by Helen Goltz
‘Now try not to speak to me in case I answer you and they don’t let me leave,’ she said, reminding Alexander – or more importantly herself – that he wasn’t visible.
She went to the glass entry door and pulled but the door was locked. Holly looked around for a buzzer but before she could find one, the receptionist at the desk inside had buzzed her in. She made her way to the desk.
A middle-aged woman, with her hair pulled back into a tight bun and carrying a little more weight than was comfortable, greeted Holly. Her name tag read, Sandra.
‘Sorry about that,’ she said. ‘Our residents are not locked in, but it’s just a safety precaution as several of them wander… and the last one wandered almost to the next village before we found him. For an old fellow, he had some speed about him!’
Holly grinned. ‘Was he sponsored?’
Sandra laughed. ‘There’s a thought.’
Holly continued. ‘I’m here to see Andy Davies, please. I’m a friend of a soldier he served with many years ago, he’s expecting me.’ Holly always gave too much information when she was nervous, and she was anxious about what was to follow, especially as Alexander had insisted on coming with her.
‘Oh, Andy will be delighted to have some company. No one in here gets too many visitors, so any break to the day is always welcome. I’ll call his room to announce you and then give you directions.’
‘Thank you,’ Holly said, and stepped back, feeling the cold air as she must have stepped into Alexander. She heard a low groan and repressed a giggle.
Sandra called, announced Holly and rose to point her towards Andy’s apartment. Holly thanked her, and followed the path down a long, open, but covered walkway with nice gardens on either side. At the end, she turned left, counted three apartments along and then guessed the man standing in the open doorway was Andy and she had found the right place.
‘Mr Davies?’ she asked, not sure whether she should be addressing him by his regimental title.
‘Andy, please, and you must be Holly, good to meet you,’ he said, extending his hand. Andy greeted Holly with a look best described as lascivious; she felt like a dessert he was hoping to try later. She handed over the real dessert – the apple cake she had brought with her.
He invited her in and Holly could feel Alexander close by. She glanced around – it was a nice apartment, neat and clean and quite upmarket, all cream and neutral colours with glimpses of the garden through the windows. She raised an eyebrow as she gave Alexander a quick glance. He knew all about it, he’d been here previously.
Holly accepted the offer of a cup of tea.
‘You shouldn’t have brought the cake, but I’m glad you did,’ he said and Holly laughed.
‘Mum always said you should never arrive empty-handed,’ Holly said, accepting the two butter plates and a knife.
‘I’ll play mum pouring the tea if you cut the cake,’ Andy said. ‘We could move to the garden if you like,’ he said.
Holly did prefer to be out in the open but, knowing Alexander would struggle with the light if the meeting prevailed, she declined the offer.
‘It’s a bit of a warm one. We might be more comfortable here, don’t you think?’
‘Definitely,’ he agreed. They sat at his dining room table opposite each other and Alexander sat next to Holly. She cut the cake and served a piece to both of them while Andy poured the tea. She expected this would be the most civilised part of their meeting once the discussion heated up.
‘So you want to know about Alex. Well, that’s a blast from the past,’ Andy said, and gave a wheezing cough followed by an apology. ‘How do you know him? You’re related, is that right?’
‘Not directly,’ she said. ‘One of my close relations was his landlady and they became personal friends.’ Holly didn’t want to try and explain how Alexander knew her grandmother over many decades but didn’t age himself! She continued: ‘So, I began researching him and the family history.’
‘Nice one,’ Alexander said, for Holly’s ears only.
‘You know, I once had a lot of time for Alex,’ Andy started. He rose and went to the bookshelf, bringing back a photo album. He flipped to the photo Alexander had seen the other day, the shot of the two of them and pushed it towards Holly.
‘That’s us when we were young and wild,’ he joked.
Holly looked at the photo of the two of them. Alexander was laughing and looked so handsome in his uniform. She smiled and touched the edge of the photo.
‘Great photo,’ she said.
Alexander opened his mouth to speak and Holly glanced in his direction with a stern look. He shut it again. She couldn’t concentrate if he was going to keep injecting commentary.
‘There’s another,’ Andy said, and flicked a few more pages to a squad photo. He tapped on Alex’s photo. ‘That’s him there.’
Holly could pick him out easily, tall and handsome in the group.
‘So it is. Let me find you,’ she said, and glanced along the rows. ‘Ah-ha!’ She pointed to a man looking very stern and sensible. Andy nodded and laughed.
‘Got it in one,’ Andy said. ‘You know, I thought Alex was a good bloke. Then I found out that he was a plant.’
Alexander swung back in his chair, almost hitting the wall and Holly choked on her tea.
‘Sorry,’ she said, clearing her throat. ‘A plant? Like a spy? Alexander?’
Andy nodded. ‘After our first mission, I was called into headquarters and told that one of my team was a member of the IRA undercover. They didn’t know who it was, but orders we were given on the last mission were intercepted by the IRA. Someone had fed them straight to their contact which is why we had so much trouble – everywhere we went, the IRA was expecting us.’
‘But… Alexander?’ Holly said.
‘Didn’t believe it myself for a long time,’ Andy said, shaking his head.
