by Ian Doescher
Whatever my offense, O master true,
I prithee, do forgive C-3PO!
R2-D2
[ aside:] What scenes of horror lie herein! I see
That droids are tortur’d here, fix’d fast upon
The rack and torn to bits, or burnèd on
The feet as though they were a piece of meat
Upon a spit. O terror to mine eyes—
And yet I know my master hath a plan.
Indeed, within my head I hold the light
That shall illumine our profound escape.
EV-9D9
New acquisitions, excellent. Thou art
A droid of protocol: say, is this so?
C-3PO
I am C-3PO, of human—
EV-9D9
—Aye,
Or nay shall serve.
C-3PO
—O. Aye.
EV-9D9
—Of languages,
How many dost thou speak?
C-3P
—Six million forms
Of speech I may claim knowledge of—
EV-9D9
—’Tis well.
We have not had a court interpreter
Since our great master anger’d was by our
Most recent droid of protocol, and had
Him thoroughly disintegrated.
C-3PO
—O!
Disintegrated? Fate most vile and cruel!
EV-9D9
I prithee, guard, this droid of protocol
May useful be. Take him and fit him with
A strong restraining bolt, and then return
Him unto our great master’s chamber.
G. GUARD 2
—Mrk.
C-3PO
O, R2, do not leave me all alone!
[Gamorrean Guard 2 leads C-3PO back to Jabba of the Hutt.
R2-D2
Beep, squeak!
EV-9D9
—Thou art a feisty little droid,
But soon shall learn respect when thou dost serve
Upon my master’s sail barge. Thou shalt see!
[Exeunt EV-9D9 and R2-D2.
C-3PO
[ aside:] Within the court of Jabba now I serve.
But O, what wretched things I see within,
For when he loseth temper—which befalls
Most frequently—thou mayst be certain it
Doth mean the death of someone who is nigh.
For lo, unto the rancor’s pit they fall,
Where such a massive terror lives that I
Cannot bear watch, though all the courtiers here
Do laugh and cheer as though it were a sport.
The rancor cometh forth with growls and barks
And catches up the poor and helpless soul
Who, screaming in its terror, doth fall mute
As rancor sinks large teeth into its flesh.
The slaughter of the blameless! O, it is
A vile and filthy service I fulfill.
Grant me the patience to endure this time!
[The Max Rebo Band plays a song of tribute to Jabba of the Hutt.
REBO BAND
[ sings:] A gangster, aye, a gangster, O!
’Tis well to be a gangster.
A blaster ever by thy side,
A stately barge in which to ride,
A fair, young damsel to thee tied,
’Tis well to be a gangster.
A gangster, aye, a gangster, O!
’Tis well to be a gangster.
Full many servants lend thee aid,
More guards than a Naboo brigade,
And bounty hunters on parade—
’Tis well to be a gangster.
A gangster, aye, a gangster, O!
’Tis well to be a gangster.
The drinks all flowing fast and free,
A sarlacc pit not far from thee,
A rancor for thine enemy,
’Tis well to be a gangster.
A gangster, aye, a gangster, O!
’Tis well to be a gangster.
A blast is heard. Enter CHEWBACCA and BOUSHH , a bounty hunter.
BOUSHH
Eyah-tay, eyah-tay, yo-toe.
C-3PO
—Chewbacca!
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
JABBA
Cheesa eejah wahkee Chewbacca—ho!
FETT
[ aside:] The Wookiee hath been captur’d—e’en
he who with my grand prize Solo once did fly.
’Tis fortunate he hath to Jabba also been deliver’d.
I only wish that I had been his captor, and reap’d
the reward this bounty hunter surely shall receive.
Even so, this Wookiee doth complete the set of
smugglers for Jabba’s merriment. Belike he too
shall frozen in carbonite be, or mayhap be a
supper for a rancor.
JABBA
Kahjee ta, droid.
C-3PO
—Aye, here am I, indeed,
Thy worshipfulness.
JABBA
—Yu-bahk ko rahto
Kama wahl-bahk. Eye yess ka cho. Kawa
Na Wookiee.
C-3PO
—Bounty hunter strong and brave:
The mighty Jabba of the Hutt doth bid
Thee welcome, and shall gladly pay to thee
The goodly sum of five-and-twenty thousand.
CRUMB
[ aside:] No bounty hunter would be fool enough
To take the first price offer’d, I’ll be sworn.
BOUSHH
Yoto. Yoto.
C-3PO
—’Tis fifty thousand, and
No less.
JABBA
[ striking C-3PO:] —Ahh, uun yun kuss tah fiti pun.
C-3PO
Whatever was it that I said, Sirrah?
