by Linda Kage
I broke my mouth away, panting for air, only to kiss my way up her throat. She was so sweet, and hot, and hungry for me, panting and receptive, resting her head back against the support beam and staring dazedly up at the twinkling strands of lights.
I studied the soft porcelain glow of her cheeks a moment before saying, “You may be right, I don’t need you anymore. But I sure as hell still want you, and nothing—nothing—has been better off without out you here.”
“You can’t…” She was breathing too heavily to talk in a complete sentence, but her expression told me she was still clouded with doubt when her gaze met mine. She shook her head before she winced and looked away. “You don’t want me. Not really.”
My eyebrow rose in challenge. “You want to say that to me again, looking me straight in the eye.”
Her gaze flared back to mine, meeting my dare. “You don’t want—”
I kissed her, grinding my erection against her, so she could feel just how much I really did want her.
“What don’t I want?” I taunted against her lips.
With a huff of irritation, she shoved against my chest, making me stumble back. Rage filled her face, and I worried I’d gone too far for a moment until she growled, “You don’t know what you’re saying, Beckett. You don’t really want me. You just feel obligated because I helped you through a bad situation. You’re not really attracted to me. How could you be? I’m a fat, ugly opinionated cow who blurts out what she’s thinking rashly without regard to how it’ll affect other people, some people that I would never want to hurt. So...yeah. What kind of idiot would even remotely be into that?”
I stepped to her, hovering. “I guess this kind of idiot, because you’re it for me, and I’m completely satisfied with everything you are.”
Shock filled her face. “But—”
“No buts. Just…feel this.” I grabbed her hand and crudely pressed it against my crotch, in case she’d missed my erection the first time I’d ground it against her palm. Under her touch, my already hard dick jerked excitedly. She gasped, her fingers twitching against me before her shocked gaze lifted to my face.
I pressed into her space until we were nose to nose. “You want the truth of what I think of you, Bailey Rae? This right here is the truth. My dick doesn’t react whatsoever to obligation or any other measly bullshit you try to accuse me of. This guy operates on nothing but pure, unadulterated attraction, and he’s been hungry for you for a while now. He thinks you’re beautiful and challenging and worth his attention. I think you’re beautiful and challenging and worth my attention. So don’t try to pass that fat, ugly cow bullshit off on me. It’s not going to work. I. Want. You. Not because I feel like I owe you anything, but because you’re you.”
No longer outright denying my claims, confusion clouded her features. “But I’m not—”
“What?” I snapped, still irritated she was questioning my desire. My love. “You’re not anorexic skinny? Well, thank God. You’re soft just where I like it soft and curvy where I like curves. You’re fucking perfect for me.”
I reached around to cup her ass and pull her flush against me until her soft breasts were mashed into my chest and she could feel my erection again. Then I lowered my face to run the tip of my nose up the side of her throat.
Her head fell back and she let out a pleased sigh. I knew she liked what I did to her. I knew she wanted me back. I just had to convince her it was real.
“Do I feel obligated to you?” I asked against her throat before kissing her cheek. “You betcha. Do I want to pay you back in the best way possible? Of course. You were the one to keep me propped up until I realized I could stand on my own. But there is so much more to you than just that. I see you, Bailey. I’ve seen all of you, and I’ve seen what you have in here,” I tapped the side of her head. “And in here.” Two of my fingers pressed gently against the center of her breastbone. “I’ve seen the real you. And I fucking adore it. I love it. I love you.”
Her mouth fell open. “Wha…what?”
“Fuck obligation,” I said pressing my forehead to hers. “I love you because you’re you. No one else could be you if they tried. And that’s why I want you.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Beck.” She reached for my face, but I caught her hands and kissed her palms.
