thoughts.
Vanish in her body.
For a flash, she looked away, out the window to the people milling on the sidewalk outside. Then she turned those blue eyes back on me, a collision of sky and sea.
She hesitated, seeming to need to work up the courage to give me her answer. “If I could do one thing for myself, I’d learn to play piano. I’ve wanted to since I was a little girl. I would beg my mom for lessons, but we never had the money. Then I was putting myself through college and then pouring myself into work. It just never happened.”
I just stared.
Redness flushed that stunning face, and she started fiddling with the spoon at the side of her plate. Like this brave girl was suddenly shy. Like there was any kind of possibility she could say the wrong thing.
“It’s kind of silly, I know.” It was a whisper beneath her breath.
“No. Not silly. Not at all.” My voice was gruff. “There’s no song like a song played on a piano.”
Ideas were thrumming through my mind. Dangerous, dangerous ideas.
I needed to put a lock on them and fast.
She must’ve caught onto the undercurrent of my last words, because she sat back in her chair. A spark of excitement flashed in her expression. “Tell me you don’t play piano, too.”
I shrugged. I wondered if she noticed the hesitation behind it. Because I was traversing rocky ground. Getting closer and closer to those boundaries I couldn’t cross. Letting her into a place that’d been barren for a long, long time.
As much as I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t stop the admission from sliding from my mouth. “I play about everything.”
Speculation lifted her brow. “What do you mean, everything?”
I shrugged again, this time self-consciously as I slanted a nervous hand through my hair and glanced out the window. “It’s not a big deal. It’s just if there’s an instrument lying around, I can usually pick it up and play it.”
Disbelief filled her soft words. “It’s not a big deal? Zee, that has to be the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.”
Words like prodigy and genius spun through my mind, words that had been tossed around me when I was just a little kid, having not a clue what they meant. Not until it’d meant everything.
It was just another door that had been slammed in my face seven years ago.
“I got lucky, I guess.”
She stared across at me. The expression on her face spoke of hurt and understanding. Like she got something about me maybe I couldn’t even see.
That air shivered around us when she leaned over the table, getting as close as she could. Found myself edging closer, too, erasing that space that churned and begged.
“If you could do one thing for yourself,” she said, “what would it be?”
Guess I shouldn’t have been surprised the girl would turn the question on me.
I’d set myself free.
The confession scraped from my throat, hard and pained. “I’d go back and change everything. Both for him and for me.”
So slowly, she inched back, stopping just far enough away so she could fully meet my gaze. My chest tightened, this needy clench while we sat there staring, breathing each other’s breaths.
“Your brother?” she whispered.
“Yes. I’d go back to the day when I made the worst mistake I ever could’ve made.” My voice was nothing more than shards and dust as I let her in a little further. Further than I’d ever allowed anyone before.
Blue eyes searched my face, a storm that built at the edge of a blazing sky.
I got the distinct feeling this girl would give up anything to hold a little of my pain. That she was sitting there wishing she could sink into me, discover all my secrets the same way I felt desperate to discover hers.
“What were you really doing down there that night? People are only on that side of town after dark for two things.” Her chin trembled, the words cracking somewhere in her throat. “Drugs or sex. Usually both.”
Grief bottled at the base of my throat. “Wasn’t down there for either, Alexis. I promise you. A friend needed me.”
I felt strangled by the lie, because Veronica was a lot of things, but she definitely wasn’t my friend. But I pushed right past it, our faces to
o close, the need spinning through me almost too much to bear.
My lips just brushed her cheek. “Turned out you needed me more.”
That potent gaze flamed and brimmed, her words hushed. “Have you ever wondered if each day of our lives is purposed? If every step we take is exactly where we’re supposed to be?”
She dropped her attention, her fingers trembling when she reached out to the ink etched on the back of my hand. She traced the shooting star that blazed before it burned thin.
Fragments charred to dust.
I shivered, trying to hold it back, hold it in. This need that flickered and boiled in my blood.
My voice was grit. “I’d like to imagine that. But then I’m left wondering about the bad things. The horrible shit that goes down and the terrible things people do to each other.”
She caught that bottom lip between her teeth, and my dick twitched. This girl just sucked me in further and further. Taking me deeper and making me question every single thing I knew as truth.
“What if the good moments are reprieve? Mercy that’s been granted?”
God. This girl was good. Flush with grace.
Like she’d been sent as a sustaining breath in a world that threatened to suffocate.
Transparency in a life full of confusion and doubt and questions.
I pressed my hands against the table and pushed away. Like it might put enough distance between us to extinguish the smolder. Douse the coals growing hotter and hotter.
And there it was again. The beginning strains of a song. I could hear it. Notes weaving and spinning. Lyrics knitting together to make something whole.
For the first time in years, my fingers itched with the urge to sit down and bring it to life. To create and compose.
This song?
It would be soft and sweet and tender.
Exactly the kind of love this girl would be.
I knew it.
Felt it bursting in that space between us.
Sweet.
Uncomplicated.
True.
My guts clenched, knowing I was walking too thin a line. It was time to end this before I did something else I couldn’t take back.
Resigned, I pushed out a strained breath and stood, dug out my wallet, and tossed a stack of bills onto the table. “Let’s get you home.”
Surprise flitted through her expression before it dipped into something that looked too close to rejection. Reluctantly, she nodded. “Okay.”
I did my best to ignore the way she trembled when I set a palm at the small of her back. Did my best to ignore the flames that smoldered and lapped. To ignore the way our breaths came shorter and harder when our skin touched.
I ushered her out the door and onto the busy sidewalk. The second we stepped out, agitation lit. Anxiously, I looked left then right, because the last thing I needed was a camera shoved in my face.
God, this was stupid.
