Both for him and me. Because I could see it, written all over his gorgeous face. His expression was riddled with pain and regret.
“Then why am I here?” I pushed.
Humorless laughter rolled from him as he moved forward to hold onto the bench on either side of me.
Those bronze eyes pinned me to the spot.
Mesmerizing. Intoxicating.
“Because I can’t seem to stay away from you, even if I know doing so is only for my own good. For your own good. But I need this, Alexis. Just as much as you do. I’m giving you the sliver I have left. A few moments in the midst of the bullshit that I made my life. And yeah, it’s stupid and reckless and careless…”
He scooted forward, and I could feel him giving. Just a fraction. His big body barely prodded at my knees as he climbed between them to invade my space.
That self-preservation was nowhere to be found when I breathed him in.
Cedar and spice and sex.
I wanted to lean forward and inhale. Memorize everything about him. Because somewhere inside me, I knew one day he would simply disappear.
His hands landed on my waist, and he tugged me forward. Low and desperate, the petition spilled from his mouth.
“But I need this, Alexis. I need to know you’re safe and, for a little while, I just…I need you. I need to remember what it’s like to be a part of something beautiful. And I fucking know it’s about the most selfish goddamned thing I could do…to ask you to stay when we aren’t playing for keeps. But I know you need a little bit of this, too. This feeling. So for the little bit of time we have, let me stand by your side. Let’s pretend like this is something we could possibly have.”
My entire being trembled. “What happens when you break my heart?”
His fingers dug deeper into my flesh. “You don’t give me that power. When that bastard is behind bars, you walk away. You find someone who can give you all the things I can’t.”
Part of me wanted to be relieved to have any piece of him. Willing to take whatever he would offer.
The rational side of me resisted. The part that rang with a warning my conscious couldn’t ignore. “Why does this…us…being here…feel wrong? Why does it feel like we’re doing something wrong?”
He wound one of those big hands up in my hair. “You could never, ever be wrong, Alexis. What you have to remember is I am. And there are some things I can’t tell you and the public can’t know about us—about this—but I promise, I won’t ever lie to you.”
I bit at my bottom lip. “You want me to be your dirty secret.”
His face blanched, and his fist constricted in emphasis. “God. No, Alexis. It’s not you who’s dirty.”
And I knew it then. It was him who held all the secrets.
Dark, deep, and destructive.
If I were smart, I’d get up and run. But that didn’t change the fact I felt desperate to get behind those secrets, to see what they meant and why they caused him so much pain.
“The tabloids…they say you’ve never been spotted with a girl. They’re always speculating…coming up with reasons why you’ve lived a life so different from the one the rest of the guys used to. Is that true…that you’ve never been with anyone since you’ve been a member of Sunder? Or do you keep secrets like me everywhere you go?”
I didn’t want it to come out like some kind of accusation or pathetic jealousy, but even if he didn’t realize it, he was asking me to put my heart on the line.
He already had me so mixed up, questioning everything. Who we were and who I wanted us to be.
“I haven’t been with anyone in a long, long time, Alexis.”
“Why now?”
Frustration jetted from his mouth. “Why now? Why? Because of you, and you couldn’t have come crashing into my life at a worse time.”
Tears threatened to gather, but Zee…he looked at me so tenderly that it tugged at all those secret places inside me.
He cupped my chin. “You came at the goddamned worst time, Alexis. But I guess it’s true what they say—the best things always do.”
“Then what do we do?” I gulped around the affected words. “I feel like you’re asking me to have a temporary relationship with you. That it ends the second that monster is in a cell.”
“We can’t have a relationship, Alexis. The only thing I know is I want to steal as many moments with you as I can until there aren’t any left.”
Choked laughter rolled off my tongue. “So, you’re going to keep your hands to yourself?”
The faintest smile pulled at his mouth. “All I’m saying is I can try. You make me wish for things I don’t deserve to have. To believe in wishes coming true. To believe in us… even when I know it’s just pretend.”
“This is crazy.” The words sounded like submission.
He fiddled with a strand of my hair, rubbing it between his fingers. “Well, since we already established you’re insane, this should be easy.”
“Goofball.” It came out soggy with affection. This boy was doing things to me he shouldn’t have the power to.
Tucking the piece of hair behind my ear, he sighed and glanced toward the giant clock that hung on the wall. “Shit,” he muttered as he edged back an inch. “Hour has already passed. I have to go. Guys are expecting me for practice tonight.”
“Oh.” I didn’t mean for it to come out so disappointed.
Apologetic, he rubbed his palm over his mouth, and I watched in wonder as his demeanor changed course and this light affection climbed into his eyes.
It was right then I saw two sides of him clash.
“Next tour kicks off in about four weeks. Last year, we took it pretty easy with all the family stuff going on, but it’s time we got back on the road before the fans go and forget about us. We’re working through a few kinks for the set, trying to grab onto the vibe. Get our hearts back in the music. All the guys and their families are in town to prepare, so it’s kind of a mandatory thing. I don’t show and they’ll basically come over here and round me up anyway.”
“That’s okay. It’s your job,” I told him.