“But the thing is, it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t find you attractive. I’d still be crazy in love with you.” This time when I took her fingers, I pressed it against my chest, right over my heart. “Every time we talk, this little thrill races through me, excited and eager to hear what crazy thing is going to blurt from you next. I love your loyalty in your friends, and your faith in me when I didn’t even think I’d recover from this. I love your drive and determination to keep going no matter what tries to push you down. I love how you have no filter and I never have to guess what you’re thinking. Until today, anyway.”
She gave a noisy swallow and then shuddered out a breath. Her lips began to tremble.
I kept talking. “But I do also think you’re beautiful. I used to lie awake at night just to watch you sleep because I thought you were so pretty. Your cheeks looked like a glass porcelain doll. I would reach out as softly and quietly as I could just to touch you without waking you up so I could make sure you were real. And when I’d just barely feel how soft and warm your skin was, I’d ache the rest of the night, feeling like a dumbass for wanting you so much when I knew I shouldn’t, when there was nothing I could offer you.”
Immediately, she began to shake her head. “Oh, but, Beck. You have so much to offer.”
I sniffed out a self-derisive laugh. “Really? That why you’ve pushed me away every time I’ve kissed you then?”
“No!” She screeched, gaping at me as if I were crazy. Cupping my face in her hands, she looked me straight in the eye and said, “That wasn’t why. Not at all. I just realized I loved you too, and it was freaking me out.”
My eyebrows shot up before a slow smile spread across my face. “You love me too?”
Gasping, she jerked her hands off my face and smacked my arm. “Oh! You…you…You made me say it.”
With a laugh, I lifted my hands, claiming all innocence. “What did I do? I didn’t make you say anything.”
She made a sour face. “Don’t act so smug, you big...” Her nose wrinkled as if she wanted to call me a bad name but her feelings for me physically prevented her from doing so. So she just gritted her teeth and huffed. “You want to know my real problem? I came home to find this gorgeous country boy I’d always dreamed of being with, and you finally had all your shit together, and...and it intimidated me, okay?”
I had to cock my head to the side over that claim. “How did I intimidate you? I’m still the same old me.”
“What the hell ever.” She kept scowling. “This...you...you’re nothing like you were when I first met you.”
“Okay, fine,” I allowed on a cringe. “You met me while I was going through the lowest point I’d ever gone through, but you’re also directly responsible for me getting back to my old self again, so what I am right now is basically…your fault.”
She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, but didn’t argue my point.
I glanced around the hayloft, at a loss of what to say or do now. I’d just poured my heart out this woman, and she’d pretty much done the same to me. And now…now we were both just standing here.
It was weird. I didn’t know what to do.
I’d always kind of thought that when I told a girl I loved her she’d scowl at me a lot less than this.
“I still want to be with you,” I tried, feeling less and less confident as the seconds ticked by.
“Well,” she huffed, seemingly more putout than ever, before moodily mumbling. “I want to be with you too.”
Okay. I cleared my throat and scratched my head.
“So, uh…” I winced and sent her what I hoped was a beseeching glance. “Where does this leave us?”
She g
ave another long, resounding sigh as if fed up with me for not getting with the program. “Gee, Bucket. I don’t know. The room’s flooded with all these romantic little lights you’ve hung for me, and there’s a nice, convenient bed of hay right there. We both just said we loved each other. We’re both consenting adults who claim to want to jump each other bones, and neither of us are obligated to anyone else. What do you think we should do?”
Oh, hell, yes! I liked where this was going. My body kicked into high awareness, heating and hardening instantly.
No longer uncertain or self-conscious, I started to grin slowly. “Well, I certainly don’t want to play checkers.”
Bailey gave the most magical reply of all. She smiled back. It lit me up from the inside and settled in all the right places, making me buzz with need. Bailey loved me back. This was really going to happen.
Biting her lip with an almost teasing shyness, she backed slowly toward a particularly nice-looking pile of hay and began to unbutton her blouse. “Neither do I.”