I did perform the function thou hast giv’n:
Precisely did I translate this one’s words.
JABBA
Moonon keejo!
FETT
[ aside:] This scamp had best beware, if
he would be a bounty hunter in the service of
great Jabba. It seemeth he hath little appreciation
for the famèd anger of the Hutt.
C-3PO
[ to Boushh:] —The mighty Jabba asks
The reason wherefore fifty thousand is
The sum demanded of thee.
BOUSHH
—Ay yo-toe!
C-3PO
The knave doth threaten us—he holdeth in
His hands a thermal detonator. O!
[Jabba’s courtiers shrink in fear. Boba Fett takes out his blaster.
JABBA
Ho, ho. Kaso ya yee koli tra do
Kahn nee go. Yu bahn chuna leepa nah.
CRUMB
The Hutt doth call him fearless and inventive,
But never did invention make me fear
As this one’s thermal detonator doth.
JABBA
[ to C-3PO:] Kuo meeta tah te fye. Dah tee teema
Nye.
C-3PO
[ to Boushh:] —Mighty Jabba offers thirty-five,
And were I in thy place, I would accept
The deal. ’Tis better, as they say, to make
The peace than make us all in pieces be.
And truly thirty-five while living is
A sum more numerous than zero dead.
BOUSHH
Ya-toe cha.
C-3PO
—Praise the maker, he agrees!
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!
[Chewbacca is led away by Gamorrean guards as music begins to play again.
LANDO
[ aside:] —This sad scene I witness with contempt:
Another bounty hunter earns his sum
For bringing in a harmless innocent.
Now all is merriment and patting on
The back whilst yet another’s added to
Their clan. A scoundrel’s life ’tis true I’ve known,
Yet never did I stoop so low as this.
But still, I smile at what I here survey,
For I know well this bounty hunter is
No normal man—no normal man indeed!
And his apparent prize—my Wookiee friend
Chewbacca—is not as a pris’ner come.
Bear thou this burden bravely, Lando, for
The wait is almost over—soon the plan
O’er which we took great pains shall come to pass.
Be still, my scoundrel heart, with patience wait,
For retribution comes in time, though late.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 3.
The desert planet Tatooine, at Jabba’s Palace. Night.
Enter BOUSHH.
BOUSHH
The silence of the night doth mark my work
And like a gentle breeze sweeps o’er the air.
In stealth I move throughout the palace dark,
That no one shall bear witness to my acts.
Now cross the court, with footsteps nimbly plac’d.
Ne’er did a matter of such weight depend
Upon a gentle footfall in the night.
Put out the light, and then relume his light—
Aye, now I spy my goal: the frozen Han.
Thy work is finish’d, feet. Now ’tis the hands
That shall a more profound task undertake.
Quick to the panel, press the needed code.
O swiftly fly, good hands, and free this man
From his most cold and undeservèd cell.
O true decryptionist, thy codes are quick!
The scheme hath work’d, the carbonite doth melt.
Forsooth, ’tis done—within the silent dark
The greatest light doth sing within my heart!
[Han Solo melts from the carbonite and falls to the floor.
[ To Han Solo:] Relax thou for a moment; thou art free
Of carbonite’s embrace, but thou dost burn
From this harsh hibernation malady.
HAN
I cannot see.
BOUSHH
—Thine eyesight shall return.
HAN
But where am I?
BOUSHH
—In Jabba’s Palace you
Have been detain’d.
HAN
—Who art thou, voice severe?
[Boushh removes his mask to reveal Princess Leia.
LEIA
The one whose heart and soul do love thee true.
HAN
O, Leia!
[They kiss.
LEIA
—Come, and let’s away from here.
Enter JABBA OF THE HUTT, BIB FORTUNA, BOBA FETT,
THE MAX REBO BAND, SALACIOUS CRUMB, LANDO OF CALRISSIAN
in disguise, and other members of Jabba’s court.
JABBA
Ho, ho, ho.
HAN
—O, that laugh, it works me woe.
’Tis too familiar in my memory,
And like a chime from Hell’s forsaken bells
Doth ring most evilly within mine ears.
JABBA
Oofila mooga bos.
HAN
—Pray, Jabba, see:
I was upon my way to pay thee back,
And in returning happen’d on a course
That ran the other way. ’Tis not my fault.
JABBA
Achi pahbuk moonitnuh, Solo, bah.
Akingsah rebah bachmanah bakmah
Jaja weetnowah bantha poodoo, ho!
CRUMB
He shall be bantha fodder, O, ’tis true—
A Solo may make progress through the guts
Of banthas! Aye, my master’s passing wise.
HAN
I’ll pay thee triple, Jabba, thou canst not
Deny this fortune—be thou not a fool!