“Yeah, but it’s more than that. We might not have the same blood flowing through our veins, but we’re family. A team. Even if it wasn’t part of my job to show, I’d want to be there.”
His smile was softer than I’d ever seen. “Their wives kind of like to mom me considering I’m the loner of the bunch.”
Affection. It was so apparent. Easy in his eyes. I couldn’t help but feel happy for him, that he had people who clearly meant so much to him.
“Honestly, it’s fine. I completely understand.” I glanced behind me at the piano. “We kind of got sidetracked.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, guess we did. Not sure I have it in me to complain.”
It would probably do us good to put some space between us anyway. Some time away to figure out what all this meant.
Standing from the bench, I leaned down and grabbed my bag from where I’d dropped it on the floor. I could feel Zee rising behind me.
Could feel him deliberating. Contemplating.
“Come with me.”
Shocked, I spun around to face him. “What?”
“You heard me. Come with me.” It was so gruff that I couldn’t tell if it was a request or a demand.
I blinked up at him. “I feel like that might send mixed signals. You just told me we couldn’t be seen together.”
He shrugged. “Let my crew think what they want to think, but this is about that sliver of time we have. With the shit that’s getting ready to go down, I’m pretty sure that time’s going to run out and fast. And if there’s anyone I trust to have my back? It’s them. Things are calm enough out at their place, so we don’t have to worry about paps hopping out of a bush to snag a pic. It’ll be cool.”
“Are you sure?” Because I wanted this. To be in his space. A part of his time. Even if it was fleeting.
I watched the heavy bob of his throat when he swallowed. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Okay…what’s the address?” I started to rummage through my bag to find my phone so I could input the address.
His expression shifted. Something powerful flashed behind that dark, dark veil.
Then a smirk climbed to his mouth. That mouth that had been on mine less than twenty minutes ago. That mouth that had consumed and drugged and made me want things I was sure I’d never before desired.
His tongue darted out to wet his lips. I took a fumbled step backward.
Oh God. This was the side of Zee I wasn’t sure I could handle.
The wicked side that promised mayhem and chaos. A side that was wild and reckless. The side that decided if he was giving in even a little, he was going to take everything he could while it was there.
Hungry. Greedy. Possessive.
“Oh no, Alexis. What kind of man would I be if I let you drive over there alone? Think tonight you ride with me.”
Why did that sound like a threat?
My eyebrows rose to my hairline, and there I was again, clutching my big bag as if it were a shield. “Ride?”
Zee reached out and unwound the straps of my bag from my shoulder and then pried it out of the clutch of my hands. He tossed it to a nearby chair.
Sweet, seductive arrogance. It played around his lips and danced in the ferocity of his eyes. “You won’t be needing that.”
A flare of excitement flashed through my being, this rush of exhilaration that stampeded through my veins.
Chelsey had always warned me I had zero self-preservation.
She was right.
Because there was no way I wanted to miss this experience with him.
Chapter Seventeen
Alexis
It took less than ten minutes for me to become the happiest girl alive.
Could anyone blame me?
The big bike ate up the ground below us, the gleaming metal pure power and pride. The pavement flashed by in a dizzying whirl of colors and lights as night steadily eclipsed the sun and possessed the sky.
My arms held tight around his waist, my chest pressed to the rigid strength of his back as he commanded the engine that roared as we flew down the street.
Air whipped in my face, and I inhaled the deepest breath.
Ingraining it in my mind.
Imprinting it on my soul.
Cedar and spice and the raw potency of this man.
Sexy and masculine. It was a scent that had invaded my mind and seeped into my dreams.
It was bold and distinct. Just as bold and hypnotizing as him.
Nerves wound through me as he confidently took the roads. The heavy metal beneath us rumbled as we sped. The insides of my thighs shook and shivered where they were pressed tight to the outside of his.
Those tattooed arms were stretched out, and the color strained and flexed over the muscles that rippled as his hands gripped the handlebars.
My awe only increased when he turned into a historic neighborhood that had to have been there for a century, as if he’d taken me through a portal and directly into the early glitz and glam of Hollywood.
Zee lowered his booted feet as he slowed and came to a stop. He killed the engine, and the roar in my ears was replaced with the sudden ring of silence.
My legs were shaking so badly I wasn’t sure I could stand. The problem was I had no clue if it was from the adrenaline of the ride, or simply the staggering effect of Zee.
A big hand covered both of mine where they clutched the firm planes of his abdomen, the heat of him making me wild. “You okay?”
“I’m…that felt incredible.”
He chuckled low. “Ah, you like my bike. My kind of girl.”
My kind of girl.
“Yes, I definitely like your bike,” I managed to say.
Did I tell him I liked so, so many other things? Did I admit there was just something about the mixed-up, conflicted equation of him?
It was easy to realize I wanted to be a factor. To count. Even when he promised this could only last for a time. But whatever time meant, I wanted it to matter.
Holding on to my hand, Zee helped me onto my feet. He towered over me, gently reaching out to undo the strap of the helmet he’d insisted I wear, his attention never wandering from my face.
Fingertips brushed my throat. Stoking the chills that never seemed to want to leave my skin.