Chapter 33
BECKETT
A knot formed in my throat when the creamy swell of both breasts and the silken edge of a lime green bra came into view. Holy shit, we were really going to…
I shook my head, not quite able to believe it. This morning, I’d woken up missing her so bad and yet certain she didn’t even think of me that way, I’d taken care of myself. I hadn’t thought I’d even see her until damn near Christmas. And now, here she was, claiming she loved me and undressing in front of me. It felt too much like a dream. My brain couldn’t catch up with reality.
“Are you sure?” I asked, swallowing down the hope that kept rising and trying not to let it get the better of me, but also taking a step toward her when she undid enough buttons to reveal her pale stomach.
Bailey undid the last clasp and slid one side of her blouse over one shoulder. My mouth dried up and eyes widened.
Her grin was pure seductress. “What do you think?” Cloth slid from her other shoulder and her top dropped to the floor at her feet.
I might’ve whimpered.
“I…I…well, I think someone’s going to wake me any second because I just got to the really good part of my dream. And…oh…Mother of God.”
She gave a husky chuckle at my reaction to her slipping her fingers into the waistband of her yoga pants and then pushing them down over her hips as she simultaneously toed off her shoes. Bending enough to help them billow down around her ankles, she shuddered and rubbed her arms from the chill as she stood in front of me in nothing but her green bra and black panties with hot pink stripes.
When I saw goosebumps rise on her arms, I held up a finger, unable to tolerate letting her get cold. “Wait. Hold that thought. Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
“What?” she shrieked, hugging herself as I rushed backward toward the opening of the loft because I didn’t want to turn my back on her and miss a second more of this view than I had to. “Beck! What the hell? I’m doing the best striptease of my life, and you’re leaving?”
“No! No, I’m not leaving. I’ll be right back, I swear. I’m just going to run and grab something real quick.” I help up a finger, silently asking her to stay put, and pleading with my expression, hoping she didn’t kill me, as I felt behind me and began to climb through the hole in the floor. Before I completely lowered myself from view, I pointed at her again, this time more commanding-like. “Don’t remove another stitch until I return.”
“Beckett,” she cried, letting me know she wasn’t willing to forgive me for this. But she would. As soon as she saw what I was fetching, all would be okay again.
I flat-out ran toward the tack room, flinging the door open and hurdling myself inside. A brown, fleece blanket lay folded and draped over the back of a chair. I snagged it as I darted past, only to skid to a stop at a shelf against the wall that housed a couple of small, battery-powered portable space heaters that were used in the bitter cold of winter to keep the horses warm. Tucking one under my arm, I next hurried toward the bathroom where I’d seen a half empty box of condoms in the medicine cabinet the other day when I’d been looking for a bandage.
They probably belonged to Bailey’s brothers. I didn’t care. They were mine now.
Arms full, I plowed my way from the tack room, the door banging shut behind me, only to skid to a halt when I nearly ran into Bailey’s father who was standing there in the center aisle, his back to me.
The box of condoms, which had been sitting loosely on top of the blanket and heater piled in my arms careened forward and spilled to the ground, littering the hay around my feet with little foiled packages.
Oh, shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
Ben began to turn. I slid my foot over the box, covering some of the condoms but not all. My heart racing and smile too bright, I gasped out a too-innocent, “H-hey.”
He seemed surprised to see me. Scratching at the whiskers growing on his cheeks, he motioned toward the opening of the barn. “Hey. Booth and I were about to go into town and catch a meal at the diner. The special’s meatloaf today. But we saw Bailey’s car when we stepped outside.” Glancing around as if confused, he asked, “Have you seen her?”
“I, uh…” Don’t look down, don’t look down. When he turned back to me and focused on the things still piled in my arms, frowning at them, I blurted. “Yeah. She’s in the…in the grove.”
“In the grove,” he repeated slowly. “Why? And what the hell is she doing home?”
