But it was the expression on Alexis’s face that washed through me like a ravaging flood.
Overpowering emotion gripped tight between us. Pulling and pulling and pulling.
Something soft and tender and sweet.
Fueled by faith and conviction that all the good things in this world waited on the wings. Just waiting to be captured.
Like she saw all that good shimmering like dazzling flashes of light on the fringes of the room.
Got the feeling she was doing her best to pour that belief into me.
Urging me to see it.
To reach out and take it.
Fuck. I had no idea how to process it. The fact that I wanted to, knowing I couldn’t, and still dipping my fingers in for a taste anyway.
Knew full well this was going to lead to disaster.
Maybe it was selfish, but it felt like these stolen moments with Alexis might just be worth it.
“Think we’re gonna call it a night. Need to get Alexis home.”
Shea pouted. “So soon?”
I looked at the watch around my wrist. “It’s midnight.”
“See, it’s early,” Tamar added.
I widened my eyes at both of them. “And you’re planning on keeping Willow up all night when she needs to rest and get up her strength for having that baby?”
Okay, so maybe that was a low blow. A little on the manipulative side. Because just like I knew he would, Ash jumped into action.
“Out. Everyone out.” Ash was all spastic arms as he gave Baz and Lyrik a little nudge. “Know you all can’t stand the thought of not being in my presence since a little Ash always makes everything better, but it’s high time I carry my girl upstairs and tuck her in bed so I can rub her feet and her back and her belly. Then if she’s up for it, I might show her a little more of what I do best.”
Willow frowned at her feet. Well, in that direction at least, because I was fairly certain she couldn’t see them. “But they’re ugly and swollen.”
Ash tsked. “Not even, darlin’. Every inch of you is as gorgeous as the day I met you, and I won’t ever be able to look away.”
Swore the girl swooned, and it made me fucking happy that the two of them had found each other. Also made me want to rip at my hair and grind my teeth, and the last thing I needed was for my brothers to catch onto the vibe I was feeding.
I lifted my jaw in Alexis’s direction, wishing I didn’t have the vision of stalking across the space and taking her in my arms rolling through my head. Kissing her like I had earlier.
This time not stopping.
“You ready?”
Her nod seemed reluctant. “Sure.”
She said her goodbyes, hugging and talking with the girls like it was the most natural thing as she told them how amazing it was to meet them, how thankful she was she got to share in their night.
She whispered something quietly to Willow, her expression so soft, her hand a gentle sweep down Willow’s belly as her teeth caught on her bottom lip.
Like she might be dreaming of the day that might be her.
Did it make me a bastard that the thought of it cut me to the core?
Jealousy fisted my hands. Couldn’t even stand the idea of her with another man.
Shining all that goodness on him. Not when I felt desperate to keep all that light for myself. Like she could ever be mine to keep.
Jesus. What was wrong with me?
I huffed out a breath in an attempt to clear my head, clapped Ash and Lyrik on the back, then bumped Austin’s fist as I told them I’d see them tomorrow.
Baz slowed my steps with a hand on my forearm. “You good?” he asked.
“Of course.”
Motherfucking lie. It always was. And I think it had always been Baz who’d known it ever since the day I’d shown at his door with a pack slung on my back and agony in my heart.
Baz narrowed his eyes to study me. Finally, he gave me a reluctant nod. “See you later.”
“Yup.” I headed toward Alexis. As I approached, she turned in my direction. Like she could feel that connection tighten. Drawing us closer. A tense, keening wire.
She smiled up at me. Softly. That expression alone hit me square in the chest.
“Let’s get you out of here.”
I weaved her fingers through mine, not having any clue where we were gonna go from there. But for just a little while, I was going to embrace it, her, every fucking thing.
No fear.
Just life.
I led her back through the rambling expanse of Willow and Ash’s house.
Without saying a word, I clicked open the front door and she followed me out into the night. It was dense and dark and heavy.
Something foreign thrummed through my veins, an exhilaration and joy I hadn’t felt in a long time. So long that I wondered if it could even be real or if I was just getting caught up in a trap that was only going to ruin me in the end.
Because I had two loyalties. And this girl couldn’t be one of them.
But that didn’t stop the purpose in our footsteps as I led her down the big concrete steps. The night sky opened up like a dark, magnetic sea as we stepped out from beneath the cover of the veranda and down onto the walkway.
I could hear her gasp in a breath. Could feel the tension of her hand as it squeezed against mine.
When I turned, I found Alexis with her face upturned, basking in the beauty as she watched the faint trickle of a star burning out.
“Did you make a wish?” My question grated out.
Alexis dropped her face back down to look at me, wonder in her eyes. “Don’t you know falling stars aren’t for wishing on? They’re a wish finally falling free. Somewhere out there…someone has a wish coming true.”
That statement alone was almost enough to drop me straight to my knees. Could barely form the admission as I wondered how the fuck this girl was so damned perfect. “Used to think that…back before I realized they were just people’s wishes coming to an end. Fizzling out.”
She stared up at me in that way that tightened my guts and made me feel like I was standing on uneven ground. “Maybe you’ve just forgotten how to wish.”