I glanced at the vintage mansion in front of us.
It was two massive stories high, fronted by six white columns that rose to support the portico. The home was undoubtedly a landmark from the early era of Los Angeles, carefully renovated to maintain its character from long ago.
Yet, somehow it radiated welcome and warmth.
Comfort.
Zee gestured at it with his chin. “This is Ash and Willow’s place. A few years back, Ash bought a house out in Savannah. Just as lavish as this one—maybe more so—and the fool thought he had to repeat it here. He just can’t help himself. He’s about as over the top and rash as they come, so fair warning. But he has a heart the size of the sun, so we pretty much let him get away with it.”
For a second, he scratched at his head, as if gauging what to say. Dealing with his own nerves while trying to keep mine at bay. “They’re all…amazing. You’d be hard pressed to find a better group of people.”
“Intimidating people.” I could feel the red rush to my face when I said it, teeth catching my bottom lip in their clutches when I peeked back at the house.
It seemed insane I’d ended up here. I was no tabloid junkie, but that didn’t mean I lived under a rock.
For years, I’d seen their faces plastered on the front pages of magazines and trending on the gossip sites. I hadn’t missed the scandal and speculation that had followed these wild boys everywhere they went. The trouble they’d incited had gained almost as much notoriety as the music they played.
“Are you nervous?” he asked.
“I’m trying not to be. Your friends are…” I took a deep breath. “It just seems crazy to be in their space, in your space. And I promise I’m not some kind of weird fangirl or something. It’s just…weird.”
He chuckled. “Weird, huh? You keep saying that.”
I laughed under my breath and let my fingers fiddle with the hem of his tee, the smallest of smiles tweaking at the corner of my mouth. “It seems you bring about the strange, little drummer boy.”
He laughed through the tease. “Oh, they’re strange all right, gorgeous. Whole lot of them are nothin’ but a handful. But I promise you that you won’t be able to help falling in love with them.”
Maybe that was what I was worried about. The falling part.
“So what are we in there?” There, with him, I felt confident. I just had no idea how Zee wanted to handle it once we stepped through the door.
He touched my chin. “We’re us. As complicated as we are, I say we walk in there and be whatever feels right. How’s that sound?”
My brow arched. “It sounds complicated.”
Zee laughed, and he slung one of those strong arms around my neck and kissed the top of my head. “How’s it you make every single thing better, baby?” he murmured.
Baby.
Oh God.
The boy had me in the palm of his hand. The only thing I could pray was for him not to crush me in the end.
Zee squeezed my hand where we stood in the archway that led into a quaint sitting room that rested just to the right of the sweeping foyer. He cleared the roughness from his throat. “Guys, brought someone with me tonight that I wanted you to meet.”
He glanced down at me with a tilt of his head toward the room. “Alexis, this is my crazy family that you’re basically going to need to ignore.”
Oh goodness.
I stepped a little closer to Zee. My protector. My savior. Standing there in the entryway of this incredible house with about ten different pairs of eyes staring at me, I was pretty sure I was going to need it.
A group of children were playing on the floor, an
d the men of Sunder were littered around a sitting room just off the foyer, so big and bold, radiating this striking aura of power and a dark, menacing kind of beauty and magnetism. They were surrounded by women who were even more beautiful than their pictures.
They all shifted from where they had been lounged back on plush sofas.
Ash Evans jumped to his feet, covering the ears of a little black-haired boy who stood in front of him. “Holy S-H-I-T.”
The boy squirmed out of his hold. “Uncle Ash, you don’t need to go covering my ears. You really think I don’t know what you spelled? You’re gonna have to get way better at that before you and Willow have that baby if you think you’re gonna be foolin’ anyone. Probably gonna need a money jar like my dad’s got. Momma Blue is pretty much rich.”
Brendon…this had to be Brendon, the son of the band’s guitarist, Lyrik.
I had the urge to press my hand to my mouth to stifle a laugh.
I shifted, trying not to be shy, remembering I always faced every situation like the adventure it was.
But something about this felt different.
“You’ve got me there, Brendon,” Ash agreed, shooting Zee a sly grin. “But sometimes men like me just don’t know how to handle this level of surprise when they’re in the presence of children. Things are bound to slip out.”
Brendon shrugged as if it were obvious. “Money jar. Problem solved.”
Willow, the woman I knew was Ash’s wife, pushed to standing from one of the couches, her belly so round I thought this practice session might be interrupted by a surprise trip to the hospital.
She had a vibe about her, soft and sweet and encouraging. She ran her fingers through Brendon’s hair. “I think that sounds like the perfect kind of plan, Brendon—a money jar it is. The last thing we need is this big oaf to be teaching our little man words he doesn’t need to know.”
Brendon nodded as if he was all kinds of proud of himself, and I found myself smiling into Zee’s arm as I peeked out at his mismatched family.
Willow approached us. “Alexis…it’s so good to meet you. Welcome to our home.”
“Thank you so much for having me.”
“Any time.” She slanted a curious glance toward Zee before she turned her gaze back on me. “Any friend of Zee’s is a friend of ours.”
Stand: A Bleeding Stars Stand-Alone Novel Page 11