Warily, Alexis shifted around so she could look up at me. It was like she sensed that I was pulling away. Because that dark storm in her eyes was begging me to stay.
My fingers jerked, my pulse an erratic thunder hammering through my veins. I wavered, trying to talk myself down. Should’ve known better because all it took was the softest smile gracing that mouth to send my willpower crumbling down around me.
Because there was something sorrowful in her expression—a goodbye.
“Thank you so much for lunch. For worrying about me today. I know you don’t know what it means to me, but if there was any way I could show you, I would.”
Panic bubbled to the surface. I couldn’t stand the thought of letting her go. I needed to know she was safe. That she was taken care of and protected until that bastard was locked away.
I ignored the fact that it was clearly more than that. That standing there, I wanted to give this girl everything.
So I caved.
My hand was shaking like a bitch when I reached out and cupped her cheek. Heat sped across my skin. All those cold, dark places lit up. Desperate and needy for her warmth. My voice dropped in a way to match. “You really want to learn to play piano?”
She stilled at my words, this brave, gorgeous girl looking up at me with kindness and trust. She nodded against my hand. “I want it more than anything.”
No doubt there was something more in that simple statement.
Fuck, I was a fool. Because my offer was out before I could stop it.
“Let me teach you, and in return, you let me protect you until that bastard is off the street.”
She stared up at me. “What does that mean?”
“That means you stick close. Your sister calls? You call me. You think you need to meet her? I come with you. You let me be there. Simple as that.”
That energy thrashed around us like an approaching storm.
“Then why does it feel so complicated?”
Chapter Eleven
Alexis
The interior hall was deserted, the entire place completely quiet as I stood in front of two big metal doors. My heart raced, alive with this thrill that had followed me through the last four days.
I could have sworn when Zee had abruptly stood from the table that day at the café that it was the end. That whatever obstacles standing between us had become too much for him. That maybe I’d pushed him too far.
But I’d never been the type of person to tiptoe. Had never been one to keep my tongue tamed when I felt I had something important that needed to be said. And offering all those truths to him had felt important.
Vital.
Sucking in a steeling breath, I rapped my fist against one side of the door. That nervous energy magnified when I heard movement on the other side, thrummed and sped when the door unlatched and one side opened to reveal the man standing there.
The man who had to be the most intriguing I’d ever met.
Carved in mystery and sculpted in secrecy.
“Alexis.” His voice grazed across my skin, and his gaze made its own electrifying path, sweeping me from head to toe.
A shiver rolled through me when I did the same, taking in the man dressed in a pair of soft worn jeans and an even softer tee.
I had this foreign urge to reach out and press my hands against him, to feel the strength I saw bristling beneath the fabric.
“Hi,” I whispered.
He stepped back and widened the door. “I’m really glad you came.”
“You didn’t think I would?”
His head tipped and he scratched at his neck. One side of his mouth arched into an affected grin. “No. I didn’t really think that. I just thought by now you might’ve come to your senses.”
“And why on earth would I go and do something like that?” I almost teased, though I realized I was clutching my big bag tight to my chest as if it might act as a shield. As protection against what this boy was gaining the power to do to me.
Which seemed insane because I was the girl who was never afraid.
A low chuckle rippled through the air, and he eyed me with the slightest grin. “The girl who’ll give up anything to save the world but won’t stop long enough to save herself.”
I could almost hear the warning behind it, but I chose to ignore it and stepped into his loft.
“Wow.”
Articulate, I knew.
But I didn’t think there was another word sufficient to describe his home.
“You like it?” His voice hit me from behind. “Ash’s wife…Willow. She helped me decorate it. Helped me make it feel like home.”
“It’s incredible.”
Both luxurious and warm, the loft was one massive, open space. The floor was an expanse of dark gray hardwood and the ceilings two stories above remained open, the ductwork and metal framing left exposed.
Four concrete support columns stretched between the bottom floor and the ceiling. Leather couches and plush lounge chairs were set up in the middle, all mixed up with restored, rustic antique tables and decorations.
My gaze wandered to the far right where a set of stairs led to a bedroom in an upstairs loft that jutted out over the custom kitchen below. It was enclosed only by metal railings, and a huge bed sat in full view, overlooking the living area below.
But the two-story wall of windows on the left was what completely captured my attention. I wandered toward it, drawn to the undoubtedly million-dollar view of the sprawling city beyond.
The sun was just beginning to set, sagging low on the horizon, sending a scatter of twinkling glitter across the buildings and cars below.
My fingers brushed the glass, struck by the beauty, almost floored by it when I glanced over at Zee standing in the middle of the room. He was staring at me. As if I might be a hallucination in his living room.
“Look at you, my little drummer boy, living like a king.” I forced the tease, though it cracked beneath the effort. I wondered how it was possible I thought I could so easily claim him as my own.
His head shook. “Hardly.”
I studied every movement on his face, the words almost a question. “You’re the drummer for one of the biggest bands in the world.” I lifted my arms out to my sides. “You have this amazing place. And then you offer to do this for me? To give me something I’ve wanted for so long? It feels backward. I should be the one doing something for you.”
My voice grew small. “But what do you offer the boy who has everything?”
“None of that means anything when I don’t have anyone to share it with. And you being here?” He paused, and my heart clenched. Then he dropped his face toward the floor as if he didn’t want me to find what would be written in his expression. Desperate to hide the things so visible in his eyes.
Lifting his head, he looked back at me, throat heavy when he swallowed. “You being here for a day is more than enough. Sometimes it gets old, living in the shadows. Somehow they’re not quite so dark when you’re around.”
“Is that what you feel? Like you’re invisible?” That connection I didn’t understand flamed within my chest. Building and intensifying. “Because you’re the only thing I see.”
Stand: A Bleeding Stars Stand-Alone Novel Page 7