That space between us swelled, and her voice dipped in this wistfulness that cut me straight through.
“If we don’t believe in miracles, then what do we have left?”
“Lex…” I pulled her toward me. “Why is it you feel like a miracle?”
She buried her face in my shirt, both her hands clinging to me, her voice the softest praise. “You are the miracle, Zee. You were there in the moment I needed you most.”
I ran my fingers through her hair, let them brush down over that star tattoo I knew was etched on her neck, and murmured the words at the top of her head. “I want to be, Lex. I want to be there.”
“Thank you so much for bringing me tonight. You were right. I…loved your friends. Every crazy ounce of them.”
“Guess it means you fit right in, doesn’t it?” My heart ached with just how perfectly she did.
She laughed a soggy sound and hugged me tighter. “Goofball.”
I rubbed her back, both loving and hating how standing beneath the stars with her felt so natural.
Finally, I shook myself out of it and helped her back into the helmet. I straddled my bike and kicked over the engine. Never letting go of her hand, I helped her on and tucked her close so that sweet, sweet body clung to mine.
Warmth and heat and all things right.
The bike rumbled, just as deep and fierce as the rumble rolling in my chest. I clutched her hands to my stomach that quivered with need.
“Hold on tight,” I told her.
Her answer came as a breath across the shell of my ear. “I won’t let go.”
Something about the way she said it sounded like a promise. A promise I ached to keep but could never receive.
I took to the street, cool night air whipping at our faces. The girl clutched me a little tighter. Like she couldn’t get close eno
ugh. Swore I could feel her heart hammering at my back, just as sure as she could feel my heart hammering in my chest.
It thundered and roared and increased.
I needed to get away from her. Take her home and drop her at the door where I couldn’t hurt her. Before I got too close to those places that I couldn’t go.
But her car was back at my place. Another bad move I’d made in this no-win game.
Fifteen minutes later, I slowed in front of my building, fingers quick to punch in the code to the ground-level garage. My bike vibrated and grumbled as I slowly edged inside.
The garage door automatically slid shut behind us as I pulled into my reserved space, stretched out my feet, and killed the engine.
Silence.
It was a silence so thick and charged I felt like I could see it weaving around us, echoing back with lust and questions and need.
Alexis shivered when I helped her stand. Her legs were shaking, and with the way my blood went pounding, I knew it wasn’t just from the ride. She was feeling this, too.
I climbed off my bike, and my fingers brushed the silky softness of her skin as I again helped her free of the constraints of the helmet. She released a breathy, needy sigh. The warmth skated my skin and sent a thrill rushing through my veins.
“My bag is still inside your loft.” It sounded like both a warning and a confession.
“Yeah,” I uttered.
I swallowed hard like it might hold back some of this emotion threatening to spiral out of control. I clutched her hand, trying to remind myself of all the reasons I couldn’t give into this. Of all the reasons I couldn’t step over the line.
I tried to remember exactly who I would be betraying and exactly what I had to lose.
Neither of us said a word as we climbed into the elevator. Metal doors slid shut, closing us in, and with it, closing off air. Closing off sanity and reason and the fading sense of wrong and right.
Keep my hands to myself.
That was all I had to do.
I’d told her I’d try.
But this girl? She made me crazy with need, the way I was breathing her staggered breaths and she was breathing mine.
Energy lifted around us.
Shimmering and bright.
Alive and demanding.
Just as demanding as the plea of my body when I suddenly spun and pinned her against the mirrored wall. My hands were planted above her head, and her tight, sweet body was flush with mine.
A rush of shocked air gushed from between her lips. Blue eyes wide and needy as she looked up at me and locked those tiny hands in the fabric of my shirt. “Zachary.”
She begged it like a plea.
Like devotion.
Flames leapt between us.
Hot.
I gripped both sides of her neck, this girl in the palm of my hands.
Her pulse ran wild, and my dick grew hard. Just as damned desperate as the rest of me.
Her voice was a whisper. “No fear. Just life.”
No fear. Just life.
And God, just for a little while, I wanted to know what it would feel like to be alive.
My mouth crashed against hers. Hard and demanding against all her sweet, sweet belief.
She opened and gave.
Chapter Nineteen
Alexis
Warm, insistent lips pressed against mine, his body hard and big and straining as he pressed me harder against the elevator wall.
My head spun and my hands tightened in his shirt. Desperate to hold on to this moment.
My heart sped and careened, and I lifted up on my toes in a bid to get closer. To fall inside and get lost in that sacred place where I might discover all his secrets.
Where I could live on his brilliance.
Zachary groaned, and his touch became urgent, as if he wanted to erase every inch that separated us. Connect us in every way.
Those big hands were on my neck, gliding up and leaving a streak of chills on my skin as he took me possessively by the jaw. He held me steady as he nipped at my bottom lip. The plush warmth of his mouth coaxed and pled. He turned to do the same to my upper lip.
Commanding. Taking. Demanding.
Reservations gone.
Desire bloomed, bright and blinding.