“I, uh…” Finally I just shrugged. Would he kill me first, and then fire me, if he saw the condoms? Or fire me and then kill me? I didn’t want to find out. “I’m not sure. She seemed upset but wouldn’t say what was wrong, so I dragged her out there to talk. Except it seemed cold, so I came back to gather this, hoping it’d warm her up and relax her enough to open up to me.”
Ben blinked at me as if I’d lost my mind. I flushed, knowing I’d just spewed the worst lie in the history of lies. But then he hummed, “Huh. Bailey’s upset but won’t talk about it? That’s new.”
I tripped out a nervous laugh. “Yeah. Isn’t it, though? Totally not like her.”
“Huh,” her dad repeated before he shrugged as well. “Must be about girl problems, then.” Reaching out to heartily slap my arm, he added, “I’ll leave that to you to fix. Good luck. We’re still going to get some meatloaf. Want us to bring you guys any of it home?”
“Uh…no thanks.”
“All right then. Your loss.”
When he turned away, all the air I’d been holding in my lungs escaped in relief. I was about to reach down and fetch the condoms when Ben paused and suddenly turned back. I froze, half bent over and back to holding my breath.
He narrowed his eyes a moment before declaring more than asking, “You’ll tell me if there’s actually something seriously wrong with her.”
I nodded immediately. “Of course.”
He nodded too and finally left.
Oh dear Lord. My heart wouldn’t stop pounding.
This time, I waited until I heard the engine of Booth’s truck start before I gathered the condoms. Blowing away a chest full of dread, I returned to the loft at a more sedate pace.
Bailey had pulled her shirt back on, but hadn’t redone the buttons, and was currently shimmying the pants back up her legs.
Damn.
“That was your dad,” I said, setting everything on the floor by the opening so I could close the hatch.
“I heard.” Her fingers shook as she rushed to pull buttons through their holes.
I scowled, not really a fan of all the disappearing flesh she was hiding away. As far as I was concerned, we were still going to do everything my body was screaming to do.
“You should probably take that back off,” I told her easily, turning the heater on and aiming the warm blast radiating from it toward the flattest pile of hay. “Unless you wanted me to take it off you, which might be fun too.”
“Excuse me?” Bailey spun to me, her mouth
falling open as she watched me flick the blanket open and settle it over the hay before smoothing down the edges. Her gaze shifted from the heater to the condom box sitting beside it. “What the hell are you doing? We just about got caught”
“But we didn’t.” I rose to my feet. “I’ll tell him when he gets back from supper we’re together now if that makes you feel better. But right now, I want to finish what we started.”
She didn’t answer. Her lips parted in awe. Then her gaze moved to the box.
“You got condoms.”
I nodded, so she shifted her gaze.
“And a heater and blanket.”
“You looked cold.”
Her throat worked as she swallowed. Stepping toward me, she slowly reached out to touch my shoulder. “You thought of everything.”
I lowered my gaze to the front of her shirt. “I only thought of you.” She’d only gotten two buttons together. Slowly, I freed them again. “But then, you are everything, so that makes sense.”
Chest heaving as she drew in a deep breath, Bailey shook her head. “How the hell did I get so lucky as to land you?”
Before I could even contemplate an answer, her fingers gripped the front of my shirt. Then she jerked me close and stamped her mouth to mine. I kissed her back hungrily, ripping her blouse open and back over her shoulders before flinging it off somewhere into the hay. She plowed her fingers through my hair and tried to tear the roots from my scalp as she sucked on my tongue. I came back just as rough, peeling off her pants and underwear together before smoothing my palms over her bare ass and then squeezing two palm-fuls.
“God, you’re so soft and warm,” I breathed, lowering her to the cushioned blanked. My hands skimmed her body until I flipped down the cups of her bra and popped a hard, pink nipple into my mouth.
“Beck!” Shock littered her voice as she jolted under me, her fingers clamoring to grip something and hold on for dear life while I licked and sucked. After palming a full lush hip, I smoothed around to curl over the rounded globes of her ass.