‘Bullshit,’ Alexander said, beside her. She could feel the waves of anger coming off him.
‘On our second mission, I watched all the men, and I eliminated them one by one. The only one in our squad who fitted it was Alex. His wife was a staunch Catholic, she had family in the south, and I was at his wedding, I met some of them.’
Holly stared at him, her mouth opened in surprise. ‘Sorry,’ she said, coming back to the moment. ‘I just didn’t see that coming.’
‘Me neither,’ Andy said, and moved his plate forward for a second serving of cake. ‘So I started again, eliminating every man as I went along. Alex was the only one with IRA sympathies.’
‘What happened?’ Holly asked.
Andy cleared his throat again. ‘I’ll make you a deal, young lady. I’ll tell you what happened because there’s a lot of water under the bridge now and because you’re sort of related, but there are some rules.’
Holly nodded. ‘Fair enough.’
‘You aren’t taping this or reporting it in any way?’ he asked.
Holly shook her head. ‘No, this is a private conversation.’
Andy nodded, narrowing his eyes at her; he’d had many years of practice at being suspicious.
‘I believe I can trust you,’ he said, summing her up. He cleared his throat and continued: ‘The report on Alex’s death said his killer was unknown.’
‘Yes, I’ve seen a selection of the reports,’ Holly said.
Andy nodded. ‘If you repeat what I tell you today, I’ll deny it and I’ll say I can’t remember what I said. I’ve got a bit of dementia,’ he said.
‘I understand. It will go no further than this room. I might tell his widow a version if you’ll allow it,’ Holly said.
‘Well, you’re an honest young lady.’ He sat and thought a moment. ‘Okay, given she’s probably my age and who’d believe the ramblings of an old man?’
A very aware old man, Holly thought.
‘Agreed?’ he asked again and extended his hand to shake.
‘Agreed.’ Holly shook hands with him and heard Alexander groan beside her.
&nbs
p; ‘I was told by my superior officers that when I find out who the mole was, I was to ensure their elimination.’
Holly gasped and Alexander stood and began to pace, unseen by Andy.
Andy held up his hand to finish. ‘It was best if this mole could be on a high-risk mission and be eliminated by the enemy, or by myself in an enemy situation. I couldn’t believe how easily it all came together. We’re in the middle of a bombing attack and Alex is greeting one of his in-laws… a bloody republican!’
Holly breathed out. ‘And you were able to “eliminate” him and make it look like an act of war by the enemy?’ she asked.
Andy gave a small nod, not voicing his guilt.
She didn’t know what to do with that information, neither did Alexander. Holly appreciated the honesty, but Alexander had been killed by Andy in a situation that made it look like an enemy attack. This man sitting opposite her had carried out a murder with no real evidence other than family ties.
‘I was a soldier, and a soldier follows orders, no questions asked,’ he said, in justification.
A soldier killed in the line of duty, but was this duty or murder? Holly didn’t know what to do or what to say… Her gut instinct began to kick in – and it was telling her to feel a little worried about her own personal safety. Then Alexander’s voice interrupted her thoughts.
‘Be polite, thank him and get out of here,’ Alexander said.
Holly nodded and stacked her plate, cup and saucer.
‘I really appreciate your honesty and taking the time to see me,’ she said. It was all she could muster. Holly was angry and had a thousand questions. But her mind kept coming back to Meghan’s pain at her loss – the life they had missed out on together, cut short by this man.
‘No need to rush off, tell me about yourself,’ Andy said.
She glanced at Alexander and was saved by the bell – the phone began to ring.
‘Go, go,’ Alexander said.
Holly stood and grabbed her bag. ‘I’ll see myself out, you get that,’ she said.
‘Wait up, I’ll just be a minute,’ he said, making his way to the phone. But before he had finished saying hello, she was out of the door with a wave.
Holly felt Alexander hurrying her along. She passed by Sandra at reception and fortunately she was talking with a guest. Holly gave her a smile and waved and kept moving, Alexander pushed her along, the cold air of his presence by her side.
En route to the car, in her hurry, an umbrella, a pair of reading glasses and a small embroidery with the needle still in it, found her, but she had to whisper her apologies and keep moving. She couldn’t save them today. Holly didn’t waste time once she was in the car. She started the ignition and was driving out of the centre in minutes. Once she hit the road, Alexander disappeared from beside her.
Holly didn’t call him back; she didn’t know what to say.
Okay, she thought to herself, he has to process the fact that his country sent him to defend its people, but then decided he was the enemy and they would kill him using a man he thought was a close friend. Now I have something to tell Meghan. I wonder what she believed happened, or what she was told, if anything?
Four weeks later
Holly didn’t hear from Alexander that night or that week, or the next week even. She didn’t call out for him, either, knowing he would appear when he was ready, but she spoke to him occasionally, involving him in decisions, telling him she hoped he was working through it and she was here for him.
He did little things to tell her that he was okay and thinking of her but was not ready to talk, like putting on the lights for her when she came home late, and leaving fresh flowers in a vase in the living room. Holly felt awful for him. She wished she could help but didn’t know what to do, and she knew that if she hadn’t moved in and agreed to do this job for him, the whole thing would have remained a mystery, which might have been better.
