by Bee Walsh
Graduation Robe
This morning, all the seniors go to the cafeteria to pick up their graduation robes. We ordered them at the start of the school year. Back before the steroids, the hospital, the State game. Before Ellie. The person picking up the robe is a totally different person than the person who ordered it. The person picking up the robe can look himself, his mother, his sister, his girlfriend, his coach in the eye and feel good about what they see in him. The person picking up the robe can leave and not worry about who he’s letting down. The person picking up the robe is no longer controlled by his eating disorder. He’s in control, and ready for whatever comes next.
Last Dinner
It’s tradition for the Boosters to take the football team out for dinner at the end of every school year. To say goodbye to the outgoing seniors and welcome the incoming newbies. This will be the fourth dinner that I’ve gone to. But this will be the first dinner where I actually eat. And the first dinner Coach’s speech will be directed at me and QB. This dinner is gonna mean something to me for so many reasons.
Graduation Morning
I can’t believe that I almost didn’t make it to graduation. That I hated myself so much I almost took myself away from the people who love me. But here I am on a hot and sticky Texas morning in May. Wearing a black graduation robe and the same shoes I wore to Homecoming and prom. Trying to remember which side my tassel goes on. I feel really excited and really normal at the same time. Mom won’t stop crying, and Beth won’t stop trying to fix my tie. We all wish that Dad was here, too. I just want to stay awake through the whole ceremony. The football seniors stayed out pretty late last night. One last hurrah before we all go our separate ways. I can’t believe I almost didn’t make it.
Orange and White
My first game wearing orange and white. The crowd is 100,000 people to Comfort’s 1,500. Mom, Beth, and Ellie in the stands. Every part of my body hurts in the best way possible after more intense conditioning than I’ve ever done. I still can’t believe they chose me. But let’s never say that hard work doesn’t pay off. Because as we run onto the field, I feel every feeling that I’ve ever felt in my whole life at the same time. And it feels amazing.
The Thing About Rivers
They have a way of f l o w i n g through you when you’ve worked on one long enough. Guide a river for a few years and it ends up guiding you.
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