[Han Solo is taken away by guards.
JABBA
Nakko, kosleeya ni.
[Guards take Princess Leia to Jabba.
LEIA
—Now shall I be
His plaything? [ To Jabba:] We have friends most powerful.
Thou shalt, with all thy heart, regret this act.
JABBA
Bana madota, heah.
C-3PO
—Why were my eyes
E’er made to see, when such as this must be
Within my sight? I cannot bear to watch.
[Exeunt Jabba’s court.
Enter HAN SOLO and CHEWBACCA on balcony, as their cell.
HAN
What fate is this? What curs’d, unearnèd path?
Within a minute rescu’d by my love,
Then taken from her unto this grim place.
How long was I in carbonite encas’d?
Am I an old man now, with graying hair?
What jubilant occasions have I miss’d?
What friends have died, or have been lost fore’er?
Hath our Rebellion disappointed been,
Or is it now fulfill’d with all success?
Because I do not know how long I’ve slept,
Or what transpir’d while I was frozen thus,
It seems my mind is sluggish to defrost.
CHEWBAC.
Grrm.
HAN
—Yet another sound familiar, but
This one doth bring delight into my soul.
Chewbacca? Prithee, tell me, Chewie, is
It thou who art here with me?
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh.
HAN
—Sweet joy!
What bounty of affection do I feel
For thee, dear Wookiee. I cannot yet see,
But knowing thou art here doth warm my heart.
I prithee, give me news of all that is.
CHEWBAC.
Egh, auugh!
HAN
—What sayst thou? Luke—a Jedi Knight?
What strange tomfoolery! Luke is but young,
Not made for rescues.
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
HAN
—Thou dost report
I have been gone a time but fleeting, so
Have all acquir’d delusions of some grandeur?
And what of Han? Have I been left behind?
O thought most base, O destiny unkind.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 4.
The desert planet Tatooine, at Jabba’s Palace.
Enter LUKE SKYWALKER.
LUKE
The time is now, the place is here, the man
Myself, the matter: rescue of my friends.
Be focus’d, mind; be settl’d, heart and soul.
I enter unto Jabba’s palace for
One purpose and that purpose by itself:
My friends to find and bring deliverance.
Now to it, Luke, and earn the Jedi name,
Not by thy might, but by thy calm and wit.
Enter BIB FORTUNA
BIB
Yo mot tu cheep, do you pan Skywalker.
Nuh Jabba mo bah toe baht too.
LUKE
—Nay, Sir.
I tell thee: I shall speak with Jabba now.
BIB
Nuh Jabba no two zand dehank obee.
[Luke uses a Jedi mind trick on Bib Fortuna.
LUKE
Thou shalt take me to Jabba presently.
BIB
Naja takka to Jabba prekkenlee.
LUKE
Thou servest thy proud master well, and shall,
In time, receive from him a great reward.
BIB
Eye sota y’locha. Ba chu noya trot.
Enter JABBA OF THE HUTT, PRINCESS LEIA, C-3PO, BOBA FETT,
THE MAX REBO BAND, SALACIOUS CRUMB, LANDO OF CALRISSIAN
in disguise, and other members of Jabba’s court.
LUKE
[ aside:] Say what is thi
s? My Leia sparsely clad
All in a metal-fashion’d suit? How strange!
I did expect one of our company
To be enclos’d in steel, but not like this.
C-3PO
At last, ’tis Master Luke to rescue us!
BIB
[ to Jabba:] Nuh masta, gabba no pace Skywalker.
JABBA
Nah mass fa wong lee fah toon kay.
LUKE
—Thou must,
Great Jabba, grant me leave to speak with thee.
BIB
Nuh Jedi modst be inco ee, baanah.
CRUMB
Old Bib but echoes what the man doth say!
JABBA
Ahh, ko ja vaya sko. Ees turo na
Om Jedi mine chik.
[Jabba strikes Bib Fortuna, who falls.
LUKE
—Let me be plain:
Thou shalt with all expedience produce
Both Captain Solo and the Wookiee, and
Shall grant our safe departure from this place.
’Tis this, and nothing more, I shall accept.
JABBA
Ya ku kacha ka puna ni sa. Ee?
LUKE
My Jedi powers may not work on thee,
But still I shall take Captain Solo and
His friends. Thou canst yet choose to profit from
This plan, or be destroy’d. It is thy choice,
But thou art warn’d: to underestimate
My pow’r would bring about thy end at once.
C-3PO
But Master Luke, thou standest on—
JABBA
—Ban gon
Wah she co, cah O Jedi. Cho kanya
Wee shaja keecho, ho!
[Luke uses the Force to take a blaster from a guard.