Holly toyed with the idea of sending a thank-you note to Andy for seeing her. Her hands had hovered about the keyboard a few times and she knew it was the polite thing to do, but he was a killer. Sure, he was a soldier following orders but this, in her mind, was different. Alex was his friend.
Wouldn’t you want to be sure before you took a man’s life? Before you took him away from his wife and family and friends? Wouldn’t you exhaust all options to make certain he was the mole?
Over the course of the four weeks since visiting Andy, Holly lived from day to day. She had dinner a couple of times at Esther’s place, had her daily walks, watered her new garden and put the sign up in the window for new business. It usually came within weeks of each job. Holly said goodbye to Alexander and visited London for a long weekend, catching up with friends, and the following weekend Juliette stayed a night before spending two nights with Lucas; the pair were going strong.
A few weeks after her return from Paris, she got an email from Timo. He was coming to London in a few months’ time and wondered if they might catch up. It was respectful and friendly, so Holly suspected he was still seeing Astrid. He did not mention the necklace or that anyone had contacted Astrid. Esther had spoken several times to the agency since the information and photos were sent… now, they waited. Holly felt like she was treading water in nearly every aspect of her life.
And then, one morning, four weeks after her visit, a message came from Andy. Holly stared at it. She took a deep breath, nervous about opening its contents. It was news that would change everything.
Dear Holly,
I’m sorry you had to depart early. There was something else I wanted to tell you but I was not sure I could say it. I don’t like to do it in writing but as I am old and may not get the chance to speak with you again, I want to tell you the truth. About six months after Alex’s death, I found the true enemy in our squad. It wasn’t Alex. That’s all I have to say.
Yours sincerely
Andy
She emailed Andy back to acknowledge she had received it and to thank him for sharing. What a huge load he had lived with over the years, she thought. She hoped it had impacted him at least a little, not that she wrote that. Holly printed it out and left it on the table for Alexander to read.
Heartbreaking, Holly thought. Now, having received this, it was time to see Meghan, but she decided just to wait another week to see if Alexander showed himself. She was glad Juliette was coming again to stay a night before she went on to stay with Lucas. Holly wouldn’t have been surprised if they made an announcement about their relationship sooner rather than later! But for now, she had an appointment, a new client and one she didn’t expect – Abby from the library. This could be interesting!
She locked the house up and decided to walk to the library as it was a beautiful day and it would only take her fifteen minutes. She didn’t see Alexander watching her through the lounge window as she departed.
Alexander watched until she was out of sight. He missed Holly but he wasn’t yet ready to face her – he needed to process all that had happened, get rid of the anger in his system. At first, he was so angry that he wanted to destroy everything in his sight, and then, after the rage left him, he felt ashamed. He had done nothing wrong, but he had done nothing and that was the problem as he saw it. Andy’s actions and the fact that Alexander was a suspect for being a mole, made him realise how much he’d been sitting on the fence.
Truth be known, he felt like he’d let everyone down. Meghan didn’t want him there, it was disrespectful to her and her extended family which he had married into. Andy and his squad must have been feeling the same way if they knew there was a mole in the ranks. Even if they didn’t, Andy and Alexander’s superiors thought it was him. It put his loyalty in question and he’d allowed that by being wishy-washy. He should have made a stand and acted accordingly. He’d paid the price, but so had Meghan in dealing with his death, and Andy, having to deal with the consequences of acting on orders. It took him a while to accept that responsibility but he felt better for it.
He went to put so
me music on and saw the piece of paper on the table. Did Holly mean for him to read this? he wondered. Alexander lifted the sheet and read Andy’s words: I found the true enemy in our squad. It wasn’t Alex.
He pulled out a chair and slumped in it. It was all for nothing. Did Meghan know about any of this? Was there ever an apology, or any compensation paid to her? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It now added to his guilt, strangely. Because Andy had lived with this all his life, too, whereas Alexander knew that if he had just not gone… if he had done what Meghan wanted and pulled out of the mission, done something else with his life, all of their lives would have been different.
He needed to talk with Holly before she talked to Meghan, if it wasn’t too late. Now, he wasn’t sure if they should talk to Meghan at all, or if it would be better to let bygones be bygones.
Astrid pulled a letter out of her handbag and slapped it down on the table in front of Timo.
‘Did you know about this?’ she asked, her eyes flaring with anger. Timo pushed his coffee aside and reached for the letter. He wasn’t one for public displays of anger, and he glanced around the café to see if anyone was looking their way.
Astrid was oblivious, used to being the centre of attention. She continued. ‘I got a phone call as well. They took a photo when they were here, a photo of the necklace, so there’s no doubt it is in my possession.’
Timo sighed and read the letter advising Astrid that the Tender Heart necklace would be reclaimed and returned to its proper owner. He folded it and handed it back to her.
‘I didn’t know but I’m not at all surprised.’
‘Did you invite them to Paris?’ she said, studying him and watching him for his reactions.
‘How would I invite them?’ he said, his voice raised in surprise. ‘I didn’t even know them until we met that day.’