It pulled a gasp from my lungs, and every part of me gave when he deepened the kiss.
His tongue stroked against mine.
Fire and consuming light.
Different from earlier.
Because while that felt like an accident, this felt like giving in.
Every intention became frantic. A chaotic need surged in the air and lit in our blood. I grappled to get him closer, my fingers frenzied as I attempted to touch him everywhere.
I traced across the ink on his arms, over the strength of his shoulders, and down the expanse of that wide, wide chest.
Right over the roar of his conflicted, captivating heart.
Did he feel mine? The way it thundered and kicked and begged?
Stomach tight with want, I wound my arms around his neck. He hitched me higher and pinned me to the wall with his hips. Fingers sank into the flesh of my thighs as he wrapped my legs around his waist.
A needy whimper left me when he rocked against my center, his cock hard and prominent as he ground against me, coaxing me into a frenzy of desire.
We reeled.
Both of us staggered by the sudden power of that irresistible connection that had steadily built.
A breaking point.
A chasm that couldn’t be crossed.
So instead, we fell.
The elevator dinged and the doors slid open.
“Hold tight,” he muttered, still kissing me madly, refusing to let me go.
He fumbled in his pocket, freed his keys, and twisted the lock. He kicked one side of the metal doors open, then kicked it closed just as fast, carrying me into the darkened depths of his loft.
Never breaking that kiss.
A hazy light filtered in from the huge bank of windows overlooking city and sky, and somehow I knew he was drawn to it, his footfalls guiding us in that direction, to the beauty that abounded and waited in the heavens.
Waiting for him to reach out and take it.
I shivered when cool glass hit my back.
“Zachary,” I whispered against his lips, still kissing him just as wildly as he was kissing me.
It was as if something inside him had been unhinged. Freed. Something he’d been missing and had somehow found in me.
“Lex…God…Lex.”
His dick pressed eagerly against my jeans. I felt like I was burning up, from the inside out, flames lapping at my spirit, at my soul, while this boy’s possessive touch singed and marked my skin from the outside.
I moaned when he dragged down the collar of my flimsy shirt, yanking down the cup of one side of my bra at the same second. Cool air hit my skin, and my nipple pebbled, tight with anticipation.
Zee edged back and took the flesh into his mouth.
Hot and wet and perfect.
Sensation spun, a live wire that stroked the desire that consumed me, every cell. I writhed against his solid length while he lapped and sucked until his hand was back on my face, his mouth on mine, kissing me like he meant it.
“You are so beautiful. So goddamned beautiful.” The words lived in the middle of our kiss. Meshing and twining with every lap and lick. “Can’t get you out of my mind, Lex. Doesn’t matter how hard I try, I can’t get you out. You’ve gotten under my skin. So deep. So fucking deep.”
My fingers sank into the bristling muscle of his shoulders. “Why would you want to stop thinking of me? Don’t you feel this?”
His voice was pained. “Don’t you get it yet? That’s the problem. I feel everything. I want you so goddamned bad, and I can’t ever have you.”
I was swept up in a sudden overwhelming emotion.
This boy.
This boy.
This giving boy who I knew would have given his
life for me. Without a name or a reason or any proof I might deserve his mercy.
My kiss turned tender. So tender as I caressed the lines and curves of his gorgeous face. “Why wouldn’t you deserve me? You saved me.”
His hold cinched tighter on my hips, his body rocking in a slow, needy arc. His teeth ground as he rubbed his cock against the heat burning at the center of my thighs. As if it caused him physical pain while I was certain I’d never felt anything so perfect.
“Tell me why you can’t have me,” I panted.
Grief struck in the depths of those bronze eyes. “Told you there are things you can’t know. And fuck, Alexis…there are things you deserve that I just can’t give you.”
“Like what?”
He threaded his fingers in my hair. “You deserve someone who can love you the way you should be loved. Someone who can walk out the door with you on his arm and know he’s got the best girl at his side and show the fucking world how great she is. You deserve a relationship. A man to come home to. Tell me that isn’t something you want. Tell me it isn’t something you’ve been looking for. I know you well enough, if you deny wanting those things, it’ll only be a lie.”
I blinked at him. “Of course it’s something I want. Something I’ve been looking for my whole life.”
“And you haven’t found that guy yet?” Was it anger that flashed through the storm in his eyes?
I gulped around the emotion that suddenly clogged the base of my throat. “No. I’ve just always known I’d feel when it was real. I’ve had boyfriends…a couple who were kind of serious. But none of them have ever made me feel the way I knew I’d feel when I met the one who was meant for me.”
Zee kept rocking against me. A needy, desperate sway.
So close to driving me out of my mind. And I was feeling all those things I’d anticipated when I just knew…this breathtaking sensation that I was falling. Falling fast and hard.
What I never anticipated was the fear that would come with it. I guess I’d just never known what it would feel like for my heart to truly be at risk.
I was torn between begging him to bridge the gap between us and pushing him away as a wave of horror swelled in my chest as that nagging question I tried to disregard refused to be ignored.
Stand: A Bleeding Stars Stand-Alone Novel Page 13